Friday, June 4, 2010        Edition: #4277
You Really Know Your Sheet!


BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Radar.com is reporting that listen-to-my-high-notes singer Mariah Carey is preggers – this time for real (we’ve heard this before – every time she’s lookin’ cow-ish) . . . Famous person Lindsay Lohan is being allowed to take drugs – but only for pain from her recent wisdom teeth removal (oh oh – here we go again!) . . . 37-year-old “Shrek Forever After” star Cameron Diaz has felt it necessary to inform us her secret to staying young is ‘lots of sex’ (not to mention facial drywall mud) . . . Reality TV mom Kate Gosselin will become a garbage collector among other things as a part of her new (trashy) TLC show, “Twist of Kate” (if we take up a collection, will she go away?) . . . If you’re among the many ‘Gleeks’ who can’t stand ‘Terri Schuester’ (“Glee” leader ‘Will’s ex-wife), here’s some good news – actress Jessalyn Gilsig isn’t sure she’ll be back next season (the ‘Cheerios’ say hurray!) . . . “Twilight Saga” actress Kristen Stewart is being lambasted for blurting in British “Elle” magazine that being constantly photographed by paparazzi is akin to ‘rape’ (she’s 20 and didn’t think – cut her some slack) . . . 55-year-old actor Kevin Costner has become a dad for the 7th time, with a new baby girl born to model-wife Christine Baumgartner (soon he’ll have an entire team for the “Field of Dreams”) . . . Actor Ashton Kutcher reveals that he can’t grow a mustache and admits, ‘It’s pretty sad’ (but not as ‘sad’ as “Killers”) . . . “Avatar” moviemaker James Cameron says his offer to provide input into how to stop the massive oil slick threatening the Gulf Coast has been turned down by petroleum giant BP (“You get these 3-D glasses, and then … “) . . . And George Clooney’s Italian girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis is retreating after a tweeting mix-up in which she inadvertently appeared to be agreeing actress Jennifer Aniston resembles 63-year-old wrinkle rocker Iggy Pop, insisting she’s a novice at Twitter and didn’t understand what ‘retweet’ meant (BS translation: Actually Iggy’s got better abs).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “BAFTA Television Awards” (BBC) – Sunday in London, the British Academy of Film & Television Arts honors 2010’s best TV. “True Blood”, “Family Guy”, “Mad Men”, “Nurse Jackie” and “True Blood” are nominated for ‘Best International Show’. Simon Cowell will be recognized with a special award for his role in developing entertainment talent.
NET: http://www.bafta.org/awards/television/
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Diane Birch (“Bible Belt”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Deftones (“Diamond Eyes”) perform on the outdoor stage.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight the Doves (“Kingdom of Rust”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings (“I Learned the Hard Way”).
• “MTV Movie Awards” (MTV) – Sunday the 2010 gala is hosted by comedian/TV actor Aziz Ansari (“Parks & Recreation”). Nominations are led by “The Hangover” with 6, followed by “Avatar” and “New Moon” with 5 apiece. Actress Kristen Stewart has 2 nominations for ‘Best Kiss’ (“New Moon”, “The Runaways”); Betty White is up for ‘Best WTF Moment’ (“The Proposal”); and this year’s new categories include ‘Global Superstar’, ‘Best Scared-as-Sh** Performance’; and the ‘Biggest Badass Star’. Performers include Christina Aguilera (“Woohoo”) and Katy Perry (“California Gurls”). Presenters include Adam Sandler, Cameron Diaz, Chris Rock, Kevin James, Russell Brand, Steve Carrell, and Tom Cruise.
NET: http://www.mtv.ca/movieawards/2010/article.jhtml?id=25863
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Ex-NBA star Charles Barkley hosts; musical guest Alicia Keys.
• “Scripps National Spelling Bee” (ABC) – Tonight top young spellers compete in the final rounds; Chris Harrison hosts.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Justin Bieber (“My World 2.0”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Damian Marley w/Nas (“Distant Relatives”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• Kings of Leon – Tomorrow night they kick off a North American tour at the Borgata Event Center in Atlantic City NJ. Opening acts during the tour will include the Black Keys, Built To Spill, The Features, The Stills, and The Whigs.
• Rage Against the Machine – Sunday they play a free gig at London’s Finsbury Park, following up on a promise to fans for making their song “Killing In the Name” the ‘Christmas #1’ (a big deal in UK) ahead of “X Factor” winner Joe McElderry. The fans came through, now RATM will.
• The Roots – Tomorrow is the 3rd annual “Roots Picnic” in Philadelphia PA, with Vampire Weekend and Clipse also on the bill. Their new album, “How I Got Over”, is out Tuesday.
• Trace Adkins – Tomorrow in Nashville TN he’s awarded the “DAR Medal of Honor” from the National Society Of the Daughters Of the American Revolution, in recognition of his patriotism and humanitarian work.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:

• “Get Him To the Greek” ( R-Rated Comedy ): In this Judd Apatow production, Jonah Hill plays a record company intern tasked with accompanying an out-of-control British rock star (Russell Brand revisiting his ‘Aldous Snow’ character from “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”). The goal is to get him a concert at LA’s Greek Theater. Co-stars Elisabeth Moss.
NET: http://www.gethimtothegreek.net
• “Killers” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): Katherine Heigl & Ashton Kutcher star as the seemingly perfect suburban married couple, until she learns he’s not only an undercover assassin but a target worth millions to fellow assassins who have been trailing them. Sounds like a rip-off of “Mr & Mrs Smith”, which in turn was a rip-off of “Prizzi’s Honor”.
NET: http://www.killersfilm.com
• “Marmaduke” ( PG Family Comedy ): Straight from the comic strip, the story of the ‘Winslow’ family and their large-yet-lovable Great Dane, who has a tendency to wreak havoc in his own oblivious way. Stars Owen Wilson as the voice of ‘Marmaduke (does he only do dog movies now?); co-stars Judy Greer, Lee Pace.
NET: http://www.themarmadukemovie.com
• “Splice” ( R-Rated Sci-fi Thriller): Two scientists fuse DNA samples to create a new organism: a human-chimera they name ‘Dren’. As the creature rapidly develops from a deformed female infant into a winged creature, her initial bond with her creators turns deadly. Stars Oscar-winner Adrien Brody (“The Pianist”), Sarah Polley (“Away From Her”). Shot in Toronto & Hamilton ON.
NET: http://www.splicethefilm.com

NEWSPAPER KITSCH:
The 3-D craze just keeps on growing! Saturday “The Sun” tabloid in Britain will publish a 3-D edition with 3-D color ads and editorial content (including the topless ‘Page 3 Girl’). Readers will receive a pair of 3-D glasses with their paper. Word has it advertisers have had to pay a significant premium to have their color ads in 3-D. (Best not to put the glasses on your budgie when you line the birdcage. It might get vertigo!)
– MediaWeek.co.uk

WAR RATIONS:
Two art professors and an art grad at Carnegie Mellon University have begun a year-long restaurant project in Pittsburgh PA called ‘Conflict Kitchen’, in which only foods from countries in conflict with the US will be served. The idea is to raise awareness of the issues between the countries and to gain a better understanding of the highlighted countries’ social and cultural life. Saturday the initiative is hosting a free event that will feature Persian foods while attendees participate in a live Skype chat with Iranian diners in Tehran. (People actually talking to people as a way to alleviate conflict … what a concept!)
– Neatorama.com

ARE YOU LOOKING LIKE FRIDAY?
According to a new survey, women spend an average of an hour-and-a-quarter getting ready for work on a Monday, more than any other day of the week. By Friday, that number has slumped to just 19 minutes. Men, by contrast, take an average 28 minutes to get ready on a Monday, a figure that halves the next day before falling to a constant low of 11 minutes for the rest of the week. (Depending on whether or not they’re at home.)
– “Daily Express”

BS AMAZING FACT:
There are approximately 900 successors in line for the British throne following Queen Elizabeth II. Heir apparent Prince Charles leads the list, followed by his eldest son Prince William. Less familiar may be #25 – Robert Malcolm, eldest son of Odette Winchester & James Malcolm.
– TPP / wiki.answers.com

BS CHRONOMETER 06.04.10


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1974 [36] Stefan Lessard, Anaheim CA, alt-rock bassist (Dave Matthews Band-“Big Whiskey & The GrooGrux King”)

1975 [35] Russell Brand, Grays UK, movie actor (“Get Him to the Greek”, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)/comedian/TV personality (“MTV Video Music Awards” 2008-2009)/singer Katy Perry’s fiancé

1975 [35] Angelina Jolie (Voight), LA CA, movie actress (“Changeling”, “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider”)/2000 Academy Award (“Girl, Interrupted”)/daughter of Academy Award-winning actor Jon Voight/actor Brad Pitt’s partner since 2005/mother to Maddox, Zahara, Shiloh, Pax, and twins Knox & Vivienne)/Mrs Billy Bob Thornton (2000-03)  UP NEXT: Stars in the spy thriller “Salt”, debuting July 23rd.

1985 [25] Evan Lysacek, Chicago IL, figure skater (2010 Olympic champion, 2009 World champion)

1985 [25] Bar Refaeli, Hod HaSharon, Israel, fashion model (“Sports Illustrated”)/actor Leonardo DiCaprio’s on-and-off girlfriend since 2005

1990 [20] Zac Farro, Franklin TN, rock drummer (Paramore-“Decode”, “Crushcrushcrush”)

SATURDAY –
Movie actor Mark Wahlberg (“The Departed”) is 39; TV actress Navi Rawat (“Numb3rs”) is 33; Rock bassist Pete Wentz (ex-Fall Out Boy) is 31; Rock guitarist Seb Lefebvre (Simple Plan) is 29.

SUNDAY –
Movie/TV actor Paul Giamatti (“Sideways”/”John Adams”) is 43; Rock guitarist James ‘Munky’ Shaffer (Korn) is 40; Country singer Lisa Brokop (“Big Picture”) is 37; Pop/country singer Uncle Kracker (“Drift Away”) is 36.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Cheese Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of the creation of the first Roquefort cheese, made from ewes’ milk and ripened in a cave near Roquefort, France in the year 1070. It’s the perfect excuse to indulge yourself with a slice of your favorite.
• “Frost Your Hair Day”, a day for people who have never frosted their hair to either do it or proclaim themselves a ‘hair chicken’.
• “International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression”, a United Nations observance established in 1982. There are approximately 50 million uprooted refugees around-the-world who have sought safety in another country. Around half of them are children.
• “Old Maid’s Day”, a truly outdated observance initiated back in 1948 for unmarried women over age 35. Nowadays 35 is when a woman begins THINKING about having kids (and when a man begins thinking about DATING kids).
• “Take a Kid Fishing Weekend”. Even if they aren’t biting, everyone can have a good time outdoors in the fresh air. (Sorry li’l dude, but you gotta bait your own hook.)

SATURDAY -
• “Belmont Stakes”, the 142nd running of the 3rd & final jewel in horseracing’s Triple Crown at Elmont NY’s Belmont Park. This year’s total jackpot is $1 million.
NET: http://www.belmontstakes.com
• “World Environment Day”, as declared annually by the UN since 1972. This year’s theme is ‘Many Species, One Planet, One Future’.
NET: http://www.unep.org/wed/2010/english/

SUNDAY –
• “Cheer Coach Day”, honoring those dedicated folks who teach cheerleaders how to pull muscles, a job made more popular than ever by ‘Sue Sylvester’ on “Glee” (Jane Lynch).
• “Gardening Exercise Day”, a day to get out and work out with your plants. Don’t laugh … if you’ve ever helped a gardener for an afternoon, you know what hard work it is.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003 [07] Amazon.com announces it’s received more than 1 million pre-orders for the book “Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix”, which won’t be released until June 21st

2004 [06] “Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban” opens in movie theaters (eventually grosses close to $800 million worldwide)  FACTOID: “The Wizarding World of Harry Potter” theme park, part of the Universal Resort in Orlando FL, is slated to open June 18th.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1984 [26] Bruce Springsteen releases the landmark album “Born In the USA”

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1937 [73] 1st ‘Shopping Cart’, invented by Oklahoma’s Sylvian Goldman (next day, 27 of them are found abandoned behind his apartment building, half with at least one wonky wheel)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .

1988 [22] World record for ‘Hackey-Sack’ (foot bag) set at 48,825 consecutive kicks

AND REMEMBER . . .

[Mon] CMA Music Week begins
[Tues] “Glee” season finalé (FOX)
[Tues] “Green Day: Rock Band” videogame release
[Tues] World Ocean Day
[Tues] Best Friends Day
[Wed] 2010 CMT Music Awards (Nashville)
This Week Is … Business Etiquette Week
This Month Is … Celibacy Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS


BS SIGNS YOUR CAR NEEDS CLEANING:
• On the way to the fishin’ hole, anglers stop by your windshield for bait.
• Greenpeace won’t let you move the car for fear of displacing dung beetles.
• Neighborhood kid offers to ‘Mow your Volvo, sir?’
• Your pine tree air freshener is now a protected old growth forest.
• Satellite photos reveal crop circles on your roof.
• The words ‘Wash Me’ are scribbled on your trunk … chiseled with a jackhammer.
• Visits to the farm always result in pigs humping your tires.
• When you blow the horn, prairie dogs pop up from the hood.
• That rank smell coming from under all those McDonalds bags? The missing baby!
– Thanks to Chris White

BS PHONE STARTER:
You’re trying to cool off on a really hot day – what 3 items do you need?

BS RANDOM JOKE:

Ever notice the bride cries before the wedding and the groom after?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• Which is a good solution to underarm stains on shirts?
a. Soak your shirts in tomato juice.
b. Rub a thick paste of baking soda & water into the stains and let it sit. [CORRECT]
c. Shellac your pits.
– “Old Farmers Almanac”

• Your fern is sagging. Which of the following is a good fix?
a. Gently rub a mixture of crushed aspirin & water on its fronds.
b. Dissolve a birth control pill in the watering can before you sprinkle it. [CORRECT]
c. Poke 2 erectile dysfunction pills into the soil at its base.
– “Leader-Post”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Today’s Question: 37% of female office workers admit to doing THIS at their desk at work.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their nails.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:

Those who do the most usually demand the least.


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