Tuesday, June 17, 2008        Edition: #3799
Sheet Rocks!

“The Happening” actor Mark Wahlberg is said to be ready to wed his 7-year girlfriend Rhea Durham – as soon as she births their 3rd child (hey, might as well make it legal … before there’s grandchildren) . . . Actor George Clooney’s ex-GF Sarah Larson is enjoying a career boost after her high-profile romance, signing to be the face of fashion designer Christian Audigier’s new clothing line (the same guy Michael Jackson’s working with – so there’s apparently a lot of ‘faces’) . . . Lindsay Lohan has officially withdrawn her name from consideration for the upcoming “Emmy Awards”, because her guest spot on “Ugly Betty” was ‘too brief’ (BS translation: There ain’t a hope in hell anyone would nominate me but by pulling out, it reminds people I actually have a job now & again between parties) . . . It seems 20-year-old “High School Musical“ pretty boy Zac Efron isn’t a big fan of personal hygiene, admitting himself that he often goes days without washing thoroughly and sometimes just resorts to baby wipes (so it’s not just his acting that stinks) . . . Funnyman Jimmy Fallon has been spotted doing some serious time on the treadmill at his Manhattan gym lately, perhaps because it’s been suggested he slim down in preparation for taking over Conan O’Brien’s late-night TV spot (live from New York, it’s “Fat Night With Jimmy Fallon”) . . . The latest rumor on the upcoming NBC-TV spinoff of “The Office” has Rashida Jones (aka ‘Karen Filippelli’, ‘Jim’s’ ex-GF) starring, though nothing’s been confirmed (we say give ‘Dwight’ his own office and let him wail) . . . 26-year-old MTV reality show floozy, Tila Tequila, credits herself and her tacky program with the legalization of gay marriage in California, suggesting to “Us Weekly” that no one ever thought of the idea before they saw her and her (maybe-fake) bi-ness on TV (is she really that stupid or just delusional?) . . . And a ‘friend’ has leaked the Olsen twins’ smiley-photo secret by explaining that each time they pose for a pic, they say the word ‘prune’ (are you sure it’s not ‘rictus’?).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Carly Simon (“This Kind of Love”) is the musical guest.
• “Great British Movie Event” – This fundraising dinner for the UK’s National Film & Television School in London includes a movie memorabilia auction. Items up for bid include a ‘James Bond’ tuxedo and an uncorrected proof of the first “Harry Potter” novel, signed by JK Rowling.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC/CityTV) – Montréal electrofunk duo Chromeo perform.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Gavin DeGraw (“In Love With a Girl”) is on.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Jewel (“I Do”) performs.
• “Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood” (Oxygen) – New parents Tori Spelling & Dean McDermott have traded in their country inn and gone back to Tinseltown for the 3rd season of their reality show. (How’d they ever squeeze 3 years out of this thin premise?)

• Coldplay – TONIGHT they play their 2nd free show to celebrate the official release of their new album “Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends” at Espacio Movistar in Barcelona, Spain. Their first album of original material since 2005’s ”X&Y” was recorded in Barcelona, London, and NYC. It’s already atop the UK charts.
• George Michael – TONIGHT he kicks off the 22-date “25 Live” tour in San Diego CA, his first North American tour in 17 years. Word has it he may be retiring from touring after a pair of AUGUST dates in London that are being billed as “The Final Two”.
• Katy Perry – TODAY the 23-year-old “I Kissed a Girl” singer’s debut album, “One Of the Boys”, is released. Get a lame recorded message from her here …
PHONER: 805.754.2138
• Mariah Carey – Word has it she might scrap plans for a 2nd lavish wedding to Nick Cannon in NYC since she has been unable to find anyone interested in buying exclusive photos.
• Pink Floyd – Singer/guitarist David Gilmour has suggested the band may get together for a one-off gig but a full tour is unlikely. Don’t count on it; it took 24 years for them to reunite for “Live 8” in 2005.
• Rihanna – TODAY she releases the new album, “Good Girl Gone Bad”, which includes the Maroon 5 collaboration, “If I Never See Your Face Again”.

• “Be Kind Rewind” ( Comedy ): Jack Black stars as a guy whose brain becomes magnetized, which accidentally wipes out the entire stock of a video store owned by his friend (Mos Def). With all the tapes blank, the twosome sets out to recreate every film ever made (“Back to the Future”, “Ghostbusters “, “Lion King”, “Rush Hour”, etc). Co-stars Danny Glover & Mia Farrow. Written & directed by Michel Gondry (“Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind”).
• “Fool’s Gold” ( Romantic Comedy ): Matthew McConaughey & Kate Hudson play married treasure hunters on the brink of divorce who believe they can stay together if they find one last big haul. It’s their first movie pairing since 2003’s “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”. Shot entirely in Australia.
• “Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins” ( Comedy ): Martin Lawrence plays a TV talk show host who returns to his Southern hometown for his parents’ 50th anniversary, but the locals are unimpressed with his fame & fortune and deride him for having a swelled head. Joy Bryant co-stars as a friend & former “Survivor” contestant who eventually sets him straight.
• Also released TODAY – “Californication: The 1st Season” (TV); “ER: The Complete 9th Season” (TV); “Jericho: The Complete Series” (TV); “Popeye the Sailor: 1938-1940, Volume 2” (Animation); and “The Transformers: Animated Movie”.

The blueprint for an ‘acoustic cloak’ which could make objects impervious to sound waves has been outlined in the “New Journal of Physics”. The math behind the concept has been known for years but so far the right type of materials to make it work haven’t existed. Spanish researchers who have conducted the latest work believe the key to developing a practical device is something called ‘sonic crystals’, artificial composites that can be engineered to produce sound dampening effects. (When they market the acoustic cloak, let’s hope it comes in a size to fit the neighbor’s damn dog!)
– BBC News

A BS snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 77% of North Americans use a barbecue grill weekly. (Tonight we’re having spaghetti, kids.)
• 70% of parents admit they allow their kids to jump on the bed while on vacation. (Hey, it’s not our mattress!)
• 60% of women weigh themselves at least once per week. (They hate it, but they do it.)
• 48% of men say they have faked an orgasm. (The 2nd half of the game was about to start?)
• 33% of Americans have visited 20 or more states. (There’s the state of exhaustion …)
• 21% of us have 5 or more pets. (Oh, come on … do spouses count?)
• 12% of Canadian men get ready for work in under 10 minutes; 4% take over an hour.

According to the largest-ever survey on young people’s music ownership (or lack thereof), the average 18-to-24 year-old has about 800 illegally copied songs on their MP3 player. Lest anyone accuse them of anything so mean-spirited as stealing, the study also shows that most are more than willing to share all their downloaded music, thereby exacerbating the problem. (So what’s the solution? An annual membership fee? Monthly subscription service? Give music away free and make money on concerts and memorabilia?)
– “Times of London”

• Use meat that is about 20% fat. If the meat is too lean, you’ll end up with dry, tough burgers.
• Wet your hands when shaping burgers, so the meat doesn’t stick to them.
• Don’t squeeze the meat. Form a ball and flatten it gently with the palm of your hand.
• Chill burgers for at least 30 minutes before cooking them.
• Cook burgers over medium-high heat.
• Turn the burger only after the first side releases its grip on the grill, after a few minutes; if you don’t press with the spatula, you’ll get less sticking.
– “New York Times”

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … the effects of sleep-deprivation on rats are reversed by the mere smell of coffee. They hope to identify the specific molecules in the coffee aroma that cause the effect. It’s suggested that pumping the scent into factories might help revive tired workers who can’t sip coffee while operating machinery. (Why not drive them really nuts … pipe in donut smell too.)
• Scientists say … English is the worst of all alphabetical languages when it comes to learning to spell. Literary researcher Masha Bell notes that in Finnish, for example, words are more likely to be pronounced as they look, so children often learn to read fluently within 3 months, as opposed to 3 years for English. (And that just covers ‘their/they’re/there’ and ‘to/too/two’.)
• Scientists say … flip-flops & sandals may put wearers at risk of developing skin cancer on their feet. Open-toe shoes allow the skin to be exposed to intense sunlight, a common cause of skin tumors or melanomas. Doctors say sunscreen with an SPF factor of 15 or higher should be applied to the feet, including the soles. (If you can stop giggling.)

Honda has begun production on the first zero-emission, hydrogen fuel-cell powered vehicle. The 4-seater, called the ‘FCX Clarity’, runs on electricity produced by hydrogen, and emits only water vapor. Honda claims the vehicle offers 3 times better fuel efficiency than a traditional, gasoline-powered car. It plans to produce 200 of the cars over the next 3 years. They’ll initially only be available for lease in California, beginning in JULY. For some unknown reason, aging movie actress Jamie Lee Curtis will be among the first to get one. (A new way to let off steam.)
– “Radar Magazine”

• THIS MONTH the Men’s Dress Furnishings Association, the trade group for the necktie business, has announced that it is shutting down. Why? When did you last wear a tie?
– ABC News
• As measured by heart-rate, people watching a peaceful nature scene on a 50-inch, hi-def TV found it no more soothing than staring at a blank wall. But if you add some wallpaper …
– “Popular Science”

“We’ve only given it a try 800 times … 801, here we go!”
– Motley Crue rocker Tommy Lee, on moving back in with ex-wife Pamela Anderson … again.


1946 [62] Barry Manilow (Pincus), Brooklyn NY, oldies singer who’s sold more than 76 million records worldwide (“I Write the Songs”, “Copacabana”)

1961 [47] Thomas Haden Church, El Paso TX, movie actor (“Spider-Man 3”, “Sideways”)

1963 [45] Greg Kinnear, Logansport IN, movie actor (“Baby Mama”, “Little Miss Sunshine”)/former TV personality (E!’s “Talk Soup” 1991-95)

1980 [28] Venus Williams, Lynwood CA, pro tennis player with fastest recorded serve in WTA history (127 mph)/14 Grand Slam titles/older sister of tennis player Serena Williams

• “Eat Your Vegetables Day”, an observance likely begun by somebody’s mommy somewhere. What’s the absolute worst-tasting veggie? Broccoli? Brussels sprouts? Cabbage? Parsnips?

• “International Violin Day”, celebrating composer Igor Stravinsky’s birth anniversary in 1882. A good day to pluck your G-string.

• “Mozilla Firefox 3 Download Day”, as the latest version of the free (and as we keep telling you, absolute best) web browser becomes available. The latest incarnation promises 2-to-3 times more speed on complex web applications. The Mozilla Foundation wants to set a “Guinness World Record” for the most downloads in 24 hours, which will pretty much be a lock because … there isn’t a current record.
NET: http://www.mozilla.com

2005 [03] Coldplay’s “ X&Y” album hits #1 in 22 countries worldwide

1928 [80] Aviatrix Amelia Earhart departs Trepassey Harbour, Newfoundland as a passenger in a Fokker aircraft piloted by Wilmer Stultz & Louis Gordon on her way to becoming the 1st woman to fly across the Atlantic (meantime her boyfriend in Wales keeps asking, “When’s that Fokker gonna get here?”)

1946 [62] 1st ‘Mobile Telephone Service’ is launched by Bell Telephone Co in St Louis, Missouri

1994 [14] 1st ‘World Cup’ of soccer in the USA opens in Chicago (eventually won by Brazil)

1871 [137] 7-ft, 5.5-inch Anne Swan of Nova Scotia weds 7-ft, 2.5-inch Martin Buren of Kentucky to become ‘World’s Tallest Couple’ (she calls him ‘Shawty’)

[Wed] International Picnic Day
[Wed] Splurge Day
[Thurs] World Sauntering Day
[Thurs] 2008 Songwriters Hall of Fame Gala (NYC)
[Fri] Take Your Dog to Work Day
[Fri] “Get Smart”; “The Love Guru” open in movie theaters
This Week Is . . . Universal Fathers’ Week
This Month Is . . . Rebuild Your Life Month


• First ask a contestant to supply a word(s) for each of the following, which you make note of …
1. A good time to have lunch.
2. Your other favorite radio personality.
3. A famous criminal.
4. A greeting you might use when you meet someone.
6. The height at which a person is considered tall.
7. A classic car.
8. One of the world’s oceans or seas.
9. A popular vacation destination.
10. Where Robin Hood lives.
11. A burrowing animal.
12. An African beast.
13. A type of poultry.
• Now read the story, using the contestant’s words to fill in the blanks. Today’s story is “The Golf Game” …
The other day at the crack of [1], [2] was out golfing with [3]. At the first tee, [2] had the honors so he addressed the ball. He said [4], ball. Then he bludgeoned a mighty drive that traveled at least [6] before bouncing off a [7] and falling into the [8]. He teed up another ball and sliced it toward [9], causing it to get lost in [10]. “I’m hitting the woods just great,” [2] said, “but I’m having trouble getting out of them.” “I shot a birdie on that hole,” [3] bragged. “A birdie? That’s nothing,” says [2]. “So far I’ve hit a [11], a pair of [12]s and a [13]!”

If you could have the world’s largest something, what would it be?

Homecare product namesake ‘Mr Clean’ has a first name. What is it?
a. Veritably. [CORRECT]
b. Truly.
c. Spanking.
– MentalFloss.com

I find multi-tasking allows you to make twice the mistakes in half the time.

Today’s Question: More than half of all married women hate doing THIS so they make their husbands do it instead.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Kill spiders.

No matter where you go, there you are.

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