Wednesday, June 23, 2010        Edition: #4290
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!


“American Idol” has announced auditions for season 10 will begin in Nashville TN July 17th and the age limit for contestants is being lowered to 15 (still no word on a new judge to replace Simon Cowell) . . . Kim Kardashian is working on an autobiography with sisters Kourtney and Khloe, “Kardashian Konfidential”, which will feature ‘intimate pictures’ as well as personal stories and advice (can a Pulitzer be far off?) . . . Khloe Kardashian has given her basketball player husband Lamar Odom (LA Lakers) a handsome reward for winning the NBA championship – a $400,000 Rolls-Royce (thanks for the trust fund, daddy) . . . Broadway child star Shannon Tavarez, who played the young ‘Nala’ in the stage version of “The Lion King”, is battling cancer at the age of 11 and is now awaiting a bone marrow transplant at Long Island’s Schneider Children’s Hospital (sometimes life truly sucks) . . . Quasi-actress Lindsay Lohan is reportedly set to pose naked to advertise her 6126 handbag line which is being expanded to include other accessories (and people say she has no talent) . . . Paul McCartney’s ex-, 42-year-old Heather Mills, claims she’s training hard in to qualify for the 2014 Winter Paralympics as part of the British downhill ski team (if past performance is any indication, she’ll grow bored with this idea long beforehand) . . . Former tennis star Martina Navratilova has settled a legal battle with former 8-year partner Toni Layton out of court by ponying up an estimated $3-million payout, although details are being kept under wraps (Layton alleges she was left broke and homeless when Navratilova kicked her out of their Florida home in 2008) . . . 18-year-old Filipina pop sensation Charice, who was discovered by Oprah Winfrey, will reportedly be joining the cast of “Glee” (FOX), playing a foreign exchange student (it’s evolving into a musical version of “That 70s Show”) . . . And “Glee” creator Ryan Murphy refutes online buzz about a possible movie treatment of his TV hit by telling, “There will be no ‘Glee’ movie in the foreseeable future” (BS translation: After a 2nd season, I’ll be able to sell the rights for twice as much!).

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live’s Twilight Saga: Total Eclipse Of the Heart” (ABC/CityTV) – A prime-time special dedicated to the upcoming release of “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” (June 30th), featuring cast members Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, Dakota Fanning, and others.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Daniel Merriweather (“Love & War”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – MGMT (“Congratulations”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Cyndi Lauper (“Memphis Blues”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The top 10 contestants perform.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings (“I Learned the Hard Way”).

• Beach Boys – Mike Love says the ‘60s group will reunite in 2011 to mark the 50th anniversary of their inception. He claims they’ll sound better than ever, thanks to better technology.
• Jay-Z – Private jet company Air Platinum Holdings is suing him for more than $137,000 for allegedly failing to pay for flight time and various other related fees in 2009. Among the unpaid charges being claimed: $24,200 for a single trip to England.
• Justin Bieber – Tonight he kicks off his first-ever headlining tour of North America in Hartford CT. Sean Kingston is the opening act.
• KoRn – Their boycott of BP products is catching on as more artists have committed to avoiding use of the company’s fuels during 2010 tours. Among the diverse acts onboard: Backstreet Boys, Creed, Lady Gaga, and Rise Against. The action is a protest over the Gulf oil spill, which KoRn singer Jonathan Davis says was caused by BP putting profits ahead of safety.
• Lady Gaga –  A 30-year-old Russian billionaire, identified only as ‘Arkady’ by Moscow’s website, reportedly paid her $1 million to play a bit part in her “Alejandro” video. The oligarch reportedly appears wearing an SS-style leather coat and cap.
• Public Enemy – Is this the future of recording? They’re in the studio working on a new album to be funded by … fans. The target for donations is $75,000. Those investing get the finished album, some artist-related swag, and a pro-rated percentage of retail sales.
• Radiohead – Guitarist Ed O’Brien tells the BBC they’re close to finishing a new album, and it could be out later in 2010. He says the band believes the project may be their best yet.
• Rihanna – According to songwriter and collaborator Sean Garrett, her next album will be much ‘happier’ because she’s now in a much better space in her life.


“Knight & Day” ( PG-13 Action Comedy ): Tom Cruise & Cameron Diaz star in the story of a secret agent who figures out he isn’t supposed to survive his latest mission. As he & a female companion contrive to stay alive, they soon learn that all they can count on is each other. Re-shoots were being done in the first week of May, less than 7 weeks before release. Bad sign?

With the first anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death coming up Friday, a new report says that his estate has generated nearly $1 billion since he passed away. Part of the money came from a lucrative new record deal with Sony Music and the most successful concert film of all time, “This Is It”, which earned $260 million in worldwide box office plus $68 million on DVD. His album catalogue has generated about $383 million in sales since his death and about $34 million in digital sales. Furthermore, the estate made about $130 million from his music publishing rights and about $35 million from licensing. (Where were all these clever financial gurus when he was alive?)
– “Billboard”


• Mexico City, Mexico – 22-year-old matador Christian Hernandez has been arrested for breach of contract and forced to pay a fine. The crime? Entering the Plaza Mexico bullring, decked out in the traditional bullfighting costume and red cape, coming face-to-face with a bull and …. running away. He was booed mercilessly after jumping the perimeter wall to safety. In a TV interview, the now ex-matador admits: “I didn’t have the cojones, this is not my thing.” (On the upside, the Mexican track team just got a whole lot better!)
• Tokyo, Japan – At one reception hall in Japan, you can now say ‘I don’t’ to ‘I do’. Operators of the new Divorce Mansion say the soon-to-be-unwed need a special event to help launch them into their new, independent lives. That’s why, for the equivalent of about $600, they’re offering a ceremony for unhappy couples with all the pomp and grandeur of a wedding … but this time, it’s for a divorce. (After your divorce reception, do you go on a vinegar-moon?)
• Duisburg, Germany – For the last 30 years, photographer Horst Wackerbarth has snapped more than 600 people sitting on a red coach that he’s trotted around to some 33 countries. But when he recently dragged it into the lion enclosure at the Duisburg Zoo, the sofa was destroyed within minutes by male lion ‘Piefke’ and his female harem. They apparently chewed the piece right down to the frame. (What is it with cats and couches anyway?)
– Orange News
• Llanelli, Wales – A Welsh woman whose rugby player son died after taking the party drug GHB has had his ashes mixed with ink and … tattooed on her back. The grieving mom says the idea is to put him back where he started, in her body again. The 3 tattoos depict a tree of life, an angel releasing a butterfly, and a poem dedicated to her late son, Lloyd. (A poem, eh? What rhymes with Lloyd?)


New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Auto-Eating’ – Eating without thinking or without being hungry. Boredom is usually the main reason. (“After auto-eating his way through TV coverage of the World Cup, Brad needed a forklift to get off the couch.”)
• ‘Frohawk’ – An afro hairdo styled as a mohawk. (“Nice frohawk, dude. Looks like someone slapped a strip of Velcro on your noggin.”)
• ‘Genericized Trademark’ – A trademarked brand name so well known it has become the colloquial identification for a product, ie: Aspirin, Band-Aids, Bubble Wrap, Escalator, Jeep, Jell-O, Kleenex, Thermos, Taser. (Ad agencies would kill to create one of these, but usually they just evolve through word-of-mouth.)


A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 87% of parents set rules about what time their teens have to come home at night.
• 86% of women surveyed by “Glamour” magazine want more male on-screen nudity.
• 72% of women think that having a career and financial security makes them more desirable.
• 27% of married couples most often have a fight about the laundry.
• 17% of married people admit to some form of infidelity (physical or emotional) with a brother- or sister-in-law.
• 16% of women say it’s a total turn-on if a man likes gardening.

HOW TO BUILD A BEAUTIFUL BABY:, the dating website with a strict ban on ugly people, has been online since 2002 and has 600,000 members. It’s latest revenue stream is a planned ‘virtual sperm bank’ meant to help users maximize their chances of having attractive children. The site claims the idea came from members wanting access to attractive sperm and egg donors. Couples and women looking for donors will be able to join the new ‘fertility forum’. Men are also able to register to donate sperm. Interestingly, the fertility program will be available to both members and non-members. (Because, no matter how you look, they’re quite happy to take your money.)


• One-third of all marriages take place in the months of June, July and August.
• The Academy of General Dentistry says that a pack-a-day smoker can expect to lose at least 2 teeth every 10 years. (Likely from getting punched out for bumming so many smokes.)


1956 [54] Randy Jackson, Baton Rouge LA, TV personality (“American Idol” judge since 2002)/former music industry exec (Columbia, MCA)/former rock bassist (Journey)/cousin of actor Samuel L Jackson

1957 [53] Frances McDormand, Chicago IL, movie actress (“Burn After Reading”, “Almost Famous”)/1997 Oscar (“Fargo”)/married to filmmaker Joel Coen (“No Country for Old Men”) since 1984

1971 [39] Fred Ewanuick, Port Moody BC, TV actor (‘Dan Phillips’ on “Dan for Mayor” 2010, “Corner Gas” 2004-09)

1972 [38] Selma Blair, Southfield MI, movie actress (“Hellboy” films, “Cruel Intentions”)/TV actress (“Kath & Kim” 2008-09)

1975 [35] KT Tunstall, Edinburgh, Scotland, pop singer (“Suddenly I See”, “Black Horse & The Cherry Tree”)

1977 [33] Jason Mraz, Mechanicsville VA, pop/folk singer (“I’m Yours”, “The Remedy”)

1984 [26] (Aimee Anne) Duffy, Gwynedd, Wales, pop singer (“Warwick Avenue”, “Mercy”)

• “Let It Go Day”, either something to do with releasing pent-up emotions … or maybe getting rid of your kid’s pet rat?

• “Midsummer’s Eve”, celebrated in much of Northern Europe. In Sweden, Finland and Estonia, it’s considered the greatest festival of the year, comparable only with “Walpurgis Night” (April 30), “Christmas Eve”, and “New Year’s Eve”. Its origins go back to the ancients.

• “National Day of Remembrance for Victims of Terrorism”, observed annually in Canada to mark the anniversary of the 1985 bombing of Air India Flight 182 off the coast of Ireland. On this day, flags across Canada are flown at half-mast to honor victims of the bombing, as well as other acts of terrorist violence that have taken the lives of Canadians.


1995 [15] Disney’s “Pocahontas” opens in movie theaters (little girls immediately develop the need for a ‘Pocahontas’ Barbie doll)

2009 [01] Longtime TV personality Ed McMahon, Johnny Carson’s former sidekick on the “Tonight Show” (1962-92), dies at age 86


1998 [12] One-hit-wonder pop singer Jennifer Paige releases mega-hit single “Crush”


1974 [36] 1st ‘Extraterrestrial Message’ sent from Earth into space (guess they should have included an RSVP)


1982 [28] Australian pet ‘Himmy’ weighs in at a domestic cat record of 20.7 kg (45 lb)

[Thurs] Celebration of the Senses
[Thurs] International Fairy Day
[Fri] Take Your Dog to Work Day
[Fri] “Grown Ups” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Full ‘Strawberry’ Moon
[Sun] BET Awards (Los Angeles)
This Week Is … Mosquito Control Awareness Week
This Month Is … World Infertility Month


• You wake up to find a bird’s head in your bed.
• Droppings in the litter box spell out ‘REDRUM’.
• You catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, “Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?”
• Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of cigarettes on your doorstep.
• The ball of yarn has been playfully tied into a hangman’s noose.
• Now sharpens claws on your car’s brake lines.
• She actually HAS got your tongue.
– Adapted from “Da Humorist” archive


I know what Victoria’s Secret is. The secret is that nobody over 30 can fit into their stuff.

You run down the list rapid-fire while a listener or studio guest rates each item as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
• 3-D movies.
• TV shows featuring vampires.
• Daisy Dukes with bikinis on top.
• Bicycle lanes on city streets.
• Chocolate-flavored Popsicles.
• Microsoft Office Online
• Sunscreens with SPF 100 protection.
• Breastfeeding in public.
• Live concert screenings in movie theaters.
• 85% humidity.


Should online social networking be banned at work?

Today’s Question: One of THESE will last 2 years on average.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: An adulterous affair. (

Dignity is one thing that cannot be preserved in alcohol.

Printer Friendly Version