Tuesday, June 8, 2010        Edition: #4279
Sheet For Brains!


Movie actors Scarlett Johansson & Ryan Reynolds are reportedly the latest celeb couple planning to renew their wedding vows, as part of their 2nd wedding anniversary celebration in September (lip-locker Sandra Bullock isn’t invited) . . . 1980s TV star Mr T claims the bigscreen adaptation of his show “The A-Team”(opening Friday) isn’t family friendly and is ‘too graphic’ (is somebody sounding like they’re 58?) . . . Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian says she isn’t pregnant, she’s ‘just fat’ (hate her, but love the honesty!) . . . “Parks & Recreation” actress Rashida Jones (‘Ann Perkins’) has developed a new female-targeted action-adventure comic book series called “Frenemy Of the State”, which is getting some good reviews (the new way of writing yourself into a future movie) . . . Jennifer Aniston’s rep has announced the 41-year-old actress will NOT be starring in “Scream 4” (um, if that was even a possibility her career is tanking worse than we thought) . . . 49-year-old “Glee” actress Jane Lynch (‘Sue Sylvester‘) says she’s delighted to become a stepmother to her new partner Lara Embry’s 8-year-old daughter as she thought the possibility of children was behind her (future “Glee” storyline?) . . . And in a new “Entertainment Weekly” magazine poll, ‘Homer Simpson’ has been named the greatest character created for TV & film in the past 20 years, beating out ‘Harry Potter’ and ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ (hey, what about ‘KITT’, ‘Tattoo’, and ‘Scooby-Doo’?).

• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Clay Aiken (“Tried & True”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Rascal Flatts (“Unstoppable”).
• “Glee” (FOX/Global) – The 1st season finalé in which ‘New Directions’ competes at Regionals in front of judges that include Olivia Newton-John & Josh Groban. To coincide with the season-ender, a new 6-track EP, “Journey to Regionals”, is out today. Don’t worry gleeks, the show’s already renewed for 2 more seasons (by which time, ‘Finn’ will be a 30-year-old high schooler).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Iyaz (“Replay”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Surfer Blood (“Astro Coast”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – “American Idol” Lee DeWyze (“Beautiful Day”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Sarah McLachlan (“Laws of Illusion”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Sting (“Symphonicities”).

• Christina Aguilera – Today she releases “Bionic”, her 4th studio album. She describes it as ‘a unique mix of many genres … using both electronic and organic elements’. This morning she samples the album on the “Today” show (NBC).
• Dierks Bentley – Today he releases his bluegrass influenced 6th studio album, “Up On the Ridge”.
• The Eagles – Tonight they kick off their “Eagles Summer 2010” stadium tour at Rogers Centre in Toronto that includes special guests the Dixie Chicks.
• Green Day – Today Harmonix releases the “Green Day: Rock Band” videogame in multiple game system versions.
• Guns N’ Roses – Tonight they’re scheduled to play their first-ever gig in Moscow, Russia, at the Olympiysky Stadium.
• Monica – Tonight she sings the anthem prior to Game 3 of the NBA Finals at TD Garden in Boston. Her 5th studio album, “Still Standing”, was released in March.
• Sheryl Crow – She’s a new mom again, having just adopted a 2nd son, Levi James, born April 30th. First son Wyatt is now 3.
• “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” – The soundtrack to the latest instalment in the film series is out today, which includes contributions from Beck w/Bat For Lashes, The Black Keys, The Bravery,
The Dead Weather, Metric, Muse, and – of course – Vampire Weekend.


• “From Paris With Love” ( R-Rated Action Thriller ): A young employee in the office of the US Ambassador to France connects with an American spy looking to stop a terrorist attack in Paris. Stars John Travolta & Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Shot entirely on location in Paris.
• “Shutter Island” ( R-Rated Mystery Thriller ): Leonardo DiCaprio plays a 1950s-era US Marshal investigating the disappearance of a murderess who has escaped from a hospital for the criminally insane and is presumed to be hiding on a remote Island. Directed by Martin Scorsese. Co-stars Ben Kingsley, Michelle Williams, Mark Ruffalo.
• Also released today: “The A-Team: The Complete Series” (Limited Edition Box Set); “Bob Hope: Thanks For the Memories Collection” (Vintage TV); “Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Complete 7th Season” (TV); “The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It” (Straight-to-DVD Comedy Satire); “iCarly: iSaved Your Life” (TV); “IMAX Horses: The Story of Equus” (Documentary); “Jim Henson’s Dog City: The Movie” (Animation); “Nip/Tuck: The 6th & Final Season” (TV); and “TCM Spotlight: Charlie Chan Collection” (Compilation).

Fully a third of children have accessed explicit online material by the time they’re 10-years-old, according to a new poll. And more than 80% of those aged 14-to-16 say they regularly access hardcore photos & videos on home computers; 66% view them on their mobile phones. Parents appear to be unaware of the problem as 75% of the young people surveyed say their families have never discussed online content with them. Australian sociologist Michael Flood says many parents are simply unable to keep up with their computer-literate kids and have no idea how to install parental controls and prevent kids from getting around them. (Step 1: Put the computer in an open area like the kitchen.)
– “Psychologies”


• Australia’s Northern Territory is considering a plan to offer ‘toad-killing safaris’. Proponents suggest it will help increase tourism and help cull the region’s troublesome cane toad population. (But lead to an epidemic of warts.)
– Fox News
• Researchers at France’s Center for Studies & Research in Applied Psychology say what ‘Darth Vader’ really needed was a shrink. Their in-depth study of his character suggests his problem was actually a borderline personality disorder. (Uh people, it’s fiction!?!?)
– NYPost.com
• A couple who rented a $190,000 Ferrari Testarossa to drive to their wedding reception in Treviso, Italy managed to make it just a few feet in the 180-mph sports car before the groom slammed into a traffic light causing an estimated $90,000 damage. (And their first argument.)
– Orange News


A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 33% of us have a neighbor who pops in uninvited.
• 28% of us have gained more than 10 lbs while employed in our current job.
• 25% of us throw towels on the floor in hotels even though we’d never do it at home.
• 17% of male office workers have a picture of their pet on their desk.
• 15% of husbands gamble at least once a year without telling their wives.
• 12% of us will move sometime in 2010.

• Temecula, California – A 6-foot-2, 350-lb, 45-year-old father has been charged with multiple felonies after allegedly tying up a 23-year-old who sent his 17-year-old daughter an explicit cellphone photo, ordering him to strip to his boxers, and … Tazering him. (Dude, you picked the wrong chick to mess with!)
– “Press-Enterprise”
• Kyoto, Japan – For the first time, a Japanese court has found a company liable for the death of an employee from … overwork. An investigation found the man had been working an average of 112 hours overtime per month. The company and its 4 senior executives are now on the hook for a 78.6-million yen ($908,000) settlement. (Which they’ll pay off by driving the remaining slaves harder.)
– “South China Morning Post”
• Kilbirnie, New Zealand – Harbour City Funeral Home has taken steps to stop a fake mourner from attending up to 4 funerals a week to … stock up on food. The 40-something man was not only repeatedly spotted enjoying complimentary finger food, but filling Tupperware containers to take home. (It’s the ‘grim eater’.)
– “Dominion Post”


A café in Sydney, Australia is claiming a world record for ‘World’s Largest Hamburger’ after concocting an 81-kg (178-lb) patty that took 12 hours to cook and 4 men to flip. Aside from beef, it contained 120 eggs, 150 slices of cheese, 1.5 kg (3.3 lbs) of beetroot, 2.5 kg (5.5 lbs) of tomatoes, and almost 2 kg (4.4 lbs) of lettuce, all topped off with a special sauce on a humongous sesame seed bun. In total, the big burg weighed in at 90 kg (198 lbs), eclipsing the previous record of 84 kg (185 lbs) set in Michigan. In order to meet the conditions for an official Guinness record, the burger will have to remain on the menu for the next year but it’s unlikely many will order it … at $1,220. And the original? It was eaten by employees. (What should you call something that’s bigger than a ‘Whopper’?)
– Reuters.com


• Walmart plans to add over 500,000 employees in the next 5 years as it increases its global presence.
– “China Daily”
• Movie star Elisabeth Taylor was nicknamed ‘Twit Twaddle’ by her ex-husband, Richard Burton.
– “The Guardian”
• Since it’s introduction in the early ‘80s, there have been 42 different editions of “Trivial Pursuit”.
– “Daily Mail”
• A short-legged person uses up about 10% more calories than a long-legged person to travel the same distance.
– “The Independent”


1933 [77] Joan Rivers (Molinsky), Brooklyn NY, loudmouth comedian/TV personality (“Celebrity Apprentice” winner 2009)  BS FACTOID: Today she celebrates on “The View” (ABC/CTV).

1957 [53] Scott Adams, Windham NY, comic strip cartoonist (“Dilbert”)

1978 [32] Kanye West, Atlanta GA, egocentric rap artist/producer (“Heartless”, “Stronger”)  BS FACTOID: His Porsche Panamera, which he reportedly gave his cousin permission to drive, crashed into a house in Honolulu, Hawaii over the weekend. The vehicle was reported stolen shortly after the incident occurred.

1985 [25] Alexandre Despatie, Montréal QC, Canadian senior diving champion (3-time World Champion, 2 Olympic silvers 2004/2008)


• “Best Friends Day”, a day to salute our BFFs for being there … when nobody else is.

• “Name Your Poison Day”. Let’s say you can have all you want of one bad-for-you thing for the rest of your life without any repercussions. What would you pick: Milk chocolate? Sirloin steak? Buckets of beer?

• “World Brain Tumor Day”, a day of awareness of the malady that’s killed off almost as many soap opera stars as heart attacks.

• “World Oceans Day”, a UN observance to honor our oceans, their marine life, and their  sea-lanes that enable international trade.


1965 [45] Bob Dylan records “Like a Rolling Stone” in his first ‘electric session’ at NYC’s Columbia Studios


1896 [114] 1st ‘Stolen Car’ is reported (as it totters away at 3 mph)


1991 [19] Battle Creek MI, home to Kellogg’s, serves breakfast to a world record 44,938 people

2000 [10] A Mike Madano goal finally ends NHL’s longest scoreless game in Stanley Cup finals history as Game 5 between Dallas Stars & New Jersey Devils lasts 106 minutes, 21 seconds


[Wed] 2010 CMT Music Awards (Nashville)
[Thurs] CMA Music Festival Fan Fair 2010 begins (Nashville)
[Thurs] FIFA World Cup Kick-Off Celebration Concert (Johannesburg)
[Thurs] “Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] Nursing Assistants Day
[Thurs] Iced Tea Day
This Week Is … Business Etiquette Week
This Month Is … Celibacy Awareness Month


• @Your Own Domain – There’s a good chance you are skilled and capable with computers, maybe even a programmer or designer.
• @gmail.com – You most likely know your way around a computer. When the Internet stops working, you actually try rebooting the router before calling a family member for help.
• @hotmail.com – You’re most likely still using a Compaq. You still have issues with software.
• @yahoo.com – You usually type with the CAP LOCK stuck on. You send email chain letters saying things like ‘Bill Gates will eat your hard-drive unless you forward this message to everyone you know’.
• @aol.com – Before asking for computer help, you still think it’s funny to say: “I’m computer illiterate LOL.” You call people on the phone to tell them about a neat website you found by saying, “Okay, go to h … t … t … p … colon … slash … slash … w … w … w … dot …”
– Adapted from TheOatmeal.com


My parents were so poor they got married for the rice.


Here’s a nifty little gimmick you can use with all kinds of storylines. You read the story line-by-line while a listener on the phone attempts to provide the sound effects any way they can. Today’s story is called “The Last Day Of School” …
The bell rings to start the day (SFX). The kids sing the national anthem (SFX). They aren’t happy when the teacher announces a test (SFX). But when the teacher tells them they’ll all get ‘A’s, the kids cheer (SFX). The bell rings for lunch (SFX). The kids cheer (SFX). But they aren’t happy the cafeteria is serving meatloaf (SFX). After lunch, Jason is feeling like he may be sick (SFX). Then the bell rings for the last time before Summer vacation (SFX). And the teachers cheer (SFX)!


How old were you when you received your first ‘memorable’ kiss? (According to a Zogby poll, it was between the ages of 15-to-17 for most people [38%], while 32% say it happened when they were 12-to-14. [Unfortunately, for 5% their first really meaningful kiss occurred in prison. Co-host’s first memorable kiss was followed quickly by his first memorable cold sore.])


You can tell the quality of a door lock by …
a. The size of its hole.
b. The thickness of its key. [CORRECT. Locksmiths offer this simple advice: The flatter the key, the more worthless the lock.]
c. The rotting corpses trapped inside.


Today’s Question: They may be finicky, but a survey shows that almost all picky eaters enjoy cookies, fried chicken, mac & cheese, and THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: French fries.


A pound of learning requires 10 pounds of common sense to apply it.

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