Monday, June 23, 2008        Edition: #3803
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

WEEKEND BLOG BS:
• Actor Woody Harrelson (“No Country For Old Men”) is facing a $2.5-million lawsuit from videographer Josh Levine who claims the star choked him, broke his camera, and ordered a bodyguard to attack him … in JUNE 2006. The paparazzo is demanding compensation for alleged mental, physical, and emotional pain. (Which he apparently failed to notice until 2 years afterward.)
– ContactMusic.com
• Former (lame) child stars Corey Feldman & Corey Haim have been hit with a $1-million lawsuit from a trio of writers & producers, accusing the wannabe actors of breach of contract. It seems the team developed the idea for a reality show called “The Two Coreys”, to follow the duo’s (fruitless) pursuit of fame. But Feldman & Haim allegedly broke a collaboration deal and sold the show on their own to A&E. (If you thought this up would you even ADMIT to it, let alone sue?)
– TMZ.com
• Ellen Degeneres has gifted her actress/fiancée Portia De Rossi with a pink diamond ring as an early wedding present. The couple is currently planning a ‘dream wedding’, but Ellen refuses to reveal where or when, promising only that part of the nuptials will be shown on her syndicated daytime talk show. (Will she dance down the aisle at her wedding as well?)
– People.com
• “Playboy” magazine founder Hugh Hefner says he gave Steven Watts, author of the new biography “Mr Playboy: Hugh Hefner & the American Dream”, unprecedented access and everything in the book is essentially true. Among the revelations: Hef’s first taste of kink was a foursome with his wife and another couple back in 1949. He then progressed to a romp with his brother and sister-in-law, and later tried a one-night gay tryst. (But the creepiest thing to picture is the now 82-year-old getting it on with … anything.)
– nypost.com
• Former “That ’70s Show“ (1998-2006) actor-turned-restaurant impresario Wilmer Valderrama is returning to TV, signing a pilot deal to co-produce and star in the new FOX-TV show “The Emancipation of Ernesto”, about a naive young guy who struggles to avoid the temptations of Hollywood as he searches for his father. (Guess who turned out to be far less dumb than his onscreen persona?)
– Variety.com
• Larry Birkhead will spare no expense when it comes to preserving Anna Nicole’s memory for their young daughter. Dannielynn may only be a 1-year-old, but thanks to daddy she now has some of Anna’s worn undergarments. Birkhead shelled out $3,000 at a weekend auction for the pink bustier and a white negligée worn by Anna for her “Playboy” centerfold spread, explaining he’s trying to put together pieces of Anna’s life story so their daughter has something to remember her mother by. (How thoughtful … but somehow sick.)
– nydailynews.com
• And a statue of the “Incredible Hulk” has been stolen from outside a movie theater in Lowell, Massachusetts. Police are looking for at least 2 suspects. (As well as an 8-foot-tall green guy wearing ripped purple pants … with no shoes.)
– rgj.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Coldplay – They play a 2nd scheduled free show, this time at NYC’s Madison Square Garden.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – NERD is onstage.
• Leonard Cohen – He returns to his hometown for 3 ‘pre-opening’ concerts at the “Montréal International Jazz Festival”. He’ll be presented with the ‘Spirit Award’, an honor that’s only been given out twice before: to Paul Simon and Bob Dylan.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – R&B singer Angie Stone (“Baby”) is the musical guest.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Rihanna (“Take a Bow”) faces the panel.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – Her father reveals the 24-year-old singer is suffering from emphysema, the potentially fatal lung condition often caused by heavy smoking. (Of one thing or another.)
• Fall Out Boy – Bassist/nightclub impressario Pete Wentz will be appearing as himself on the Showtime show “Californication” during the next season.
• 50 Cent – He’s been ordered to surrender any guns he may own as part of a restraining order ex-girlfriend Shaniqua Tompkins has secured against him. His lawyer says that’s no prob because, to his knowledge, Fiddy has no guns. The rapper claims he hasn’t even seen his ex- for more than a year … outside of the courtroom.
• Janet Jackson – She’s developing an as-yet-untitled reality show for MTV that will search YMCAs, churches, community centers, and other atypical places to find the next great entertainer. (It’s “American Idol” … on a budget.)
• Kid Rock – In a bizarre online rant, the iTunes boycotter encourages fans to steal his music for free because he’s ‘rich’. He also urges them to steal laptops, MP3 players, cars, and gas from retailers … because big businesses can afford the loss. (Wow, good drugs huh?)
• Leona Lewis – She’s reportedly set to score a huge $2-million personal appearance fee to perform a brief set at a private occasion. She’s already said to be worth $12 million but gives much of her money away to charity organizations. (She’s the anti-Mariah.)
• Taylor Swift – Her self-titled debut album has been certified triple-Platinum for shipments of more than 3 million since its 2006 release. Her single “Our Song” has now achieved Gold Mastertone Certification for more than 500,000 ringtone downloads. (And she’s all of 18.)

LEAST-RESPECTED PROFESSIONS:
According to a recent poll, here are the careers that make us cringe …
5. Advertising Executive
4. Car Dealer
3. Lawyer
2. Real Estate Agent
1. Politician
– “Today”

DELAYED GRATIFICATION:
Swedish researchers say they have conclusive evidence that primates other than humans are capable of planning for the future. In experiments, chimpanzees and orangutans were given the choice between immediate access to a favorite fruit or delayed access to a larger serving of a yummy ‘fruit soup’. Results show the big apes will more often go for the latter. (To see the opposite effect, we’re gonna put a Boston Cream donut in front of [co-host] and count to 3.)
– LiveScience.com

BEST PLACE TO GET LUCKY:
Out of 26 countries surveyed, the one where most people say they enjoy intimate relations at least once weekly is Greece, where 87% make the claim. According to the latest annual poll by condom-maker Durex, the runners-up are Brazil (82%) and Russia (80%). On the other end of the spectrum, the country where citizens are least likely to get lucky weekly is Japan, with just 34%. (Canada’s score: a middle-of-the-bed 59%.)
– Durex.com

SQUEAKY WHEELS:
People who make their colleagues at work miserable by constantly moaning may actually be suffering from a mental illness. According to University of Berlin researchers, they have what’s being called ‘Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder’. That’s the reason they whine about their job or the boss and spread vicious gossip while doing as little work as possible. The researchers say PTED sufferers can beat the illness by devoting more time and energy to other areas, such as hobbies and social activities. (In other words, get a life!)
– BBC News

BEST ‘NEW CLASSICS’:
A new ranking of the best of the past 25 years …
MOVIES:
3. “Titanic” (1997)
2. “Lord Of the Rings” trilogy (2001-03)
1. Quentin Tarantino’s “Pulp Fiction” (1994)
MUSIC:
3. U2′s “Achtung Baby” (1991)
2. Lauryn Hill’s “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” (1988)
1. Prince’s Purple Rain” (1984)
– “Entertainment Weekly”

MOSQUITOES SUCK:
If you’re planning to do some summer camping you might want to test this folklore method for dealing with mosquitoes. Supposedly, holding your breath while the mosquito is sucking your blood will lock the bug’s tube-like mouth to your skin which will then enable you to mash it at your leisure. But wait, there’s more … hold your breath long enough, the story goes, and the now-trapped mosquito will continue to suck blood until the little critter explodes! (Then, instead of just an itchy bite, you’ve got an itchy bite AND a bloodstain all over your white shirt.)
– “Curious Times”

FOR THE RECORD:
According to her MySpace page, Elaine Davidson of Edinburgh, Scotland holds the Guinness World Record for most ‘body art’ on a female. In total she has 3,920 body piercings and tattoos. (She’s one holey cow.)
– “Toronto Star”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• One-third of all marriages take place in the months of JUNE, JULY and AUGUST.
• Some people are immune to poison ivy, circa 20-to-50% of the population. However, an individual who seems immune can still have a reaction after multiple exposures.
• The Academy of General Dentistry says that a pack-a-day smoker can expect to lose at least 2 teeth every 10 years. (Likely from getting punched out for bumming so many smokes.)

BS CHRONOMETER 06.23.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [60] Myles Goodwyn, Woodstock NB, oldies singer/guitarist (April Wine-“You Won’t Dance With Me”, “You Could Have Been a Lady”)

1956 [52] Randy Jackson, Baton Rouge LA, TV personality (“American Idol” judge since 2002)/former music industry exec (A&R VP-Columbia, MCA)/former rock bassist (Journey)/cousin of actor Samuel L Jackson

1957 [51] Frances McDormand, Chicago IL, movie actress (“Almost Famous”, 1997 Oscar-“Fargo”)/married to filmmaker Joel Coen (“No Country for Old Men”) since 1984

1972 [36] Selma Blair, Southfield MI, movie actress (“Hellboy”, “Legally Blonde”)/TV actress (“Kath & Kim” THIS FALL on NBC-TV)

1975 [33] KT Tunstall, Edinburgh, Scotland, pop singer (“Suddenly I See”, “Black Horse & the Cherry Tree”)

1977 [31] Jason Mraz, Mechanicsville VA, pop/folk singer (“Wordplay”, The Remedy”)

1979 [29] LaDainian Tomlinson, Marlin TX, NFL running back (San Diego Chargers)

1984 [24] (Aimee Anne) Duffy, Gwynedd, Wales, pop singer (“Warwick Avenue”, “Mercy”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Discovery Day”, a provincial holiday in Newfoundland & Labrador on the MONDAY nearest JUNE 24th. It commemorates the  discovery of the area by explorer John Cabot aboard the ‘Matthew’ in 1497.

• “Let It Go Day”, either something to do with releasing pent-up emotions … or maybe getting rid of your kid’s pet garter snake?

• “PC-Turnoff Week”, when we’re encouraged to explore healthy diversions that don’t involve clicking a mouse or clacking a keyboard. The nonprofit organization behind the movement warns that children who spend too much screen time may suffer isolation, lower grades, weight gain and a negative impact on cognitive development.
NET: http://pcturnoff.org

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2005 [03] Veteran movie critic Roger Ebert gets a star on the ‘Hollywood Walk of Fame’

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1987 [21] Madonna becomes first celebrity cover girl on “Cosmopolitan” magazine since Elizabeth Taylor in 1969

1998 [10] One-hit-wonder singer Jennifer Paige releases mega-hit single “Crush”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1938 [70] 1st ‘Public Aquarium’ in USA (‘Marineland’ in St Augustine FL)

1974 [34] 1st ‘Extraterrestrial Message’ sent from Earth into space (guess they should have included an RSVP)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1999 [09] Wayne Gretzky (who retired April 18, 1999) becomes the 10th player to have the 3-year waiting period waived by the Hockey Hall of Fame by reason of ‘outstanding pre-eminence and skill’

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] 2008 BET Awards (Los Angeles)
[Tues] 34th Saturn Awards (Los Angeles)
[Tues] St-Jean-Baptiste Day (QC)
[Thurs-Jul 6] 29th Montréal Jazz Festival
[Fri] Special Recreation for Disabled Day
[Fri] Decide to be Married Day
[Fri] HIV Testing Day
[Fri] 46664 Concert Honoring Nelson Mandela at 90 (London)
[Fri]  “Wanted” opens in movie theaters

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Camping Week / Canadian Hire a Student Week / Carpenter Ant Awareness Week / Fish Are Friends, Not Food! Week / Mosquito Control Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Canada’s first national park, ‘Banff National Park’ was created 121 years ago TODAY (1887). A good excuse to check Parks Canada’s …
ACTUAL DUMB TOURIST QUESTIONS AT BANFF INFORMATION KIOSKS:
• “How do the elk know they’re supposed to cross at the ‘Elk Crossing’ signs?”
• “I saw an animal on the way to Banff today … could you tell me what it was?”
• “When we enter BC, do we have to change our money to British pounds?”
• “Is that 2 kilometers by foot or by car?”
• “Are there any undiscovered lakes I can see from the road?”
• “Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?”

BS LEAST POPULAR SUPERHEROES:
We may like the “Incredible Hulk” but not many really care about …
• ‘Iron Lung Man’
• ‘Accountant Boy’
• ‘Tubal Ligation Guy’
• ‘Minute Man’
• ‘Incredible Divorced Middle-Aged Alcoholic Toupee-Wearer’
• ‘Facebook Friend’
• ‘Aqua Velva Man’
• ‘Super Pants’

BS RANDOM JOKE:
“It’s all good” … was that Nietzsche?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
The biggest EVER weighed 21.3 kg (46-lbs, 15-oz). What was it?
a. A parakeet.
b. A domestic cat. [CORRECT. ‘Himmy’, when weighed in Australia 26 years ago TODAY in 1982. Whoa, imagine scooping that litter box ... get the forklift!]
c. A sewer rat.

BS PHONE STARTER:
15 years ago TODAY, Canada agreed to the NAFTA free trade agreement with the US and Mexico … was that a good thing?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Doing THIS while on vacation has declined by 75% in just the last 10 years.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Sending postcards.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Dream big, or don’t bother.


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