Wednesday, June 3, 2009       Edition: #4032
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!


Today Live Nation begins the first of a series of ticket promotions called ‘No Service Fee Wednesdays’, a 24-hour sales event when service fees are eliminated on more than 5 million concert tickets, which amounts to about a one-third discount (NET: . . . After receiving a complaint, Pennsylvania’s labor department has opened an investigation into whether the TV show “Jon & Kate Plus 8” (Bravo) is complying with state child labor laws, a rep emphasizing they’re only ‘gathering information’ at this point . . . Meantime, looks like the new 40-episode season of “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ isn’t enough for TLC, “Us Weekly” reporting the cable network is recruiting more mega-families for reality TV shows (in case Jon & Kate split before next season?) . . . Despite much speculation that Miley Cyrus wouldn’t return, Disney Channel has signed her up for a 4th season of “Hannah Montana”, although she’s promised a long hiatus to work on the movie “The Last Song” . . . MTV insiders say the much-talked-about run-in between actor Sacha Baron Cohen and rapper Eminem during the “MTV Movie Awards” was all completely staged as a stunt and previously rehearsed (so apparently Eminem didn’t mind ‘Bruno’ straddling his face?) . . . As the June 24 release date of “Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen” approaches co-stars Shia LaBeouf & Megan Fox are spending an increasing amount of time together, her car spotted outside his house in early morning (budding romance or publicity stunt?) . . . And word has it Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt tried to quit “I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!” (NBC) when they found out the Costa Rica-based survival show requires hard work not just getting a tan (unfortunately for us, producers managed to talk them into staying).

• “The Hour” (CBC) – Perry Farrell (Jane’s Addiction).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Dave Matthews Band (“Big Whiskey & The Groogrux King”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Steve Earl (“Townes”).
• “Law & Order” (NBC) – Season finalé.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – MC Hammer (“Hammertime”).
• “Make Me a Supermodel 2” (Bravo) – Season finalé.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Sheryl Crow (“Detours”).

• Keith Urban – He & 41-year-old wife Nicole Kidman just had their first child last year (Sunday Rose), but now a government official in Hanoi claims she’s made an approach via the US Embassy about adopting a Vietnamese baby.
• Lily Allen – This week the Brit pop star suffered a wardrobe malfunction during the video-shoot for her new single “22”, “Daily Mirror” reporting a ‘sudden gust of wind’ reeked havoc with her one-shouldered dress. (The way this girl works the media, we’re betting there wasn’t a breath of a breeze.)
• Pearl Jam – They’ve recorded an ad for Target stores under the direction of Cameron Crowe (“Almost Famous”), fueling speculation the chain will get a retail exclusive release of their next album (rumored to be titled “Backspacer”).
• Stone Temple Pilots – Frontman Scott Weiland says they’ve written 18 new songs for their comeback album, their first since 2001, on which they’re working with producer Don Was. Meantime, it’s been announced Weiland’s estranged wife, Mary Weiland, will publish her tell-all memoir, “Fall to Pieces”, on October 27th. (Scott’s looking forward to finding out what he’s been doing the past 10 years.)

A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 76% of men say their partners give them a ‘To-Do List’ at least once a week.
• 60% of women have found romance in their workplace.
• 47% of us say we’d be willing to pay a surcharge to sit in a ‘Child-Free Zone’ in a restaurant.
• 41% of women say they follow the ‘5-Second Rule’ when dropping food on the floor.
• 30% of those who have voicemail don’t use it much anymore.
• 6% of women think they look ‘terrific’ in a bathing suit.

• Scholars now believe that 90% of all languages will disappear by the middle of the this century. (Hey, “Star Trek” is right – in the future everyone in the universe will speak English!)
• A study of women with breast implants finds that they’re heavier drinkers (more guys sending freebies over to their table?) and have more sex partners (well, why do you think they got ‘em?).
• Eating too much licorice may turn you blue. Helsinki University reports that patients develop blue or dark green pigmentation after gobbling licorice for prolonged periods of time. (Will sports fans pick up on this? It’s easier than painting your face!)

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Notspots’ – The opposite of ‘hotspots’, places with slow or non-existent wi-fi connection to the Internet. (“I can’t believe the entire freeway is a notspot! I was hoping to finish my report while driving in to work this morning.”)
• ‘Summer Fridays’ – An increasingly popular office perk whereby employees work only half-days on designated Fridays, allowing everyone to start the weekend early. (“But be here at 4 am Monday!”)
• ‘Twinjury’ – An injury suffered while using “Daily Telegraph” reports a 23-year-old who was ‘tweeting’ on his BlackBerry while jogging to work cracked his head on a low-hanging tree branch, causing him to crash to the sidewalk and suffer a black eye. (Unfortunately, he survived.)

Seems everyone in the industry is whining about how everything’s going down the tubes. A few constructive ideas on ways to turn it around …
• Fix Ticketmaster – Seemingly arbitrary convenience fees, building facility charges, processing charges & shipping charges are annoying to consumers. Pick a price and be done with it.
• Make iTunes More Attractive – Offer all MP3s DRM-free for the original 99-cent base rate. If you want to stop illegal downloading, you’ve got to compete.
• Shift Focus From CDs To Vinyl – CDs are easily scratched, ugly, and make album artwork so small it’s difficult to see. Go back to richer sounding vinyl, but include digital download codes with each purchase so consumers can have the best of both worlds.
• Make Better Music – The market is saturated with countless bands who haven’t spent enough time fine-tuning their sound before plastering their songs all over the Internet. That’s made consumers more wary of new music. And while we’re at it … how about dumping Auto-Tune?
• Look to the Past for Perspective – Neither VHS tape nor the audio cassette killed the movie or music market as predicted. The bottom line is – if consumers are offered a quality product at a fair price they will have no reservations about supporting their favorite artists.
– Condensed from

As a toddler, he was put on a throne and worshiped by Tibetan monks who treated him like a god, but now the boy chosen by the present Dalai Lama as a reincarnation of a spiritual leader has turned his back on the order that had such high hopes for him. Instead of leading a monastic life, 24-year-old Osel Hita Torres now sports baggy trousers and long hair, and is more likely to quote Jimi Hendrix than Buddha. He’s now studying film in Madrid, Spain and has denounced the Buddhist order that elevated him to guru status. Torres says he resents the misery of his youth when he was deprived of TV, football and girls. (Ah, it’s all about poontang.)
– “The Guardian”


Actual food products from around-the-world that are marketed in tins …
• ‘Southern Surprise Potted Possum Sauce’
• ‘King Oscar Fish Balls’
• ‘Weaver Ants Eggs’
• ‘Brown Curry Mole Crickets’
• ‘Smoky BBQ Roasted Scorpions’
• ‘Cajun-Style Alligator’
• ‘Spring River Villa Roasted Finless Eel’
• ‘Tasty Joy Quail Eggs’
• ‘Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy’
• ‘No Frills Potted Meat Food Product’
It’s enough to turn even the most devoted carnivore into a vegetarian!
– Condensed from


A few tips from experts on what not to say when applying for jobs. First off, avoid all words that make you sound like a teenage girl (even if you are one), including ‘awesome’, ‘amazing’, ‘phenomenal’, ‘cool’ and ‘spectacular’. Second, don’t mention political or religious affiliations by labeling yourself as liberal, conservative, atheist, Wiccan or whatever. And most importantly, don’t give your potential new boss any bad news about your health status by using phrases such as ‘chronically ill’, ‘diabetic’, or ‘habitually pregnant’. (And don’t forget to pretend you actually want the lame job they’re offering.)
– “Curious Times”


The best time to schedule a doctor’s appointment is first thing in the morning. Cut your waiting-room time by booking the first appointment of the day, before the doctor falls behind schedule. A morning slot also keeps you from getting too hungry if you have to fast before a lab test. And if you have asthma, your doc is more likely to catch problems in the a.m., since that’s when lung function is poorest. If the morning’s all booked, try to snag the first spot after lunch – by then the office should have had enough time to catch up. If you’re picking up a prescription, hit the pharmacy before 3 pm on weekdays for faster service and less chance of error. (That’s encouraging, eh? ‘Less chance of error’.)
– “Redbook”


No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times. (Studio experiment!)


1931 [78] Raul Castro (Ruz), Biran, Cuba, President of Cuba/younger brother of Fidel Castro

1967 [42] Anderson Cooper, NYC, CNN news anchor (“AC 360”)/son of heiress Gloria Vanderbilt

1968 [41] Jamie O’Neal (Murphy), Sydney, Australia, country singer (“When I Think About Angels”, “There Is No Arizona”)

1986 [23] Rafael Nadal, Manacor, Spain, #1-ranked pro tennis player (Sunday’s upset loss prevented his 5th consecutive French Open title)

• “Impersonation Day”. Open up the phone lines and you’ll find that everybody impersonates somebody … even if it’s just family or friends.

• “National Tailors Day”, a day to recognize clothiers committed to fitting, pinning, and altering material so that those interested in sartorial strutting can display themselves in style. It’s a good day to say thanks … without your tailor, your pants might still be hemmed with safety pins.


1969 [40] Final episode of the original “Star Trek” TV series airs (NBC)

1995 [14] Bryan Adams hits #1 on pop charts with “Have You Ever Loved a Woman?”

1778 [230] 1st issue of “Montréal Gazette” newspaper

1989 [20] 50,000 baseball fans get soaked by rain as the retractable roof opens during official opening of SkyDome, Toronto’s $500-million domed stadium (now Rogers Centre)

1999 [10] 1st ‘TV Commercial Targeted Directly at Cats” (Whiskas debuts 30-second cat food spot designed to make cats wild for the product through the use of high-pitched sounds, zigzag lines, and a ball of yarn but it doesn’t work … cats can’t read)

1978 [31] “Guinness Book of World Records” sets record as most-stolen book from British libraries

[Thurs] International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression
[Fri] World Environment Day
[Sat] Belmont Stakes (NY)
[Sat] Cheer Coach Day
[Sun] Cancer Survivors Day
This Week Is … Fragrance Week
This Month Is … Potty Training Awareness Month


June is “Adopt-a-Cat Month”.
• They don’t slobber like dogs.
• You don’t have to clothe them.
• They keep the carpet thick by leaving behind hairballs.
• Even the worst dinner looks good next to cat food.
• It’s a nice change to have someone ignore you besides your spouse.

A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.” “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie. “I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”


If beer is your religion, ‘Beer Church’ will make you an ordained minister for just 20 bucks. The Seattle-based organization is dedicated to one simple principle – make the world a better place one beer at a time.


• Although this character doesn’t really speak, he’s known for his association with ‘Acme Corporation’ and holding up signs. One of those signs said, “All right, wise guys. You always wanted me to catch him – now what do I do?” [‘Wile E Coyote’ from “The Road Runner”.]
• When it’s time for this character to leave, he’s known for saying, “Exit, stage left!” or “Exit, stage right!” [‘Snagglepuss’ on “The Yogi Bear Show”.]
•  When this character is afraid of something, he is known for saying, “Like, Scoob, please tell me that was you.” [‘Shaggy’ from “Scooby-Doo”.]
• Right before this character attempts to strangle his son, he says, “Why you little!” [‘Homer Simpson’ from “The Simpsons”.]
• When this character has had enough of his rival trying to steal his girlfriend, he is known to say, “That’s all I can stands. I can’t stands no more!” [‘Popeye’ in “Popeye the Sailor “ cartoons.]
• This character’s catch phrase is, “Th-th-th-that’s all folks!” [‘Porky Pig’ from “Looney Tunes”.]
– Adapted from

Aside from love, name 3 things that are better the 2nd time around. (Shampooing, pizza, sex?)


Today’s Question: Doing THIS improves your skin, helps circulation, and prevents tooth decay.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Kissing.


Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.

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