Wednesday, June 6, 2001        Edition: #2071

Here’s a couple of lists your listeners may want to add to . . .
LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO:
• Watch TV reruns
• Wait for ‘him or her’ to call
• Answer nosy questions
• ‘Presoak, hand wash & flat dry’
• Count to 10 before screaming
• Dust the top of the refrigerator
• Skip anything because your horoscope says to
LIFE IS TOO SHORT NOT TO:
• Throw confetti
• Tip generously
• Wish on a star
• Wear cashmere
• Watch a sunset
• Use your best china
• Drop everything and go fishing

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” creator Joss Whedon releases the first of an 8-part comic book series that pits ‘Buffy’ against the evils of New York City . . . After almost 30 years of rocking, Aerosmith kicks off a 48-city North American tour in Hartford CT TONIGHT (odds are they WON’T be opening each show with Steve Tyler’s new version of the national anthem) . . . Despite the fact that “Survivor 3: Africa” takes place in a closed national park in Kenya, security is being beefed up on the set due the possibility of terrorism (what next — “Survivor: Palestine”?) . . . Big break for Hamilton ON native Martin Short — he’ll temporarily replace Matthew Broderick in Broadway’s Tony Award-sweeping “The Producers” while Broderick films a TV movie . . . “The Weakest Link” host Anne Robinson says if a movie were made of her life, she’d like Shirley McLaine to portray her (ya know, making a movie about her life would make “Freddy Got Fingered” seem high-concept) . . . Pop singer Enrique Iglesias will make his bigscreen acting debut in an upcoming flick called “Once Upon a Time in Mexico” . . . And Mattel is releasing a Cher doll later THIS MONTH for $39.95 (the first doll with ADD-ON plastic parts).

BLONDE AMBITION:
A blonde lobby group is demanding the establishment of a “National Blonde Day” on JULY 9. The ‘LA Blonde Legal Defense Club’ first came together to fight prejudice experienced by blond lawyers, but now welcomes blondes from all professions. Spokeswoman Fern Magnin says she wants to see blondness celebrated, instead of people assuming all blondes are bimbos. This whole issue will be dealt with in the movie comedy “Legally Blonde” starring Reese Witherspoon, which opens JULY 13TH — hmm, coincidence?. (Now’s the time to plan ‘Blonde Night’ at a local club.)

FLIRT YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS:
According to a new Web poll by a British employment agency, flirting can help you get what you want and make your job and life easier. ‘Getting someone else to do your work’ topped the list for reasons for flirting followed by ‘leaving the office early’, ‘getting away with a missed deadline’ and ‘covering up a mistake’. (Isn’t flirting just ass-kissing in disguise? Can men flirt without getting into trouble or is it only a female prerogative?)

NO VIRTUAL PENANCE:
The Vatican has announced that, despite the popularity of the Internet, it will never condone ‘online confessions’. (Sinning online remains a viable option however.)

21ST CENTURY TERMINOLOGY:
• ‘ETS’ – Stands for ‘Environmental Tobacco Smoke’, the hifalutin new term for ‘second-hand smoke’. (“Hey, could you butt out ASAP, I’m getting the Big C from your ETS.”)
• ’Wristwatch PC’ — IBM researchers gave a demonstration of this little gizmo at LAST WEEK’S  ‘International Conference on Wearable Computing’ (we kid you not). It’s about as thick as 2 stacked quarters and performs a variety of functions including accessing the Internet. It’s being touted as a future remote control for household devices or as a mobile health monitor that sends medical info wirelessly to a hospital. (They’re also hoping to develop the technology so that it actually tells time.)
• ‘SmarTruck’ — The US Army’s newest attack vehicle, a Ford F-350 pickup truck souped up with grenade launcher, laser gun, and evasive measures weapons like oil slicks and smoke screens. (Could this be the next ‘Bond’ car?)

BS SHOCKING FACTS:
• Gasoline in the UK is about to hit £4 an imperial gallon, or about $2.15 CDN a litre!
• A new study of ‘G’-rated animated movies from 1937 to 2000 published in the JUNE issue of
the journal “Pediatrics” finds nearly half of them show characters drinking or smoking.

THE BULL SHEET 06.06.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1935 [66] Dalai Lama (Gejong Tenzin Gyatsho), TIBET, 14th spiritual leader of Lamaistic Buddhists, since 1940/1989 Nobel Peace Prize

1936 [65] Levi Stubbs (Stubbles), Detroit MI, Motown oldies singer (Four Tops-“I Can’t Help Myself”)

1949 [52] Robert Englund, Glendale CA, scary film actor (most famous for playing ‘Freddie Krueger’ in the “Nightmare on Elm Street” series, he may reprise the role in the oft-postponed “Freddy vs Jason” — if it ever gets made)

1956 [45] Bjorn Borg, Sodertalje SWE, former tennis great who won 5 consecutive Wimbledon championships (1976-80) and 6 French Opens

1962 [39] Ena, Montreal PQ, astrologist/radio/TV personality (“The Ena Experience”)

1973 [28] Lisa Brokop, Surrey BC, country singer (“Undeniable”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is the 3rd annual “Clean Air Day Canada”, held on the Wednesday of “Canadian Environment Week”, to encourage Canadians to help improve air quality and reduce the risks of climate change. What’s the stinkiest town in Canada?
NET: http://www.ec.gc.ca/cleanair/index_e.cfm

THIS WEEK is “National Headache Awareness Week”. Did you know the ancient Incas used to treat headaches by bleeding themselves between the eyebrows? (I use a cinder block on the toe.)

ON THIS DAY . . .
1998 [03] “The Boy is Mine” by Brandy and Monica hits #1 on pop charts and stays there 13 weeks

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1844 [157] 1st ‘YMCA’ founded, in London ENG (“It’s fun to play at the . . .”)

1882 [119] 1st ‘electric iron’ (why do steam irons have a PERMANENT press setting?)

1933 [68] 1st ‘drive-in theater’ opens, in Camden NJ (25¢ per person or $1 a car to see “Wife Beware”/first drive-in theatre in Canada was opened in Hamilton in 1946)

1978 [23] 1st edition of “20/20″ on ABC-TV (1st show was such a disaster, co-hosts Harold Hayes and Australian Robert Hughes are fired and replaced by Hugh Downs)

2000 [01] Sci-fi flick “Titan AE” becomes 1st full-length feature film shipped over the Internet to a movie theater

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Final vote on controversial parliamentary pay hike in House of Commons
[Thurs] MTV Movie Awards air
[Fri] Name Your Poison Day
National Hug Week
National Tennis Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
TRUTH OR BS?

• Jean Chrétien has agreed to donate his proposed salary increase to charity. (Uh, BS. It’s about the only way most Canadians would accept it however.)
• Most oysters begin life as males, then become females, then change back and forth many times. (TRUTH! They are ‘ambisexual’ – like Anne Heche.)
• About 1 in 4 women are natural blondes. (Total BS. Only about 9% of adult women are blond, but it accounts for 70% of hair dye sales.)
• Scientists have discovered 37 life forms living in our mouths underneath our teeth. (TRUTH! Excuse me, I gotta get some Listerine . . . real quick.)
• The biceps is the strongest muscle in the human body. (BS. Believe it or not, it’s your – tongue!)
• The largest muscle in the human body is in your butt. (TRUTH. Gluteus Maximus [wasn’t he in “Gladiator”?].)
• Only human beings sleep on their back. (TRUTH. I mean, can you picture a horse doing it? Giraffe? Turtle?)

BS TAG LINE:
No matter how old you are, ‘old age’ always equals YOUR age plus 20.

 


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