Monday, June 5, 2006        Edition: #3298
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• SATURDAY “Brokeback Mountain” and “Wedding Crashers” won a total of 5 golden popcorn tubs at the “MTV Movie Awards”. Jake Gyllenhaal won both ‘Best Dramatic Performance’ and ‘Best Kiss’, with co-star Heath Ledger. Christian Bale won ‘Best Hero’ for “Batman Begins”; Brad Pitt & Angelina ‘Best Fight’ for “Mr & Mrs Smith”; Hayden Christian picked up ‘Best Villain’ for “Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith”; Jim Carrey received a ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’. (The thoroughly edited ceremony airs on MTV THURSDAY.)
– TMZ.com
• After dating for about a year, actors Penelope Cruz & Matthew McConaughey have officially announced they’re parting ways due to ‘busy work schedules’. (We’re guessing neither pretty person will have trouble finding someone new.)
– “People Magazine”
• Paranormalist Uri Geller is fit to be tied after discovering that Elvis Presley’s first Memphis home, which he thought he’d bought LAST MONTH on eBay for a bid of $905,100, instead is being sold to a foundation formed by Nashville music producer Mike Curb. Geller wants to sue, but eBay says that will be difficult because real estate bidding on the site does not entail a legally binding contract. (The same applies to dates.)
– “Contact Music”
• Just a few days old and Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie’s daughter, Shiloh Nouvel, is already receiving celebrity swag. A website looking for publicity has sent them a one-of-a-kind 14K gold and diamond-studded pacifier worth $17,000. The soother is made of European white gold and 3 carats of white diamonds. (Guaranteed to cut a poor child’s tongue to ribbons.)
– “The Bosh”
• Brit model Kate Moss did a recent shoot for designer lingerie Agent Provocateur, during which she smoked a whopping 60 cigarettes in 3 hours. (Between coke, booze & smokes, this girl’s on borrowed time!)
– PopBitch.com
• Brit model Naomi Campbell is selling the $5.25-million NYC duplex on Park Avenue where she allegedly had 2 assault incidents with staff members. It features 3 bedrooms, 4 baths. (And extra-high ceilings to practise your BlackBerry-hurling trajectory.)
– “Page Six”
• Actress Lindsay Lohan reportedly dropped more than $1 million on clothes & accessories LAST YEAR and has turned to a hypnotist for help in ending her penchant to spend money shopping. Word is her closets are overflowing with high-end bling like $2,000 Balenciaga bags and $8,000 Prada dresses, some of which she has never worn. (What a surprise – excess in Hollywood!)
– “Life & Style Weekly”
• The principal cast members of “Grey’s Anatomy”, including Ellen Pompeo, Patrick Dempsey, Sandra Oh & Katherine Heigl, have all received $200,000 bonuses from the show’s producer, Touchstone Television. (In return for the #1 show on TV … that’s a bargoon!)
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• And after 3 years at #1, Britney Spears has been displaced by adult film star Jenna Jameson as the ‘Most Searched Celeb’ on the Internet. (Think it’s due to Brit’s trashy marriage or her increasingly trashy appearance?)
– “ZOO Magazine”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Gwen Stefani – Following the lead of Angelina Jolie & Britney Spears, she’s just registered an Internet domain name for her new son Kingston.
• Katharine McPhee – The “American Idol” runner-up has kept a previous job as a nanny under wraps, at least until now. Why? She didn’t want to be dubbed … ‘Nanny McPhee’.
• Keith Urban – A helicopter company he & Nicole Kidman consulted for advice on how to deter paparazzi at their reported Sydney, Australia wedding THIS MONTH says they may avoid unwanted pictures by staging the ceremony … in the dark.
• Mariah Carey – She says she’s ruled out ever getting married again because her first marriage, to Sony Music honcho Tommy Mottola, was such a disaster. Not that anyone’s been asking her.
• Rolling Stones – They’ve announced on their official website that Keith Richards has made a full recovery from his head injury and the “Bigger Bang” tour will begin again JULY 11 in Milan, Italy.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Actors Jaime Pressly, Michael J Fox, Denis Leary & Jason Priestley make guest appearances on the live finalé of “The Apprentice” (NBC/Global). Will nice-guy Lee or suave Brit Sean be Donald Trump’s next right-hand man?
• Ashlee Simpson heads out on her “I Am Me” tour, kicking off at California’s Santa Barbara Bowl. Ashley Parker Angel, another MTV reality creation, is one of her opening acts.
• Bruce Springsteen guests on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Celine Dion makes a guest appearance on the finalé of “Deal or No Deal”, when the prize is a whopping $5 million (NBC/Global).
• Chris Brown guests on daytime TV talk show “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• Hoobastank appears on a rerun of “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Neil Young appears on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).

GHOSTBUSTER U:
England’s Coventry University is now offering a degree program in ‘parapsychology’. Dr Tony Lawrence claims his 2-year program will use scientific methods to investigate ghosts, ESP, survival beyond death, and other paranormal subjects. The 15 post-grad students starting the first course THIS AUTUMN will do statistical studies of various paranormal subjects, including haunted houses. (By watching teen movies all summer.)
– BBC News

JUST PLANE CLEAN:
Passengers on long-haul flights may soon enjoy mile-high showers now that scientists have developed a new way of storing water on planes. Up until now airlines haven’t been able to carry enough water supplies for showers, but now experts at Boeing have found a way to treat water so it can be carried as a fine mist. The mist will then be mixed with soap so that passengers arrive at their destination feeling squeaky clean. (Also good for sobering up celebs who pitch a fit.)
– “Popular Science”

TUBE TRASH:
A new study shows that, with the growing use of product placement, along with promos and PSAs, marketing messages of some kind now account for 35% of every hour of primetime TV. And that increases to 40% during reality and unscripted programs. The study by TNS Media Intelligence, finds the average hour of primetime includes 17 minutes, 31 seconds of formal advertising, plus another 3 minutes, 22 seconds of so-called ‘product integrations’. (Like those annoying graphics popping up and crawling around your screen while you’re trying to watch a show.)
– “Media Post”

MIAMI NORTH:
Scientists have found what might have been the ideal ancient vacation hotspot with a 23 C (74 F) average temperature, alligator ancestors and palm trees – smack in the middle of the Arctic. Core samples dug from deep beneath the Arctic Ocean floor show that 55 million years ago an area near the North Pole was practically a subtropical paradise, apparently due to warming from greenhouse gases that came about naturally. Yale geology prof Mark Pagani says it may have been a tropical paradise – but the mosquitoes were likely the size of your head. (Oh, so we’re talkin’ Winnipeg?)
– The journal “Nature”.

YOUNGER WINOS:
US wine industry surveys say that young people between 21-and-29 are increasingly moving toward wine as their drink of choice. For the first time ever, wine moved past beer as the favorite alcoholic beverage for Americans LAST SUMMER. Especially in the younger age group, beer has taken a dip in popularity, while wine has significantly increased, according to the Wine Market Council. To this younger group of drinkers, wine is considered the ‘more sophisticated beverage’. (But only if you take it out of the paper bag before drinking it.)
– “Detroit Free Press”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of the things we think, the things we do …
• 46% of us never change our voicemail greeting at work after first recording it.
• 29% of guys have had their trunks fall down while at a beach or pool. Some by accident.
• 26% of us hide our valuables when preparing to host a party. Trusting, aren’t we?
• 25% of us have faked a cellphone call to ourselves in order to get out of talking to someone.
• 21% of married couples say the ‘silent treatment’ after an argument usually lasts an entire day.

BS SHOCKING FACT:
By the completion of kindergarten, the average child recognizes over 200 company logos.

AND WE QUOTE:
“They represent everything I hold dear in both men and possessions.”
– Kiefer Sutherland on his favorite band Queen, quoted in “Us Weekly”.

THE BULL SHEET 06.05.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1969 [37] Brian McKnight, Buffalo NY, pop/R&B singer (“Anytime”, “Back at One”)

1971 [35] Mark Wahlberg, Dorchester MA, movie actor (“The Italian Job”, “The Perfect Storm”)  COMING UP: “The Brazilian Job”, opening DECEMBER.

1977 [29] Liza Weil, LA CA, TV actress (‘Paris Geller’ on “Gilmore Girls” since 2001)

1981 [25] Sébastien Lefebvre, Montréal QC, rock guitarist (Simple Plan- “Untitled [How Can This Happen To Me?]”, “Perfect”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Gingivitis Week in Canada”. It’s estimated that 3 out of 4 Canadians suffer from the gum disease, but only 6% know it.
NET: http://www.cdha.ca/content/events&conferences/2006_listerine_week.asp

• “International Attitude Day”, honoring those who know who they are, what they stand for, and aren’t afraid to assert themselves to maintain their identity (aka ‘Pushy People Day’).

• “Shut Up Day”, a day to give quiet people a chance to talk. Perhaps a backlash to the above?

• “Safe Kids Week 2006”, the 10th annual sponsored by Safe Kids Canada which notes that over half of pre-teens and teens don’t consistently wear helmets when they ride bicycles. 70% don’t always use helmets when roller-blading, and 84% don’t always wear helmets on skateboards. This year’s theme is ‘Safe Kids Week – Celebrating a Safe Kids Future’.
NET: http://www.sickkids.ca/SKCForMedia/section.asp?s=Safe+Kids+Week+2006&sID=17264

• “UN World Environment Day”, as declared annually since 1972. This year’s theme is ‘Deserts & Desertification’ and the slogan is ‘Don’t Desert Drylands!’. Clever, huh?
NET: http://www.unep.org/wed/2006/english/

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1967 [39] 1st ‘NHL Expansion’ announced, adding 6 new American teams for 1967-68 season

1977 [29] 1st ‘Personal Computer’ (Apple II)

1989 [17] 1st MLB game in ‘Convertible Stadium’ (Milwaukee Brewers beat Blue Jays 5-3 at Toronto’s new ‘Skydome’ featuring a retractable roof)

1907 [99] 1st ‘Automatic Washer & Dryer’

1998 [08] Steamy TV series “Sex and the City” debuts, starring Sarah Jessica Parker

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1988 [18] ‘Longest Champagne Cork Flight’ record set at 177 feet, 9 inches in NYC

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Couple Appreciation Day
[Tues] “The Omen” opens in movie theaters (6.6.06)
[Wed] Chocolate Ice Cream Day
[Wed] Attitude Day
[Wed] Family Day
[Thurs] 35th CMA Music Festival begins
[Fri-July 9] World Cup of soccer (Germany)
[Fri] Take a Kid Fishing Weekend

THIS WEEK IS . . .
International Volunteers Week / Step-Parents Week / Headache Awareness Week / Canadian Environment Week

BULL’S BITS

TODAY is “Festival Of Popular Delusions Day”. Here are a few you can add to …
• Big feet are an indication of male size.
• Those who work hardest get ahead.
• Real men can drink 6 beers without it affecting them.
• The best things in life are free.
• Dieting is good for you.
• Wearing black is slimming.
• Jessica Simpson can sing.
• Jessica Simpson can act.

BS ‘WHICH CAME FIRST?’
Give your contestant the following pairs and ask them which came first …
• Weight Watchers or the bikini? [The first bikini was unveiled at a 1946 Paris fashion show. Weight Watchers was founded in 1963 by Jean Nidetch.]
• The roller coaster or the barf bag? [The first roller coaster opened at Coney Island NY in 1884. The ‘air-sickness bag’ became an operational necessity during early airline flights. Legend has it the first was invented after a flight from Moscow to Berlin in stormy weather in the 1920s.]
• Blue jeans or the zipper? [Levi Strauss & Co introduced the 1st jeans in 1873, 20 years before the zipper.]
• Former Canadian Prime Minister Joe Clark or Tupperware? [Joe Clark was born 67 years ago TODAY. Tupperware didn't appear until 6 years later in 1945.]
• US Vice-President Dick Cheney or Tupperware? [Dick Cheney was born in 1941. Tupperware didn't appear until 4 years later in 1945.]
• “Superman” or the public telephone booth? [The first “Superman” comic book was published in 1939. The first phone booth was installed in New Haven CT much earlier, in 1880.]

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I just bought Jessica Alba’s new exercise DVD. It’s called “You’ll Never Look As Good As I Do, No Matter How Hard You Workout!”

BS ‘5 IN 10 GAME’:
Phone contestant has 10 seconds to come up with 5 things in each category.
GAME #1 –
• 5 things little kids do to get dirty.
• 5 things you might find in the trunk of your car.
• 5 mushy nicknames you call your partner.
• 5 plants you might have in your garden.
• 5 condiments you might put on a hot dog.

GAME #2 –
• 5 countries in Africa.
• 5 kinds of ice cream.
• 5 things you keep in the garage.
• 5 Canadian pro sports teams.
• 5 spices you use in cooking.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average guy will spend 1 hour, 7 minutes doing THIS at work this week.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Napping.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Never corner something meaner than you.


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