Friday, June 25, 2004        Edition: #2809
100% Canada #1 Grade-A Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT on the “Tonight Show” Jay Leno could make sparks fly interrogating his guest, the new Mr J-Lo, Marc Anthony (or will he toss lob balls like usual?) . . . THIS WEEKEND 150,000 are expected to attend Britain’s annual “Glastonbury Festival”, featuring Paul McCartney, Black Eyed Peas, Nelly Furtado, Oasis, James Brown, Morrissey, and a new twist – women’s restrooms with pink-colored, stand-up urinals dubbed ‘She-Pees’ (requiring use of a disposable anatomically-shaped funnel) . . . Moody musician Morrissey’s demands to appear at the upcoming “Avant Festival” on Spain’s Costa del Sol include a 20-day stay for 20 people in a 5-star hotel, a different luxury car each day (has to be a Jag first), and a message on the festival’s poster saying “Stop Bullfighting” . . . Jennifer Lopez’s demands to appear at NYC’s Olympic torch ceremony – private jet from Miami & returning to LA, a $9,500-a-night hotel suite, $4,500 for hair, and $6,000 for makeup – no wonder the city declined! . . . The new ABC-TV sitcom “Savages” about the life of a single dad (David Carradine) raising 5 sons is loosely based on the life of the show’s producer, father of 7 Mel Gibson . . . Among the choices on “Playgirl “ magazine’s online ballot for ‘Sexiest TV Newscaster’ – 85-year-old “60 Minutes” commentator Andy Rooney . . . My, how he’s lowered his standards! – Ben Affleck’s new girlfriend Enza Sambataro is working as – a broadcasting sales rep .  . . And former ‘Bond girl’, Mrs Charlie Sheen, and new mom Denise Richards is said to be considering an offer to pose for “Playboy” magazine’s DECEMBER issue, but has refused a fully-nude pictorial.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Sting – TONIGHT he and Annie Lennox kick off the “Sacred Love Tour” in Philadelphia, which winds up in Calgary OCTOBER 12th.
• Shelby Lynne – TODAY she’s on the syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Britney Spears – Her brief flirtation with the mystical Kabbalah faith appears to have come to an end because her mommy Lynne doesn’t like it.
• Outkast – They’re talking with HBO about teaming up for the channel’s first-ever musical. If it comes off, most of the score will be original tunes.
• Jessica Simpson – TONIGHT she’s expected to resume her concert tour in Detroit after having to cancel shows in Rhode Island and New Hampshire due to a kidney infection.
• Alanis Morissette – TODAY she’s on ABC-TV’s daytime gabfest “The View”.
 
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Fahrenheit 9/11″ (Documentary): Michael Moore’s take on what happened to the USA after 9/11 and how the Bush administration used the event to push its agenda. The film opens in close to a 1,000 theaters, an exceptionally wide release for a documentary.
• “Two Brothers” (PG Adventure): Guy Pearce stars in this live-action film by Jean-Jacques Annaud, who directed “The Bear”. It follows a pair of tiger cubs separated as infants who find each other later in life after the bold one is forced to become a circus performer and the shy one a companion to a governor’s son in French Indochina.
• “The Notebook” (PG-13 Drama): James Garner plays a retired salesman who visits a woman suffering from Alzheimer’s and reads to her from her diary bringing those memories to life for the audience. The story involves a young couple who become separated by World War II and don’t see each other for 14 years. The lovers are played by Ryan Gosling (who grew up in Cornwall ON) & Rachel McAdams (St Thomas ON-raised), who coincidentally were born at the same hospital in London ON.

JUST ADD WATER:
Ever heard of powdered booze? A new product called ‘Senba Alcohol Powder’ contains 30% alcohol by dry weight but is classified as a ‘non-beverage’. It’s designed primarily to be used as a flavoring ingredient for cake mixes, ice cream, chocolates, candy, coffees, etc. Adding powdered alcohol is said to improve taste and accentuate other flavors. Yeah, but can you get hammered on it?
PHONER: 888.922.9879/510.264.5851 (Senba USA, Hayward CA)
NET: http://www.senbausa.com/import.html

NOW SERVING SPAM:
Wonder how the heck spam artists latch onto your e-mail address? A 24-year-old AOL software engineer has just been arrested for stealing the company’s entire subscriber list – some 30 MILLION customers – and selling it to a 21-year-old spammer in Las Vegas LAST YEAR. He, in turn , used the list to promote his online gambling business, then sold it again to some other spammers, one of whom used it to market herbal penile enlargement pills.
– “Smoking Gun”

HE’S STILL FULL OF IT:
Bill Clinton’s memoir “My Life” sold over 400,000 copies in the US on in its first day of release, most ever for a non-fiction book, but apparently parts of it just don’t add up. For instance, his claim that wife Hillary was named after Mount Everest climber Sir Edmund Hillary is being called ridiculous. Sir Edmund didn’t climb Everest until 1953 – 7 years AFTER Hillary Rodham was born. At the time of her birth, he was just an unknown New Zealand beekeeper.
– “NY Post”

BIG CHEESE:
Farmers Christer & Ulla Johansson of northern Sweden produce an unusual product – ‘moose cheese’. They claim they run the only moose dairy farm in Europe (hey, probably the world!). So how do you make moose cheese? Well, first you milk a 500-kilo (1100-lb) moose. It may seem a tad dangerous but it’s worth it – they get about $500 a pound for the cheese. Buyers include upscale hotels and restaurants throughout Sweden. (If your entire herd is brown, would you get chocolate mousse?)
– CNEWS

AND WE QUOTE:
• “One of the reasons I became an actor was that I’d heard you could meet queers in the British theater. And it’s true. Thank goodness.”
– “Lord of the Rings” actor Sir Ian McKellen
• “Hip-hip is supposed to be the language of the ghetto and instead, we’ve got cross-dressers and men acting like women.”
– Hip-hop mogul Suge Knight

THE BULL SHEET 06.25.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [59] Carly Simon, NYC, oldies singer (“You’re So Vain”, “Anticipation”)/daughter of Richard Simon, co-founder of Simon & Schuster publishing

1963 [41] George Michael (Yorgos Kyriatou Panayioutou), Radlett UK, oldies singer (“Faith”, Wham-“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”)

1971 [33] Sean Kelly, Albuquerque NM, pop guitarist/singer (Sixpence None The Richer-“Kiss Me”)

1972 [32] Carlos Delgado, Aguadilla PR, 6′-3″ 230-lb MLB slugger/1st baseman (Toronto Blue Jays)

1975 [28] Linda Cardellini, Redwood City CA, TV actress (‘Nurse Sam Taggart’ on “ER” since 2003)/movie actress (‘Velma’ in “Scooby-Doo 1 & 2”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1956 [48] Chris Isaak, Stockton CA, TV actor (“The Chris Isaak Show” 2001-04)/one-hit wonder singer (“Wicked Game”)

1959 [45] Mark McKinney, Ottawa ON, TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1995-97, “Kids In The Hall” 1989-94)/movie actor (the one he’ll never live down is “Spice World”)

1969 [35] Colin Greenwood, Oxford UK, rock bassist (Radiohead-“There There”, “Creep”)

1970 [34] Chris O’Donnell, Winnetka IL, movie actor (“Batman & Robin”, “Scent of a Woman”) COMING UP: “Kinsey” with Liam Neeson, the story of sex researcher Alfred Kinsey.

1970 [34] Sean Hayes, Glen Ellyn IL, Emmy Award-winning TV actor (‘Jack McFarland’ on “Will & Grace” since 1998)

1974 [30] Derek Jeter, Pequannock NJ, freaky-eyed MLB shortstop (NY Yankees)/1st player to be chosen World Series & All-Star Game MVP in same season (2000)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[MT] “Battle of Little Bighorn Day” aka ‘Custer’s Last Stand’ (1876)

TODAY is “Log Cabin Day”, honoring the structure that has become the ‘American Folk Dwelling’, a symbol of both self-reliance and practicality. When people started moving west across the country, they needed homes that could be built fast. The log cabin was the answer since it could be built with materials found on hand. Presidents Andrew Jackson and Abraham Lincoln were both born in log cabins. The state of Michigan holds it’s annual “Log Cabin Day” on the last SUNDAY of JUNE when the public is invited to visit historic, authentic, unique and picturesque cabins statewide.

TODAY is the 6th annual “Take Your Dog to Work Day”, created by Pet Sitters International as a way to ‘lick’ workday blahs. In what professions should you NOT take your dog to work?
PHONER: 336.983.9222 (Pet Sitters International, King NC)
NET: http://www.petsit.com/tydtwd/default.asp

THIS WEEKEND is “Marble Weekend”, celebrating the grand old game of marbles.
NET: http://www.centralconnector.com/GAMES/marbhist.html

TODAY is “Sense of Humor in Bed Appreciation Day”. (So [co-host], what’s it like being laughed at?)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1630 [374] 1st ‘fork’ introduced to North America (before that, face-in-bowl method used)

1867 [137] 1st ‘barbed wire’ is patented by Lucien Smith (next day, his son comes home with ripped pants)

1925 [79] 1st ‘car telephone’ exhibited (with a really, REALLY long cord)

1930 [74] ‘Twinkie’ snack is invented by Jimmy Dewar (Warning: May Contain Actual Real Food Particles)

1947 [57] 1st ‘tennis shoes’ are designed (next day, Third World workers are recruited to manufacture them in return for 23 cents a year)

1951 [53] 1st ‘color TV’ broadcast (1-hour special on CBS-TV)

1974 [30] ‘Hand-held calculator’ patented (Texas Instruments’ ‘Datamath’ can only do basic arithmetic, but is priced at over $100!)

1993 [11] Kim Campbell is sworn in as Canada’s 19th and 1st female PM

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1977 [27] Roy Sullivan of Virginia is struck by lightening for the 7th time – and lives! (uh Roy, maybe when you hear that rumbling noise, you ought to try heading indoors?)

COMING UP . . .
[Sat] International Day Against Drug Abuse & Illicit Trafficking    
[Sat] International Day in Support of Victims of Torture    
[Sat] Descendants Day       
[Sun] Decide To Be Married Day
[Mon] Canadian Federal Election
[Mon] National Columnists Day
[Tues] 2004 BET Awards
[Wed] “Spider-Man” 2 opens
[Thurs] Canada Day (no BS service)
This Week Is . . . National Cheese Week
This Month Is . . . Ice Tea Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS REJECTED NAMES FOR DEODORANTS:
• Thick ‘n’ Cakey
• Old Spice Girl
• Cheese Stick
• “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Tuna!”
• Stank-Be-Gone
• Ray Charles
• Taxi-Whiff     

BS ‘IT PAYS TO BE IGERNANT’:
Your contestant must get the answers to the following rapid-fire questions WRONG in order to win [what they CAN’T say is in brackets]. Hey, it’s harder than it seems!
• Who is the leader of the Conservative Party of Canada? [Stephen Harper]
• What is Ottawa-area Marijuana Party candidate Carol Taylor’s regular job? [Dominatrix]
• Who is the Democratic candidate for President? [John Kerry]
• What is the nickname of the state of Oregon? [‘The Beaver State’.]
• What is the mystical offshoot of Judaism that’s become popular in Hollywood? [Kabbalah]
• Who is the patron saint of bricklayers? [St Stephan]
• The Major League Baseball team that plays in Detroit is called the … [Tigers]
• Within what range must the water temperature be for Olympic swimming events? [78-80  F or 25.5-26.6 C)
• How many sides does a banana have? [A banana has 5 sides.]
• Name any one of the ‘Seven Deadly Sins’. [Pride, covetousness, lust, gluttony, anger, envy and sloth.]
• What’s your favorite color? [Cannot name any color.]
• What’s the weather going to be like tomorrow? [You figure it out!]

BS BUZZ INDEX:
The week’s top Internet search topics in Canada …
1. Euro 2004
2. Paris Hilton
3. Britney Spears
4. Kazaa
5. Usher
– Yahoo!

1. Usher
2. Euro 2004
3. Britney Spears
4. Jennifer Lopez
5. “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban”

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• The secret of polite conversation is never to open your mouth unless you have nothing to say.
• Men are like cockatiels – no matter how well you treat them, eventually they crap on you.
• It’s easy to maintain your virginity when no one wants to sleep with you.
• A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the first one.
• Some guys don’t grow up until they have a heart attack.
• I’d lift weights … but they’re so damn heavy!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The #1 most common lie a guy tells on a first date is how much money he makes. What’s 2nd?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: That he wants to marry by a certain age.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
All bad things must come to an end, too.


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