Wednesday, June 30, 2010        Edition: #4295
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!


E! News has confirmed actor Steve Carell is leaving “The Office” (NBC) next May, choosing to exit the hit comedy when his contract expires at the end of next season (by then the show will have pretty much run its course, no?) . . . Acting couple Megan Fox & Brian Austin Green have wed, tying the knot in secret last Thursday at a small ceremony in Hawaii with only a half-dozen guests (she now has time for marriage, because after “Jonah Hex” she no longer has a career) . . . Actress Sandra Bullock & philandering hubby Jesse James are officially kaput, thanks to the quickie divorce process in Texas where she filed just a couple months back (soon they’ll have drive-thru divorce in Dallas) . . . Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay’s spiraling money problems continue, forcing him to shut down his 3-year-old gastro-pub in London, The Devonshire, due to ‘the recession’ (that’s the catch-all scapegoat for a lot of bad decisions lately) . . . 37-year-old French singer/actress Vanessa Paradis says she has no plans to wed long-time partner Johnny Depp because there’s ‘something scary’ about marriage (they’ve made it 12 years without it, so why bother?) . . . 41-year-old actress Jennifer Aniston has been consulting ‘life coach’ Suzannah Galland in order to ‘process her feelings’ and make her baby dream come true (this is how you make a baby in Hollywood?) . . . 49-year-old activist actress Daryl Hannah tells “You” magazine celebrities who adopt children should put family life before their careers and not leave it up to nannies to raise the tots (Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock, and Katherine Heigl are now all hating on her) . . . And 18-year-old “Twilight” actor Taylor Lautner still lives with his parents and says he leads a normal life, taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, and mowing the lawn; with ‘extra mowing’ expected after he’s been away filming (dude, you can afford to hire a landscaping company; actually you can afford to BUY a landscaping company).


• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – La Roux (“La Roux”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – 3OH!3 (“Streets of Gold”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Snoop Dogg (“More Malice”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Mumford & Sons (“Sigh No More”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – New Pornographers (“Together”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Dolly Parton (“Letter to Heaven”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Cee-Lo (“Lady Killer”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The top 9 contestants perform.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Sarah McLachlan (“Laws of Illusion”).


• Drake – Playboy Enterprises Inc is suing him for copy infringement, claiming his hit “Best I Ever Had” samples a song owned by the company: Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds’ 1975 soft-rock tune “Fallin’ in Love”.
• Jimmy Buffett – His Gulf Shores, Alabama benefit concert featuring Kenny Chesney and the Zac Brown Band to aid victims of the Gulf oil spill has been postponed from tomorrow to July 11th due to worries over Hurricane Alex.
• John Mayer – Last week he returned to NYC’s Comedy Cellar to perform a stand-up routine which reportedly went down well with the tough crowd. A similar attempt in 2006 fell flat.
• Ke$ha – The 23-year-old tells “Heat” magazine her ideal man would be ‘funny and fat with a beard’. She says she likes ‘real men’ as opposed to ‘feminine men who tan’.
• Kings of Leon – Today they play their biggest-ever UK show in London’s Hyde Park. Bass player Jared Followill advises, “Bring sunblock and your earplugs.” Also on the bill: The Black Keys, The Drums, The Whigs, The Features.
• Michael Jackson – His former Las Vegas home, which has sat empty since he lived there, has been vandalized with spray-painted graffiti all over interior walls.
• Pitbull – He’s fronting a new Miami FL campaign against gun violence. The ‘One Bullet Kills the Party’ initiative is a bid to prevent any gunfire during holiday weekend festivities.
• Santana – Tonight the “Carlos Santana Universal Tone Tour 2010” gets underway in St Paul MN. Joining Carlos & The Santana Band is special guest Steve Winwood.
• Snoop Dogg – He reportedly attempted to rent the entire European country of Liechtenstein (population 35,000) as a location for his next video. A property agent in the tiny country says it would have been possible but Snoop’s management didn’t allow enough time for arrangements.


“The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” ( PG-13 Romantic Fantasy ): In the series’ 3rd installment, the battle for Kristen Stewart’s ‘Bella’ character grows more intense between her vampire beau ‘Edward’ (Robert Pattinson) and her lycanthropic pal ‘Jacob’ (Taylor Lautner). Stephenie Meyer’s vamp-love franchise remains a global phenomenon in all its forms. Blame it on the brooding.

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … the body image we project in our own brain is ‘massively distorted’. A study at University College London finds the brain’s ‘body model’ can be up to two-thirds wider than reality and around a third shorter. It’s thought this could be the cause of some eating disorders. (Apparently to your brain, you’re 5-feet square.)
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Scientists say … monkeys like watching television. To verify this Earth-shaking fact, Japanese researchers used a technique called near-infrared spectroscopy to examine the blood flow to the brain of a monkey while it watched images of a circus elephant, giraffe, and tiger performing. (If there’s anything crueler than caging lab monkeys, it’s making them watch circus freaks.)
– Orange News
• Scientists say … a yawn can be a sign of sexual stimulation rather than a desire to sleep, according to a new theory introduced at the first “International Conference on Yawning” held in Paris. Unfortunately, researchers are not yet able to differentiate between the types. (Apparently there’s a lot of turned-on people listening this morning.)
– “Globe & Mail”
• Scientists say … the perfect amount of time for humans to enjoy sexual activity is only 7-to-13 minutes. That’s according to a Penn State University survey of doctors, social workers, and health experts. (Well let’s see, it’s coming up on 7:47 … that’s 13 MINUTES to 8 …)

Based on numerous factors besides wealth, including TV/radio exposure, press popularity, web rankings, even the number of Twitter followers …
5. Golfer Tiger Woods … $105 million income over the past year.
4. Pop singer Lady Gaga … $62 million.
3. “Avatar” director James Cameron … $210 million.
2. Pop singer Beyoncé … $87 million.
1. Media mogul Oprah Winfrey … $315 million.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Fontelope’ – A man with a round stomach. (“Look at that fontelope! Let’s go rub his stomach for good luck!”)
• ‘Nutritarian’ – A person who chooses foods based on their micro-nutrient content. Adherents claim fruits & vegetables contain thousands of vitamins, minerals, and phyto-chemicals not found in any other food source. (“I used to be ‘flexitarian’, then a ‘pescatarian’, and after that a ‘raw foodist’, but now I’ve truly seen the light through nutrarianism.”)
• ‘Virtual Volunteering’ – Performing charity work online. Some nonprofit organizations have found it helps them harness the talents of people who only have a few intermittent hours to give. (“I’m busy from 6:45 to 7 tonight virtual volunteering from blog-to-blog.”)

The 2010 edition of the “Mercer Worldwide Cost of Living Survey” that ranks the world’s most expensive cities for expatriates to relocate to …
5. Geneva, Switzerland
4. Moscow, Russia
3. Ndjamena, Chad
2. Tokyo, Japan
1. Luanda, Angola
In the USA, New York ranks most expensive (#27); in Canada, it’s Vancouver (#75); and the least costly overall is Karachi, Pakistan (#214).
– “China Daily”


Greatest games of the half-year according to one new ranking ….
5. “BioShock 2”
4. “God of War III”
3. “Mass Effect 2”
2. “Super Mario Galaxy 2”
1. “Red Dead Redemption”


A natural way to remove coffee, tea, or nicotine stains from your teeth is to brush them with baking soda, then rub them with a fresh strawberry, then some lemon peel, and then rinse.
– “First for Women”


1953 [57] Hal Lindes, Monterey CA, classic rock guitarist (Dire Straits-“Money For Nothing”, “Sultans of Swing”)

1959 [51] Vincent D’Onofrio, Brooklyn NY, TV actor (‘Detective Robert Goren’ on “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” since 2001)

1966 [44] Mike Tyson, Brooklyn NY, youngest-ever heavyweight boxing champion (age 20)/undisputed world boxing champ (WBA, IBF, WBC) from 1987-90/ex-con

1984 [26] Fantasia Barrino, High Point NC, R&B singer (“When I See U”, “I Believe”)/Broadway actress (“The Color Purple”)/”American Idol 3” winner (2004)

1985 [25] Michael Phelps, Baltimore MD, champion swimmer with a record14 Olympic gold medals

“Meteor Day”, an annual observance encouraging us to look to the skies for a stunning meteor show. With a little luck and clear skies, you can see a meteor just about any night of the year. Meteors are made up of space dust and ice that enter Earth’s atmosphere.


2004 [06] “Spider-Man 2” opens in movie theaters (ensuring that Tobey Maguire never has to work again)


2006 [04] “Love” premieres at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas, a new Cirque du Soleil show that combines the troupe’s signature high-flying acrobatics with classic Beatles tunes

1987 [23] Royal Canadian Mint introduces 80 million golden $1-coins into circulation to eventually replace paper dollars (they quickly become known as ‘loonies’)

1994 [16] 1st ‘Wedding via Video-Conference Telephone’ (eventually followed by first divorce via Twitter)


2002 [08] Brazil wins a record 5th World Cup championship with a 2-0 victory over Germany

[Jul 1] Canada Day / Second Half Of the Year Day / Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day / International Joke Day / “American Idols Live!” tour begins (Auburn Hills MI) / “The Last Airbender” opens in movie theaters
[Jul 2] World UFO Day / International Chicken Wing Day / Rihanna’s “Last Girl on Earth Tour” begins (Auburn WA) / “Lilith Fair” tour starts (Portland OR)
[Jul 3] Compliment Your Mirror Day / Stay Out Of the Sun Day / International Day of Cooperatives
[Jul 4] Independence Day (USA) / Independence From Meat Day / International Drive Your Studebaker Day / Queen’s Plate (Toronto) / “A Capitol Fourth” (PBS)
[Jul 6] Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day
[Jul 7] Chocolate Day / Father-Daughter Take A Walk Together Day / Tell the Truth Day / Ringo Starr’s 70th birthday
[Jul 8] “Grease Sing-A-Long” opens in movie theaters
[Jul 9] “Despicable Me”; “Predators” open in movie theaters
[Jul 10] Don’t Step On a Bee Day / Teddy Bears Picnic Day
[Jul 11] World Population Day
[Jul 12] International Town Criers Day
[Jul 13] Embrace Your Geekness Day / Gruntled Workers Day
[Jul 14] “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” opens in movie theaters
[Jul 15] Gummi Worm Day / St Swithin’s Day / Rob Thomas tour begins (Rama ON)
[Jul 16] “Inception” opens in movie theaters / Hot Dog Night / Cow Appreciation Day
[Jul 18] Ice Cream Day
[Jul 19] Get Out Of the Doghouse Day / Hug Your Kid Day
[Jul 20] Lollipop Day
[Jul 22] “General Hospital” series finalé / Rat-Catchers Day / Spoonerisms Day
[Jul 23] “Ramona & Beezus”; “Salt” open in movie theaters / Gorgeous Grandma Day / Hot Enough For Ya Day / Paramore’s “Honda Civic Tour” begins (Raleigh NC) / Aerosmith North America tour begins (Oakland CA) / KISS’ “Hottest Show On Earth” tour kicks off (Cheyenne WY)
[Jul 24] Cousins Day / Drive-Thru Day / Tell an Old Joke Day / Day Of the Cowboy
[Jul 25] “Mad Men” season debut (AMC) / “O Apostolo” opens in movie theaters / Baseball Hall of Fame Induction (Cooperstown NY) / Parents Day
[Jul 27] Korean War Veterans Armistice Day / Take Your Houseplant For a Walk Day / Walk on Stilts Day
[Jul 28] Milk Chocolate Day / Creed’s “20-10 Tour” begins (Washington DC)
[Jul 29] Lasagna Day / Chili Dog Day / Rain Day / “Jersey Shore” season debut (MTV)
[Jul 30] “Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore”; “Charlie St Cloud”; “Dinner for Schmucks”; “Twelve” open in movie theaters / Cheesecake Day / Father-In-Law Day / Talk In an Elevator Day / System Administrator Appreciation Day


• Museum Of Teeth … Brushers Gap, West Virginia.
• World’s Third Largest Meatball … Dog River, Saskatchewan.
• Carnaval’s Tropical Poverty Voyeurism Cruise … Port-au-Prince , Haiti.
• Cute Altar Boy Photography Museum … Vatican City.
• Post-Industrial Blight & Mugging World … Detroit, Michigan.
• Camp Cockfight … Puerta Plata, Dominican Republic.
• Cellulite Beach … Brighton, England.
• Enslaved Sickly Ocean Mammal World … Orlando, Florida.
• Taxidermy Petting Zoo … Black Forest, Germany.
• BP Oil Flume Family Fun Park … Biloxi, Mississippi.
– Adapted from


The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.


You can choose your last meal. What will the menu consist of?


Today’s Question: We do THIS more in Summer, women more than men, and it’s not good for us.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Chew ice cubes.


Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.

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