Wednesday, June 8, 2005        Edition: #3051
Can You Believe This Sheet?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT phone-hurling actor Russell Crowe, who’ll face a maximum 4 years in the slammer on assault & weapons (?) charges SEPTEMBER 14th in NYC court, is scheduled to appear on “Late Show With David Letterman” to push his movie “Cinderella Man” (at least he’ll take a swing at it) . . . TONIGHT “The Real Gilligan’s Island” debuts on TBS, a reality-show take on the 1960s stranded-on-an-uncharted-island sitcom, in which 2 real-life versions of the cast battle each other in “Survivor”-style challenges (and settle the age-old question ‘Ginger’ or ‘Mary Ann’?) . . . TONIGHT the “100 Greatest Duets” concert is taped for later airing on CMT at Nashville’s Gaylord Entertainment Center, hosted by Terri Clark & Trace Adkins . . . Some 600 text messages PER SECOND have been sent in to the “Live 8″ hotline since it opened, meaning several millions will be competing in the lottery for the 150,000 tickets to the London concert JULY 2nd . . . “Survivor” is shaking things up a bit and making a number of stops from Gainesville FL to Saginaw MI to screen potential cast members for the 12th season (mail-in apps are still being accepted also) . . . The secret to 33-year-old actress Jennifer Garner’s glowing skin has been uncovered – she reportedly uses ‘SMOOth’, a concoction farmers apply to cow’s udders (if you can’t find it, there’s a similar product called ‘Bag Balm’ … honest!) . . . Paris Hilton has been offered close to $2 million just to visit Germany’s “Truman Show”-style “Big Brother” village, where the reality TV show participants live indefinitely . . . And someone’s had a lot of fun setting up wedding gift registries under Paris Hilton’s name at Macy’s, Pottery Barn and (as if!) Home Depot.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Brad Paisley – He was late for the video shoot of his hit single “Alcohol” because a beer truck overturned on the Interstate and blocked traffic for hours. Ironic, huh?
• Black Eyed Peas – TODAY they do the “Ellen Degeneres Show”.
• Michael Jackson – If convicted, MTV reports he could serve his time at Corcoran State Prison, the most secure facility in California and home to Charles Manson.
• Toby Keith – TONIGHT he’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”. Perhaps he’ll be plugging his new collection from the Milano Hat Company.
• Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – TONIGHT they kick of their first tour since 2003, in Fort Myers FL.

HOW TO EASE BRAIN FREEZE:
Howz come when you eat or slurp something too cold too fast you get a headache?  Dr Frederick Freitag of Chicago’s Diamond Headache Clinic says it’s because the cranial nerve in the back of the roof of your mouth reacts quickly to tell your brain that your whole head is cold. Hence, the excruciating ‘ice cream headache’. Fortunately Freitag has an easy solution: since your tongue has higher blood flow, it reheats more quickly. So pushing it up against the roof of your mouth will re-warm the soft palate and calm your cranial nerve. (What else have you tried that works?)
– “Esquire” magazine

IT SEEMS “LIVE 8″ AIN’T ENOUGH:
“Live 8″ organizer Bob Geldof is urging British sailors to recreate the WW2 Dunkirk landing as part of his campaign to end poverty in the Third World. Boat owners are encouraged to sail across the English Channel in early JULY to pick up French supporters as part of “Sail 8″, which will take place in conjunction with the G8 summit in Gleneagles, Scotland. (It’s untrue that Geldof is also planning a cleavage demonstration called “V8″ or a pissing contest called “Pee 8″.)
– “Passim”

ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM!
Highlights of a recent GMAC Insurance poll on driving …
• 1 in 3 drivers speeds up to make a yellow light even when pedestrians are in the crosswalk.
• 1 in 4 drivers roll through a stop sign rather than coming to a complete stop.
• Half of drivers admit they do not know how to merge into heavy traffic.
• 60% of drivers change lanes on a highway without using their turn signal.
• 1 in 10 drivers would fail a driving test if they had to take it today.
• 1 in 3 drivers have packed their car so tightly that their vision was obstructed.
• 17% have driven without a rearview or driver’s side mirror.
Yikes, be careful out there!
– Netscape Autos

POD PAYOUT:
Apple Computer has agreed to replace faulty iPods and iPod batteries to users who purchased the portable music player back in 2001. It seems approximately 2 million units of the digital gadget’s first few generations came with faulty batteries that unexpectedly fizzled out after just a few hours of play. In order to settle a class-action suit filed by iPod owners, the company has agreed to award consumers who bought 1st or 2nd generation iPods either a $25 payment or a $50 coupon valid for the purchase of any Apple product, excluding iTunes. Details can be found at the Apple iPod Settlement Website.
NET: http://appleipodsettlement.com
– “Chart”

SOUNDS FISHY:
Israeli Inventor Alon Bodner has developed a breathing apparatus that will allow breathing underwater without the assistance of compressed air tanks. This new invention will use the relatively small amounts of air that already exist in water to supply oxygen to both scuba divers and submarines. If the gizmo passes muster, within a few years the new ‘Tankless Breathing System’ will be commonplace, attached to a diver in the form of a vest that will enable underwater stays of several hours. (The complicated new technology was previously know as ‘Holding Your Breath’.)
– “Isracast”

WORLD’S MOST ELIGIBLE BILLIONAIRES:
10. Richard Li ($1.1 billion) 38-year-old telecom mogul, Hong Kong
9. Oprah Winfrey ($1.3 billion) 51-year-old TV producer/personality, USA
8. Albert von Thurn und Taxis ($2 billion) 21-year-old prince, Germany
7. Dietrich Mateschitz ($2 billion) 60-year-old Red Bull manufacturer, Austria
6. David Filo ($3.1 billion) 38-year-old Yahoo! creator, USA
5. Mikhail Prokhorov ($4.4 billion) 39-year-old metals mogul, Russia
4. Jeffrey Skoll ($5 billion) 40-year-old eBay developer, Canada
3. Stefan Quandt ($6.7 billion) 39-year-old BMW heir, Germany
2. Larry Page ($7.2 billion) 32-year-old Google co-creator, USA
1. Sergey Brin ($7.2 billion) 31-year-old Google co-creator, USA
– “Forbes” magazine

GETTING SKINNED:
Following the success of its expensive Crème de la Mer face cream, cosmetics giant Estée Lauder is developing a top-secret new skin-care innovation called ‘The Essence’. It will be produced in a serum that’s stored in test tubes in magnetized chambers, since the ingredients are purportedly kept ‘active’ through magnetism. Only the most loyal Crème de la Mer customers will be invited to buy the stuff. Make that the most wealthy – it will retail at circa $2,000 … for a 3-week supply! (Save money, try lard.)
– “Globe & Mail”

THE 2-MINUTE WORKOUT:
According to a new study in THIS MONTH’S “Journal of Applied Physiology”, 6 minutes of intense exercise a week does as much good as 6 hours. Yep, Department of Kinesiology professor Martin Gibala at McMaster University in Hamilton ON says his research proves that people can cut their workouts from 2 hours a day, 3 times a week to just 2 minutes a day and achieve the same results. The 2-minute workout requires cycling furiously on an exercise bike in four 30-second bursts. The prof says his findings have the potential to change the way we think about keeping fit. (Heck ya! Get back to us when you get it down to 2 SECONDS, okay?)
– Ananova

BS AMAZING FACT:
A new study released by the Dove Foundation, a group that encourages the production of family-friendly movies, reports that G-rated flicks are more profitable than R-rated films, yet fewer G-rated movies are released.
– “E! Online”

AND WE QUOTE:
“Interviewer will not ask Ms Jolie any questions regarding her personal relationships. In the event Interviewer does ask Ms. Jolie any questions regarding her personal relationships, Ms Jolie will have the right to immediately terminate the interview and leave.”
– A portion of the contract media outlets must sign in order to speak with Angelina Jolie about the movie “Mr & Mrs Smith” (opening FRIDAY). Jolie has threatened to sue any reporter who breaks the terms of the interview contract.

THE BULL SHEET 06.08.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1925 [80] Barbara Bush, Rye NY, former US First Lady/George Sr’s wife/Dubya’s mommy

1933 [72] Joan Rivers (Molinsky), Brooklyn NY, loudmouth comedian/TV host (“Joan & Melissa: Live at the Academy Awards”)

1957 [48] Scott Adams, Windham NY, comic strip cartoonist (“Dilbert”)

1958 [47] Keenen Ivory Wayans, NYC, movie producer/director/screenwriter (“White Chicks”)/movie actor (“Scary Movie”)/brother of Shawn, Damon, Marlon & Kim Wayans

1978 [27] Kanye West, Atlanta GA, rap artist (“Jesus Walks”, w/Twista & Jamie Foxx-“Slow Jamz”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Name Your Poison Day”. Let’s say you can have all you want of one bad-for-you thing for the rest of your life without any repercussions … what would you pick? Scotch? Sirloin? Sitcoms?

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1824 [181] 1st practical ‘Washing Machine’ developed by Noah Cushing of Québec

1869 [136] 1st ‘Vacuum Cleaner’ patented by JW McGaffey of Chicago

1896 [109] 1st ‘Stolen Car’ is reported

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1983 [22] Charlos Vieira begins 191 hours of ‘Non-Stop Cycling’ in Leiria, Portugal

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] CMA Music Festival begins
[Thurs] Nursing Assistants Day
[Fri] Take a Kid Fishing Weekend
[Fri] “Mr & Mrs Smith”, “The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl in 3-D” & “The Honeymooners” open in movie theaters
[Sun] Kitchen Klutzes Day
This Week Is . . . Youth Sport Coaches Week
This Month Is . . . Cancer in the Sun Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
THOROUGHBRED HORSE OR ADULT MOVIE TITLE?

You run down the list rapid-fire while your contestant decides whether each is the name of a thoroughbred racehorse (some entered in SATURDAY’s Belmont Stakes) or an odd listing from “The 100 Worst XXX Movie Titles” …
• Red Hot Cho Chos [Movie]
• Pan a Ram a Way [Horse]
• Airtight Granny [Movie]
• Flower Alley [2005 Belmont Stakes Horse]
• Beeping Miss Buffy  [Movie]
• High Limit [2005 Belmont Stakes Horse]
• Love His Knickers [Horse]
• Sexinonsense [Horse]
• Reverberate [2005 Belmont Stakes Horse]
• The Price Is Right [Movie]
• The Fat, the Bald & the Ugly [Movie]
• Shamoan [2005 Belmont Stakes Horse]
• Bumpin’ Donuts [Movie]
• Sandwich of Love [Movie]
• Kiss My Mark [Horse]
You can get more here if you really want ‘em …
NET: http://members.shaw.ca/stayasyouare/tohwpmt.html
NET: http://www.registry.jockeyclub.com/releasedNameSearch.cfm

TRUTH OR BS?
Are the following statements true … or just a load of hooey?
• About 1 in 500 humans has 1 blue eye and 1 brown eye. (TRUE. About 1 in 5 boxers has 1 brown eye and 1 black eye.)
• If you’re average, you’ll sleep about 220,000 hours in your lifetime. (TRUE. But only 110,000 if you’re a morning radio personality.)
• The average person will spend 2 weeks of their lifetime waiting for traffic lights to change. (TRUE. And if you wanna get it over with all at once, just head to [busy spot] during rush hour.)
• The reason tennis balls are fuzzy is because live hamsters were originally used when the game was developed in the 17th century. (BS. The fuzz is to slow the ball down and increase racket control.)
• About 40% of the pure water you use in your house is flushed down the toilet. (Sad but TRUE.)
• Dandelions are more nutritious than spinach. (TRUE. But don’t you find you always choke on those little fluff balls?)

BS INTERVIEW:
JUNE is “Accordion Awareness Month”, to increase public awareness of this multicultural instrument and its influence and popularity in today’s music. Yeah, like in that big accordion hit … uh … er. Can you be an accordion player without being nerdy?
PHONER: 415.440.0800 (All Things Accordion, San Francisco CA)

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• LAST NIGHT CBS-TV debuted “Fire Me, Please” in which 2 contestants start new jobs with the goal of getting fired as close to 3 pm as possible. What’s a guaranteed way to get axed your first day on-the-job?
• What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done while driving to work? (Rate them from 0 to -10, based on how distracting you think the activity would be for a driver, ie: painting toenails would rate a -10.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Divorced people do THIS twice as much as the rest of us.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Dine out.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Friends are lost by calling often … and by calling seldom.

 


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