Thursday, June 7, 2007        Edition: #3548
Sheet Happens!

TODAY Terri Clark performs an afternoon show to open the 36th “CMA  Music Festival” which runs through Sunday in Nashville TN, and also features nightly concerts from the likes of Alan Jackson, Big & Rich, Billy Currington, Brad Paisley, Brooks & Dunn, Carrie Underwood, Dierks Bentley, Gretchen Wilson, Martina McBride, Sugarland, the Wreckers and – for the first time in 11 years – Reba McEntire (“CMF” highlights will air in a 2-hour ABC-TV special JULY 23rd) . . . TONIGHT the new 7-episode reality series, “Fast Cars & Superstars – Gillette Young Guns Celebrity Race”, debuts (ABC) as a mix of 12 athletes & entertainers (ie: singer Jewel, skateboarder Tony Hawk, tennis player Serena Williams, and 76-year-old actor William Shatner) compete to drive the quickest laps in stock cars (wouldn’t this be far more exciting with say Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Ty Pennington?) . . . TONIGHT at the annual “Songwriters Hall of Fame Gala” in NYC, Dolly Parton receives the ‘Johnny Mercer Award’ for lifetime achievement (for burning “I Will Always Love You” into every brain) . . . TONIGHT the 35th annual “AFI Life Achievement Award” is presented to actor Al Pacino by the American Film Institute in Los Angeles, touted as the highest honor for a movie career (airs JUNE 19th on USA Network) . . . TONIGHT Nick Lachey is slated to toss out the first pitch at the Reds-Cardinals game in St Louis on ‘Internet Safety Night’ (somebody get this guy a new reality show or something!) . . . “Borat” star Sacha Baron Cohen & longtime girlfriend, Australian actress Isla Fisher, are reportedly expecting a baby THIS WINTER though they’ve yet to confirm it themselves (please don’t name the poor kid ‘Azamat’!) . . . Acting couple Kate Hudson & Owen Wilson have reportedly broken up after hooking up on the set of “You, Me & Dupree” in 2005, but insiders say ‘they’re still friends’ . . . Lindsay Lohan’s mom, Dina Lohan, is in talks to do an E! reality show tentatively titled “Mom-ager”, in which she’ll try to turn her youngest kids, 14-year-old Ali & 11-year-old Cody into stars (learn from Lindsay, lady, and let them be!) . . . Actor Sam Waterston, who’s played ‘Executive ADA Jack McCoy’ on “Law & Order” since 1994, is bucking for a promotion, asking to replace actor Fred Thompson as the show’s District Attorney after Thompson recently quit to focus on a presidential run . . . And it’s been announced a new musical adaptation of Margaret Mitchell’s “Gone With the Wind” is set to open in London’s West End in next APRIL (how would you put “Frankly, Scarlett, I don’t give a damn” to music?).

• Big & Rich – TODAY at the Nashville Hard Rock Café they unveil the image of them that will appear on no less than 500 million Pepsi cans. It’s a big week for them: Their debut book, “Big & Rich: All Access”, hit bookshelves THIS WEEK.
• Carrie Underwood – Her MySpace page has been hacked by an unscrupulous ringtone marketer that sends visitors spam e-mail that claims to be from Underwood herself.
• Chris Cornell – TONIGHT the former Audioslave frontman performs “No Such Thing” on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Dashboard Confessional – TONIGHT Chris Carrabba & his backup band plays the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• The Fray – Frontman Isaac Slade says he’s undecided whether he wants to inherit a $15-million English estate from Sir Benjamin Slade, a 60-year-old aristocrat who may be a distant relative. The elder Slade has no children and is looking for an heir.
• Lynyrd Skynyrd w/Hank Williams Jr – TONIGHT the co-headliners from the “Rowdy Frynds Tour” visit “Late Night With Conan O’ Brien” (NBC).
• Toby Keith – He’ll open a 4th location of his “I Love This Bar & Grill” restaurant chain at the Cherokee Casino Resort in Catoosa OK in 2008.
• U2 – They’ve set up a studio in Morocco’s medieval city of Fez where they’ve been holed up  recording new material with Brian Eno and long-time collaborator Daniel Lanois.
• Wilco – The alt-rockers are defending their decision to allow Volkswagen to use their material in ads by saying it helps their music reach a wider audience. Helps the ol’ bank account, too.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Barbarella” – Director Robert Rodriguez, who collaborated with Quentin Tarantino on
 “Grindhouse”, will make a new screen adaptation of this classic sci-fi comic book series. Jane Fonda starred in French director Roger Vadim’s 1968 original. The new film’s due in 2008.
• “A Beautiful Life” – Denise Richards will play an exotic dancer in this upcoming indie drama. Shooting begins THIS SUMMER … if she can tear herself away from Bon Jovi bf Richie Sambora.
• “The Dark Knight” – Director Christopher Nolan plans to shoot parts of the next ‘Batman’ movie in the IMAX format, the 1st time a major studio has used the cumbersome process in a feature. 4 action sequences, including the introduction of ‘The Joker’ played by Heath Ledger, will employ the giant-screen process.
• “I Love You Phillip Morris” – Jim Carrey has sure left his slapstick comedy days far behind. He’ll next play a gay conman who falls in love with his cellmate when he’s imprisoned. The dark comedy is from the writers behind “Bad Santa”, who pitched the odd film as ‘Catch Me If You Can meets Brokeback Mountain’.
• “The Last Caller” – Last season’s “American Idol” runner-up Katharine McPhee will make her feature film debut in this upcoming indie romantic comedy, playing a self-obsessed woman searching for love and meaning in her life. The role does not call for any singing.
• “Year One” – With the instant success of “Knocked Up”, writer/director Judd Apatow is Hollywood’s new hot commodity. That’s likely why Jack Black was quick to sign on for his next comedy, which actor Owen Wilson will executive produce.

Melanoma is currently the 2nd-most-common cancer among 20- to 29-year-old women, yet many continue to spend long hours working on their tans. So, researchers conducted a study that involved showing college students pictures of their own sun-damaged skin, plus images of people with heavy wrinkling and age spots. The result? The students were found to be more likely to wear sunscreen and stay out of tanning salons for an entire year. (As a further deterrent … how ‘bout waffle-iron-like cross-hatching on tanning beds?)
– “Cosmo”

• Ronald Schroeder of Wisconsin is about to stand trial on 32 counts, including charges of sexual assault and domestic violence. His day job … performing as ‘Silly the Clown’.
• Looking for a new man? New Yorker Arthur Shawcross is seeking a 6th wife and conjugal visits. Only drawback … he’s in prison for killing and eating 11 women. BTW, he says he prefers blondes, redheads and platinum women over the rest.
• In Britain, school exams are being electronically tagged with anti-theft devices similar to those used in retail stores. The idea is to combat cheating. In the past, papers have been stolen and posted on the Internet before exams were taken.

The International Air Transport Association has announced a proposal to use barcodes on cellphone screens in place of boarding cards as part of its program to simplify passenger travel and create paperless airports. The organization believes the plan offers 2 major benefits: It will reduce operating costs for airlines and speed up passenger progress through airports. Presumably air passengers would download the barcodes when making airline reservations online. (Soon the only thing your cellphone won’t do is … make phone calls.)
– “GQ”

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … if we all breathed a little less, it would make a huge difference to the environment. University of Bristol researchers calculate that if we all held just 1 breath in 3, we’d stop circa 700 million tons of carbon dioxide from entering the atmosphere every year. (You know, this is the kind of logical thinking that makes science seem so worthwhile.)
• Scientists say … the more entertaining the TV program we’re viewing, the more we eat. That’s the conclusion of Chicago’s Smell & Taste Treatment & Research Foundation. (In that case, we should all weigh 82 lbs.)
• Scientists say … left-handed women may have a shorter life-span. Dutch researchers have leapt to that conclusion after noting that lefties seem to be under-represented in older age groups of women. (Uh guys, up until 50 years ago lefties were routinely switched over to righties in school. Think that might ‘splain it?)
• Scientists say … the physical act of laughing provides a solid upper-body workout. It involves a slew of muscles, including those in the diaphragm, abdomen, respiratory system, face, leg and back. (So quit sweating it out at the gym. Take in a comedy club!)

The average person spends a total of 27 days a year, or more than 5 years of their life worrying, according to a new survey by Who worries most? Young people in their late teens, with 10% of them spending 12 hours-a-day stressing. The worst worry issues …
5. Terrorism.
4. Cost of living.
3. Crime.
2. Expenses & income.
1. Personal health.
– Reuters

According to new research, cellphone users lose about 885,000 mobile phone handsets each year by accidentally dropping them into the toilet … and flushing them away.

“I talk a lot in the bath. It’s easier to talk when you’re naked.”
– Actress and serial mom, Angelina Jolie, in the JULY issue of “Marie Claire” magazine.

1929 [78] John Turner, Richmond UK, 17th Canadian PM (for 80 days, June-September 1984)/oldest living former PM

1940 [67] Tom Jones (Sir Thomas Jones Woodward), Pontypridd, Wales, oldies singer (“Help Yourself”, “It’s Not Unusual”)

1952 [55] Liam Neeson, Ballymena, Northern Ireland, movie actor (“Chronicles of Narnia”, “Batman Begins”)  COMING UP: Will play Abraham Lincoln in the bio-film “Lincoln”, due in 2009.

1958 [49] Prince (Prince Rogers Nelson), Minneapolis MN, pop singer (“The Most Beautiful Girl in the World”, “When Doves Cry”)

1967 [40] Dave Navarro, Santa Monica CA, rock guitarist (The Panic Channel, ex-Jane’s Addiction, ex-Red Hot Chili Peppers)/TV personality (“Rock Star” since 2005)/wed to actress Carmen Electra (2003-06)

1981 [26] Anna Kournikova, Moscow, Russia, retired tennis pro (thanks to endorsements, one of the biggest money-makers even though she rarely won)/Enrique Iglesias’ former girlfriend (2002-07)

• Attitude Day”. Attitudes are contagious … is yours worth catching? Why not knock off with the ‘tude for just one lousy day and try to be easier to get along with?

• “Chocolate Ice Cream Day”, celebrating one of the most popular flavors, but not THE most popular flavor. That honor still goes to vanilla, favorite of 29% of us. Chocolate is runner-up at 8.9%.

• “Pet Appreciation Week”, set aside to ‘remember our pet companions who mean so much to us and do something special for them’. (Hey, we already clean up your crap, you ungrateful little beasts!)

1975 [32] 1st ‘Home VCR’ (Sony’s ‘Betamax’ sells for the exorbitant price of $995, even though it records for a maximum of only 1 hour)

2005 [02] After months of hype that includes ringtones, ‘buzz’ club dates, and TV performances, Coldplay’s album “X&Y” is finally released

1939 [68] 1st portion of the ‘Queen Elizabeth Way’ (QEW) is officially opened in St Catharines ON by King George VI & the new highway’s namesake, Queen Elizabeth (the Queen Mom)

1989 [18] 1st Major League Baseball game to start outdoors and end indoors as Toronto’s Skydome roof closes during a game (now known as Rogers Centre)

[Fri] Name Your Poison Day
[Fri] Take a Kid Fishing Weekend
[Sat] Kenny Chesney’s Flip Flop Summer Tour begins (Pittsburgh PA)
[Sat] George Michael performs 1st concert at the new Wembley Stadium (London UK)
[Sat] Canada’s Walk of Fame 2007 Induction Gala (Toronto)
[Sat] 2007 Belmont Stakes (NYC)
[Sun] Children’s Sunday
[Sun] National Puerto Rican Day
[Sun] 61st Tony Awards (NYC)
[Sun-June13] 2007 Banff World Television Festival
This Week Is … Men’s Health Week
This Month Is … Recycling Month


• Whyzit, no matter how long they’ve been at it, doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
• Whyzit softballs are so hard?
• Whyzit humans only care about animals that aren’t ugly?
• Whyzit the elderly drive so slowly? Shouldn’t they make better use of the time that’s left?
• Whyzit sumo wrestlers don’t play goalie in the NHL?
• Whyzit they’re called bracelets and not wristlaces?

What’s the one thing you’ve always wanted to do … but never have?

• In the thousands of “Playboy” magazine issues since December 1953, only  8 men have appeared on the cover, beginning with actor Peter Sellers in April 1964. Which of the following has NOT done a cover shot?
a. Steve Martin
b. Donald Trump
c. Mick Jagger [CORRECT]
d. Jerry Seinfeld
(The others who’ve appeared are Burt Reynolds, Dan Aykroyd, Leslie Nielsen and, most recently, Gene Simmons.)
• The world’s 4-largest airlines by total number of passengers are US-based: American, Delta, United, and Northwest. Which non-US carrier ranks 5th?
a. Japan Airlines [CORRECT]
b. Lufthansa
c. Air France
d. Air Canada

It’s not a matter of life and death … it’s much more important than that.

Today’s Question: Wealthy people are more likely to do THIS than people of average means.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Trust others.

If we can’t laugh at ourselves, everyone else will.

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