Friday, June 30, 2000                                                   Edition:  #1841

This is “Fireworks Safety Month” leading up to the big holiday weekend pyrotechnic shows.
YOU’LL KNOW YOU HIRED THE WRONG FIREWORKS ‘EXPERT’ IF . . .
• Business card reads, ‘Sponsored by Shriners’ Burn Unit’.
• Highlight of his résumé is an honorary degree from the ‘Wile E Coyote Demolition Academy’.
• He has trouble launching the ol’ rocket in front of an audience, if you know what we mean.
• When the “1812 Overture” begins, pours milk over Rice Crispies.
• Insists on humming the “Mission Impossible” theme every time he lights a fuse.
• His grand finalé involves pork & beans and a Bic lighter.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
The Guess Who’s homecoming concert TONIGHT at Winnipeg’s CanWest Global Park will be taped for CBC-TV . . . Where’s Canada’s top band on “Canada Day”? Tragically Hip will be hosting a free concert in NYC’s Central Park, joined by Jeff Healey Band and Great Big Sea . . . Word is Puff Daddy is planning to have some sperm frozen before his criminal trial, so if he gets sent to the slammer galpal Jennifer Lopez can still get pregnant (don’t worry, Puff, you may soon have a new ‘girlfriend’) . . . Rumor has it Mike Tyson is installing cameras in his bedroom so girlfriends can’t accuse him of rape.(yeah right, that’s the excuse I used too).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg star in “The Perfect Storm”, an action/drama based on the true story of fishermen who face a  killer storm in the North Atlantic (the shooting was so realistic, many of the actors and crew members were paralyzed with severe seasickness) . . . The live-action/animated comedy “The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle” revisits the classic TV cartoon series with Robert De Niro as ‘Fearless Leader’, and Jason Alexander and Rene Russo playing villains ‘Boris’ & ‘Natasha’.

WHAT WOMEN TALK ABOUT:
A new poll of 18-39 year-old women finds the majority are more comfortable talking to a girlfriend about shopping, health, family and work troubles than the man in their life. They also share ‘secret information’, like suspicions of pregnancy or interest from a married man. But what won’t one woman tell another? She’d NEVER tell a friend her clothes look bad, she’s gained weight or she needs to discipline her children better. (Well, not to her face anyway.)

WIRED WORLD:
The latest survey of parents and children from Annenberg Public Policy Center finds that –
• For the first time, more families now subscribe to the Internet (52%) than a newspaper (42%). (The reason Thomson and Conrad Black are selling their ‘treeware’.)
• 57% of kids now have a TV in their room, 39% have a video game player, 32% a phone, and 20% have their own computer. (The reason you haven’t seen your daughter since her last birthday.)

THE BULL SHEET 06.30.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1966    [34] Mike Tyson, Brooklyn NY, ex-con/ex-world heavyweight boxing champion/ear connoisseur who also says he wants to eat Lennox Lewis’ children
CANADA DAY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1952    [48] Dan Aykroyd, Ottawa ON, movie actor (“Driving Miss Daisy”, “Ghostbusters”, ““Blues Brothers”) FACTOID: Majored in Criminology &  Sociology at Carleton University, but dropped out to join Second City in Toronto
1967    [33] Pamela Anderson, Ladysmith BC, famous person/TV actress (Vallery Irons-“VIP”)/sometime Mrs Tommy Lee FACTOID: ‘Discovered’ at BC Lions game when camera flashed her image on stadium screen wearing Labatt’s t-shirt and crowd reaction led Labatt to sign her up as its ‘Blue Zone Girl’
1977    [23] Liv Tyler, Portland ME, movie actress (“Armageddon”, “Stealing Beauty”) who’ll next appear in the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy/daughter of Aerosmith’s Steve Tyler and former “Playboy” playmate Bebe Buell

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
The 639th annual “Kirkpinar Oil Wrestling Championships” will be held TOMORROW and Sunday near Turkey’s northwestern city of Edirne. What makes them interesting this year is organizers are trying to prevent a gay tour group from coming to watch the burly men cover themselves in olive oil and grapple with each other while wearing leather trousers.

A couple of the more unusual holiday weekend events — the “Canada Day Relay Race” in Churchill MB, where the last runner on each team has to take a chilly plunge into Hudson Bay. And at SUNDAY’S “Sausage Festival in Pelham ON, Canada’s “Sausage King” will be crowned (what an honor!).

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1997    [03] Parades, fireworks and concerts celebrate the midnight handover of Hong Kong to Chinese control after 156 years as a British colony (Vancouver becomes ‘Hong Kong East’)
1999    [01] “Wild Wild West” and “South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut” open in movie theaters

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1838    [162] 1st ‘casters’ for furniture (next day, the 1st ‘office chair races’ are held)
1953    [47] 1st ‘Corvette’ rolls off assembly line (purchased by a guy nicknamed ‘Stubby’)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] “International Joke Day”
[Tues] “American Redneck Day” (coinciding with “Independence Day”)

BULL’S BITS . . .
CANADA DAY QUIZ II:

• What’s the capital of Canada’s newest territory Nunavut? (Iqaluit [ih-CAW-loo-it]))
• High River AB was the birthplace of which Canadian prime minister? (Joe Clark)
• Who was the first French Canadian to become Prime Minister? (Sir Wilfrid Laurier)
• Which city established the first zoo in Canada? (Halifax)
• What is the official motto of the RCMP? (Nope, not ‘We Always Get Our Man’, it’s ‘Uphold the Right’)
• Who is Alberta named after? (A daughter of Queen Victoria)
(Source for all: “McClelland & Stewart 2000 Canadian Encyclopedia”)

BS TAG LINE: For a Canada Day laugh check ultra-patriotic Website “Canadian World Domination” (http://www.standonguard.com)


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