Wednesday, June 7, 2006        Edition: #3300
Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

Despite an initial flurry for tix to see Julia Roberts’ Broadway debut in “Three Days of Rain”,
brokers are now selling duckets at cut-rate prices in order to fill theater seats (but still no one will dare to say the f-word around her – ‘flop’) . . . Oprah Winfrey has ordered a custom-built executive jet from Bombardier Aerospace, with the $42-million tab to be picked up by her production company Harpo (Oprah’s new ride will likely be assembled at Montréal’s Dorval plant) . . . RCA Music Group is signing “American Idol” runner-up Katharine McPhee and is also close to deals with finalists Chris Daughtry & Ace Young (can you even name the 4th runner-up from LAST YEAR?) . . . Online gambling sites are now taking over-under bets on – movie box office (one site’s movie wagering has jumped 26% in the past year) . . . A report from Australia claims no paper invitations are being sent to guests for Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban’s JUNE 25th wedding, just e-mails followed up with personal phone calls detailing limo arrangements for transportation to the secret location (pass the word – shhh!) . . . Kidman is also said to have spent $300,000 reserving ALL the rental helicopters in the Sydney area, thereby preventing overhead shots (what about parachuting paparazzi?) . . . Actress Lindsay Lohan has walked away from her new movie, “Bill”, after refusing to work with the film’s first-time directors because – they’re just not well enough known (this from a 19-year-old) . . . Yahoo! boss Terry Semel has had his annual salary slashed to just $1, but in exchange he’ll receive an annual bonus of stock options – 1 million of them . . . “Reality TV Magazine’s” convention in Nashville TN couldn’t be classified as a big hit – yes, it managed to draw close to 100 has-been reality show ‘stars’ – but only about 300 fans . . . And the last toupée worn by late crooner Frank Sinatra throughout the ‘90s has gone up for sale on eBay with a reserved bid of $2,000 – it’s brown, wavy and comes complete with tack-down tape and a letter of authenticity (the photo looks less like a wig and more like roadkill).

• John Fogerty – TONIGHT the former CCR frontman guests on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Michael Buble – THIS AFTERNOON he performs on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (CityTV).
• Nelly Furtado – Happily-married Phoenix Suns superstar Steve Nash says the rumor she & he are an item is totally wacked. It started because he’s mentioned in her new song “Promiscuous”.
• Paul McCartney – He’s been strangely silent ever since explicit pics of estranged wife Heather Mills were published in the Brit tabloid “The Sun”. The former model was apparently snapped in lurid scenes with a male adult film star for a German book called “Die Freuden Der Liebe” (“The Joys Of Love”) in 1988. They wouldn’t have been leaked to manipulate public opinion, would they? Quit smirking, Paul.
• Rascal Flatts – TONIGHT they’re among the celebrity servers at the 5th annual “Waiting for Wishes” dinner in Nashville TN that raises funds for the Make-a-Wish Foundation.
• Shakira – “Hips Don’t Lie” has set a new record as the tune played the most on radio in 1 week … ever (9,657 times).
• The Trews – TODAY they perform at the “Canada Rocks” concert in London UK, part of the 5-day “City Showcase Festival”. Also on the bill: Catlow, Ian Kelly & Peter Elkas. Uh, who?
• The Wreckers – The “Leave the Pieces” duo is currently opening for Rascal Flatts on their “Me & My Gang” tour.

After a study of hundreds of married couples, psychologist Dr Benjamin Karney claims the key to a successful marriage doesn’t appear to be good communication or honesty but instead – self-delusion! Satisfied couples tend to remember the past as being worse than it really was, he says, which makes their present situation seem better. Many couples who say their marriages are growing better actually show more evidence that things were getting worse. (Yeah, don’t get too optimistic when she shoots and misses.)
– “Psychology Today”

Even though it’s been a whole generation since Canada officially switched to the metric system (1975), there are lots of things we still measure the old-fashioned way, including …
• Human Height: If you hear someone’s 6 FEET tall you can picture it, but not if it’s expressed as 182.88 cm.
• Football Distances: A CFL playing field still measures 110 YARDS long by 65 YARDS wide.
• Lumber: It still comes in 8-FOOTERS and 16-FOOTERS. And what else would you call a building stud than a 2-by-4?
• Bar Shots: They’re still 1-and-a-half OUNCES, not 42.6 ml.
• McDonald’s Quarter-Pounder – A 113.4 GRAMMER just doesn’t sound right.
What other things are we still Imperial about?
– “Coffee News”

It’s become popular in parts of Thailand for school teachers and other career bureaucrats to change their names. Teachers, in particular, have been heading for registry offices in droves. Nothing to do with threats or avoiding debts – it’s in hope of improving their fortunes. A local  fortune teller claims a name change not only brings good luck, it can also lead to a change in personality. (Especially if your name is ‘Killer’.)
– “Phuket Gazette”

Here’s what might be considered a powerful endorsement of universal healthcare. According to a new poll by Harvard Medical School researchers, Canadians are generally healthier than Americans. Among the poll’s comparisons: Americans are 42% more likely than Canadians to have diabetes; 32% more likely to have high blood pressure; and 12% more likely to have arthritis. (On the other hand, Canadians are fully 92% more likely to have no front teeth due to a hockey puck.)

According to a new magazine survey, here are our current favorite fictional characters …
5. ‘Robert Langdon’ (“The Da Vince Code”)
4. ‘Shrek’
3. ‘Spider-Man’
2. ‘Harry Potter’
1. ‘Wolverine’ (“X-Men: The Last Stand”)
– “Entertainment Weekly”

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … women who sleep 5 hours or less per night weigh more on average than those who sleep 7 hours. (That’s cuz they spend the extra 2 hours stuffing their faces?)
• Scientists say … people who consume marijuana are not susceptible to lung cancer, even heavy, long-term users. That’s the word according to a new study presented at the American Thoracic Society International Conference. (… by one Dr Spliff from Berkeley.)
• Scientists say … moderate amounts of red wine help prevent the onset of hearing loss as you grow older, according to a study in “New Scientist”. (“I said gimme another glass of wine … are you deaf?”)

• ‘Antigriddle’ – This opposite to the microwave is a new cooktop that uses a -30 F (-34 C) surface to quickly freeze foods. Built by lab supplier PolyScience, it can chill food to rock-hard in an instant. (“Now Billy, how many times have I told you NOT to sit on the counter. You’ll freeze your a …”)
• ‘Freemium’ – Basic services of a business that are offered free, as opposed to the ‘Premium’ services for which a fee is charged. (In other words, the good stuff is gonna cost ya.)
• ‘Startup Artist’ – A person who specializes in creating new businesses. (I can relate – throughout my career I’ve been sort of a ‘Startup Employee’, a person who specializes in starting new jobs.)

As ranked by 2005 attendance …
10. Port Aventura – Salou, Spain (3.4 million)
9. Paramount Canada’s Wonderland – suburban Toronto ON (3.7 million)
8. Europa-Park – Rust, Germany (just under 4 million)
7. Ocean Park – Hong Kong, China (just over 4 million)
6. Tivoli Gardens – Copenhagen, Denmark (4.1 million)
5. Blackpool Pleasure Beach – Blackpool, England (6 million)
4. Everland – Kyonggi-Do, South Korea (7.5 million)
3. Disneyland Paris – Paris, France (10.2 million)
2. Tokyo Disneyland – Tokyo, Japan (13 million)
1. Magic Kingdom Park @ Walt Disney World – Lake Buena Vista FL (16.2 million)
– “Forbes Magazine”

• The state with the highest percentage of psychiatrists is Massachusetts. The state with the lowest? Mississippi.
• Minnesota is the state with the most boats per capita – 1 for every 6 residents.
• 3.2 million married couples in America don’t live together.
• Peanuts are just one of the ingredients of dynamite.


1929 [77] John Turner, Richmond UK, 17th Canadian PM (for 80 days, June-September 1984)

1940 [66] Tom Jones, Pontypridd, Wales, oldies singer (“It’s Not Unusual”)/underwear collector

1952 [54] Liam Neeson, Ballymena, Northern Ireland, movie actor (voice of ‘Aslan’ in “The Chronicles of Narnia”, ‘Henri Ducard’ in “Batman Begins”)   

1958 [48] Prince (Prince Rogers Nelson), Minneapolis MN, pop singer (“Black Sweat”, “When Doves Cry”)

1967 [39] Dave Navarro, Santa Monica CA, rock guitarist (ex-Jane’s Addiction, ex-Red Hot Chili Peppers)/TV personality (“Rock Star: INXS” in 2005)/wed actress Carmen Electra in 2003

1981 [25] Anna Kournikova, Moscow, Russia, tennis player (one of the biggest money-makers even though she’s rarely won)/Enrique Iglesias’ on & off girlfriend

• Attitude Day”. Attitudes are contagious … is yours worth catching? Why not knock off with the ‘tude for one lousy day and try to be easier to get along with?

• “Chocolate Ice Cream Day”, celebrating one of the most popular flavors, but not THE most popular flavor. That honor still goes to vanilla, favorite of 29% of us. Chocolate is runner-up at 8.9%.

• “Clean Air Day Canada”, first proclaimed as part of “Canadian Environment Week” by the federal government in 1999. The keys to cleaner air include turning off energy-using equipment when it’s not in use, using public transportation, making our homes more energy efficient, and planting more trees. Environment Canada’s Website has other tips —

• “Pet Appreciation Week”, set aside to ‘remember our pet companions who mean so much to us and do something special for them’. (Hey, we already clean up your crap, you ungrateful little beasts!)

1975 [31] 1st ‘Home VCR’ (Sony’s ‘Betamax’ sells for the exorbitant price of $995, even though it records for a maximum of only 1 hour)

1996 [10] “The Rock” starring Sean Connery & Nicolas Cage opens in movie theaters

1939 [67] 1st portion of the ‘Queen Elizabeth Way’ (QEW) is officially opened in St Catharines ON by King George VI & the new highway’s namesake, Queen Elizabeth (the Queen Mom)

1989 [17] 1st Major League Baseball game to start outdoors and end indoors as Toronto’s Skydome roof closes during a game (now known as Rogers Centre)

[Thurs] Name Your Poison Day
[Thurs] MTV Movie Awards air
[Thurs] 35th CMA Music Festival begins
[Thurs] 34th AFI Life Achievement Award (LA CA)
[Fri] Take a Kid Fishing Weekend
[Fri-July 9] World Cup of soccer (Germany)
[Fri] “Cars” opens in movie theaters
[Sun] 60th Tony Awards
This Week Is … Men’s Health Week
This Month Is … Recycling Month


JUNE is traditionally the month for weddings so, as a public service, here are some . . .
• DO NOT tell people that you knew the bride before the gender change.
• DO NOT hold a card up that rates the bridesmaids as they walk down the aisle.
• DO NOT lift the veil, pause, then walk away.
• DO NOT attempt to start your honeymoon early by ducking into the church office.
• DO NOT French kiss the bride in the receiving line.
• DO NOT propose a toast to the bride’s nose job.

• Men – Burgundy, Red, Black, Navy or Dark Green (strength), Brown or Pastels (total turn-off), White (yawn … boring!).
• Women – Black (mysterious, sophisticated), White (pure), Bright Colors (fun), Red (blatantly erotic), Beige (yawn … boring!).
– “Herald Sun”

• What animal would you describe yourself as?
• What were you last caught doing that you shouldn’t have been?

Are the following statements true or just a load of sheet?
• Pirates used to wear earrings because they thought it improved their eyesight. (TRUE. In that case, what does hanging one on your nostril do?)
• The Incas used to treat headaches by bleeding themselves between the eyebrows. (TRUE. This is “Headache Awareness Week” … give it a shot!)
• French fries were invented in France. (BS, probably Belgium. In culinary lingo, food cut into strips is said to be ‘frenched’ … just like you were at the high school prom.)
• It’s been illegal to use a cellphone while driving in Brazil for more than 10 years now. (TRUE. We need this here!)
• The 1918-19 Stanley Cup championship was cancelled due to hot weather melting the ice. (BS. It was cancelled, but it was due to the influenza epidemic.)

• The mind is like a TV. When it goes blank, you might as well turn the sound off.
• Before TV, people didn’t know what a headache looked like.

Today’s Question: Research shows that if you want your guy to be more affectionate, all you need to do is buy him THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A cat.

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