Tuesday, June 8, 2004        Edition: #2796
Can You Believe This Sheet?

“The OC” creator Josh Schwartz has a new TV drama called “Athens” coming in JANUARY, about working class locals and rich students in a university town (University of Georgia?) . . . Dinosaur rocker Alice Cooper has a rider for his summer tour that includes 6 paragraphs on golf course requirements, for which a midday tee time must be booked for him under a provided list of pseudonyms . . . “Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban” director Alfonso Cuaron had to sign an agreement not to swear on the set to protect the child actors, so he resorted to cursing in Spanish – now all the ‘Hogwarts’ pupils are fluent in Spanish cusses . . . Courtney Love has signed up for a comic book series in Japan (wouldn’t that just be her life, only with pictures?) . . . Actress Alex Kingston claims she’s being axed from her role of ‘Dr Elizabeth Corday’ on “ER” because she’s too old – at an oh-so-ripe 41 . . . And word has it John Travolta keeps his 4-year-old daughter Ella Bleu amused by dressing up and dancing around like the ‘Danny Zuko’ character he played in “Grease” – 26 years and at least that many pounds ago (hope he’s tucking money away for her future therapy!).

• Michelle Branch – TODAY she’s doing a charity concert in Los Angeles to raise money for HIV/AIDS initiatives in India. Perry Farrell & Macy Gray are also expected to perform.
• Avril Lavigne – Word is she’s now hanging with Deryck Whibley from Sum 41, Paris Hilton’s ex-boytoy.
• Madonna – She’s imposed a ‘cursing fine’ on anyone in her “re-Invention Tour” entourage caught swearing.
• Madonna – She & hubby Guy Ritchie are planning a Kabbalah ‘Blessing of Marriage and Unity’ at the end of her tour.
• Hoobastank – Finnish bassist Markku used to do art direction for porn movies.
• Evanescence – They sacked Hoobastank from their UK tour when they found out the band didn’t want to open for them in the US.
• Eminem – He’s given his kid brother Nate an $18,000 home recording studio as an 18th birthday gift.
• Jay-Z – He’s hired a chef to specifically cook chicken wings for him, using only chickens from a family-run farm in Mexico.
• Dierks Bentley – ‘Dierks’ is the surname of his mother’s family and his brother is named after another family surname, ‘Fife’. He says there’ll never be a ‘Dierks Jr’, his kid will be named something simple … like ‘Ed’.
• Britney Spears – She & boyfriend Kevin Federline have exchanged ink in Ireland, she getting a pair of pink dice tattooed on a wrist, he a pair of blue dice on a forearm.

• “Along Came Polly” (Romantic Comedy – DVD/VHS): Ben Stiller & Jennifer Aniston co-star in this opposites-attract comedy about the romance between an ultra-conservative insurance risk assessor and a flaky waitress who’ll do just about anything for kicks. At one point, Aniston was shooting “Friends”, “Bruce Almighty” and this movie all at the same time.
• “Mystic River” (Crime Drama – DVD): Director Clint Eastwood was Oscar-nominated for ‘Best Director’ for this tale of 3 childhood friends who are reunited after one loses a daughter. Sean Penn won the Academy Award for ‘Best Actor in a Leading Role’ and Tim Robbins for ‘Best Actor in a Supporting Role’. Ever-efficient Eastwood shot the entire film in just 39 days.

Hurricane forecaster William Gray of Colorado State University forecasts the 2004 storm season will see 14 named storms spawned in the Atlantic, 8 of which will grow into hurricanes. The average Atlantic hurricane season produces 10 tropical storms and 6 hurricanes, of which 2 or 3 are major. Gray estimates there’s a 71% chance that a major hurricane will hit the ‘hurricane coast’ THIS YEAR. It would be the first major storm to make landfall in 5 years.
– “USA Today”

Bangladeshi man Tauhidul Chaudhury is suing NYC strip joint Scores, the 2nd time in a month that a former patron has filed a lawsuit accusing the leading men’s club of improper billing. But this guy’s bill is a real gem! During a 7-hour visit he and 3 friends apparently managed to ring up credit card bills totaling – whoa! – $129,626. Included – booze until the 4am closing time, use of a ‘private room’ and, presumably, numerous lap dances. His reason why he should get out of paying? He was so intoxicated he did not possess the requisite mental capacity to authorize the charges. (I was too drunk … yeah, that always works.)
– The Smoking Gun

Men’s mag “Maxim” and women’s magazine “Marie Claire” have cooperated on a poll of women to find out why so many put up with dating bad boys. A few of the results ….
• 36% say they put up with crap from their men because it makes the good times seem even sweeter.
• 27% don’t care if their guy checks out other women because they believe he ‘can’t help it’.
• 13% date bad boys because they think they can change them.
• 5% would go out and have an affair of their own if they found out their man was cheating.
– “Maxim”/”Marie Claire”, JULY issues.

One of the fastest growing cosmetic surgeries is said to be – nipple enlargement. NYC nipple surgeon Bruce Nadler says most of his patients ask for it because they want the ‘teasing look’ of an erect nipple all the time. Others – mostly men – are nipple fetishists who want their nipples to be the biggest, most desirable nipples possible. The ‘super-sizing’ is done with injections of collagen or cartilage taken from the patient’s ear. Nadler says another popular procedure is nipple reduction surgery, which is requested mostly by women who are self conscious about looking a little too ‘nipply’ in cold weather.
– “Curious Times”

According to a recent survey by the World Health Organization, children living in single parent families suffer poorer health than those in ‘traditional families’. After studying the health and behavior of children aged 11-15 in 35 countries including the US and Canada, it was found that there is better health among children who live with both parents and in families where adolescents talk to parents about what bothers them. (As if single parents don’t have a tough enough time … let’s slam their efforts!)
– “The Telegraph”

Career experts say today’s job seekers should be prepared for innovative new interviewing techniques designed to evoke behavioral reactions and test flexibility. Here are just a few of the so-called ‘tests’ now being used by personnel managers …
• Calling candidates at home, posing as a telemarketer.
• Dropping a pen on the floor or spilling something on candidates to see how they react.
• Asking job seekers to drive to see if they’ll take responsibility.
• Making candidates wait, then gauging their reaction.
(Other suggested ‘tests’? Stiffing the candidate with the lunch bill? Showing off your Jag while taunting ‘nana nana boo-boo’? Wearing a Donald Trump mask?)
– “The Republic”

A short-legged person uses up about 10% more calories than a long-legged person to travel the same distance.
– “The Independent”

“Opinions are like assholes. We all have one.”
– Janet Jackson


1925 [79] Barbara Bush, Rye NY, former US First Lady/George’s wife/Dubya’s mommy

1933 [71] Joan Rivers (Molinsky), Brooklyn NY, loudmouth comedian/TV host (awards pre-shows [“Who are you wearing?”])

1957 [47] Scott Adams, Windham NY, comic strip cartoonist (“Dilbert”)

1958 [46] Keenen Ivory Wayans, NYC, movie actor/director (“Scary Movie 1 & 2″)/brother of Shawn, Damon, Marlon & Kim Wayans

1983 [21] Kim Clijsters, Bilzen BELGIUM, #2-ranked women’s pro tennis player

TODAY through Thursday is the annual “All Candy Expo” in Chicago IL, the largest confectionery show in North America which showcases new and unusual products. Some of this year’s new treats – ‘Buzz Bite Chocolate Energy Chews’ (snacks masquerading as health-food), ‘Pic-O-Sito Spicy Peanut Butter Candy’ (sticks to your fillings, then rips ‘em right out), the ‘Crazy Daisy Cow Pooper Jellybean Dispenser’ (yup, a cow that poops jellybeans), ‘Snerdles’ candy that looks like fruit (thereby relieving mom’s guilt), and the ‘Bug Factor Lollipop’ … with an actual edible bug inside!
PHONER: 703.790.5750 (National Confectioners Association, Vienna VA)
NET: http://www.allcandyexpo.com

TODAY most of the inhabited world will have a chance to witness one of the rarest spectacles in nature – the “Transit of Venus”. At sunrise (EDT), the planet Venus will pass directly between the Sun and Earth, dimming its light by a whopping one-tenth of 1% (seems minor, but astronomers are orgasmic). It is the most infrequent of solar eclipses. The last time it occurred was December 6, 1882. As with all solar eclipses, you should not look directly at it with the naked eye.
NET: http://www.transitofvenus.org

JUNE is “National Accordion Awareness Month”, to increase public awareness of this multicultural instrument and its influence and popularity in today’s music. Yeah, like in that big accordion hit … uh … er. Can you be an accordion player without being nerdy?
PHONER: 415.440.0900 (All Things Accordion, San Francisco CA)

1824 [180] 1st practical ‘washing machine’ developed by Noah Cushing of Québec

1869 [135] 1st ‘vacuum cleaner’ patented by JW McGaffey of Chicago

1896 [108] 1st stolen car is reported

1983 [11] Charlos Vieira begins 191 hours of non-stop cycling in Leiria, Portugal

[Wed] Donald Duck’s 70th Birthday
[Thurs] “CMA Music Festival” begins in Nashville  (formerly ‘Fan Fair’)
[Thurs] 2004 “MTV Movie Awards” (recorded Saturday)
[Thurs] Songwriters Hall of Fame Induction (NYC)
[Fri] Tim McGraw summer tour begins (Virginia Beach VA)
[Fri-Sun] Bonnaroo Music Festival (Manchester TN)
[Sat] “Global Late Night” debuts (Global TV)
[Sat] 10-year anniversary of Nicole Simpson/Ronald Goldman murders
This Week Is . . . National Youth Sport Coaches Week
This Month Is . . . Adopt-A-Shelter-Cat Month

• “Dude, Where’s My Dildo?”
• “Homegrown Video #489: F*** the Canuck”
• “Moulin Splooge”
• “She’s Not a Lesbian … She’s a Vagitarian”
• “The Price Is Right”
• “Snow White & The Three Dwarfs”
• “Dead Men Don’t Wear Rubbers”
• “The Fat, The Bald & The Ugly”
• “Sandwich of Love”
• “E-3: The Extra Testicle”
• “Bumpin’ Donuts”
– “The 100 Worst Porn Movie Titles”

1. Unbounded enthusiasm.
2. Total disillusionment.
3. Panic!!!
4. Frantic search for the guilty.
5. Punishment of the innocent.
6. Promotion of the uninvolved.

Q: Which will be the world’s 3 largest cities in 2010?
A: According to the UN “State of the World’s Cities” report, the top 3 will be Tokyo JAPAN, Mumbai [Bombay] INDIA, and Lagos NIGERIA.

Niche marketing is a fact of life for today’s farmers. Perhaps that’s why Natalie Brennan of Rolly View AB raises – mini sheep. Olde English Miniature Babydoll Sheep to be precise, a rare breed that’s been around since the 1700s. The li’l woolies are only 24 inches-tall and weigh around 100 lbs, making them ideal for small farms with teeny tiny little pastures. So what are they used for … Q-Tips?
PHONER: 780.986.1663
NET: http://www.agrisupportonline.com/minisheep.htm

How old were you when you received your first ‘memorable’ kiss? (According to a Zogby poll, it was between the ages of 15-17 for most people [38%], while 32% say it happened when they were 12-14.)

Today’s Question:  According to a popular relationship expert, THIS is the #1 thing a woman should never discuss with her man.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: His balding head (#2 is his mother).

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.


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