Monday, June 24, 2002        Edition: #2325
Excuse me, but is this my 15 minutes?

THE WEEK’S AMAZING BS TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Jimmy Hoffa Found — In Elvis’ Grave!”
• “Wacky Talking Bible Won’t Shut Up!”
• “Exorcists Battle Demon Toupee!”
• “CIA Identifies Saddam Mystery Device – A High-Tech Penile Implant!
• “Gal Dumps Hubby For CPR Dummy!”
• “Robot Priests: Pope’s Secret Plan to Stop Sex Scandals!”
Source: “Weekly World News”

OTHER BS TRASHY TABLOID TIDBITS:
• One of the themes of Steven Spielberg’s new futuristic sci-fi movie “Minority Report” is consumerism run amok, but “E! Online” points out the interesting fact that a total of 15 major
brand names, including the Gap, Burger King and Reebok, receive prominent ‘product placement’ throughout the film.
• Madonna’s new film ”Swept Away” will be a box office flop, according to the man who
edited it. Editor Eddie Hamilton tells ”Sun” that a test audience hated it and even Madonna’s hubby Guy Ritchie, who wrote and directed the film, ordered several scenes to be cut — some of them graphic nude shots of his wife that weren’t very flattering. (Wow, guess we can’t add this one to the list of hit Madonna films like….um….er….)
• “Star” reports pop singer Jessica Simpson can’t stop popping her pants. In fact, she has split her skin-tight, spray-on hip-huggers the last 5 TIMES she performed in NYC, and she’s beginning to feel cursed! (She should take notes from Avril Lavigne who just let hers slide down to show her ‘plumber’s butt’ while performing on the MuchMusic Video Awards.)
• Zoinks! “PeopleNews” reports “Scooby-Doo” co-stars Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr were wed in a secret ceremony at the White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas 3 WEEKS AGO. The two have been an item for over a year.
• While others have turned their backs on actress Winona Ryder after she was charged with using the old ‘5-finger discount’ at LA’s Saks Fifth Avenue, “NY Post” says Adam Sandler, her co-star in the upcoming movie “Mr Deeds” (opening Friday) is staying loyal. “I’ve been talking to Winona and making sure she’s happy and OK and getting through all that,” he tells the tab.
• “News of the World” reports that 37-year-old “Austin Powers” actress Liz Hurley had a 3-IN-A-BED romp with Steve Bing, the father of her child, and a friend in Las Vegas. The tab says the group sex party will be revealed in an article NEXT MONTH in “Vanity Fair” magazine. Despite her sexy image, Hurley has always claimed she’s quite strait-laced in the bedroom. (No wonder he demanded proof he was the papa.)
• According to “National Enquirer”, recently retired 5-foot-7 TV talk show host Rosie O’Donnell is now tipping the scales at 300 lbs and her blood pressure is through the roof. The tab says her longtime lover, who’s 4 months pregnant with the child they plan to raise together, is desperately trying to get her to lose weight. (Or change the will.)
• “Mirror” says singer Enrique Iglesias and tennis star Anna Kournikova are, in fact, an item even though they have constantly denied that they are together. Anna’s hairdresser, Marcel
Reboh, tells the tab the couple have been ‘on’ since she had a starring role in his “Escape” video. The hair coiffeur claims Anna’s been cuddling up to Enrique for a several months, ever since she got a quickie divorce from Russian NHL star Sergei Federov. Meantime. it’s been revealed Kournikova was asked to remove her shorts while practising for TODAY’S opening round match at Wimbledon. She apparently broke the strict rules of the All England Club by wearing black shorts. The club say players have to wear all-white clothing, so she was forced to borrow a pair of white shorts from her coach, Harold Solomon.
• Brit online tab “Ananova” says U2 guitarist The Edge (Dave Evans) has wed longtime girlfriend and mother of his 2 children Morleigh Steinberg in the south of France. Guests at the ceremony included Bono, Dennis Hopper, Dave Stewart and Lenny Kravitz. The two met 10 years ago when she was a belly dancer on U2′s “ZooTV” tour. It’s not known what the bride wore at the ceremony, but it is reported that the groom wore one of his trademark wooly hats.
• And “Chicago Tribune” reports the most widely-read newspaper columnist in the world, Ann Landers, died SATURDAY in her Chicago home at the age of 83. Her real name was Esther ‘Eppie’ Lederer and her advice column was carried by 1,200 newspapers, reaching an estimated 90 million people daily. (Her twin sister Pauline Phillips wrote the competing “Dear Abby” advice column using the name ‘Abigail Van Buren’.)

BOSS TRACK AVAILABLE:
TODAY the title track from Bruce Springsteen’s upcoming album “The Rising” make its debut via the AOL ‘Music First Listen’ program, where it will be available for streaming for 48 hours. “The Rising”, due JULY 30th, is Springsteen’s first studio album since 1995′s “The Ghost of Tom Joad.” TODAY is also the UK release date for “The Party at the Palace CD“, a 21-track album of the Queen’s “Golden Jubilee” rock concert at Buckingham Palace that included Paul McCartney, Rod Stewart, Elton John and oodles of others.

FOR THE RECORD:
Count Alvaro De Marichalar has become the first person to cross the Atlantic Ocean on a Jet-ski. The 41-year-old Spanish aristocrat survived cold weather and 18-foot waves to land at Miami Beach SATURDAY, 4 months after setting off from Rome on February 23. He spent an average of 14 hours per day on the water, then slept on a life raft towed by a support boat. He drank milkshakes and ate grapes and bananas to keep up his strength but still lost about 10 kg (22 lbs) during the trip.
NET: http://www.ocean2002.com

HOW TO CHILL OUT:
To combat the effects of a heat wave, the Centers for Disease Control is recommending 2 to 4 glasses of water — EACH HOUR. (Followed by regular visits to an air conditioned bathroom.)

TEEN DREAMS:
A “Reader’s Digest” study of over 1,000 teens finds 96% expect to marry, and 93% expect the marriage to last. (Ah the innocence of youth!)

MULTIPLE BEDMATES:
A University of Florida study finds the average bed contains 10,000 dust mites. In fact, a 2 year-old pillow can get about one-tenth its weight from mites, dead mites and their droppings. (Doesn’t that make you instantly itchy?)

AND THE SUN WILL SET TONIGHT, TOO:
University of New Brunswick researchers have found that men and women like sex for different reasons. Seems men like the physical act while women enjoy the emotional element. (Hope they didn’t pull down massive government funding to unearth that old news!)

SPAT TIME:
According to a report in “Self” magazine, 60% of all marital arguments occur during times of transition, the most stressful of which is returning home from work. Experts say if you want to avoid spats, you should chill out for 5 minutes before talking to your mate during these transitions. (Which leads to the rant, “Why aren’t you talking? We’re having a communication problem!”)

ROOMS TO LET:
The Norwegian Reso Hotel chain now offers rooms by the hour. Wait, it’s not what you think! The plan is aimed at business clients traveling alone. They can choose from regular billing or a $12 hourly rate (6 hour minimum). Makes sense, why should  you pay for 24 hours when all you want is to sack out for 8?

THE BULL SHEET 6.24.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [60] Mick Fleetwood, Redruth ENG, classic rock drummer/band leader (Fleetwood Mac-“Rumours”) who now co-owns auction house Fleetwood Owen

1958 [44] Jean Charest, Sherbrooke QC, Québec Liberal leader/former federal PC leader

1967 [35] Sherry Stringfield, Colorado Springs CO, TV actress (Dr. Susan Lewis-“ER”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Discovery Day” in Newfoundland & Labrador, a public holiday celebrating the date John Cabot 1st landed in Newfoundland aboard the ‘Matthew’.

TODAY is “St-Jean Baptiste Day”, or the ‘Fête Nationale’ holiday, in the Province of Québec and in French Canadian communities across the country. Besides Québec, St John the Baptist is the patron saint of auto routes, candlemakers, health spas, road workers, and wool workers.

[Puerto Rico] “San Juan Day”

TODAY through Friday is the 67th annual “National Left-Handed Golf Championship” at the Angel Park Golf Course in Las Vegas. Ask about the unique problems encountered by lefties on the links.
PHONER: 800-844-NALG (National Association of Left-Handed Golfers)/248-887-9296 (Dave Sebring)
NET: http://www.nalg.org

TODAY is the annual “Celebration of the Senses”, when you’re encouraged to treat yourself to stimulation of each of your 5 senses. Ask listeners what would be the greatest sensation treat for each (then get ready to hit the bleeper button!).

TODAY through July 7th the most celebrated of all tennis tournaments, “The Lawn Tennis Championships at Wimbledon”, is served up at the ‘All England Lawn Tennis & Croquet Club’ in London ENG. This year, the men’s singles title appears to be wide open with Hewitt, Henman, Sampras, Safin and Agassi the most likely contenders. In women’s singles, an all-Williams final between sisters Venus and Serena seems likely.
NET: http://www.wimbledon.org

10 YEARS AGO . . .
1992 NYC crime boss John Gotti begins LIFE sentence in prison — and it turns out that’s exactly what it is (check out his funeral card here –
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/gottifuneral1.html)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1880 [122] 1st performance of “O Canada” (Québec City)

1922 [80] ‘AFPA’ (American Professional Football Association) changes name to ‘NFL’ (National Football League) and ‘Chicago Staleys’ become ‘Chicago Bears’

1949 [53] 1st network TV ‘Western’ (Hopalong Cassidy-NBC)

1947 [55] 1st documented sighting of ‘flying saucers’ (Mt Rainier WA)

1972 [30] 1st ‘female umpire’ in professional baseball (but Bernice Gera quits after 1 game)

1982 [20] 1st appearance of Mary Hart as co-host of “Entertainment Tonight”

AND REMEMBER . . .
[1 week today] Canada Day
[Tues] Columnists Day (except for Ann Landers)
[Wed-Thurs] G-8 Summit (Kananaskis AB)
[Thurs] UN Day Against Drug Abuse
[Thurs] Decide to Be Married Day
[Sat] Camera Day
[Sun] World Cup final (Brazil/Germany?)
[Sun] Gay Pride Day (varies city-to-city)

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Blindness Awareness Week
Carpenter Ant Awareness Week
National Camping Week
Canadian Hire a Student Week
Assistant Principals Week
Gay Pride Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WAYS TO TELL YOU’RE NOT A REAL SUPERHERO:

“That’s Chad Kroeger and ‘Hero’ from the movie ‘Spider-Man’. You know you’re probably not a superhero if . . .”
• Your costume consists of your mother’s tights and a balaclava worn backwards.
• The only super power you have is giving people an Indian burn.
• You can’t fight crime any night “BattleBots” is on.
• Your arch nemesis is your little sister.
• The only thing you can do that a spider can is eat flies.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “How much money does it take to be rich these days?” (A million bucks just ain’t what it used to be. Recent stats show about 3.5% of all US/Canadian households now have assets of at least $1 million.)
• “Where do you go when nature calls and you’re out and about?”
• “There’s no groceries in the house and you’re out of cash. What can you make for dinner for under $5?”

BS ‘WHOSE REAR END?’ GAME:
This is like ‘Name the Tune’ — only backwards. Play the LAST few notes of a CD then have listeners identify the artist and song by guessing ‘Whose Rear End?’.

COOL SUMMER GIVEAWAY:
Now here’s a promo item for you — Tiger Electronics’ ‘Sound Bites Pop Radio’ is a lollipop holder that plays FM radio but it can only be heard by the person sucking on the candy through vibrations sent from the teeth directly into the inner ear.
NET: http://www.tigertoys.com/SoundBites/16-150.html

HOW TO GIVE SKITTERS JITTERS:
Nine years ago, French radio station Radio Fugue FM was the first anywhere to broadcast an ultrasound frequency at 16 kilohertz simultaneously with regular programming in order to repel mosquitoes. The transmission is inaudible to humans, but deflects the bloodsucking female pests within a radius of 4 meters (15 feet) of any radio tuned to the station. This is no scam — it was developed in conjunction with university researchers. Could be a great little promo for you this summer.

BS BEAVER TRIVIA:
• How many time zones are there in Canada? (6)
• What well-known baby food was first cooked up in Toronto in the 1930s? (Pablum)
• What do you call an Inuit landmark made of stacked stones? (An inukshuk)
• What Canadian figure skater completed the first quad ever performed in competition? (Kurt Browning)
• What popular sport was called ‘baggataway’ when it was first played in Canada? (Lacrosse)
Source: Brain Quest Canada

TRUTH OR BS?
• Portugal is the largest Portuguese-speaking nation. (BS. Brazil)
• 3 out of 4 people store their bills in order in their wallets with lower denomination bills leading up to higher denominations. (TRUE. If you do this with coins, you’ve really got a problem!)
• Seagulls are more faithful to their mates than humans. (TRUE. Gulls mate for life and cheat less, according to “The Large Gulls Of North America”)
• Astrologists make better stock pickers than traditional brokers. (TRUE. According to “Intelligent Market Insights”, astrologists are on target 60% of the time, compared to 40% for traditional analysts.)
• The first motorcycle was invented in Minnesota in the 1930s. (BS. 1885 in Germany.)
• Ernest Vincent Wright once wrote a novel called “Gadsby” which contained over 50,000 words — none of them containing the letter ‘E’. (TRUE)
• Bulls will only charge a matador’s cape if it is red. (BS. They’re color blind.)
• ‘Pinocchio’ is Italian for ‘knuckle head’. (BS. ‘Pine eyes’.)

MONDAY MORNING BRAIN BUSTER:
Q: Name 10 body parts that have only 3 letters. (No slang words.)
A: Eye, ear, lip, arm, leg, rib, hip, toe, gum & jaw.
Source: “Reader’s Digest Tests & Teasers”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 24% of women say that during a fight with their man, he should do this.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Kiss her.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
‘Thinking outside the box’ is useless if you work in a box factory.

WELCOME NEWBIES!!!
Welcome aboard to BS samplers this week that include Dave Vincent @ KNNN Redding CA, Scott Smith @ WXKT Elberton GA, Andy Holiday @ POWER 107.9 Salt Lake City UT, Eric Baumann @ WBIZ Eau Claire WI, Jay Hanson @ WKSQ Ellsworth ME, Claus Skaarup @ RADIO LIMFJORD in Denmark, Warren Dean @ HOT 93 Saskatoon SK, Doug Cooper @ CKOT Tillsonburg ON, and Aaron Tompkins @ MAGIC 94.9 Oshawa ON. Remember BS-ers, we’ll bonus you ONE FREE MONTH for each & every new “Bull Sheet” subscriber you refer!
 

 


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