Wednesday, June 14, 2006        Edition: #3305
100% Canada #1 Grade A Bull!

TODAY a tribute book to Brazilian soccer legend Pélé goes on sale, featuring some 1,700 photos bound in a giant limited-edition tome signed by the sports icon himself – the reason it’s priced at just under $3,000 (in 1958, Pélé became the youngest player to win a World Cup at age 17) . . . Torstar Corp has ceased publication of Canada’s only English-language celeb magazine, “Weekly Scoop”, after just 8 months due to poor newsstand sales (should have sold it in supermarket checkout aisles with the rest of the tabloid trash) . . . Lawyers for Paul McCarteny’s estranged wife, Heather Mills, say she will sue over those weekend tabloid allegations that she worked as a high-priced hooker in her 20s – but not until after her divorce is finalized (then she’ll have big-time cash for legal fees) . . . Actor Jack Black is on a roll, he & wife Tanya Haden celebrating a new baby boy just as his new film “Nacho Libre” is set to open FRIDAY (so far, no-name for the kid – which in Hollywood is what they could end up calling him) . . . It’s box office appeal may be slowing in North America but “The Da Vinci Code” continues to top competition overseas and now has a total take of $642 million worldwide (ranking it 26th all-time with a bullet) . . . And word has it 41-year-old actress Calista Flockhart has finally convinced her 63-year-old boyfriend of 4 years, actor Harrison Ford, to wed THIS FALL, thanks to a little persuasion from an old pal – Clint Eastwood (wouldn’t you like to have been a fly on the wall during that conversation?).
• Christina Milian – Only a month after releasing her 3rd album “So Amazin’” she’s been dropped by her record label, Island Def Jam. TONIGHT she’ll be whining about it on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Huey Lewis – TONIGHT the ‘80s popster guests on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Lee Ann Womack – TODAY she joins rappers Master P & Lil’ Romeo in a USO-sponsored “Homefront Celebration” concert for US troops in Vincenza, Italy.
• Madonna – She’s reportedly ended her friendship with Britney Spears due to Spears’ recent renunciation of Kabbalah and she wants the wedding gift she gave Brit & K-Fed back: a 12-century book about the splinter religion. Wouldn’t a toaster have been so much more useful?
• OutKast – Don’t hold your breath waiting for them to perform again. Andre 3000 is trying to make a name for himself as an actor and tells the upcoming issue of “Vibe” magazine: “I have moved on. Period.” Hard to believe, but it’s already been 3 years since the mega-hit “Hey Ya!”.

• ‘Contract Cheating’ – A new wired-world phenomenon in which students put their homework up for tender on the Internet, and ‘suppliers’ bid to complete it for a few dollars each time. (The upside is your teen can have a part-time job without ever leaving the house.)
• ‘IED’ – Standing for ‘Intermittent Explosive Disorder‘, some researchers are now suggesting it’s an actual medical condition that’s the biological explanation of why some people get road rage. (Oh, we thought it was that *&@#()%$ idiot doing 20 mph in the passing lane.)
• ‘Ringxiety’ – A new term created by California psychologist Dr David Laramie for the false belief that your cellphone is ringing or vibrating. Seems some people have become emotionally dependent on their phones for feelings of self-worth and are so desperate not to miss a call that they ‘hear’ their phones ringing even when they are not. (Hang on, I’ll tell you more in a sec … I thought I saw  line 2 flashing.)

Haynes Manuals are normally associated with auto repairs but the company’s latest guide isn’t about maintenance of what’s under the hood of your car. The new “Man Manual”, published to coincide with “Men’s Health Week” this week, lists maintenance tips for men, including keeping mentally sharp (‘Engine Management System’) by doing crosswords or playing computer games, and promoting physical welfare (‘Routine Maintenance’) by getting exercise and eating healthy food. And under the ‘Cooling System’ section comes this sage advice: “Sweating is natural, but wash regularly to avoid smelling of stale sweat.” (Sorry ladies, there’s no info on trade-ins.)

According to a new study, seasonal changes cause body fat to shift location in our bodies, thereby altering the shape of our figures. Researchers say fluctuating testosterone levels drive the shape changes in both men and women from one season to another. (Is that why during harvest season in the autumn, you look more like a pear?)
– ANI Science & Health

In Europe, electronic towers where people can recharge cellphones or iPods will soon be a common sight on the street. The Dutch manufacturer contends its black, 5-ft tower called a ‘Chargebox’ will soon become as common as the mailbox. Here’s how it works – for a small fee, electronic gadgets can be plugged into a secured Chargebox ‘locker’ connected to a power supply. Anytime after 40 minutes, the user can return to a fully-charged device. (If the entire tower hasn’t been stolen.)
– “Giz Mag”

• Cops in Zwickau, Germany have arrested a man on suspicion of murdering a woman – with a sausage! Investigators say the victim choked to death on a Bockwurst, a popular large German sausage. The 50-year-old man was arrested after giving a patchy account of events and admitting that he may have ‘administered’ the weapon. (His next game of ‘hide the sausage’ will likely be in the hoosgow.)
• A 46-year-old Rochester NY man who was overpowered and beaten when he attempted to rob an auto-parts shop is suing. Seems when he entered the shop brandishing a pistol the employees seized it, then beat him up with a metal pipe. He eventually escaped but was later arrested and sentenced to 18 years in the slammer. He’s now seeking compensation for assault and ‘emotional distress’. (You wouldn’t want a sensitive armed robber to have his feelings hurt, would you?)
• A 33-year-old Japanese man who stole 340,000 yen (about $2,300) from a Tokyo post office at knife-point returned to the scene of the crime 2 months later and left more money than he stole in an envelope along with an apology. Apparently that still didn’t relieve his guilt because on SUNDAY he turned himself in to police. Why? He says it was to prove his love to his girlfriend. (Who’ll now be visiting him the 2nd Saturday of each month.)

A high-pitched sound called the ‘Mosquito’ that’s inaudible to adults is being put to unplanned use by teenagers. It was originally developed by a Welsh security company to help shopkeepers disperse young people loitering in front of their stores while leaving adults unaffected due to the high-frequency hearing loss known as ‘aging ear’. But now high schoolers are downloading it to use as a cellphone ringtone. What for? So they can receive text messages in class without the teacher ever knowing. (Even if she does pick up the high-pitch buzzing, all you gotta do is slap your arm.)

A new Student Monitor poll finds that the iPod music player has now surpassed beer drinking as the most ‘in’ thing among undergraduate college students. Fully 73% of students surveyed say iPods are cool, topping text messaging, downloading music, and bar hopping. (The survey is likely skewed by the fact that people who really like bar-hopping don’t answer the phone for a poll or anything else for about 18 hours.)
– AP

Oregon State University researchers have discovered that the compound xanthohumol (‘zan-tho-HUGH-mol’), which is found in hops, seems to help prevent prostate cancer. Not long ago, an ingredient in tomatoes called lycopene (‘LIKE-oh-peen’) was also linked to prostate cancer prevention. So you know what that means? It’s every guy’s dream – beer and pizza can prevent cancer! The trouble is you’d theoretically have to drink about 17 beers a day and inhale 4 large pizzas for any potential benefit … and no one’s advising that. Researchers suggest the ingredients may someday be available in pill form. (Well that’s no fun.)
– “Globe & Mail”

For its JULY issue “Esquire” magazine has asked men 25-plus who they’d invite from a list of 14 notable women to a dinner party. Perhaps surprisingly, US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice tops the voting, followed by Oprah Winfrey, and Angelina Jolie. Asked which famous man they’d invite to dinner, “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno came 1st, followed by Bill Clinton, and George Clooney. In a subsidiary question, 85% say they’d rather be CEO of a Fortune 500 company than win “American Idol”. (Where’d they do the survey … in the West Wing?)
– “USA Today”

• Studies show that the month in which most people lose their virginity is – JUNE!
• Women 35 & older now account for about half the $100 billion spent annually on women’s wear, according to market researcher NPD Group.
• It takes about 15 to 20 minutes to walk around the Pentagon once.


1946 [60] Donald Trump, NYC, TV reality show host (“The Apprentice”)/real estate billionaire (Trump Tower/Plaza/Castle)/author (“The Art of the Deal”)/ex-Mr Marla, ex-Mr Ivana

1961 [45] Boy George (George O’Dowd), Eltham UK, oldies singer (Culture Club-“Do You Really Want to Hurt Me”, “Karma Chameleon”)

1969 [37] Steffi Graf, Mannheim, Germany, retired tennis player who won 21 Grand Slam singles titles and earned over $20 million/Mrs Andre Agassi since 2001 (2 children)

• “American Flag Day”, commemorating John Adams’ 1777 recommendation to Congress that the ‘Stars and Stripes’ be adopted as America’s flag. Unfortunately, Pennsylvania is the only state to celebrate JUNE 14th as a legal holiday. Do you know how to properly display a flag? Take a lesson here ….

• “Family History Day”, a day to ‘share the folklore, legends and myths of your own particular family tree’. There’s a lot of sap in [co-host’s].

1942 [64] Disney classic “Bambi” opens in movie theaters (thousands of kids cry when the mommy dies)

1923 [83] “The Little Old Log Cabin in the Lane” by Fiddlin’ John Carson becomes the first-ever ‘Country Music Recording’

1841 [165] 1st ‘Canadian Parliament’ convenes in Kingston ON (they vote themselves a 40% raise then adjourn for summer recess)

1994 [12] New York Rangers win Stanley Cup for 1st time in 54 years by defeating Vancouver Canucks

1775 [231] Continental Congress organizes what becomes the ‘US Army’

1951 [55] 1st ‘Commercial Computer’ UNIVAC 1 unveiled by US Census Bureau (at 8-ft-high, 7.5-ft-wide and 14.5-ft-long, it dimmed lights all over Washington DC when in use)

[Thurs] Smile Power Day
[Thurs] US Open Golf begins (Mamaroneck NY)
[Thurs] 2006 Songwriters Hall of Fame induction (NYC)
[Thurs] Nursing Assistants Day
[Fri] “Garfield’s A Tale of Two Kitties”, “Nacho Libre”, “The Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift”, and “The Lake House” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Eat Your Vegetables Day
[Sat] International Violin Day
[Sat-Sun] 17th Canada Dragon Boat Festival (Vancouver)
[Sun] MuchMusic Video Awards
This Week Is … Families in Business Week
This Month Is … Gay & Lesbian Pride Month


Just in time for “Fathers Day” it’s the …
GAME #1 –
We tell you the animal, you tell us what the father [male] is called. These are arranged roughly in order of difficulty …
• Homo Sapiens … Papa, Pops, Daddy
• Chicken … Rooster
• Turkey … Tom
• Horse … Stallion
• Goat    … Billy
• Sheep … Ram
• Duck    … Drake
• Moose … Bull
• Kangaroo … Jack
• Bee … Drone
• Squirrel … Buck
• Ferret … Hob
You’ll find oodles more here …

GAME #2 –
This time we tell you the celeb kids’ names and you tell us who their famous fathers are …
• Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt … Actor Brad Pitt, we think.
• Angelina Jolie … Actor Jon Voight.
• Fifi-Trixibelle Geldof … “Live Aid”/ “Live 8“ organizer Bob Geldof.
• Liv Tyler … Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler.
• Makani Ravello Harrelson … Actor Woody Harrelson.
• Moses Martin … Coldplay singer Chris Martin.
• Coco Riley Cox-Arquette … Actor David Arquette.
• Dandelion Richards … Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards.
• Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q Hewson … U2’s Bono.
• Bailey Jean Cypher … Classic rocker David Crosby, surrogate father for Melissa Etheridge & then-partner Julie Cypher.
• Jazmin Grace Rotolo … Illegitimate daughter of Prince Albert of Monaco.
• Prince Michael Joseph Jackson Jr . . . Sperm Bank Vial #294378.

What’s being dubbed the first ‘virtual church’ has been unveiled online. There’s no cobwebs, wooden pews, hymn books, leaky roof, organ fund, or even church building because it’s functions are all performed through the Internet. Appropriately called St Pixel’s, it’s an experiment by the Methodist Church. In lieu of a collection plate – they’re selling T-shirts.

• That outfit will never go out of style … it will look just as ridiculous year after year.
• My life has a superb cast … but I can’t figure out the plot.
• My wife does wonderful things with leftovers. She throws them out.

Today’s Question: Research has shown that guys ‘get in the mood’ when they smell THIS aroma.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pumpkin pie.

All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.

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