Tuesday, June 24, 2008        Edition: #3804
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

A new “Total Guitar Magazine” ranking of cover songs picks Jimi Hendrix’s version of Bob Dylan’s “All Along the Watchtower” the best do-over ever done; and Celine Dion’s stage version of AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long“ the absolute worst . . . Britney Spears’ l’il sis’ Jamie Lynn has named her newborn daughter ‘Maddie Briann’ after the “Madeline” series of children’s books (as opposed to her mother, ‘Mad One’) . . . A rush is on to digitize comic books so they can be downloaded and read on cellphones (suit-clad Japanese commuters are a prime target for the new service) . . . Johnny Depp’s publicist has refuted reports (we haven’t seen) that allege the actor has wed longtime partner Vanessa Paradis, saying they have no plans to wed whatsoever (BS translation: with no upcoming movie to keep his name in the news, we decided to start and rumor, then knock it down) . . . Paul McCartney’s 40-year-old multi-millionaire ex-, Heather Mills, is said to be hooking up with a 35-year-old she met at a Canary Islands resort – where he was in charge of the kids’ club her daughter Beatrice participated in (boinking the help – how gauche!) . . . Sylvester Stallone is set to become the first American actor to headline a major Bollywood production – “Incredible Love”, the story of an Indian stuntman who takes Hollywood by storm but can’t get the girl (please, please promise us he’s not attempting an accent) . . . Early buzz on Angelina Jolie’s new action movie “Wanted” (opening FRIDAY) is so positive, it’s ‘freshness rating’ on the Rotten Tomatoes website currently stands at 100% . . . And “Weeds” actress Elizabeth Perkins says stories claiming the show’s cast smokes real marijuana on-set are pure myth as they’re supplied with a harmless ‘stunt weed’, a combination of herbs that won’t get you stoned (wow man, I dunno … I tried the oregano and I saw Jupiter!).

• “BET Awards” (BET) – DL Hughley hosts the annual Black Entertainment Television honors as they’re handed out in Los Angeles. T-Pain, who’s become urban music’s most frequent collaborator, has a leading 5 nominations. Kanye West and Keyshia Cole have 3 apiece.
NET: http://www.bet.com/
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show“ (syndicated/CityTV) – Ashlee Simpson is the guest.
• “Hell’s Kitchen” (FOX/CityTV) – The 3 remaining chefs must try to replicate the breakfast dishes chef Gordon Ramsey serves them. (“You call that a $!?*&-ing omelette?”)
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live“ (ABC/CityTV) – Classic rocker Billy Idol (“White Wedding”) is on.
• “Late Show With David Letterman“ (CBS) – Rockers Motley Crue perform music from the just-released album “Saints Of Los Angeles” and promote THIS SUMMER’s “Cru Fest” tour.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly“ (syndicated/CTV) – Taylor Swift (“Our Song”) performs.
• My Chemical Romance – They release the CD/DVD package “The Black Parade is Dead!”, which features one DVD shot in Mexico City, a second at a tiny club in Hoboken NJ.
• “Saturn Awards” – The 34th annual awards for sci-fi, fantasy, and horror entertainment are doled out in LA. Epic movie “300“ leads nominations with 10, followed by “Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix” with 9. Top TV nominees are “Lost”, “Dexter”, and “Heroes”.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno“ (NBC/A Channel) – System of a Down’s Serj Tankian performs.
• “The View“ (ABC/CTV) – “American Idol” winner David Cook is on. Unfortunately, so is runner-up David Archuleta.

• Julianne Hough – The 2-time “Dancing With the Stars” champ says she has no plans to return to professional dancing after switching to a country music career. She’s currently an opening act on Brad Paisley’s summer tour.
• Lady Antebellum – Lead singer Hillary Scott’s mother, Linda Davis, paired with Reba McEntire on the Grammy-winning duet, “Does He Love You”. Now Hillary performs it with Reba onstage.
• Kenny Chesney – Reports say the country star has put his house in the US Virgin Islands up for sale and has already moved his boat (ship?) from the islands to Florida.
• Ted Nugent – The 59-year-old classic rocker has held a massive sale to liquidate excess before moving from Waco TX back to his former ranch in China Spring TX. Among the odds & ends on offer: a rhinoceros head, zebra stallion mounts, and bleached deer skulls.
• Timbaland – The uber-producer/hitmaker has wed long-time girlfriend, music executive Monique Idlett, in Aruba. Among the guests: Missy Elliott and Omarion. It’s the 2nd go-round for the couple after a small civil ceremony earlier THIS MONTH in Virginia.
• Velvet Revolver – A judge has ruled that guitarist Slash & his wife Perla can move forward with a $1-million civil suit against a real estate agency, alleging they were ‘duped’ into buying a house that did not have the amenities they expected. (Did you buy it online or what?)

• “Charlie Bartlett” ( Comedy ): 18-year-old Anton Yelchin plays the new kid in school who hits upon a unique way to make friends: he becomes the self-appointed class shrink. Robert Downey Jr slums as the school principal. Filmed entirely in Toronto & Oshawa ON.
• “Definitely, Maybe” ( Romantic Comedy ): A divorcing dad (Ryan Reynolds) sets about to tell the story of his romantic relationships to his inquisitive 10-year-old daughter (Abigail Breslin). Co-stars Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Banks, and Rachel Weisz.
• “The Spiderwick Chronicles” ( Fantasy Adventure ): British actor Freddie Highmore plays twins who move into an old house inherited from an uncle. There they discover several strange creatures who lurk in the shadows. Based on the bestselling series of books. Filmed entirely in Montréal. Also available in a ‘2-Disc Special Edition’.
• “10,000 BC” ( Action Adventure ): In this prehistoric epic, a  young mammoth hunter loses his woman to an evil warlord, so he gathers together a massive army to cross the wilderness to find a lost civilization and mount a daring rescue. No-name cast. Shot in New Zealand.
• Also released TODAY: “Futurama: Beast With a Billion Backs” (Animation); “The New Adventures of Old Christine: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV); and “Persepolis” (Animation).

This should come as no surprise: a new poll of over 2,000 scientists at over 600 universities and research institutions suggests that studies are faked, fudged, and/or stolen more often than thought. Fully 9% of those surveyed say they’ve personally seen fabrication, falsification, or plagiarism. Many of the instances of bad conduct are not reported because researchers fear reprisals from shady colleagues or a shut-off of research funding. (Usually if you check who funds a study, it will give you a good clue to the results … even before it’s conducted.)  
– “Nature“

A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 48% of 20-to-29 year-olds think you can be in love with more than one person at a time.
• 42% of pet owners are carrying a picture of their pets in their wallets.
• 40% of us think sporting competitions between animals (ie: horse racing) should be banned.
• 24% of women say the worst thing a man can do on a 1st date is exhibit lousy table manners.
• 20% of us have NEVER sent email.
• 11% of brides-to-be say they’d love liposuction as a ‘pre-wedding gift’.

• In Croatia, a Zagreb woman who died 42 years ago has just been found … still sitting in front of her TV with a cup of tea. Last seen in 1966, neighbors assumed she’d moved away. Instead, police found her remains during an investigation to discover who owned her apartment. (She likely died from watching 367,920 hours of reruns.)
– “Daily Record”
• In Egypt, authorities in Cairo have banned a 92-year-old man from marrying … a 17-year-old girl. That’s thanks to a new law that mandates the age gap between spouses can not exceed 25 years. The hope is to reverse a trend whereby wealthy Gulf men travel to the impoverished Egyptian countryside seeking much younger, temporary brides who are often treated as servants, then divorced and sent home when they mature. (An old Middle Eastern rule of thumb for marriage: to find the ideal wife, divide the man’s age by 2, then add 7 years.)
– “The Guardian”
• In Australia, tenants in a 10th-floor apartment in Darwin were shocked to discover a 6-ft-long (about 2-meter) black-headed python snake … in their bathroom. It seems the critter had been living in the plumbing of the apartment building for some time. As there are no windows or other modes of entry, it’s thought the big fella got into the room by slithering up out of the toilet. (Another reason you should always put the lid down, guys.)
• In Lebanon, a fast-food restaurant in Beirut is attempting to attract customers with its new … terrorism theme. Instead of music, diners at ‘Buns & Guns’ eat to the sound of gunfire. The place is decorated with weapons and ammo, with camouflage netting hanging from the ceiling. On the menu: ‘terrorist bread’ and ‘rocket-propelled grenade’ – chicken on a skewer. (Customers agree, it’s the bomb!)
– Ananova News

A 3-legged, 1-eyed, hairless dog named ‘Gus’ has claimed the title of ‘World’s Ugliest Dog’ in an annual competition at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in California. The hideous-looking Chinese crested dog from Florida won the $1,000 grand prize for owner Jeanenne Teed, who says she’ll spend it on treatment for Gus’ (ew!!) skin cancer. (If you want to keep your breakfast down, do NOT Google a picture of this pooch!)
– PA News

According to a new survey of some 1,500 parents and kids released by Produce for Kids, the most-often-purchased vegetables by parents are potatoes, baby carrots, tomatoes, lettuce, and corn. Meantime, the most popular veggies selected by kids as their favorites are carrots, broccoli, corn, green beans, and peas. (My favorite vegetable is chocolate.)
NET: http://www.produceforkids.org/
– Cox News Service

A new ranking of the hottest other-worldly actresses ever …
5. Katee Sackhoff – ‘Starbuck’ from “Battlestar Galatica” since 2003.
4. Sigourney Weaver – ‘Ripley’ in the “Alien” movie series (1979-97).
3. Tricia Helfer – ‘Number Six’ in “Battlestar Galatica” since 2003.
2. Jane Fonda in the title role of the movie “Barbarella” (1968).
1. Carrie Fisher – “Princess Leia” in the original “Star Wars” film trilogy (1977-83).
– HecklerSpray.com

• Half of English females aged 16-to-24 have body piercings in places other than their earlobes. (No wonder Brit girls jangle when they walk.)
– “British Medical Journal”
• According to research, Americans bought 10 billion donuts LAST YEAR. (And we wonder why we’re fat.)
– “Truly Trivial”


1947 [61] Mick Fleetwood, Redruth UK, classic rock band leader/drummer (Fleetwood Mac-“Dreams”, “Don’t Stop”) who now co-owns auction house Fleetwood Owen

1949 [59] John Illsley, Leicester UK, classic rock musician (Dire Straits-“Money for Nothing”, “Sultans Of Swing”)

1958 [50] Jean Charest, Sherbrooke QC, Québec Premier since 2003 (Liberal)/former federal PC leader (1993-98)

1961 [47] Curt Smith, Bath UK, classic rock musician (Tears for Fears-“Everybody Wants To Rule the World”, “Shout”)

1979 [29] Petra Nemcova, Karvina, Czech Republic, fashion model who founded the Happy Hearts Fund after being injured and losing her finacé in the 2004 Thailand tsunami

1979 [29] Mindy Kaling, Cambridge MA, TV actress (‘Kelly Kapoor’ on “The Office” since 2005)

1980 [28] Minka Kelly, LA CA, TV actress (‘Lyla Garrity’ on “Friday Night Lights” since 2006)

1986 [22] Solange Knowles, Houston TX, wannabe singer (“I Decided”)/Beyoncé’s little sister

• “Celebration Of the Senses”, when we’re encouraged to treat ourselves to stimulation of each of our 5 senses. (First, everyone take off your shoes …)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/5zz8tu

• “St-Jean Baptiste Day”, the “Fête Nationale” holiday in the province of Québec and in French Canadian communities across the country. Besides Québec, St John the Baptist is the patron saint of auto routes, candlemakers, health spas, road workers, and wool workers.

• “San Juan Day” in Puerto Rico, commemorating the birth of St John the Baptist. Among the traditions: Puerto Ricans go to a beach and walk into the water and walk out backwards 7 times, then throw themselves on the sand for good luck, and finally … jump in for a swim.

2007 [01] WWE champion wrestler Chris Benoit (née Edmonton) kills his wife and son and subsequently hangs himself in his Georgia home

1880 [128] 1st performance of “O Canada” (surprise, it’s in Québec City!)

1922 [86] ‘AFPA’ (American Professional Football Association) changes name to ‘NFL’ (National Football League) and ‘Chicago Staleys’ become ‘Chicago Bears’

1923 [85] The ‘Peanut Butter Cup’ is invented by HB Reese

1947 [61] 1st documented ‘UFO’ sighting (pilot Ken Arnold reports ‘9 silvery discs appeared out of nowhere’ over Mt Rainier WA, later dubbed ‘flying saucers’ by a newspaper reporter)

1973 [35] 15-year-old Marlene Raymond limbos under a flaming bar at just 6 1/8 inches

[1 week today] Canada Day
[Thurs-Jul 6] 29th Montréal Jazz Festival
[Fri] Special Recreation for Disabled Day
[Fri] Decide to be Married Day
[Fri] HIV Testing Day
[Fri] Canadian Multiculturalism Day
[Fri] 46664 Concert Honoring Nelson Mandela at 90 (London)
[Fri] “Finding Amanda”; “Wall*E”; and “Wanted” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Camping Week
This Month Is … Fireworks Safety Month


• Your friends have turned down the offer a ride and walked home instead … 5 miles … on 100-degree asphalt … barefoot.
• You don’t have a single drink at a party but your roommate still insists on hiding your keys and calling a cab.
• When people ask you about the accident, you have to ask … which one?
• You’ve ever hit the car in front of you … while trying to back up.
• Cops carry a separate ticket pad with your info already filled in.
• You consider stop signs just a suggestion.
• You replace your airbags more often than your oil.

Your contestant must get all the answers to the following rapid-fire questions WRONG in order to win [what they CAN’T say is in brackets]. It’s tougher than it seems!
• Who was George Clooney’s famous show biz aunt? [Actress-singer Rosemary Clooney.]
• Name something you wear on your feet. [Shoes, boots, flip-flops, etc]
• What Canadian national holiday is coming up NEXT WEEK? [Canada Day.]
• What’s the US national holiday coming up in July called? [4th of July; Independence Day.]
• What’s the most popular dessert choice in restaurants? [Ice cream, pie, cake, etc.]
• This is the activity featured on the TV show “So You Think You Can Dance”. [Dancing.]
• Name 3 common toppings for a hot dog. [Ketchup, mustard, relish, onions, etc.]
• What’s the capital city of Saskatchewan? [Regina.] Minnesota? [St Paul.]
• Something you might toast on a campfire. [Wieners; marshmallows.]
• Name 3 games you might play in the backyard. [Bocce, badminton, horseshoes, etc.]
• What nickname do people call you? [You decide.]

Which sport would you most like to play professionally? Why?

Today’s Question: North Americans spend $3 billion-a-year HERE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Yard sales.

Dignity is one thing that cannot be preserved in alcohol.

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