Friday, June 28, 2002        Edition: #2329
Hoo-haw! It’s a Loooooooonggg weekend!

TONIGHT TV’s perpetually amazed and excited Aussie croc lover Steve Irwin attends the premiere of his first feature film, “Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course”, at the famous Chinese Theater in Hollywood (how’d this guy get so big on such little talent?) . . . TONIGHT Canadian power trio Rush kicks off its 1st tour in 5 years in Hartford CT . . . At LAST NIGHT’S grand opening of Britney Spears’ new NYC restaurant, ‘Nyla’, male guests were offered an unusual party favor — free squirts of a deodorant called ‘Axe’ . . . Montréal Elvis Presley impersonator Dan Hartal, aka ‘Schmelvis’, is releasing “Shekels From Heaven”, a CD tribute to kosher food NEXT MONTH for the 25th anniversary of ‘The King’s death (wow, now there’s a morning show must!) . . . Paul McCartney has revealed that he woke up and immediately wrote the hit song “Let It Be” after his dead mother Mary came to him in a dream during a troubled time in his life and uttered the simple phrase (how come I always dream about useless crap like killer french fries?) . . . Word is Michael Jackson’s had a regular visitor to Neverland of late — Marlon Brando, who’s giving the weirdo one-on-one acting lessons . . . Guess they didn’t work — test audiences at early screenings of “Men In Black 2″ are finding Michael Jackson’s cameo so hilarious, his lines can’t be heard for the laughter (get those editing scissors out!) . . . And buzz has it that the customized Lexus Tom Cruise uses in “Minority Report” had to be re-designed because the 5-ft, 7-in mini-star — couldn’t reach the pedals.

Adam Sandler stars in the romantic comedy “Mr Deeds” (a remake of Frank Capra’s 1936 comedy “Mr Deeds Goes to Town” starring Gary Cooper), about a small-town guy who inherits a controlling stake in a multi-billion-dollar media conglomerate and begins to do business his own way (co-star Winona Ryder wasn’t at the premiere – guess she couldn’t steal a ticket!) . . . The animated family comedy “Hey Arnold! The Movie“ is about a 4th-grader and his best friend who set out to stop an industrialist from bulldozing their town.

The Anchorage, Alaska Aces WCHL hockey franchise, which is in chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, is up for auction on eBay! The team has an estimated value of about US $3.5 million, but the bidding has only reached $2.3 million so far.

In an effort to help those who can’t read, the Northwest Territories will allow candidate photos
on its next election ballot. Photos will be black and white and can’t be more than a year old. While an innovative step, it isn’t a first. The idea may have been initiated by Fort Smith NWT, which has used photos on its municipal ballots for the last 8 elections. (The reason it has Canada’s best-looking city council.)

New figures from StatsCan show that almost as many men suffer spousal violence as women.  Its 5th annual ‘Family Violence in Canada’ report finds 7% of Canadian men and 8% of women were involved in at least one incident of spousal violence over a 5-year period. So why do we rarely hear about violence against men? The report says women are much more likely to seek help. (And men are too embarrassed to admit they got wupped.)

Here’s the makings of a pickup line if there ever was one – scientists at the State University of New York say the hormones in semen may help ease female depression. Researchers found that women whose partners don’t use condoms are less likely to feel down, and suspect that’s because mood-altering hormones are absorbed during sex. They stress the finding is NOT a good excuse, however, for unprotected sex. (It may be ribbed for her pleasure, but I’m going bareback for her happiness.)

Chicago smell expert Dr Alan Hirsch says studies show that women are sexually turned-off by the smell of meat grilling over an open flame. And barbecued meat isn’t the only summer food that seems to have a feminine effect. Women who like the smell of potato salad and lemonade tend to be ‘shrinking violets’, he says, and those who enjoy the scent of corn-on-the-cob and pickles are ‘take-charge types’ who don’t take no for an answer. So what about guys? Perhaps not altogether tongue-in-cheek, Hirsch suggests that ALL smells are arousing to men!

An Australian study says drinking 8 beers a day can shrink your brain. Interestingly, Australia has the highest incidence of this brain damage in the world. (Followed by frat house residents.)

A report in the “Journal of the American Geriatrics Society” says that going for a walk may help seniors remember things. Researchers found that seniors’ recall ability increased a whopping 20% after just 15 minutes of light exercise. (Did I go for my walk yet today?)

• 85% of men do not use the slit in their underwear.
• 71% of us eavesdrop.
• 58% have called into work sick when we weren’t.
• 50% admit to regularly sneaking food into movie theaters.
• 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
• 39% of us peek in our host’s bathroom cabinet.
• 35% give to charity at least once a month.
• 29% of us ignore an RSVP on an invitation.
• Men do 29% of laundry each week, but only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
• 21% of us don’t make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
Source: “Are You Normal?”

A survey of 1,400 brides who had big formal weddings shows most of them weren’t happy. In fact, 87% of them wish they had eloped and had a small, private ceremony!


1926 [76] Mel Brooks (Kaminsky), Brooklyn NY, really rich Broadway producer (“The Producers”)/movie director (“Blazing Saddles”, “High Anxiety”)

1948 [54] Kathy Bates, Memphis TN, film actress (“Titanic”, “Fried Green Tomatoes”, Oscar-“Misery”)  NEXT MOVIE: The Jack Nicholson film “About Schmidt”, opening in NOVEMBER

1966 [36] John Cusack, Evanston IL, movie actor (“Pushing Tin”, “Being John Malkovich”, “Con Air”)  UP NEXT: Stars in the bigscreen version of the John Grisham bestseller “The Runaway Jury”, due in 2003

1967 [35] Gil Bellows, Vancouver BC, TV actor (Matt Callan-“The Agency” [2001-02], Billy Thomas-“Ally McBeal” [1997-2000])/movie actor (“The Shawshank Redemption”)

1944 [58] Gary Busey, Goose Creek TX, film actor (“Slap Shot II: Breaking the Ice”, “Under Siege”, “Lethal Weapon”)

1968 [34] Theoren Fleury, Oxbow SK, 5′-6″ NHL winger (NY Rangers, 2002 Canadian Olympic Team)

TODAY is “National Tapioca Day”, honoring that stuff you put in pudding that looks like fish eyes.

TODAY is “Paul Bunyon Day”, celebrating the famous American fable about the giant lumberjack who performed incredible feats such as scooping out the Great Lakes to get water for his blue ox, ‘Babe’ (why the heck was he blue — foot-and-mouth?) The stories date back to the1800’s, then appeared in newspapers in the early 1900’s and turned Paul Bunyon into part of American folklore.

TOMORROW and Sunday the 641st annual “Kirkpinar Oil Wrestling Championships” grapple near Turkey’s northwestern city of Edirne, when big burly men cover themselves in olive oil and grapple with each other while wearing leather trousers. (I think I saw the movie.)

TOMORROW is “International Camera Day”, a good day to take some ‘special photos’ of your girlfriend that no one else will ever see. (“Honest, honey!”)

SUNDAY the Bureau International de l’Heure in Paris, France will make a “Leap Second Adjustment” to co-ordinate world atomic time with astronomical time. At exactly 7:59:59 pm EDT, they’ll add a whole second. (Wow, long weekend!)

SUNDAY in the wee hours of the morning North American time the “World Cup Final” between Germany and Brazil kicks off in Yokohama, Japan. A few interesting facts –
• It’s the first-ever World Cup meeting between the two countries.
• Brazil has won 4 World Cup titles, Germany has 3.
• Of the 12 World Cup finals since World War 2, 11 have included one of these two teams.

MONDAY’S nationally televised celebration of Canada Day on the CBC has been moved from Parliament Hill in Ottawa to the birthplace of Confederation, Charlottetown PEI, due to concerns there may be leftover G-8 protesters in Ottawa (what they missed the turn-off for Calgary?). The holiday weekend is loaded with events across the country including – the “Canada Day Relay Race” in Churchill MB, where the last runner on each team has to take a chilly plunge into Hudson Bay, and SUNDAY’S “Sausage Festival in Pelham ON, where Canada’s ‘Sausage King’ will be crowned (based on size?).

5 YEARS AGO . . .
1997 Mike Tyson nibbles off parts of Evander Holyfield’s ear in a heavyweight title match that attracts a record 1.9 million viewers on ‘pay-per-chew’ TV (Tyson disqualified, Holyfield retains WBA title)

1820 [182] Tomatoes 1st gain acceptance for human consumption as a test proves them NOT to be poisonous as previously thought

1859 [143] 1st ‘dog show’ is held, in Newcastle-on-Tyne ENG

1928 [74] 1st ‘rocket-delivered mail’, by Friedrich Schmiedl in Austria (you could tell the mail had arrived by the hole in the roof)

1994 [08] 1st ‘UV Index’ reading, measuring daily ultraviolet exposure from the sun’s rays (US Environmental Protection Agency)

1984 [18] Englands’ Melvyn Switzer sets ‘loudness record for snoring’ (85.5 decibels)

[July 1] Canada Day / Carricom Day (aka Caribbean Day) / International Joke Day / Build a Scarecrow Day / Financial Freedom Day / Frozen Yogurt Day / Freedom Week / Canned Luncheon Meat Week / Eye Injuries Awareness Week / Man Watcher’s Compliment Week
[July 2] Jennifer Aniston naked pictures trial begins / Halfway Point of the Year
[July 3] Compliment Your Mirror Day / Dog Days of Summer Begin / Stay Out of the Sun Day
[July 4] Independence Day (USA) / National Country Music Day / Sidewalk Egg Frying Day
[July 5] Workaholics Day / Running of the Bulls begins (Pamplona SPA)
[July 6] Fried Chicken Day
[July 7] Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day
[July 8] Video Games Day / Music for Life Week / Therapeutic Recreation Week / Laundry Workers’ Week / Take Charge of Change Week / Ice Cream Week / Nude Recreation Week
[July 9] MLB All-Star Game / Air Conditioning Appreciation Days / Intern Appreciation Day
[July 11] Just For Laughs comedy festival begins (Montréal) / Cheer Up the Lonely Day / Pet Photo Day / UN World Population Day
[July 12]  Swimming Pool Day / Pecan Pie Day / Town Criers Day / Orangemen’s Day
[July 13] Gruntled Workers Day / World Wife-Carrying Championship begins (Finland)
[July 15] Coral Reef Awareness Week / Lyme Disease Awareness Week / Space Week / Respect Canada Day
[July 18] Cow Appreciation Day / Stick Out Your Tongue Day
[July 20] Moon Day / Chess Day / National Lollipop Day / Special Olympics Day
[July 21] “Sex & the City” season premiere / Junk Food Day / National Ice Cream Day
[July 22] Canadian Left-Handed Golf Championship begins (Surrey BC) / Rat Watcher’s Day / Equal Parents Week / National Salad Week
[July 23] Pope’s World Youth Day visit to Toronto begins / Hot Enough For Ya? Day
[July 24] Cousins Day / Virtual Love Day
[July 25] Commonwealth Games begin (Manchester ENG)
[July 26] All or Nothing Day / Aunt & Uncle Day
[July 27] Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day
[July 28] 2002 Baseball Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony / Parent’s Day / Accountants Day / Soap Box Derby Day
[July 29] National Lasagna Day
[July 30] National Cheesecake Day / Bruce Springsteen releases 1st studio album in 18 years


You tell the story line-by-line, while a listener on the phone or a studio guest provides the SFX as best they can. Today’s story is called “The Fireworks Display” —
    It’s Canada Day and dad wants to impress the family and friends with his superior abilities in pyrotechnics, but before he starts the show he issues everyone a strict safety warning (SFX). The kids boo (SFX). Then dad starts playing the national anthem on a boom box (SFX) but the batteries die after just one line (SFX). The kids boo (SFX). Now it’s time for the fireworks and pop kicks off the show with a fabulous ‘Twirling Fiery Wazoo’ which makes lots of sputtering noise (SFX). The crowd is amazed (SFX). Then it finally fizzles out (SFX) and the kids boo (SFX). Then comes the amazing ‘8-Ball Bengali Bomb’, but pop has trouble getting it lit, causing him to mumble under his breath (SFX). The 4th match burns his finger causing him to mumble even louder under his breath (SFX). Finally it lights and lets off a series of big bangs (SFX). The crowd is amazed  (SFX). Near the end of the show, dad gets out the popular ‘Burning Schoolhouse’ causing the kids to chant (SFX). Unfortunately, not only the schoolhouse burns, but also the backyard utility shed and dad has to put it out with the garden hose (SFX). The kids boo (SFX). For the grand finale, dad has chosen the famous ‘Big Bertha’ which he deftly sets afire and watches zoom into the sky (SFX). The crowd is amazed (SFX). Then it plummets and crashes directly onto the roof of the house (SFX). As the sounds of sirens are heard in the distance (SFX), and dad says “OK that’s it, show’s over, everybody get ready for bed”, the kids boo (SFX).

Q: Why do some people push an elevator button with a forefinger while others press it using a thumb?
A: To get the elevator to come, dummy!

Today’s Question: You’d think only kids do this but researchers claim that 80% of adults wind up doing this while on vacation.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Taking bad photos.

Each employee receives 104 ‘personal days’ per year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

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