Wednesday, June 16, 2004        Edition: #2802
Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!  

TODAY Tom Cruise, Ellen DeGeneres & Sylvester Stallone will be among the bearers of the Olympic torch as it arrives in Los Angeles on its way to Athens . . . Word is “Ocean’s Eleven” co-stars Brad Pitt & George Clooney are investing in a huge new Las Vegas hotel-casino, along with model Cindy Crawford’s entrepreneurial husband Rande Gerber . . . Rumors are heating up that Jennifer Aniston & Brad Pitt are expecting their first child, one source advising us to expect an announcement later THIS MONTH . . . Comedy Central’s “The Man Show” is getting the axe and the show will live on only in reruns (it’s died a slow death since Jimmy Kimmel left) . . . “Forbes” magazine’s annual ‘Celebrity 100′ list of the year’s top celeb moneymakers (coming in the JULY issue) will feature some newcomers – Beyoncé, Catherine Zeta-Jones & Angelina Jolie (at #15, Jim Carrey is the highest paid actor on the list) . . . TLC’s T-Boz has filed for divorce from rapper-hubby Mack 10, claiming he’s an adulterer and he threatened to kill her (other than that, a real nice guy!) . . . And after uncountable parties requiring some 80 police visits during his 8-year stay in the neighborhood, 43-year-old former NBA star Dennis Rodman has thrilled his Newport Beach CA neighbors – by selling his house (it reportedly fetched $3.8 million cash within 2 days).

• Lenny Kravitz – He says he once kept a joint that he shared with Mick Jagger as a souvenir, but it only lasted a year … until he ran out of dope one day.
• Spice Girls – Virgin Records has shelved plans for a NOVEMBER release of a greatest hits album because ‘Sporty Spice’ (Melanie Chisholm) refuses to participate in a one-off concert deemed necessary for the album’s success.
• Jon Bon Jovi – He held a million-dollar fundraiser for Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry at his NJ home MONDAY. Among the 300 guests, actors James Gandolfini & Meg Ryan.
• Madonna – Warner Music Group has agreed to buy out her share of Maverick Records, the label she co-founded 12 years ago, ending a long legal battle that was becoming increasingly bitter.
• Brad Paisley – He’s recorded a series of PSAs on behalf of Mothers Against Drunk Driving that are available for download at MADD’s Website.

New terms leaking into the lingo –
• ‘Praise Dancing’ – Choreographed movements used by young born-agains to celebrate their faith (because real dancing is often verboten). There are now praise-dance concerts, Websites, apparel catalogues, conferences, and studios offering classes.
• ‘Body Pump’ – A strenuous new exercise regimen developed in New Zealand that sets weight training to music. How strenuous? It’s possible to burn 500 calories in a single session.
• ‘Paula Abduling’ – Giving perky, positive feedback in an effort to spare someone’s feelings. (“I just had my job review and the only thing the boss complimented me on was my tidy desk … I think she’s just Paula Abduling me.”)
• ‘Remote Body Scanning’ – A new technology that uses terahertz radio waves to view hidden weapons, explosives or drugs underneath clothing. Unfortunately, it also exposes your private parts.

Now that you’ve got everything converted to DVD, here comes another technology! ‘Blu-ray Discs’, high-definition DVDs that can hold 54 gigs of material rather than the 10 gigs of a current DVD, are expected to hit the market by the end of 2005.

Just as North American sports commentators use unique terms to describe sports action,  announcers in India also have distinctive expressions. Here are a few English translations from broadcasts of the game of cricket …
• “The batsman has a royal stroke.”
• “His bat is roaring like a lion!”
• “Runs are flowing from his bat like water from the Ganges River.”
• “[Losing team] is tumbling over like a row of bicycles without their stands.”
– “Wall Street Journal”

According to a new survey, UK soccer star David Beckham is the world’s most downloaded dad, followed by 50 Cent, Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell and Eminem.

A compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … we need noise. The human ear seems to need a workout to stay in shape.  “New Scientist” reports that a global survey has found that city dwellers have better hearing than those in quiet, rural areas. (I SAID CITY DWELLERS … oh, never mind.)
• Scientists say … less-educated people have fewer stressful days, according to a recent study at Wake Forest University in North Carolina. (For more info, search under ‘Big Tom’ from “Survivor: All-Stars”.)
• Scientists say … women who cheat can’t help it, it’s in their genes! British scientists have found that a woman’s infidelity trait may be linked to particular genes inherited from parents. (In other words, it’s in her genes to get out of her jeans.)


1952 [52] Gino Vanelli, Montréal QC, classic CanCon singer (“Black Cars”, “Living Inside Myself”)

1971 [D-1996] Tupac Shakur, Brooklyn NY, gangsta rapper who was shot & killed in Las Vegas at age 25/subject of the new DVD documentary “Tupac: Resurrection”/#8 on “Forbes” list of ‘Top Earning Dead Celebrities’ with $12 million LAST YEAR

1987 [17] Diana Degarmo, Snellville GA, wannabe pop star/most recent “American Idol” runner-up whose first single is “Dreams”

SATURDAY the 36th annual “National Hollerin’ Contest” screams into Spivey’s Corner NC, the ‘Hollerin’ Capital of the Universe’. Hollerin’ was the original form of communication in them thar’ hills. Ask for some demo yells on the phone.
PHONER: 910.567.2600 (Wayne Edwards)

THIS WEEKEND Avon OH hosts the 1st annual “Avon Heritage Duct Tape Festival”. Why?, you might ask. The town is home to Henkel Consumer Adhesives, maker of ‘Duck Brand Duct Tape’. So what does one actually do at a duct tape festival anyway?
PHONER: 866.818.1116 (Avon Heritage Duct Tape Festival)

2002 [02] Elvis Presley appears on the UK singles chart for the first time since his death with a remix of his 1968 track “A Little Less Conversation” credited to Elvis vs JXL (which later jumps the pond to become a hit in North America)

1893 [111] 1st ‘Cracker Jack’ (1st kid cries when cheapo free toy is busted)

1910 [94] 1st “Father’s Day” celebrated (Spokane WA)

1975 [29] Randy Farland finds a 14-LEAF CLOVER near Sioux Falls SD  (good for about 700 years good luck!)

1929 [75] 62-year-old Otto Funk completes 4,165-mile walk from NYC to San Francisco in 183 days – while playing the violin the whole way!

1992 [12] ‘World’s largest salami’ measures 69 feet, 25 inches in circumference, and weighs 1,492 lbs (Flekkefjord, Norway)

[Fri] National Splurge Day    
[Fri] Work@Home Father’s Day
[Sun] Father’s Day
[Sun] Summer begins
[Sun] MuchMusic Video Awards
[Sun] Vegan World Day    
This Week Is . . . Meet A Mate Week
This Month Is . . . Potty Training Awareness Month


According to the latest Mercer Human Resource Consulting cost-of-living survey of 144 cities worldwide …
1. Tokyo, Japan
2. London, UK
3. Moscow, Russia
4. Osaka, Japan
5. Hong Kong
89. Toronto
96. Vancouver
113. Montréal
114. Calgary
124. Ottawa
– CNN Money
12. New York
27. Los Angeles
35. Chicago
38. San Francisco
52. White Plains NY
– CNN Money

A nifty little quiz just in time for “Father’s Day”. Who was known as …
• ‘The father of fantasy’ (JRR Tolkien)
• ‘The fathers of aviation’ (Wright Bros)
• ‘The father of country music’ (Jimmie Rodgers)
• ‘The father of air conditioning’ (Willis Carrier)
• ‘The father of bluegrass’ (Bill Monroe)
• ‘The father of the murder mystery’ (Edgar Allan Poe)
• ‘The father of the Internet’ (Vinton Cerf)
• ‘The father of the TV talk show’ (Steve Allen)
• ‘The father of medicine’ (Hippocrates, as in the ‘Hippocratic Oath’)
• ‘The father of the telephone’ (Alexander Graham Bell)
• ‘The father of radio broadcasting’ (Reginald Fessenden)
• ‘The father of astronomy’ (Galileo Galilei)
• ‘The father of waterproof mascara’ (Max Factor)
• ‘The father of the blues’ (WC Handy)
• ‘The Father of the Bride’ (Steve Martin, in the ‘91 film and its sequel in ‘95)
• ‘The father of funk’ (Professor Longhair)
• ‘The father of Manitoba’ (Louis Riel)
• ‘The father of New France’ (Samuel de Champlain)

Use ‘em all at once or one-a-day like multiple vitamins.
• Aries – If at first you don’t succeed, blame it on the sales manager’s stupid ideas.
• Taurus – A friend will tell you that she’s been born again. You should probably avoid asking if she’s breast feeding or on formula.
• Gemini – Bad news! A member of your family will be involved in a tragic accident with an electric nose-hair trimmer.
• Cancer – Everybody has their demons. Most people don’t talk to them during department meetings, however.
• Leo – A romantic episode will take you by surprise. The important thing to remember when dealing with circus performers is NOT to suggest having a ‘fling’.
• Virgo – It’s true, there may be more than one way to skin a cat … but showing them in graphic detail on your Website was likely a mistake.
• Libra – You’ve noticed that it’s getting harder and harder to get a good night’s sleep. This is partially due to the moon moving into the secular orbit #7. It’s also due to the nest of centipedes in your mattress.
• Scorpio – No matter what the waiter says, finding a human finger in your gazpacho is NOT a sign of good luck.
• Sagittarius – All’s fair in love and war. Unfortunately loser, you personally are neither in love nor at war.
• Capricorn – The results are back from the doctor. More bad news … you have DVD rot.
• Aquarius – You will learn an important lesson in life this evening. Never insist on chopsticks in an Italian restaurant.
• Pisces – Time to set new goals for yourself. Somehow winning the ‘World Series of Computer Solitaire’ just isn’t that satisfying.

Q: What percentage of fathers think they’re better parents than THEIR fathers were?
A: According to a “Newsweek” poll, about 50%!

• Don’t confuse me with facts, my mind’s already made up!
• I say anyone in good enough condition to run 5 miles a day is in good enough condition not to have to.

Today’s Question: Over 45% of women say this is the #1 quality they look for in the man they intend to marry.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: He reminds them of dear old Dad.

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

Refer your friends to “BS” – you’ll get a FREE MONTH of service for each new subscriber!


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