Monday, June 10, 2013        Edition: #5003

Sheet Happens!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
✳ Simon Cowell had a nasty surprise on the live season finalé of “Britain’s Got Talent” (ITV) on Saturday night … a viola player who was performing with the backup band started hurling eggs in the direction of Cowell and the other judges. Security dragged the grinning woman offstage in order to allow an operatic duo’s performance to continue. Cowell had to pause and slip out of his egg-y jacket. A Hungarian shadow theater group called Attraction were declared winners of the show’s 7th season. (Sounds like another Cowell-designed PR stunt, no?)
– “Daily Mail”
✳ Fiery British model Naomi Campbell has been ordered to stand trial in Italy over her alleged attack on a photographer in 2009. Snapper Gaetano di Giovanni claims his face was scratched and bruised after Campbell reportedly slapped him and hit him with her handbag while she was on vacation on the island of Lipari. Campbell has vehemently denied the allegations but a prosecutor has now announced that he is taking the case to court. (She should be in UFC!)
– ANSA News Agency
✳ 67-year-old new dad Steve Martin has just placed his 4-bedroom St Barts getaway on the market. The Colonial-style Caribbean island abode is shaped like a boomerang and includes vaulted ceilings, a media lounge, and an infinity pool that takes advantage of the mountaintop view. It’s all yours for a smidgen shy of $11.5 million. (Banjo pickin’ must pay better than we thought.)
– RadarOnline.com
✳ Russia is looking at (huh?) has-been action movie star Steven Seagal to be the face of its weapons industry as it guns for 1st place on the world arms market. Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Rogozin says the actor may head up an international marketing campaign to promote the Degtarev arms plant. Russian officials are big fans of Seagal, who met with president Vladimir Putin in March. (Proving once again that they’re on the cutting edge … of 1988.)
– PopBitch.com
✳ And onetime reality TV personality Kristin Cavallari is a married woman after exchanging vows with NFL football player Jay Cutler. The former “The Hills” star and the Chicago Bears quarterback obtained a marriage license in Nashville, Tennessee on Friday and tied the knot just a few hours later. Breaking the news to fans via Twitter, Cavallari writes, “I’m officially Kristin Elizabeth Cutler!!!!!” (BS translation: I’m starved for attention!!!!!)
— WENN.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – New Politics (“New Politics”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Keaton Simons (“Currently”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Lady Antebellum (“Golden”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Kelly Rowland (“Talk a Good Game”, out June 18th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Haim (“Forever”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (ABC/CTV) – Little Mix (“DNA”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – 1970s rock band Bad Company.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Lionel Richie (“Tuskegee”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Guests Fall Out Boy, Usher perform; the artists perform.
• “The Winner Is …” (NBC) – In a special preview after “The Voice”, Nick Lachey (98 Degrees) hosts a new show in which singers of all ages and musical styles perform for a panel of experts (how unique!). The series kicks off in July.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Chris Brown – Today he’s scheduled to make another appearance in a Los Angeles court
regarding the 180 days of community service he may or may not have served as part of his 2009 sentence for assault on his then girlfriend Rihanna. Prosecutors think he cut corners.
• Elton John – He’s been targeted by anti-gay campaigners in Russia who have warned him to tone down his colorful wardrobe and wear ‘more respectable’ clothing for his concert there next month or he’ll face protests.
• George Clinton – The funk pioneer is set to publish a memoir next Spring that will chronicle his career from his start as a member of a barbershop quartet (!!!!) to fronting the legendary bands Parliament and Funkadelic.
• Kanye West – Word has it he doesn’t want to sell out his unborn baby and make money off photos of the child, but a new report claims Kardashian matriarch and momager Kris Jenner is already crunching numbers on a deal for the first photos of her daughter Kim’s daughter.
• Michael Jackson – An LA Superior Court judge has ordered a probate court investigator to make recommendations about the ‘health, education and welfare’ of 15-year-old Paris Jackson after her apparent suicide attempt last week.
• Temper Trap – The Aussie indie rockers are surfing & swimming in the beach town of Byron Bay, New South Wales while also writing & recording new tunes for their 3rd album. (Life’s tough.)

STINKS LIKE A MAN:
Smells that most people think are ‘manly’, according to a new survey …
✓ Hardware Store
✓ Shoe Polish
✓ Cut Grass
✓ Sawdust
✓ Scotch
✓ Original Old Spice
✓ Campfire
✓ Barbershop
✓ Pipe Smoke
✓ Leather
✓ Charcoal
✓ Bowling Alley
– ArtofManliness.com

UNFRIEND FACEBOOK:
Anyone in a new relationship might want to stay off Facebook or risk a breakup, according to a new University of Missouri study that has found excessive use of the social media site contributes significantly to conflict between people who have been together 3 years or less. That’s because heavy users are more likely to monitor their partner’s activity more closely, and are more likely to connect with other users, including exes. The findings don’t seem to apply to people who have been in a relationship longer than 3 years. (Or who have a life.)
– Sourced from QMI Agency

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU WIN THE BIG ONE:
Research shows that lottery winners often wind up blowing all their winnings because they’re not used to handling large sums of money. A few tips on what to do if you win a windfall …
• Pay Off Debt: Many winners who end up in bankruptcy have little or nothing to show for the fact that they won, including paying off their previous bills.
• Get Professional Help: If you have no experience managing wealth, team up with someone who does. Go to a successful person you know and ask for a referral.
• Fix Bad Money Habits: If you’re the kind of person who gets into financial troubles, you need to deal with them and not expect those issues to go away because you won a big sum.
• Make Keeping the Money the Goal: There’s no reason to take risks when you’ve won a lot of money. Shoot for lower risk investments with the goal of just hanging onto your loot.
– Excerpted from “USA Today”

THE WAY WE EAT:
Eating habits have changed radically in recent decades. We increasingly multitask as we consume meals and our food has higher concentrations of sugar and salt. New research from the Netherlands suggests those 2 factors may be related. A new study has found that people eating while distracted require greater concentrations of sweetness, sourness, or saltiness in order to feel satisfied. A dish that seems flavorful when you’re concentrating on each bite can taste bland if you’re eating while doing something else. (Fight fat! Focus on your food.)
– “Pacific Standard Magazine”

HOW TO ‘RIGHT-SIZE’ YOUR MEALS:
Health experts say ‘portion distortion’ is one of the reasons so many are overweight. A few simple ways to downsize meals …
• Never eat directly out of the bag, box, or carton.
• Make ‘small’ your default setting when ordering food or drinks.
• Use a salad plate as your dinner plate.
• Overload your plate with vegetables and/or salad.
• Package and store leftovers BEFORE you sit down to eat.
• Quit the ‘Clean Plate Club’. 1-in-4 of us eat everything that’s served … no matter how much.
• Contemplating seconds? Wait 10 minutes for your stomach to signal the brain that it’s full.
– Condensed from RD.com

IF SIZE MATTERS:
For the guy who thinks he has everything, here’s something he definitely doesn’t have – yet … a Personal IMAX Theater System. The company expects to install one of its first home systems later this year in a new 11,000-square-foot Miami Beach FL house being built by South American cable TV mogul Ahmad Lee Khamsi. It’s a $2-million installation, minimum. You also need lots of space as all screens are at least 20 feet wide. (Makes your current home theater seem about as jaw-dropping as your grandma’s 1989 Trinitron.)
– BusinessWeek.com

BEST PLACE TO FIND LIFE-LONG LOVE:
Married people who first connect online have longer, more satisfying marriages than those who meet offline. A new University of Chicago study of people who got hitched 2005-2012 has found  just 6% of those who met online have suffered marriage break-ups, compared to 7.6% of couples who met face-to-face. Of those who met offline, those who went to school together, grew up together, or met through social events are more satisfied than those who connected at work, on blind dates, or in bars. Related research suggests you’re about 227% more likely to meet someone through friends or family than any other way. (Listen to your mom.)
– Adapted from “Men’s Health”

HOW COMMON IS YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you ever feel like you’re always running into people with your birthday? It might be due to the date you were born. A new table published in “New York Times” charts the birthdays for people born 1973-99. February 29th and December 25th are ranked 366th and 365th in rank, respectively, while September 16th is rated the most common birthday. Check your date here …
NET: http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18q56qy8kqmjojpg/ku-medium.jpg
– io9.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
A new atomic clock, which is the most accurate ever, uses ytterbium atoms and lasers to precisely define a second. (It’s how much actual playing time elapses in the last 10 minutes of an NBA game.)
– “Smithsonian Magazine”

BS CHRONOMETER 06.10.13


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1921 [92] Prince Philip Mountbatten (Philippos Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderbert-Glucksburn, Prince of Greece), Corfu, Greece, Duke of Edinburgh & Mr Queen Elizabeth II since 1947

1965 [48] Elizabeth Hurley, Basingstoke UK, movie actress (“Austin Powers” films)/TV actress (“Gossip Girl” 2011-12)/model (Estée Lauder)

1985 [28] Kreesha Turner, Edmonton AB, R&B-pop-dance singer-songwriter (“Keep Running the Melody”, “Don’t Call Me Baby”)

1992 [21] Kate Upton, St Joseph MI, fashion model (“Sports Illustrated” ‘Swimsuit Issue’ cover model 2012, 2013)/sometime movie actress (“Tower Heist”)

2001 [12] Sasha (Natasha) Obama, Chicago IL, younger daughter of US president Barack Obama & first lady Michelle Obama

TODAY’S BS REASON TO PARTY . . .
• “Iced Tea Day”, celebrating the favorite Summer cooler of millions. Tea is the world’s 2nd-most-popular beverage … after water.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003 [10] “Last Comic Standing” debuts on NBC-TV (a great concept that gets run into the ground)

2005 [08] Action comedy “Mr & Mrs Smith” opens in movie theaters, the film in which Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie become a couple … both onscreen and off

2007 [06] Close to 12 million fans tune in for the final episode of “The Sopranos” on HBO

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1978 [35] John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John’s “You’re The One That I Want” from the soundtrack of the movie “Grease” hits #1 on pop charts

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1943 [70] ‘Ball Point Pen’ is invented by Lasalo Biro of Budapest, Hungary after Britain’s Royal Air Force hires him to develop an instrument that can write under low atmospheric pressure at high altitudes

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1979 [34] ‘World’s Largest Pastry’ is baked in Liestal, Switzerland … a 1,084-ft-long éclair (“And gimme a vat of coffee with that, please!”)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Corn On the Cob Day
[Wed] “This Is the End” opens in movie theaters
[Wed] Jerky Day
[Wed] Peanut Butter Cookie Day
[Thurs] Bonnaroo Music Festival begins (Manchester TN)
[Thurs] Songwriters Hall of Fame Induction (NYC)
[Thurs] Nurse Assistants Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Automotive Service Professionals Week / Beef Week / Men’s Health Week / Nursing Assistants Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?
• The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence but wouldn’t the water bills be higher?
• Is sexual harassment at work a problem for people who work from home?
• Why is it no matter what language people speak, they always sneeze in German?
• Is it time to diet when your hand is too big to fit into the Pringles canister?
– First published in “BS” 2008.

LEAST POPULAR FATHERS DAY GIFTS:
✗ Overly mushy card that says, “If we ever need to know the score of the game, you’re always there.”
✗ A handsome wall plaque listing all of Bill Gates’ accomplishments right next to a list of all of Dad’s accomplishments.
✗ A year of wake-up calls from Joan Rivers.
✗ Build-your-own-enlarged-prostate model kit.
✗ The Bob Costas Hairpiece Collection.
– First published in “BS” 1997.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
The sign said ‘8 Items or Less’. So I changed my name to Les.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What 3 items are necessary to have the ultimate ‘man cave’?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: On average, you do THIS for more than a half-hour on Mondays.
Answer: Complain.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go into the same bag.


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