Wednesday, June 10, 2009        Edition: #4037
Sheet Happens!

Today Live Nation is expanding its so-called ‘No Service Fee Wednesday’ program to include every available ticket at each of its amphitheaters (note: while the service fee has been dropped, parking, certain venue fees, and taxes still apply) . . . Word has it Creative Artists Agency will soon announce it’s starting a recorded music division to compete with record labels (and Live Nation) . . . Media mogul Simon Cowell is said to be negotiating for rights to remake the classic 1977 John Travolta dance movie “Saturday Night Fever”, which might feature Zac Efron in the lead & a new soundtrack by Timbaland (will it flop, revive disco, or just be meh?) . . . The city of Gainesville FL has renamed its central plaza after late rock & roll legend and former Florida resident Bo Diddley (“Let’s go downtown and do Diddley”) . . . TV ratings for Sunday’s “Tony Awards” were up 19% over a year ago, perhaps thanks to all the strong musicals currently on Broadway (or maybe women controlling the remote) . . . Over half of consumers surveyed for the Nielsen Global Consumer Confidence Survey say they have cut down on out-of-home entertainment thanks to the recession (we’re back to 1990s-style ‘cocooning’) . . . Kris Allen has signed a record deal with 19 Recordings just weeks after winning the 8th season of “American Idol” (like he had a choice) . . . Sweden’s ‘Pirate Party’, which advocates free online downloading, has unexpectedly won a seat in this week’s European Parliament elections (“Har’ Billy, run up the ensign, it’s time to vote!”) . . . TBS may pick up the comedy series “My Name Is Earl” for at least 13 episodes (canceled by NBC-TV after 4 seasons) . . . And new TV series “Nurse Jackie” (Showtime) in which Edie Falco stars as a pill-popping RN, has come under fire from the New York State Nurses Association which claims it portrays medical staff in a negative light (as opposed to more authentic hospital shows like … oh say “Grey’s Anatomy”).

• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Green Day makes a 2nd appearance of 4-in-a-row.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Sonic Youth (“The Eternal”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The top 20 dancers perform for the first time.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Rancid (“Let The Dominoes Fall”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Kanye West (“Heartless”).


• Aerosmith – Tonight they kick off their North American “Guitar Hero” tour in St Louis MO. They’ll play their albums “Toys In the Attic” (1975) and “Rocks” (1976) in their entirety at each show. Guitarist Brad Whitford will be missing the opening string of dates while recovering from unspecified surgery. Special guests ZZ Top join the tour on June 16th.
• Alice In Chains – They’ve signed an exclusive worldwide deal with EMI’s Virgin Records and are gearing up for the release of their first new studio album in more than 10 years.
• Amy Winehouse – She’s reportedly planning to do volunteer work for the African Impact Medical Assistance charity project on the Caribbean island of St Lucia. She’ll work with children and expectant mothers, preparing meals and – oh-oh! – handing out medicine.
• Britney Spears – In order to sell out her weekend shows at London’s O2 Arena, promoters offered a last minute deal on unsold $150-tickets … for just $3.
• Kelly Clarkson – She’s blaming endless speculation about her sexuality for ruining her love life, insisting gay rumors have put off potential boyfriends. For the record, she’s into guys only.
• Madonna – Her appeal to adopt another Malawian orphan has apparently been successful. She’s somehow persuaded 3 Supreme Court of Appeal judges to approve the adoption of 4-year-old Mercy James, which will apparently be formally announced this Sunday.
• Miley Cyrus – She’s reportedly split with her 20-year-old model man Justin Gaston and jetted off to Georgia, where she will shoot new movie “The Last Song” starting next week.
• Nirvana – Former bassist Krist Novoselic is running for county clerk of Wahkiakum County in his home state of Washington. He’s spent much of his post-music career in local politics.

A BS snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 84% of women think men have no idea how hard they work to look good.
• 80% of us have talked or texted on a cellphone while driving.
• 51% of bridesmaids donate their ugly dresses to charity after the wedding.
• 40% of men & 27% of women have talked on the phone while wearing nothing.
• 22% of men absolutely refuse to dance.
• 20% of employees fear they could lose their jobs if they take a vacation.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Babymoon’ – One ‘last trip’ taken by an expectant couple before the arrival of travel-thwarting offspring. (“We’re going to Nassau for a babymoon. Hope I don’t pop on the beach!”)
• ‘Neurotheology’ – The study of what happens in the brains & bodies of religious believers. Scientists have found that the brains of those who spend hours in prayer & meditation are different. It’s thought the more you focus on something, the more it becomes your reality. (Isn’t that the basis of brainwashing? Just askin’.)
• ‘Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder’ – A newly named psychiatric disorder suffered by people who feel they have been wronged by someone and are so bitter they just can’t get over it. (Previously these people were known by the scientific term ‘whiners’.)


• Most cops lurk in the median, so stay to the right except to pass.
• Drive behind truckers who have an encyclopedic knowledge of speed traps.
• Check headlights and brake lights so cops won’t have another excuse to pull you over.
• Beware the end of the month. It’s when cops are trying to make their quotas.
• Try to blend in. If you drive a vibrant red Porsche, you’ve already got 2 strikes against you.
• Websites like and list trouble spots.
• Many police departments now use laser detection equipment so they can pick single vehicles out of a group. While radar jammers are illegal almost everywhere, laser jammers are not!
– Abridged from “Maxim” magazine.

According to a new survey of over 1,000 consumers by the Association of Independent Music Stores …
• Recommendation from a friend … 80%.
• Seeing a live performance … 80%.
• Hearing it on radio … 39%.
• Reading about it in newspapers/magazines … 16%.
• Hearing about it on TV … 15%.


Recent studies show that the average person has  about 60,000 thoughts per day and a good number of them are negative. A researcher says that negativity drains your energy and willpower. The solution is to immediately replace a negative  thought (“My thighs look huge”) with a positive one (“My thighs are strong”). (Not recommended: “Oops, that’s not my thigh, that’s my arm!”)
– “Fitness”


• ‘The Clink’ … The name of a prison which was on Clink Street in London. The reason it’s now used as slang for ‘jail’.
• ‘Cut Through Red Tape’ … Solicitors kept their client info in file folders tied with red ribbon to prevent papers from falling out. When they wanted to get at the papers, they would have to ‘cut through the red tape’.
• Getting Bombed … A ‘bombard’ was a leather jug which held 8 pints or 4 quarts. A full bombard of ale would make you drunk.
• ‘Son of a Gun’ … Sailors would take native women on board their ship and have their way with them in between the cannons. Some women would give birth to boys, who were called ‘sons between the guns’.
– Adapted from


Procter & Gamble scientist Will Andrews says the fragrance industry is now focused on ‘modern smells’ that have never been used in fragrances before but have strong connections with activities we enjoy or admire. To that end, perfume makers have captured the essential smells of manly outdoor activities so that guys who spend their days at a desk can still acquire a ‘sporty scent’. In the UK, for instance, they’ve extracted aromas from cricket bats, changing rooms, sports uniforms, and yacht cabins. (Save money: bathe in sweat and sea salt.)
– “Times of London”

Experts say that when a guy is trying to get away with something, his gestures will betray him. Watch closely and you’ll be able to catch him in the act …
• Liar Move #1: He wraps his ankle around the leg of a chair. Pulling off a lie is stressful so when a guy is masking the truth, his body will tense up and he’ll take a more rigid stance.
• Liar Move #2: He suddenly puts his hands in his pockets. Showing his palms indicates comfort and openness so when he’s lying, he’ll instinctively feel the need to conceal them.
• Liar Move #3: He shrugs one or both shoulders. The shrug is a way of canceling out an untruth much like crossing the fingers behind the back, except he’s unaware of the motion.
• Liar Move #4: He uses an index finger to rub underneath his nose. This sign is usually exhibited by men who don’t typically lie, so they feel remorse and hide the mouth as though they can’t believe what just came out it. (Okay guys … equal time. How do you know a woman’s fibbing?)
– “Cosmopolitan”

The average time spent eating in the course of a lifetime is 3.5 years.
– “In One Day”

“I feel bloody fantastic. I want to take on the world. I’ve got my sleeves up ready. From now on there’s nae crap.”
– “Britain’s Got Talent” singing sensation Susan Boyle, quoted by HecklerSpray. Apparently she’s feeling better after some down time in a private clinic.


1921 [88] Prince Philip Mountbatten (Philippos Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderbert-Glucksburn, Prince of Greece), Corfu, Greece, Duke of Edinburgh & Mr Queen Elizabeth II since 1947

1964 [45] Kate Flannery, Philadelphia PA, TV actress (‘Meredith Palmer’ on “The Office” since 2005)

1965 [44] Elizabeth Hurley, Basingstoke UK, movie actress (“Austin Powers” films)/model (Estée Lauder)

1973 [36] Faith Evans, Lakeland FL, R&B/pop singer (w/Puff Daddy-“I’ll Be Missing You”)/widow of Notorious BIG

1982 [27] Leelee Sobieski, NYC, movie actress (“88 Minutes”, “The Wicker Man”)

2001 [08] Sasha (Natasha) Obama, Chicago IL, younger daughter of US President Barack Obama & First Lady Michelle Obama

“Iced Tea Day”, celebrating the favorite summer cooler of millions. Tea is the world’s 2nd-most-popular beverage … after water. According to the Tea Association of Canada, Canadians drink more than 7 billion servings of tea (either hot or cold) per year.


2004 [05] Legendary singer Ray Charles dies of liver failure at age 73, just a few months before the bio-pic “Ray” opens

2005 [04] Action comedy “Mr & Mrs Smith” opens in movie theaters, the film in which Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie become a couple …. onscreen & off


1925 [84] ‘United Church of Canada’ 1st opens for business (Canada’s largest Protestant denomination with more than 3 million members)

1943 [66] 1st ‘Ball Point Pen’ is invented by Lasalo Biro of Budapest, Hungary after the British Royal Air Force employs him to develop a pen that will write under low atmospheric pressure at high altitudes during WW2

1952 [57] 1st ‘Drive-Thru Restaurant’ opens (next day, the 1st cup of boiling hot coffee spills onto a driver’s lap)

1979 [30] ‘World’s Largest Pastry’ is baked in Liestal, Switzerland … a 1,084-foot-long éclair (and gimme a keg of coffee with that, please!)


[Thurs] Nursing Assistants Day
[Thurs] Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival opens (Manchester TN)
[Thurs] CMA Music Festival opens (Nashville TN)
[Fri] US TV signals go digital
[Fri] “The Taking of Pelham 123″; “Imagine That” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Croquet Day
[Sun] Children’s Sunday
[Sun] World Blood Donor Day
[Sun] Family History Day
This Week Is … Beef Week
This Month Is … Zoo & Aquarium Month


• We’re using 100% of our brains all the time; things aren’t going to get any better.
• Lab monkeys are good kissers.
• For extra yelping, doctors should keep their stethoscopes in the freezer.
• Scientists actually can’t tell one damn lab rat from another.
• People live longer if their name is ‘Jimmy’.
• ‘Turn you head & cough’ is just an old medical school prank.
• The most perfect food? Salami.

Never underestimate a woman … unless you are discussing her age or weight.

• How long do fish wait to swim after they eat?
• Is it really necessary for Los Angeles to have a zoo?
• What do you call it when fat people swim naked?
• Can exceptionally talented ventriloquists throw their voicemail?
• If you think you’re indecisive, how can you be sure?
• When a store leaves its ‘Open’ sign on after-hours, should we be able to loot?
• Who cleans up after Seeing Eye Dogs?
– Adapted from

Some of the cast of the old after-school show “Saved By the Bell” (1989-93) are lobbying for a TV reunion. What vintage program would you like to see brought back for a TV special or movie version?


Today’s Question: Three-quarters of all of THESE that are consumed are eaten at breakfast. Answer to Give Out Next Show: Raisins.


In the end, doing it the hard way is usually easier.

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