Monday, June 14, 2010        Edition: #4283
100% Grade A Bull!

• First actor Will Smith’s 11-year-old son Jaden Smith is inflicted upon us in the movie remake “The Karate Kid”, and now we hear that his 9-year-old daughter, Willow, is releasing a music album. (Isn’t child labor illegal?)
• 46-year-old actor John Stamos (ex-“ER”) has confirmed he’s been offered a guest role in hit TV show “Glee” (FOX) and he’s already started training for his performance as … a ‘singing and dancing dentist’. (Another seemingly cheesy premise yet somehow this show manages to pull them off.)
– E! News
• Acting couple Bradley Cooper (35) & Renée Zellweger (41) are rumored to be getting married after she was spotted checking out wedding gowns in West Hollywood’s Caroline Herrera boutique before leaving with a bagful of duds. When a reporter asked if she was getting married, she said nothing, just grinned. (Maybe she’s deaf?)
• “Jackass” star Bam Margera has been hospitalized after cops were called to his West Chester PA bar early Saturday morning. It seems a fight had broken out between Margera and an unknown female who reportedly picked up a Louisville Slugger and proceeded to bat .1000 on his head. The woman has been arrested and charged with assault. (On the upside, the Phillies are interested in signing her.)
• Summit Entertainment has confirmed that “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn” will be released as 2 separate films with the first to be debut November 18th, 2011. The project, based on the 4th novel in Stephenie Meyer’s series, will start production in the Fall. The 3rd film, “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”, is due in theaters this June 30th. (Can we take another year of vampire mania?)
• And Ashton Kutcher has reportedly spent $1 million on his step-daughter Rumer Willis’ first house. Demi Moore’s 21-year-old actress-daughter had her eye on the 2-bedroom, 3-bathroom ‘starter home’ in Los Angeles but couldn’t afford it on her own. So Kutcher, who wed Moore in 2005, came to the rescue and signed for half the financing. (How’s a guy who makes movie bombs like “Killers” come up with this kind of dough?)


• Apollo Legends Hall of Fame – Jamie Foxx hosts as Aretha Franklin and Michael Jackson are inducted at the legendary Harlem theater’s annual Spring benefit gala in NYC. Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony are presented the “Ruby Dee & Ossie Davis Arts and Humanitarian Award”.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Never Shout Never (“What Is Love?”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Shelby Lynne (“Tears, Lies, And Alibis”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Cyndi Lauper (“Memphis Blues”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Sarah McLachlan (“Laws of Illusion”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Cee-Lo (“Lady Killer”).


• Christina Aguilera – On VH1’s “Behind The Music”, she’s revealed that she battles with depression which is ‘always right below the surface’. But she also claims she’s found creative inspiration during some of her darkest moments.
• Dierks Bentley – The “Up On the Ridge” country star was profiled yesterday on “CBS Sunday Morning”.
• The Go-Go’s – They’ve been forced to cancel their “Happily Ever After” tour, scheduled to kick off July 7th at the Lilith Fair in San Diego CA, because guitarist Jane Wiedlin has injured herself in a 20-foot fall while hiking in northern California.
• Ke$ha – The 23-year-old “Your Love Is My Drug” singer admits she loots other people’s trash to find used clothing ‘like a pirate on a treasure hunt’. She says she loves recycled duds because ‘they have a story to them’.
• Kid Cudi – The rapper has been arrested in NYC and charged with felony criminal mischief and possession of a controlled substance after he reportedly broke down a woman’s apartment door and smashed her cellphone. Cops apparently found a glass bottle of a ‘controlled substance’ at the scene.
• Lady Antebellum – “Need You Now” is #1 on the “Billboard” country albums chart for the 19th consecutive week.
• Lady Gaga – She’s considering doing a pictorial in “Playboy” magazine, something her advisors warn would take her career ‘in the wrong direction’. “Playboy’s” Hugh Hefner says if it comes together, it will be ‘a very special issue’.
• Stone Temple Pilots – In a promotion for the next 2 weeks, anyone buying a ticket for their upcoming tour online at their official site receives a code for a download of their recent “Live in Chicago” concert. The tour begins August 10th in Denver CO.
• Weezer – To celebrate the World Cup and the US soccer team, they’ve recorded an unofficial theme song for the team titled “Represent”. It’s being offered as a free iTunes download.


A team of University of London scientists has attempted to measure the monetary value of the various components of a happy life. Here’s their ranking of the top contributors to happiness and their worth in relative income …
• Good Health ($600,000+)
• Living with a Partner ($165,000)
• Being Married ($108,000)
• Having Friendly Relationships with Neighbors ($80,000)
On the downside, having a spouse or partner die is estimated to cost $400,000-worth of happiness. The researchers say the study supports the truth of the old adage that money can’t buy happiness; social relationships are more important. (Too bad you can’t rent-a-friend.)


The big difference between “Mother’s Day” and “Father’s Day” cards? Humor! A survey of greeting cards shows only about 15% of Mom’s Day greetings are funny, while the majority of Dad’s Day cards feature some form of humor. (Here’s one for Tiger: “Father’s Day is a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won’t be with you, since I’m taking the kids and moving in with my mom, you cheating bastard!”)
– “Social Studies”


A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … 15 minutes of genuine laughter can burn off the number of calories found in a medium-sized chunk of chocolate. Vanderbilt University researchers point out that can total 2 kg (4.4 lbs) of weight-loss in a year. (So how come jolly people always seem to be fat?)
• Scientists say … too much stress affects your memory. A McGill University study shows that an increase in stress hormones can lead directly to memory impairment. (The reason [co-host] has totally forgotten all about his first marriage.)
• Scientists say … children who live close to a major road are significantly more likely to have asthma than those who live farther away. (But those living far, far away in the deep and dark woods are more likely to get eaten by a bear.)


A new survey finds that nearly half of adults aged 50-to-64 say they are savvy about the Internet. It also finds that social networking isn’t only for under-40s any more. About 25% of those 50-plus also stay connected using networking sites. Facebook is by far the most popular, followed by MySpace, LinkedIn, and Twitter. Most mature adults are using the Internet to stay connected, not only with their family, but with their friends and peers. Almost 50% of older adults say they were introduced to social networking sites by a family member, mainly a child or grandchild. (When grandma’s picked up on something trendy, it’s not that trendy anymore.)


Yesterday in NYC, a small group of runners began running one lap of a 0.5488-mile (883-meter) block in the borough of Queens. They will do it 5,649 times in total. The 14th annual “Self  Transcendence 3,100 Mile Race” is the longest certified foot race in the world. Every day for the next 6-to-8 weeks, the entrants will race from 6 am until midnight, averaging 75 miles a day. Staying motivated could be difficult … there’s no payment or prize.
– “The Guardian”

• The total cumulative TV audience for the 2006 World Cup was 26.29 billion.
• Brazil is the most successful World Cup team in history. Since the tournament began in 1930, it has won 5 of the 18 cups played. Brazil is also the only nation to have played in every World Cup to date.
• Brazilian Pelé is the only player to have won 3 World Cup winner’s medals.
• If all the worldwide TV coverage of the last World Cup were shown on 1 channel, it would take more than 8 years to watch.
– BBC News


1946 [64] Donald Trump, NYC, TV reality show host (“The [Celebrity] Apprentice” since 2004)/real estate billionaire (Trump Tower/Plaza/Castle)/author (“The Art Of the Deal”)/ex-Mr Marla, ex-Mr Ivana

1961 [49] Boy George (George O’Dowd), Eltham UK, oldies singer (Culture Club-“Do You Really Want to Hurt Me”, “Karma Chameleon”)

1969 [41] Steffi Graf, Mannheim, Germany, retired tennis player who won 21 Grand Slam singles titles and earned over $20 million/Mrs Andre Agassi since 2001 (2 children)

1988 [22] Kevin McHale, Plano TX, TV actor (wheelchair-bound ‘Artie Abrams’ on “Glee” since 2009)

• “American Flag Day”, commemorating John Adams’ 1777 recommendation to Congress that the ‘Stars & Stripes’ be adopted as America’s flag. Pennsylvania is the only US state to celebrate today as a legal holiday.

• “Family History Day”, a day to ‘share the folklore, legends and myths of your own particular family tree’.

• “Little League Baseball Week”, celebrating the game played by little gaffers. Little League ball was founded in 1939 in Williamsport PA with 3 teams. At the time, a $35 donation would purchase uniforms for all of them. Nowadays there are more than 7,000 leagues with over 2 million players.

• “World Blood Donor Day”, the 5th annual dedicated to thanking and celebrating voluntary blood donors around-the-globe. It occurs on the birthday of Karl Landsteiner, the creator of the A-B-O blood grouping system, for which he won the Nobel Prize in 1930. One of the main goals of the observance is to ensure the availability of ‘safe blood’ for transfusion.

1942 [68] Disney classic “Bambi” opens in movie theaters (thousands of kids cry when the mommy dies)

1965 [45] Paul McCartney records “Yesterday”, a song he affectionately dubs “Scrambled Eggs”

1995 [15] Diane Sawyer interviews Michael Jackson and new wife Lisa Marie Presley on ABC-TV’s “PrimeTime Live” (Quote: “Do you have sex?” “Yes, yes, yes!”)

1951 [59] 1st ‘Commercial Computer’, UNIVAC 1, is unveiled by US Census Bureau (at 8-ft-high, 7.5-ft-wide and 14.5-ft-long, it dims lights all over Washington DC when in use)


[Tues] Nature Photography Day
[Tues] National Man Day
[Wed] Fudge Day
[Wed] Fresh Veggies Day
[Thurs] Songwriters Hall of Fame Awards (NYC)
[Thurs] World Day to Combat Desertification & Drought
[Thurs] Recess at Work Day

Little League Baseball Week / Meet a Mate Week / Men’s Health Week / Nursing Assistants Week / Universal Father’s Week


A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Just in time for “Fathers Day” (Sunday), we tell you the animal and you tell us what the father [male] is called …
• Chicken … Rooster
• Turkey … Tom
• Horse … Stallion
• Goat    … Billy
• Sheep … Ram
• Duck    … Drake
• Moose … Bull
• Kangaroo … Jack
• Bee … Drone
• Squirrel … Buck
• Ferret … Hob
• Homo Sapiens … Papa, Pops, Daddy

What’s the best ‘road song’ of all-time? (A new listing in the “Globe & Mail” picks these as among the top trip tunes: “Freeway of Love”, Aretha Franklin; “Born To Be Wild”, Steppenwolf; “Subterranean Homesick Alien”, Radiohead; “Keep the Car Running”, Arcade Fire; “Road to Nowhere”, Talking Heads; “Let it Ride”, BTO; “Beautiful Day”, U2; and “Panama”, Van Halen.)

I looked up my family tree. I’m the sap.

Q: What do you call a group of penguins?
A: According to the International Penguin Conference, a group of penguins on land is called a ‘waddle’, while a group in the water is called a ‘raft’.

Q: Who has more teeth, your pet sea turtle or your co-host?
A: Sea turtles have no teeth. [Co-host has 2.]

Q: It beats its wings about 20,000 times per minute and has an average air-speed of about 4.5 mph. What is it?
A: A common housefly.


Today’s Question: The average person has 6 of THESE in their wardrobe.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Articles of clothing with the price tag still attached.

The optimist believes this is the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears this is true.

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