Wednesday, June 2, 2010        Edition: #4275
Ahhhh, It’s Your Daily Bovine Colonic!


According to an insider, Lindsay Lohan’s supposed ‘big return’ to acting in the role of XXX actress Linda Lovelace in the proposed film “Inferno” will likely never receive mainstream release, due to its depiction of ‘outright depraved perversions’ (not to mention the fact she’ll likely fail to show up for work) . . . Brit actor Russell Brand will reportedly only be interviewed by people who say nice things about his new movie, “Get Him To the Greek”, opening Friday (judging by previews, he may soon be talking to himself!) . . . Not only did brain hemorrhage victim Bret Michaels appear energetic at his comeback concert at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Biloxi MS, word has it he’s also in talks to become the next “American Idol” judge (dude, you almost died – chill!) . . . 20-year-old “Twilight Saga” star Kristen Stewart tells “Elle” magazine she has ‘one crazy stalker’, but she’s refusing to change her phone number because she thinks it’s a female acquaintance of a former schoolmate (which high school peer would you least like to hear from?) . . . And actress Jennifer Aniston wasn’t home over the weekend when concerned neighbors called cops to report a suspected intruder on her property, but the noise just turned out to be – her hi-tech talking alarm system (“Hello, this is movie star Jennifer Aniston and you are illegally in my space. Don’t I look good for 41?”).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Melanie Fiona (“The Bridge”).
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Court Yard Hounds (“Court Yard Hounds”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Peter Frampton (“Thank You Mr Churchill”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Black Lips (“200 Million Thousand”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Sheryl Crow covers Rolling Stones tunes in honor of the reissue of “Exile On Main Street” (rerun).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Brooks & Dunn perform “Cowgirls Don’t Cry” with Reba McEntire (rerun).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – “American Idol” runner-up Crystal Bowersox.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Dierks Bentley (“Up On the Ridge”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Clay Aiken (“Tried & True”); Belinda Carlisle (“Heaven On Earth”).


• Ke$ha – She’s being sued for $14 million by her former managers who claim she squeezed them out of her career. Her lawyer contends she simply exercised her right to fire them when they didn’t perform.
• Lady Gaga – During a break from her “Monster Ball Tour” in Britain, she nipped into a pub in Birmingham where she spent 2 hours drinking whisky & Diet Coke while scribbling notes on a napkin. Then she left a big tip for the staff and picked up the tab for the entire bar.
• Paul McCartney – Tonight at the White House in Washington DC he’s presented the Library of Congress ‘Gershwin Prize for Popular Song’, a lifetime achievement award for contributions to music. Among those saluting him: Dave Grohl; Elvis Costello; Emmylou Harris; Faith Hill; Jack White; Jerry Seinfeld; Jonas Bros; and Stevie Wonder. The concert airs on PBS-TV July 28th.
• Ricky Martin – Tonight he’s being honored for his work with children’s charities at AmFAR’s “Inspiration” gala in NYC, hosted by Australian/UK pop star Kylie Minogue.
• Sting – Tonight in Vancouver he embarks on the “Symphonicity World Tour”, in which he’ll perform his most celebrated songs re-imagined for symphonic arrangement. He’ll be accompanied by the London-based Royal Philharmonic Concert Orchestra.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Beiber’ – A Justin Bieber-style haircut. (“Now that you’ve got a Bieber you’ll be real popular with girls … that are 12.”)
• ‘POETS Day’ – Acronym for ‘Piss Off Early Tomorrow’s Saturday’, a popular term in the UK and Australia referring to Friday as the last day of the work week. (“I’ll meet you at the pub on POETS Day, say 4 o’clock?”)
• ‘Rebound Job’ – A job you take knowing it won’t be long-term, often due to an emergency situation where you know your losing your current job. (“Starbucks was totally a rebound job, I was minutes from getting fired and needed something fast!”)

Today’s college students are 40% less empathetic than those of the 1980s & 1990s, according to a University of Michigan study that has analyzed personality tests of nearly 14,000 students over 30 years. Why? Researchers suggest it may be due to the influx of callous reality TV shows in which others are casually cast aside for personal gain; and to the astronomical growth of social networking and texting, two technologies that allow people to tune others out when they don’t feel like engaging. (It used to be that answering messages – and job applications, for that matter – was a matter of etiquette.)


Researchers investigating the achievements of thousands of innovators have established that the age at which you are most likely to have your first big, original idea is … 29. That age represents the best combination of education and energy levels required for great ideas to emerge, according to a study by the National Bureau of Economic Research. The findings apply not only to science and engineering ideas, but also to artistic achievements. (As an example … U2.)
– “Times of London”

What do coal miners do for kicks fun in Yorkshire, England? Shove a ferret down their pants! ‘Ferret Legging’ is surprisingly simple: Contestants tie their trousers at the ankles, then drop 2 ferrets inside and fasten their belts to prevent them from escaping. The participant who lasts the longest wins. Judges make sure that ferrets aren’t sedated and have a mouthful of still-sharp teeth. Contestants cannot be drunk and cannot wear underwear. The pants must be loose enough so ferrets can move from ankle to ankle. The current record: 5 hours and 30 minutes, set by retired school teacher Frank Bartlett. (Now known to his friends as ‘Stubby’.)


It’s “Weddings Month”, a happy time for many but a really tough time for brides who decide to call off the wedding. Rachel Safier’s book “There Goes the Bride” offers tips on the best way to shut a wedding down …
• Do it quickly and make it a clean break.
• Return the engagement ring and any engagement gifts.
• Don’t fight over mutual friends, keep the ones you had before the relationship.
• Don’t ‘see’ your ex-fiancé again. (Especially in the Biblical sense.)
– PA News


It’s estimated that within 18 months the number of new devices able to connect to the World Wide Web will plummet as we run out of ‘IP addresses’, the unique codes that provide access to the Internet for everything from PCs to smart phones. Currently, the Internet is built around the Internet Protocol Addressing Scheme version 4 (IPv4), which has around 4 billion addresses, but they’re quickly running out. The replacement scheme, IPv6, which has trillions more addresses available, is ready to go but bogged down as businesses are proving slow to adapt their technology to the new system. (BS translation: That new iPad will make a nice paperweight.)

University of California researchers think that popular movie soundtracks tap into our basic animalistic brain to evoke all kinds of feelings from sadness, to fear, to excitement. They believe that ‘non-linear vocal attributes’, the rasping & distortion of voices used by mammals in times of duress, are purposely used by film soundtrack composers. The technique includes the metallic rasp created by overblown brass & wind instruments, feedback loops from electric guitars, and the crash & bang of drums and cymbals. All of these, it’s claimed, mimic the distress calls of animals in trouble. (Rob Zombie actually thinks about all this?)

Stats show that about 60% of us have a lawn and/or garden, but there seems to be a big difference between the genders when it comes to who does what to maintain them. According to researchers, the majority of the mowing, weeding, fertilizing, pruning, and mulching is done by men. But when it comes to planting flowers, that’s usually done by women. (The ‘mommy’ need for nurturing?)


• Studies show that adults usually drive better if another adult is in the car with them. However, teens generally drive worse if other teens are in the car.
– “CBS This Morning”
• Created at Harvard University by Mark Zuckerberg after his girlfriend dumped him, Facebook was originally a collection of female student pictures and bios where he & his friends could rank Harvard women … as barnyard animals.
• The odds that a married or co-habiting man has cheated during the relationship are 1-in-4.76, which exactly matches the likelihood that an adult is afraid of dogs.


1941 [69] Charlie Watts, London UK, dinosaur rock drummer (Rolling Stones)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)

1952 [58] Gary Bettman, Queens NY, NHL commissioner since 1993/former NBA executive

1960 [50] Kyle Petty, Randleman NC, NASCAR TV commentator (TNT)/former NASCAR team owner (Petty Enterprises)/former race car driver/legendary racer Richard Petty’s son/racer Lee Petty’s grandson/father of late driver Adam Petty

1972 [38] Wayne Brady, Orlando FL, TV personality (“Let’s Make a Deal” since 2009, “Don’t Forget the Lyrics!” 2007-09, “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” 1998-2006)

1976 [34] Tim Rice-Oxley, Oxford UK, rock musician (Keane-“Is It Any Wonder?”, “Somewhere Only We Know”)

• “Clean Air Day Canada”, first proclaimed as part of “Canadian Environment Week” by the federal government in 1999. The keys to cleaner air include turning off energy-using equipment when it’s not in use, using public transportation, making our homes more energy efficient, and planting more trees. Environment Canada’s Website has other tips …

• “Festa della Repubblica” (‘Republic Day’) in Italy, which commemorates the birth of the Repubblica Italiana and the end of the monarchy.

• “Leave the Office Early Day” (… and see if they let you back in tomorrow).

• “Running Day”, promoting running as a healthy, easy, and accessible form of exercise.

• “Tailors Day”, a day to recognize clothiers committed to fitting, pinning, and altering clothing so that those interested in sartorial strutting can display themselves in style. Tailors were once known as ‘snips’; male tailors were also known as ‘seamsters’. (As opposed to ‘seamstress’.)

2004 [06] Ken Jennings begins a run of 74 consecutive wins on TV game show “Jeopardy!” (eventually wins $2.5 million in cash & prizes)

1800 [210] 1st ‘Small Pox Vaccination’ (Trinity NL)

1952 [58] Debut of Canadian television (test pattern on Channel 2 Montréal)

1953 [57] 1st ‘Televised Coronation’ of a monarch (Queen Elizabeth II is crowned in Westminster Abbey 16 months after the death of her father, King George VI)

[Thurs] Egg  Day
[Thurs] Repeat Day
[Thurs] Love Conquers All Day
[Thurs] Chocolate Macaroon Day
[Thurs] Pull Your Pants Up Day
This Week Is … Sun Safety Week
This Month Is … Potty Training Awareness Month


“The Wolfman”, starring Benicio Del Toro, is out on DVD this week. If you’re having trouble finding that one, here are a few even more horrible low-budget alternatives …
• “Invasion Of the Potty Snatchers”
• “Winnie-the-Pooh in Tigger’s Stew”
• “Attack Of the Receding Hairline”
• “You’re an Axe Murderer, Charlie Brown”
• “The Methane Monsters of Fraternity Row”

You’re about to take a course. Do you want a digital textbook (online, downloadable, DVD, etc) or a good old fashioned 10-lb tome? [“Huffington Post” surprisingly reports a new study at 19 college campuses reveals that almost 75% of students still prefer physical textbooks.]

• Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
• If there was a ‘Bisexual Pride Parade’, would it go both ways?
• Did monkeys invent the monkey wrench?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
• Could you make wine out of raisins so you won’t have to wait for it to age?


Which medical condition did ancient Romans battle with a mixture of myrtle berries and bear grease?
a. Common cold.
b. Baldness. [CORRECT. Beats a rug!]
c. Pulled groin.
– “Edmonton Journal”

• You’re a mama rabbit about to deliver. With which will you line your new baby’s nest?
a. Feathers gathered in the woods.
b. Your own fur which you pull out with your teeth. [CORRECT]
c. Carrot tops.

Heat causes things to expand. Thus, in Summer the days are longer.


Find the morning crew member who’s completely tone deaf. Play a secret song to him or her through headphones and have them ‘la la la’ along to it on-air. The listener who correctly guesses the tune first wins.

Today’s Question: Studies show men find women more attractive when they do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Wear red.

It’s not work if you love what you’re doing.

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