Thursday, June 1, 2017 – Edition: #5987

Sheeters Always Prosper!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Olivia Newton-John – has revealed that her breast cancer has returned and spread to her back 25 years after she was first diagnosed.  68 year-old Newton-John has postponed all her upcoming concerts and her daughter has asked for ‘healing prayers’.  The ‘Grease’ star postponed her tour in May because of back pain.  She has since discovered her breast cancer has returned and spread to her sacrum. She plans to undergo photon radiation therapy along with natural treatments.
-DailyMail
★ Erin Moran died solely from complications of advanced cancer, according to the Harrison County Coroner, whose final autopsy results confirmed what Erin’s husband had said all along.
The coroner’s report says, “no illegal narcotics were involved in her death” … and she was stage 4.  Erin’s husband, Steve Fleischmann, had written an open letter describing Erin’s months-long battle with squamous cell carcinoma.  The “Happy Days” and “Joanie Loves Chachi” star died April 22 at the age of 56.
-TMZ
★ It is now coming out that Tiger Woods’ car was sort of a wreck when cops found him during his DUI arrest — with 2 flat tires, damaged rims, a broken tail light and mangled bumpers… this according to the police report. Tiger was behind the wheel of a 2015 Mercedes AMG S65 at the time of the incident.  Cops noted the damage appeared to have been inflicted recently.
-TMZ
★ Former reality show star Michael Nance, who appeared in Emily Maynard’s season of The Bachelorette, has been found dead at 31.  Police were called to a residence in Texas on Tuesday morning to check on an unresponsive male. He was pronounced dead soon after. Police say the death is not suspicious, but the exact cause will be determined by a medical examiner.
-DailyMail
★ Kathy Griffin has apologized and deleted the infamous photo of Donald Trump’s head.  Griffin posted a gory photo she took with a bloody Donald Trump mask.  After an public outcry, including serious backlash from other celebs, she has posted a video mea culpa, saying, “I moved the line, and then I crossed it. I went way too far. The image is too disturbing. I understand how it offends people.”
-TMZ
★ Robert De Niro has given the current state of the U.S. two thumbs down. Speaking to a class of Brown University graduates, the Oscar-winning actor lamented that “in movie terms,” the U.S. was once “an inspiring uplifting drama” but has now turned into “a tragic dumbass comedy,” De Niro, who received an honorary doctorate of fine arts from the Ivy League school, urged the graduates to “work to stop the insanity” and to strive to make the world a better place.
(Hey, Bob…didn’t you promise to move to Canada if Trump were elected?)
-EW

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Butler
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Kobe Bryant, Kathryn Hahn, Big Boi ( R )
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Alec Baldwin, Charlamagne Tha God ( R )
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Sophia Bush, Zach Woods, Dan Mintz, Thaddeus Dixon ( R )
• “Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Victoria Beckham, Jessica Chastain, Lisa Kudrow ( R )
• “Last Call with Carson Daly” (NBC/CTV): Ricky Whittle, JJUUJJUU, Pom Klementieff ( R )
• “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” (Comedy): Sen. Al Franken
• “@Midnight with Chris Hardwick” (Comedy): Wendy Liebman, Chuck Sklar, Doug Benson
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Diego Luna, Vicente Fox ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Amy Schumer, Goldie Hawn ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Chance the Rapper, Ben Platt
• “The Talk” (CBS): Kevin Bacon, Cristela Alonzo
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Mary Steenburgen
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Ellen presents the best moments from the biggest stars from Season 14, featuring Miley Cyrus, Kate Hudson, Drew Barrymore, Chelsea Handler, Jennifer Lopez
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX): Sandra Bernhard, Katie Lee
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Ricky Martin, Ms. Pat ( R )
• “The Real” (FOX): E-40 ( R )
• “2017 NBA Finals” (ABC):  Cleveland Cavaliers at Golden State Warriors. The Warriors and Cavaliers meet in Game 1 of the NBA Finals for the third straight year.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Pink – Instagrammed a very revealing photo of hubby Carey Hart standing outside a tent, wearing only his tattoos and a very skimpy bikini bottom…possibly hers.
• KISS – Gene Simmons is hinting that a global KISS farewell event in the next few years might spell the end of the band.  What’s more, he says the band may bid adieu “with a big party.  I’d like to think that we would do something that rocks the planet – something big and worldwide”.  What’s more….he says it may be free!  (When have you ever heard of Gene Simmons doing ANYTHING for free?)
• Bob Seger –  may be ready to turn the page – for good. A new video indicates that he’s contemplating retirement after one more tour. A series of archival clips flash by in the clip before the words “One last time” appear. No more info is given…except the message: “Stay Tuned”.
•  Foreigner – have announced the launch of their new musical “Juke Box Hero” next year.
“Juke Box Hero”, will be opening in Alberta in 2018 and is based on a screenplay by Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais.  They have also added a new Canadian leg to their 40th anniversary tour starting October 11 in Calgary.
• Queen – The historic concert film “Hungarian Rhapsody: Queen Live in Budapest” will be receiving its broadcast premiere on the AXS TV network on June 4th. The film captures the legendary band’s performance at the Nepstadion in Budapest on July 27, 1986 during frontman Freddie Mercury’s final tour.  The show is being called the biggest stadium concert of all time.
• Selena Gomez – has poured cold water on the rumors that she is working on new music with  The Weeknd.  Speculation began swirling last week, when a now-deleted entry on songwriter Max Martin’s Wikipedia page listed Selena’s upcoming single, “In Her Element” as featuring The Weeknd.  Gomez says that it is not true.
• Drake – has launched a new shoe line.  The selection of desert boots under the banner of OVO (his clothing collection) are available in black, tan and royal purple suede.  The words “KNOW YOURSELF” are printed under the tongue of each shoe.
• Liam Gallagher – the Manchester native and former Oasis singer performed his debut solo concert on Tuesday in his hometown. He will donate all profits from the show to the victims of the Ariana Grande concert bombing, in which 22 people were killed and over 60 were wounded.
• Alanis Morissette – her album ‘Jagged Little Pill’ will become a musical. She has teamed up with screenwriter Diablo Cody and director Diane Paulus to bring her seminal 1995 album to life on stage in the US next year.
• Eric Church – his fans helped set an attendance record at Nashville’s Bridgestone Arena on May 26. Then, 24 hours later, the “Church Choir” helped him break his own milestone. 18,996 fans passed through the doors on Friday night, and 19,020 on Saturday. Bridgestone Arena’s previous attendance record was 18,514, set by Bon Jovi.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A BS selection of movies in the making…
• “Spinning Man” – ‘Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.’ star Clark Gregg is set to appear in the Simon Kaijer-directed thriller, along with Guy Pearce, Pierce Brosnan, and Minnie Driver. The film centers on Evan (Pearce), a philosophy professor and family man whose past reveals a number of illicit relations with his students. When a young woman is found murdered, he becomes the prime suspect.
•  “The Kindergarten Teacher” – Maggie Gyllenhaal is aboard to star in and produce this independent drama.  Filming starts in July in New York. The story centers on a kindergarten teacher who grows more and more numb each day she remains stuck in her mundane Staten Island life. When she discovers what may be a prodigious five-year old poet in her class, she becomes obsessed with the child and his talent — risking her career, family, and freedom.
• “I Feel Pretty” – Amy Schumer plays an ordinary woman who struggles with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.  She  wakes from a fall believing she is suddenly the most beautiful and capable woman on the planet. With this newfound confidence she is empowered to live her life fearlessly and flawlessly, but what will happen when she realizes her appearance never changed?
• “Hotel Artemis” – Set in its own distinctive crime universe, “Hotel Artemis” follows a nurse played by Jodie Foster,  who runs an underground hospital for Los Angeles’ most sinister criminals, and finds that one of her patients is actually there to assassinate another. ( Charlie Day, Jenny Slate, Jeff Goldblum, Sofia Boutella, Zachary Quinto)

SIX WORDS THAT CAN RUIN YOUR SENTENCE, RIGHT?
▪ Actually:  Crutch words are words that we slip into sentences in order to give ourselves more time to think, or to emphasize a statement.  Actually is a perfect example. It is meant to signify something that exists in reality, but it is more often used as a way to add punch to a statement, as in, “I actually have no idea”.  (I actually get that)
▪ Literally: This adverb should be used to describe an action that (actually) occurs in a strict sense.  Often, however, it is used to emphasize a figurative statement: “I literally ran 300 miles today.” Literally is also an often-used crutch word. (You knew that one was coming!)
▪ Basically:  is used to signal simplicity, and confidence, as in “Basically, he made a bad decision.” But too often this word is used in the context of things that are far from basic in order to create a sense of authority and finality. (Too often, ‘basically’ isn’t basic enough)
▪ Honestly: It is used to assert authority or express incredulity, as in, “Honestly, I have no idea why he said that.” However, it very rarely adds honesty to a statement. (And remember, if you have to say ‘honestly’, what does that say about your truthfulness the rest of the time?)
▪ Like:  The cardinal sinner of lazy words. It is interspersed in dialogue to give a speaker more time to think or because the speaker cannot shake the habit of using the word. Like should describe something of the same form, appearance, kind, character, or amount. (Or like this: “I like, like ice cream…”)
▪ Obviously: Should signify an action which is readily observable, recognized, or understood. People tend to use it, however, to emphasize their point with regards to things that aren’t necessarily obvious: “Obviously he should have thrown the ball to first base.”
(What words do people use out of habit that grind YOUR gears?
-Dictionary.com

BUT ARE THERE ROAMING CHARGES?
Somewhere, somehow, this was going to happen.  The world’s first smartphone case that also serves users a warm shot of espresso.  It is called ‘Mokase’ and Smart K, the Italian company that came up with it, says they were looking for a way to make coffee available anywhere.  So they did.  The case doesn’t appear much larger than a standard smartphone case, hence the fact that it only carries one lonely shot of espresso.  The heat-proof case contains the water and ground beans necessary to prepare the espresso. All you have to do is insert a capsule into the case, and access the Mokase app on your phone and press a virtual button. A built-in battery will heat up the coffee in the capsule to around 50 – 60 degrees Celsius. When it’s ready, another button in the Mokase app will allow you to pour the espresso through a hole at the top of the case.
(Make coffee available everywhere?  Have they not heard of Starbucks? (Tim Hortons?)
(Insert your own coffee shop hot-spot joke here)
(And no one will ever use it to carry any other kind of liquid.  Ever. Honest.)

BS CHRONOMETER 06.01.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [80] Morgan Freeman, Memphis TN, movie actor (“The Dark Knight Rises”, Academy Award-“Million Dollar Baby”)/advertising pitch-voice (VISA)

1947 [70] Ronnie Wood, Hillingdon UK, classic rock guitarist (Rolling Stones since 1975, The Faces 1970-73, Jeff Beck Group 1968-70)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989) BS FACTOID: Had surgery in May to remove a lesion from his lung.  Plans to tour again with the Stones when they head out on the road again in September.

1953 [64] Ronnie Dunn, Coleman TX, country singer (Brooks & Dunn-“Red Dirt Road”)

1973 [44] Heidi Klum [‘kloom’], Bergisch-Gladbach, Germany, fashion model/TV personality (“America’s Got Talent” since 2013, “Project Runway” since 2004)

1974 [43] Alanis Morissette, Ottawa ON, pop singer (“You Oughta Know”, “Ironic”)/her “Jagged Little Pill” album (1995) sold over 33 million units worldwide

1981 [36] Brandi Carlile, Ravensdale WA, alt-country singer-songwriter (“The Story”)

1981 [36] Amy Schumer, New York City, NY, comedian, actress (“Trainwreck, “Snatched”)

1996 [21] Tom Holland, Kingston, England, move actor, (“Billy Elliot”, “The Impossible” and “Spider-Man: Homecoming”)

2000 [17] Willow Shields, Albuquerque NM, movie actress (‘Primrose Everdeen’ in “The Hunger Games” movies)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Dare Day”, a day to do something that you have been wanting to do but couldn’t get up the courage to try.

• “Flip a Coin Day”, a day of easy decision making. Just flip and follow the results. (Or ask Siri to do it for you…)

• “Global Day of Parents”, a UN observance since 2012 to honor all parents throughout the world and appreciate their selfless commitment to their children.

• “Go Barefoot Day”, a day to enjoy the comforts and pleasant sensations of shedding footwear. Why? Because it feels great! The members of the ‘Society For Barefoot Living’ believe you should go barefoot all the time.

• “Heimlich Maneuver Day”, honoring the ‘abdominal thrust’ method of stopping choking, first described by Dr Henry Heimlich in a June 1974 article in the journal “Emergency Medicine”. BS FACTOID: Last year 96-year-old Heimlich used the technique himself for the first time when a female resident at his retirement home in Cincinnati OH was choking at the dinner table. He died in December.  (Of a heart attack, in case you were wondering.)

• “International Children’s Day”, first proclaimed in 1925 by the World Conference For the Well-Being of Children in Geneva, Switzerland. The day is designed to draw attention to any and all children’s issues.

• “Say Something Nice Day”, a day to thank someone, encourage someone, compliment everyone. Remember, if you can’t say something nice … mum’s the word!

• “World Milk Day”, initiated by the UN’s Food & Agriculture Organization in 2001 to focus attention on milk and the milk industry. (Humans are the only species that drinks another animal’s milk.)

AND REMEMBER…
[Fri] Love My Dentist Day
[Fri] National Doughnut/Donut Day
[Sat] Egg Day
[Sat] Impersonate Autority Day
This Week Is…Milk Week
This Month Is…Adopt a Shelter Cat Month

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2008 [09] Fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent dies in Paris, France at age 71

2009 [08] Conan O’Brien debuts as host of NBC-TV’s “Tonight Show” (steps down after 7 months due to a dispute with the network … and a $33-million payoff)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2005 [12] White Stripes singer Jack White marries his girlfriend, British model Karen Elson, in a canoe on the Amazon River in Brazil

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2013 [04] With the #1 debut of “Modern Vampires Of the City”, Vampire Weekend becomes the 1st indie-rock act to top the album chart with 2 consecutive releases (“Contra” also debuted at #1 in 2010)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2002 [15] 16 skydivers set a new world record by jumping simultaneously from a hot-air balloon 10,000 ft (3,048 m) over Peterborough, England and landing safely on 6,000 rolls of bathroom tissue (a publicity stunt)

2009 [08] General Motors files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in the 4th-largest bankruptcy in US history

2015 [02] At the Rock ‘n’ Roll San Diego Marathon, Harriette Thompson (92 years, 65 days) becomes ‘Oldest Person to Finish a Marathon’, beating the previous record (92 years, 19 days)

BULL’S BITS

TOP INDICATORS THAT YOUR I.T. GUY IS A REDNECK:
• The monitor is up on blocks.
• Your printer paper has tobacco stains on it.
• The six front keys have rotted out.
• The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
• Your new password is “Huntin”.
• The CPU has a gun rack mount.
• There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
• The keyboard is camouflaged.
• The mouse is referred to as a “critter”.

-Adapted from Ahajokes.com

BS WACK FACT:
A strawberry isn’t an actual berry, but a banana is.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Professional athletes of which sport are required to be in the best shape?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Why do we call it a walk when the batter jogs to first and then becomes a runner?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Which name for a collective group of these animals is false?

1.  Apes: a shrewdness.
2.  Bats: a cauldron.
3.  Bears: a sleuth.
4.  Buffalo: a gang
5.  Cats: a finnick [FALSE]
6.  Donkeys: a pace.

A collective group of cats is called a clowder, pounce or glaring.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: According to a recent survey, over 40% of us do what when we’re angry?
Answer: Eat ice cream

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Let your smile change the world but don’t let the world change your smile.