Monday, June 26, 2006        Edition: #3313
We’re Bullish on Radio!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• LAST NIGHT Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban’s wedding took place as expected at the cliff-top St Patrick’s College Church in Manly Bay, Australia. The intimate ceremony was attended by close family and a smattering of A-listers (Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore, Russell Crowe, Rupert Murdoch, Naomi Watts, Hugh Jackman, Renée Zellweger & Kenny Chesney … who may or may not be dating again). The building was dramatically floodlit for the dusk-to-evening ceremony, held in a small chapel on the compound. (Paparazzi outside could hear her taunting Tom Cruise – “Neener, neener, neener, I got married first!”)
– “USA Weekend”
• Word is the couple has signed a $150-million pre-nup, which promises Keith $600,000 a year for every year he stays married to Nicole. Because Keith has had drug problems in the past, if he relapses, Nicole won’t owe him anything. Any children that they have together would be shared under joint custody, but they would have to live in the same country as Kidman. (And in the fine print, it’s stipulated that Keith is only borrowing the pants in the family.)
– “Daily Mail”
• 83-year-old Hollywood producer Aaron Spelling died FRIDAY at his mansion near Beverly Hills after suffering a stroke JUNE 18th. Among his many TV credits: “Charlie’s Angels”, “Dynasty”, “Love Boat”, “Fantasy Island”, “Starsky & Hutch”, and “The Mod Squad”. (But his cheesiest-ever production was – Tori.)
– “People”
• Among those who’ll be receiving stars on the “Hollywood Walk of Fame” in 2007: actors Michelle Pfeiffer, Kiefer Sutherland, Matt Damon & Jamie Foxx; singers Tim McGraw, LeAnn Rimes, Shania Twain, Mariah Carey & The Doors; and show biz figures Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs & Barbara Walters. The committee reviewed more than 200 nominations to select 23 honorees. (Having already honored Pat Sajak, Big Bird, David Hasselhoff & Pee Wee Herman in the past, this institution is somewhat lacking in credibility.)
– “E!”
• Movie actor Matthew McConaughey is meticulous about oral hygiene, brushing his teeth at least 5 times a day, but he refuses to wear deodorant because he loves his ‘natural smell’. (If you look really closely at his movie “Sahara”, you can see camels in the background … running away.)
– “Contact Music”
• A pay dispute between HBO producers and “Sopranos” actors Steven Van Zandt (‘Silvio Dante’) & Tony Sirico (‘Paulie Gualtieri’) could delay production that’s scheduled to resume JULY 5th. The actors are demanding $200,000 per episode – twice their current salary – to appear in the show’s final 8 episodes due to air in 2007. But there’s new hope with the intervention of a new mediator, none other than series star James Gandolfini. (“Okay, now what the f– is your f–ing problem with you f–s doing your  f–ing job?”)
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• A 5-year-old British girl has come out of a 10-day coma after hearing James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful” on the radio. (Her first words were, “No, please, no! I can’t stand it again … turn it off!”)
– “The Sun”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – They’re at work on a new studio album which should be out in Spring 2007. Steven Tyler’s recent throat surgery hasn’t affected the project. In fact, guitarist Joe Perry says the group’s frontman is sounding better than ever.
• Backstreet Boys – Kevin Richardson has officially left, leaving the band to continue work on their upcoming album as a foursome. Richardson says he simply wants to move on with the next chapter of his life. Some good advice for the others?
• Blue October – Formed in Houston TX in the late ’90s by singer/songwriter/guitarist Justin Furstenfeld. “Hate Me” is typical of the intense subjects the band tackles in its tunes.
• Madonna – She reportedly laughed ‘hysterically’ after being told Mariah Carey has had to cancel several tour dates due to poor ticket sales. Meow.
• Seal – He’s been ordered to pay his former manager circa $900,000 in commission on earnings from his first 2 albums. A UK High Court judge says there’s no doubt John Wadlow helped him build his early career. But then Seal gets to go home to Heidi Klum, so who’s the winner?

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• The “Dora Awards”, Toronto’s version of Broadway’s “Tony Awards” for stage productions, are led by the critically-panned musical “The Lord of the Rings” with 15 nominations. The 27th annual trophies will be handed out at the Winter Garden Theatre. It’s been announced “The Lord of the Rings” will hit in London NEXT YEAR, replacing Mel Brooks’ musical “The Producers” in the West End.
NET: http://www.tapa.ca/doras/
• India.Arie guests on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• James Blunt visits “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• The Streets perform on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• “Superman Returns: The Videogame” hits stores, 2 days before the movie’s release.

TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER:
Alien abduction researcher Preston Dennet claims that in over 20 years of research he’s found that, in general, aliens don’t speak. But when they do, they often repeat themselves. He’s compiled a list of the most-heard alien phrases …
• “Do not be afraid, we won’t hurt you.”
• “You won’t remember this.”
• “We need babies.”
• “Our emotions are different than yours.”
• “We are from a place you don’t know about yet.”
• “We’ve been here a long, long time.”
• “It is very important we do this.”
(And one was heard to say to Mr Dennet: “Get a life, you sci-fi geek.”)
– “Llewellyn Journal”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Roughly 20% of dogs are left-pawed. So are about 50% of cats.
– “Animal Instincts”

GOOFY NEW BS GIZMOS:
• Britains’ Airquee Corp is now offering the ‘World’s First Inflatable Pub’, which pumps up in about 10 minutes to measure 40 ft-long, 14 ft-wide, and 22 ft-high. That’s enough room for you and 30 of your favorite drunks. Best you frisk ‘em for sharp objects before allowing them in.
NET: http://airquee.co.uk/
• High Energy Holdings is launching a new vodka called ‘p.i.n.k.’, which is infused with – caffeine. Touted as ‘The World’s Perfect Party Spirit’, it allows you to stay awake even when you’re thoroughly hammered, delighting your companions with your intelligent remarks.
NET: http://highenergyholdings.com/index3.html
• Okay, now they’ve officially run out of ideas on how to milk more moolah out of the iPod. The new ‘iCarta Stereo Dock’ for iPod also serves as a – a bathroom tissue holder. For those who want to shuffle with each sheet.
NET: http://atechflash.com/products-icarta.html

WORLD CUP WARNINGS:
Cambodian Prime Minister Hun Sen has released a statement urging citizens not to sell all their worldly possession in order to make bets on the “World Cup”. “Go ahead and watch it,” he advises, “But do not sell your cows, motorcycles, cars, homes and land to bet on the games.” Meantime, a religious leader is cautioning Cambodia’s monks to watch the “World Cup” matches ‘passively’ or risk being defrocked. “If they make noise or cheer as they watch,” he warns, “They will lose their monkhoods.” (This is how nuts they get in a country that’s not even competing!)
– Reuters

WACKY USES:
Unusual uses for common household products …
• Rubbing the car bumper with a crumpled-up piece of aluminum foil dipped in ‘Coca-Cola’ will help remove rust spots. (Geez, what’s this stuff do to your stomach?)
• Trying to remove a ring stuck on a finger? Try ‘Miracle Whip’! (Eww.)
• If you run out of shaving cream, applying ‘Reddi-wip’ to wet skin will work as a substitute. (For maximum usage, put the scrapings back in the fridge afterward for tomorrow’s dessert.)
• You can clean a toilet with ‘Alka-Seltzer’, by plopping it in and waiting 20 minutes. (To save time after an all-night binge, drink the ‘Alka- Seltzer’ first before driving the ‘Big White Wheel’.)
• ‘Bounce’ fabric softener sheets will repel mosquitoes. Tie one through a belt loop when outdoors. (Also makes the mosquitoes soft and cuddly.)
NET: http://www.wackyuses.com/index2.html

AND WE QUOTE:
“I’ve never felt so stressed or conscious of how I look. If you walk into my bathroom, the mirror is covered by a sarong. I just want to forget what I look like when I get home.”
– “Lost” star Evangeline Lilly, explaining to “Reveal” magazine what a burden it is being achingly beautiful.

THE BULL SHEET 06.26.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1956 [50] Chris Isaak, Stockton CA, TV actor (“Chris Isaak Show” 2001-04)/movie actor (“Silence of the Lambs”)/pop singer (“Wicked Game”)

1959 [47] Mark McKinney, Ottawa ON, TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1995-97, “Kids In The Hall” 1989-94)

1969 [37] Colin Greenwood, Oxford UK, alt-rock bassist (Radiohead-“There There”, “Creep”)

1970 [36] Chris O’Donnell, Winnetka IL, movie actor (“Batman & Robin”)

1970 [36] Sean Hayes, Glen Ellyn IL, TV actor (“Will & Grace” 1998-2006)

1974 [32] Derek Jeter, Pequannock NJ, MLB shortstop (NY Yankees)/1st player to be chosen World Series & All-Star Game MVP in same season (2000)

1973 [33] Gretchen Wilson, Pocahontas IL, country singer (“California Girls”, “Redneck Woman”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Beautician’s Day”, your chance to show your appreciation to those who make you look beautiful and stunning. That includes your hairstylist, manicurist, esthetician … and the makers of Adobe Photoshop.

• “Chocolate Pudding Day”, the yummy dessert that combines almost everything that’s bad for you – sugar, starch, cream, butter & salt. Is it just us or does it feel really gooshy when you squeeze a fistful of it?

• “Discovery Day”, celebrated in Newfoundland & Labrador on the Monday nearest June 24th in commemoration of the discovery of the province in 1497 by John Cabot.

• “Please Take My Child to Work Day”, the 4th annual observance in which desperate housewives are encouraged to take a well-deserved day off by tapping a friend, relative, neighbor, spouse or other unsuspecting soul to watch the kids.
NET: http://www.mommasaid.net/pleasetakemychildren.aspx

• “UN International Day Against Drug Abuse & Illicit Trafficking”, established in 1987 with the goal of achieving an international society free of drug abuse. Let’s see, has it worked yet?

• “Wimbledon Championships” through July 9th at the UK’s All England Club. Longtime player Andre Agassi has announced this will be his last kick at the catgut (he’ll hang up his racquet after the “US Open” in AUGUST). Both men’s & women’s winners will take home over a million bucks. 3-time defending champ Roger Federer & Amelie Mauresmo are the #1 seeds.
NET: http://www.wimbledon.org

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1498 [508] 1st ‘Toothbrush’ is invented in China (nylon bristles aren’t developed until 1938, so original brushes use bristles taken from hogs, horses … even badgers)

1985 [21] 1st ‘Organist Ejected from a Baseball Game’ (Wilbur Snapp gets tossed for playing “Three Blind Mice” following a call by umpire Keith O’Connor in a Class A League game at Jack Russell Stadium in Clearwater FL)

1959 [47] ‘St Lawrence Seaway’ officially opened by QE II & US President Eisenhower

1974 [32] 1st supermarket ‘Bar Code Scanner’ is used at Marsh’s Supermarket in Troy, Ohio where a pack of chewing gum becomes the 1st item scanned at a checkout (and shows up on the bill as ten-dollars-worth of ground chuck)

2000 [06] Scientists complete the 1st rough map of the ‘Human Genetic Code’ (is this available on MapQuest?)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1976 [30] Toronto’s $63-million ‘CN Tower’ 1st opens to the public, the ‘World’s Tallest Free-standing Structure’ at 1,815-feet (553-m) featuring ‘World’s Highest Public Observation Deck’, ‘World’s Highest & Largest Revolving Restaurant’

1981 [25] ‘Most Coupons Used in a Single Purchase’ as Virginia Campbell of Mountain Home, Idaho buys $24,460 worth of groceries in a supermarket and uses clipped coupons and rebates to cover all but 67 cents of the bill (wow, someone even cheaper than [co-host]!)

1990 [16] “Arizona Republic” reports 122 F in Phoenix AZ, hot enough to cancel some airline flights

1994 [12] Killer heat wave sets record temps in Southwest US (104 F in Denver CO, 107 F in Albuquerque NM, 112 F in El Paso TX, 126 F in Death Valley CA)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] 2006 BET Awards
[Tues] Special Recreation for Disabled Day
[Tues] Decide to be Married Day
[Tues] HIV Testing Day
[Wed] “Superman Returns” opens in movie theaters (some showings 10 pm TUESDAY)

[Wed] Handshake Day
[Wed] Columnists Day
[Thurs-July 9] 27th Montréal Jazz Festival

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Fish Are Friends, Not Food! Week / Prevention of Eye Injuries Awareness / Camping Week

BULL’S BITS

LEAST-POPULAR ITEMS AT THE WEEKEND GARAGE SALE:
• Barely-used stick of deodorant.
• Parachute: never opened. Small stain.
• Self-help book, “5 Days to Fatter Ankles”.
• Lawnmower with attached squirrel parts.
• Antique rectal thermometer.

BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could slap one famous person and get away with it, who would it be? Okay, let’s make it more difficult … Paris Hilton aside.

BS ‘WHATZITS’:
Contestants attempt to select the real meaning of each of the following terms …
• ‘Duddyfunk’
a. The aroma that sometimes emanates from older men.
b. A meat pie popular in New England. [CORRECT]
c. The pseudonym Adam Sandler used during his failed days as a white rapper.

• ‘Sumpit’
a. A poison arrow used as ammunition in blowguns [CORRECT]
b. The technical name for oil retrieved from tar sands.
c. A likely place to find some schtink.

• ‘Bandicoot’
a. A narrow headband used by soccer players to keep hair out of their faces.
b. An eccentric character who lives in the backwoods.
c. A foot-long rat with feet like a pig. [CORRECT]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When THIS happens to you (and it often does), it lasts 5-to-20 minutes.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A dream.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Better to close mouth and appear stupid than to open mouth and remove all doubt.

BS FRESH MEAT:
This week we welcome samplers Kyang Lah @ Alice 97.3 [KLLC] San Francisco CA; J Stevens @ 94.5 The Bull [CKNX] Wingham ON; Rob Johnson @ K-Rock 105.5 [CKQK] Charlottetown PEI; Greg Williams @ Power 93.9 [KDGS] Wichita KS; Jamie Chester @ MBC La Ronge SK; and Jackie Kelly @ Kiss FM [KQSS] Miami AZ. You can sign up for more “Bull” or renew your “Sheet” subscription right here – http://thebullsheet.com/location.html


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