Thursday, June 2, 2005        Edition: #3047
Ahhhh, It’s Your Daily Bovine Colonic!  

TODAY closing arguments are scheduled in the Michael Jackson child-molestation case (whew, only 222 days after it began!) . . . TONIGHT “Hit Me Baby One More Time” debuts on NBC-TV, a talent show idea imported from the UK that gives 5 former chart-topping artists (Loverboy, A Flock of Seagulls, Arrested Development, Tiffany, CeCe Peniston) a second chance at fame (coming soon: Wang Chung, the Knack, Irene Cara, Sophie B Hawkins, Vanilla Ice & the Motels) . . . Outdoor Life Network (OLN) has landed rerun rights to all 10 existing seasons of “Survivor”, some 160 episodes (now you can hate ‘Johnny Fairplay’ all over again) . . . “Queer Eye For the Straight Guy” is no more – but it hasn’t been cancelled, just renamed the abbreviated “Queer Eye” by Bravo for the new season beginning JUNE 7 . . . “Star Wars” actor Ewan McGregor, who toured Europe, Mongolia & North America on his vintage BSA Lightning motorcycle LAST YEAR for the documentary “Long Way Round”, is planning another documentary tour from London to Cape Town, South Africa to be called “Long Way Down” . . .  The 8-part TLC reality series “Going Hollywood” coming THIS FALL will feature interns working for actor Kevin Spacey, producer Robert Evans & rapper Method Man . . . Actress Nicole Kidman is reportedly dating French billionaire Francois Pinault who owns PPR, the parent company of Gucci (anything for a free handbag) . . . Paparazzi photographer Galo Ramirez has been charged with ‘suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon’ after running into actress Lindsay Lohan’s car while following her (she’s okay … or at least uninjured).

• Backstreet Boys – A 19-year-old fan has suffered a fractured leg when struck by the band’s bus as it fought its way through a huge crowd at the airport in Dusseldorf, Germany. It’s the only European date on their comeback tour.
• Black Eyed Peas – Fergie (Stacy Ferguson) says she’s currently considering several movie scripts. She made her acting debut back in 1984 as the voice of ‘Sally’ in a “Charlie Brown” TV special.
• Carrie Underwood – TODAY the “American Idol” winner does ABC-TV’s “The View”.
• Nine Inch Nails – A jury has awarded Trent Reznor $2.95 million after finding that his former manager breached his contract and acted fraudulently.
• Sheryl Crow – She was on hand to officially open the ‘Sheryl Crow Aquatic Center’ in her hometown of Kennett, Missouri.
• Snow Patrol – TONIGHT they’re on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Usher – He says one of the hardest things he’s ever had to deal with is … acne. His philosophy, he says, is you have to learn to love who you are.

All reporters interviewing Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie about their upcoming movie “Mr & Mrs Smith” (opening JUNE 10th) are being asked NOT to inquire about whether they have an off-screen relationship . . . Matthew Vaughn has quit as director of the upcoming “X-Men 3″, reportedly because he doesn’t want to be apart from wife Claudia Schiffer and their 2 young children . . . “Longest Yard” co-stars Adam Sandler & Chris Rock will team up again for “The Gilmores of Beverly Hills”, a comedy about a low-income black family living in Beverly Hills CA . . . There’s finally a script for a 4th “Indiana Jones” film that’s been approved by George Lucas & Steven Spielberg, but it’s still awaiting an okay from star Harrison Ford . . . Jonathan Rhys Meyers (“Elvis”, “Bend It Like Beckham”) has been signed to join the cast of “Mission Impossible 3″, which is finally scheduled to begin filming NEXT MONTH in Italy . . . Actor Don Cheadle (“Hotel Rwanda”) is being courted to star in “American Gangster”, the story of a Harlem heroin kingpin in the 1970s . . . Clergy at Westminster Abbey in London have barred producers of “The Da Vinci Code” from shooting any scenes there because they say Dan Brown’s best-seller is factually and ‘theologically unsound’ (um, maybe that’s why it’s called a ‘novel’?).

A new study at the University of California at Davis has found that significant improvements in overall health can be made, regardless of weight loss, when women learn to recognize and follow internal hunger cues and begin feeling better about their size and shape. (Life’s simple – learn to love your fat.)
– “Journal of the American Dietetic Association”

According a new poll, here’s the all-time top silver-screen shooters…
1. Steven Spielberg
2. Alfred Hitchcock
3. Martin Scorsese
4. Stanley Kubrick
5. Ridley Scott
6. Akira Kurosawa
7. Peter Jackson
8. Quentin Tarantino
9. Orson Welles
10. Woody Allen
– “Empire” movie magazine

Researchers investigating the achievements of thousands of innovators have established that the age at which you are most likely to have your first big, original idea is – 29. That age represents the best combination of education and energy levels required for great ideas to emerge, according to a study by the National Bureau of Economic Research. The findings apply not only to science and engineering ideas, but also to artistic achievements.
– “Times of London”

A snapshot of who we are and what we think …
• 87% of us have left work early in the past month … at least twice.
• 80% of women say they’d prefer a man who’ll discuss his feelings over one with lots of money.
• 42% of women say they’d lie about birth control in order to get pregnant.
• 38% of women think they are better looking than their partner.
• 23% of men between 35 and 39 years of age live with their parents.

• A 44-year-old woman in Ely UK has been fined $350 for driving her boyfriend home after an evening out because he was drunk. Why penalize the designated driver? The woman, who is wheelchair-bound, virtually blind and has no driving license, crashed into 2 parked cars.
• How do you get guests to leave at the end of a long night? A 46-year-old host in Aurora Township IL had a unique idea – setting his house on fire! He’s been charged with felony arson for splashing rubbing alcohol on the floor and using a lighter to ignite it in order to encourage 2 visitors to leave.
• Canada Post is threatening to stop mail deliveries to an Ottawa woman – because her doorstep is 3 inches too high! After taking a measurement, a postal worker informed her that the step is over the maximum limit specified by building regulations. She now has to reduce the size of the step or face having her mail cut off.
• Firefighters responding to a flooded first-floor apartment in Vienna, Austria discovered a 100-lb pig, two 6-ft-long pythons, a crocodile and several cats swimming in the water. Neighbors say they had no idea they were sharing the building with a miniature zoo.
• A 27-year-old German was attacked by 3 men in a nightclub who took his cell phone and wallet. As he waited outside for cops 3 other men jumped him, stealing his watch and cigarettes. Then, as he was recovering from that ordeal, another 5 men assaulted him, grabbing his jacket and the last of his small change.

• The family of Paris Hilton’s fiancé Paris Latsis is said to be worth $7.4 billion.
• According to, men work about an hour longer than women: 8 hours vs 7.1 per day.

“His comments are dangerous. He should stick to saving the world from aliens.”
– Brooke Shields responding to Tom Cruise’s criticism of her use of depression medication.


1941 [64] Charlie Watts, Islington UK, rock drummer (Rolling Stones)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)  FACTOID: The Stones’ “Onstage World Tour” launches AUGUST 21st at Boston’s Fenway Park. 41 years ago TODAY (1964) the Stones kicked off their 1st US tour at a high school football stadium in Lynn MA.

1952 [53] Gary Bettman, Queens NY, NHL commissioner since 1993/former NBA executive

1954 [51] Dennis Haysbert, San Mateo CA, TV actor (‘David Palmer’ on “24″)

1955 [50] Dana Carvey, Missoula MT, movie actor (“Wayne’s World”)/TV comic (“The Dana Carvey Show” 1996, “Saturday Night Live” 1986-93)

1960 [45] Kyle Petty, Randleman NC, 3rd-generation NASCAR driver/Richard Petty’s son/Lee Petty’s grandson/father of late driver Adam Petty

1972 [33] Wayne Brady, Orlando FL, TV host (“The Wayne Brady Show” 2001-04)/improv comedian (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?” 1998-2005)

1980 [25] Fabrizio Moretti, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, rock drummer (The Strokes-“Hard to Explain”)/engaged to actress Drew Barrymore since 2004

1983 [22] Dan Cahoon, Woods Cross UT, country singer (Marshall Dyllon-“You”)

TODAY the 4-day annual “Walk of Fame Festival” kicks off in Toronto. The festivities wrap up SUNDAY with the “Star Unveiling”, CTV’s “Red Carpet Special” and the “Tribute Gala Show” hosted by comedian Tom Green. This year’s inductees include singers Alanis Morissette (“You Oughta Know”) and Paul Anka (“My Way”), actors Kiefer Sutherland (“24″) and the late Fay Wray (“King Kong”), dancer Rex Harrington, boxer George Chuvalo, as well as entertainment industry heavyweights Michael Cohl (Rolling Stones promoter), Pierre Cossette (Grammy Awards producer) and Daniel Lanois (U2 producer). That will bring the total number enshrined to 93.
PHONER: 416.367.2139 (Heidi Pyper, Canada’s Walk of Fame)

TODAY is “Rocky Road Day”, which either has to do with a favorite flavor of ice cream or a career in radio.

TODAY is “Yell Fudge At The Cobras in North America Day”. To keep the poisonous snakes off the continent, you’re supposed to go outdoors at noon and yell ‘fudge!’ Seems to be working!

TODAY’s “Procession of the Golden Chariot” in Mons, Belgium commemorates eradication of the plague in 1349. They’ll re-enact St George fighting a dragon in the town square this afternoon.

2004 [01] Ken Jennings begins a run of 74 consecutive wins on TV game show “Jeopardy!” (eventually wins $2.5 million in cash and prizes)

1800 [205] 1st ‘Small Pox Vaccination’ (Trinity NL)

1835 [170] 1st  major ‘3-Ring Circus’ in America (no not Congress – PT Barnum)

1886 [119] 1st (& only) US President to marry in the White House (Grover Cleveland)

1896 [109] Guglielmo Marconi patents 1st ‘Radio’ (hey, thanks for the gig, Gug!)

1952 [53] Debut of Canadian television (test pattern on Channel 2 Montréal)

1953 [52] 1st ‘Televised Coronation’ of a monarch (Queen Elizabeth II is crowned in Westminster Abbey some 16 months after the death of her father, King George VI)

[Fri] Doughnut Day
[Sat] National Trails Day
[Sat-Sun] Buffalo Chip Throwing Championship (Luverne MN)
[Sun] Cancer Survivors Day 2005
[Sun] 59th Tony Awards
[Mon] Couple Appreciation Day
[Tues] Hunger Awareness Day
This Week Is . . . International Volunteers Week
This Month Is . . . Fight the Filthy Fly Month

• “You know, I’ve been complaining a lot lately. I don’t blame you for ignoring me.”
• “While you were in the bathroom, they faked the pick-‘n-roll and scored a tres from the point guard. But don’t worry. If our guys can hold ‘em off for 20 more seconds they’ll still cover.”
• “I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.”
• “That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I’m gonna go over and talk to her.”
• “I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one. What a wonderful birthday gift!”
• “Let’s just leave the toilet seat up at all times, then you don’t have to mess with it anymore.”
• “I’m so happy with my new hairstyle, I don’t think I’ll ever change it again.”

Now that former FBI official Mark Felt has been confirmed as ‘Deep Throat’, the confidential source who leaked information to bring down the Nixon White House in the ‘70s, you gotta believe a movie is in the works. Who should get the lead role?

Acts for the just-announced “Live 8″ concerts JULY 2 continue to change and evolve. Finally, they’ve thrown up a Website to keep track of it all.

Today’s Question: The average person does THIS 90 times a day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Checks the time.

Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.


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