Tuesday, June 11, 2013        Edition: #5004

Bully For You!

✳ For a change, Kim Kardashian is showing a modicum of class by not allowing her baby’s birth to be filmed. Producers of her reality TV show want Kim to do the same as sister Kourtney, who allowed cameras to record her giving birth to daughter Penelope for the Season 7 finalé. It’s thought a similar stunt would be a ratings dream come true. But Kim is refusing, saying she doesn’t want her fans to see her in the birthing suite. (You can bet daddy doesn’t want it either.)
– RadarOnline.com
✳ He doesn’t publicize it but Johnny Depp regularly visits children’s hospitals unannounced, dressed as his ‘Captain Jack Sparrow’ character from the “Pirates Of the Caribbean” films. Franchise producer Jerry Bruckheimer told an audience at the “Produced By” conference that the philanthropic actor often travels with the famous costume just for that purpose. Quote: “He knows he is a very fortunate person and he wants to give back.” (Bonus marks for not bragging about it.)
– ContactMusic.com
✳ More details are emerging about Paris Jackson’s alleged suicide attempt. Some sources are now saying she wasn’t serious and may have just been lashing out because she wasn’t allowed to go to a Marilyn Manson concert. Others say the incident was due to fears she’ll have to testify in her late father’s wrongful death lawsuit. There’s also some talk that this wasn’t her first attempt. (Whatever … somebody get the girl some help!)
– “Scandal Sheet”
✳ Justin Bieber’s bodyguard Hugo Hensy is accused of threatening paparazzo Jeffrey Binion with a gun while the rest of his security stole the snapper’s camera memory card outside the Hit Factory recording studio in Miami FL last week. An attorney for the photog says his client is planning to sue for damages as he suffered bodily injury, mental anguish, pain & suffering, and incurred medical expenses. During the incident, the Biebs was caught on video screaming: “Grab that camera! Get that f—ing camera out of here.” (Why not take a break for a year?)
– TMZ.com
✳ And acting couple Mila Kunis & Ashton Kutcher have been staying in London while she shoots the movie “Jupiter Ascending” and have reportedly become so besotted with England they want to wed there once Ashton’s divorce from Demi Moore is finalized. An insider says they’ve considered both Stonehenge (as if!) and the Royal Pavilion in Brighton as potential locations, but Mila is said to favor staging the nuptials at a stately home in the English countryside. (Like Windsor Castle maybe?)
– “Daily Star”

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – More contestants perform for the judges.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Darius Rucker (“True Believers”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Jimmy Eat World (“Damage”, released today).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – The Lumineers (“The Lumineers”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (ABC/CTV) – Musical comedy trio/“SNL” alumni The Lonely Island (“The Wack Album”, out today).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV2) – The hopefuls go to Las Vegas for call-backs.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Matthew Morrison (“Glee”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – LeAnn Rimes (“Spitfire”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – On the live semi-final results show, Fall Out Boy, Tony Lucca, Nicholas David, and Terry McDermott perform; the artists face elimination.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – A performance from the Broadway production “Motown the Musical”.

• Black Sabbath – Their new album “13” is out today, the first to feature Ozzy Osbourne on vocals since 1978’s “Never Say Die”. Also available in a ‘Deluxe Double-CD’ version and a limited-edition ‘Super Deluxe Box Set’.
• Bruno Mars – His “Doo-Wops & Hooligans” album has just been certified 2X Platinum for selling 2 million-plus copies. That’s a personal best for his career so far.
• Modest Mouse – They’ve canceled all upcoming tour dates in the UK and Europe in order to continue working on their upcoming album. Refunds are being offered as the gigs won’t be re-scheduled.
• Paul McCartney – His former publicity chief Geoff Baker is organizing a record-setting attempt at an English seaside town September 7th to mark what would have been Buddy Holly’s 77th birthday. The idea is to have 2,000 people playing Holly’s “Rave On”, thereby breaking the record for ‘Largest Number of Guitarists Performing Simultaneously’. McCartney himself is currently checking to see if he can fit in the so-called “Guitars On the Beach” gig.
• Jay-Z – He’s recently spent some time in-studio with Justin Timberlake, Nas, and Timbaland. It’s unknown what their plan is, but it’s likely that they are working on some sort of collaborative effort.
• Justin Bieber – He’s the latest celebrity to purchase a ticket to fly into space on Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic, potentially before the year’s end. His manager Scooter Braun has also signed up. A boarding pass costs a cool $250,000.
• Psy – He tells “The Sun” he used to want to be Queen rocker Freddie Mercury while growing up. He admits watching the band’s 1986 performance in London’s Wembley Stadium on loop as a child in South Korea.
• Taylor Swift – The 23-year-old pop-country superstar says that if she hadn’t pursued a career in show biz she’d likely be … an interior designer or a detective.

• “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters” ( R-Rated Action Fantasy ): Former ‘Bond girl’ Gemma Arterton stars alongside Jeremy Renner (“The Hurt Locker”) in this dark action movie that tells the story of the fairytale siblings 10 years after their traumatic childhood incident has turned them into bounty hunters. A sequel is already in the works.
• “Paul McCartney & Wings: Rockshow” ( NR Music Documentary): In 1975-76 McCartney & Wings staged the “Wings Over the World Tour”, their largest ever. It resulted in both the “Wings Over America” triple live-album and the concert film “Rockshow”, now available for the first time on DVD and Blu-ray.
• “Oz The Great & Powerful” ( PG Fantasy Adventure ): In this Disney prequel to the “Wizard of Oz”, James Franco plays a small-time magician who arrives in an enchanted land and is forced to decide if he will be a good man or a great one. Co-stars Michelle Williams, Rachel Weisz, Mila Kunis. Directed by Sam Raimi (“Spider-Man” films).
• “Snitch” ( PG-13 Action Thriller): Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson stars as a successful businessman who learns that his son faces 10 tough years in prison for drug possession. Convinced it was a set-up, he volunteers to become an undercover informant and infiltrate a ruthless cartel. Co-stars Barry Pepper, Benjamin Bratt, Susan Sarandon.
• Also released today: “Burn Notice: The Complete 6th Season” (TV); “Dr Who: Doctors Revisited 1-4” (TV); “Fairly Legal: Season 2” (TV); “Ghost Hunters: Season 8” (Reality TV); “House of Cards: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Misfits: Season 3” (TV); “Necessary Roughness: Season 2” (TV); “The Newsroom: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); and “Wedding Band: The Complete Series” (TV).

Scientists have worked out which parent is to blame if you are unhappy with your weight or height. Fathers’ genes appear to determine the height of their children while mothers tend to influence how much body fat they have, a recent study suggests. The work is ongoing, but researchers from the Royal Devon & Exeter Hospital say the initial results are clear … taller dads make for longer babies. (Ever notice your mailman seems to be taller than your dad?)
– BBC News

The color red has a strange power over our unconscious minds. Recent research suggests it can increase one’s attractiveness, compel teachers to grade papers more harshly, and even prompt people to get vaccinated for STDs. Now we can add another to the list: It can trick men into overpaying for ‘sale priced’ items. In a series of experiments, male consumers perceived greater savings when prices were presented in red. By contrast, women appear immune to the effects of red-listed prices, due to their tendency to process ads in greater depth. (Does this explain ‘red tag savings’ at auto dealerships?)
– PSmag.com

Famed fashion designer Coco Chanel is said to be the person who made sun tanning for the sole purpose of bronzing the skin popular. In 1923, she was accidentally sunburned while on a Mediterranean cruise to Cannes, France. Before she knew it, she had started a new fad. Self-tanning products have been around since the 1950s. Some are dyes, others are chemicals refined from sugar cane. Sunbeds first became common in the 1970s. (Melanoma became popular shortly thereafter.)
– Guardian.co.uk

Designated drivers volunteer to be the responsible ones for the night, dutifully sipping club soda for a few hours and then safely ferrying their silly, wasted friends back home from the bar. At least, that’s the idea. A new study has found that 40% of designated drivers do, in fact, drink. Almost 20% drink enough, in fact, to significantly impair their ability to drive. And this isn’t just a college kid issue. The average age of drivers in this study was 28, and as the ages of the drivers went up, so did the levels of D-D drinking. (Be safe … chip in on a cab.)
– NBC News

• The cellphone is the most quickly-adopted consumer technology in the history of the world. They are now being used by as many as 91% of adults, according to Pew Research Center.
– “Globe & Mail”
• A recent study shows that twice as many people turn their heads to the right to kiss as to the left.
– “Daily Telegraph”


1949 [64] Frank Beard, Frankston TX, classic rock drummer (ZZ Top-“Concrete & Steel”, “Sharp Dressed Man”)/ironically the only member of the band without a beard

1952 [61] Donnie Van Zant, Jacksonville FL, country/Southern rock singer (w/Hank Williams Jr-“That’s How They Do It in Dixie”, Van Zant-“Help Somebody”, 38 Special-“Second Chance”)

1959 [54] Hugh Laurie, Oxford UK, TV actor (“House MD” 2004-12)/jazz-blues pianist-singer (“Didn’t It Rain”)  COMING UP: The sci-fi film “Tomorrowland” (2014).

1960 [53] Mehmet Oz, Cleveland OH, physician-surgeon/TV personality (“The Dr Oz Show” since 2009)/syndicated newspaper columnist (“The You Docs”)/Oprah Winfrey protégé

1978 [35] Joshua Jackson, Vancouver BC, TV actor (“Fringe” 2008-13, “Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)/movie actor (“Cruel Intentions”)

1983 [30] Josh Ramsay, Vancouver BC, punk rock singer-songwriter (Marianas Trench-“Haven’t Had Enough”, “All to Myself”)

1986 [27] Shia LaBeouf, Los Angeles CA, movie actor (“Transformers” films, “Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull”)  COMING UP: Lars von Trier’s “Nymphomaniac”, opening December 25th.

• “Corn On the Cob Day”, celebrating the only ears most of us will ever eat.

• “Hug Holiday”, an annual observance begun by some eternal optimist somewhere who thinks most of the world’s troubles can be solved with a tight clinch. C’mon now, don’t be shy … group hug, everybody!

• “William Davis Miners’ Memorial Day”, an annual day of remembrance of miners who’ve been killed on the job in the coal mining communities of Nova Scotia. (Davis was a miner who died during a protest by striking miners in 1935.)

1993 [20] Steven Spielberg’s dinosaur adventure “Jurassic Park” opens in movie theaters, setting box office records of $18.2 million in its 1st day and $50.2 million in its 1st weekend  BS FACTOID: “Jurassic Park IV” is now in development.

2002 [11] “American Idol: The Search For a Superstar” debuts (FOX) as a Summer replacement series, but quickly becomes the #1 show on US television (in 12 seasons it has produced only 2 true stars: Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood)

1998 [15] After much fanfare, Seattle WA-based Amazon.com expands its operation from books-only to music as well, opening its online music business with some 120,000 titles

2008 [05] Prime Minister Stephen Harper makes an historic official apology to Canada’s First Nations in regard to residential school abuses of the past

1996 [17] Country star Garth Brooks sets a “Fan Fair” (now “CMA Music Festival”) record by signing autographs in Nashville TN for 23 hours straight

[Wed] “This Is the End” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] Bonnaroo Music Festival begins (Manchester TN)
[Thurs] Songwriters Hall of Fame Induction (NYC)
[Thurs] Nurse Assistants Day
[Fri] “Man of Steel” opens in movie theaters
This Week Is … Automotive Service Professionals Week
This Month Is … Cancer From the Sun Month


A collection of excerpts from actual high school English compositions …
✗ “The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.”
✗ “Anderson fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.”
✗ “Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.”
✗ “He was as tall as a 6-foot, 3-inch tree.”
✗ “The hailstones leaped from the pavement, like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.”
✗ “John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.”
✗ “His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.”
✗ “Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.”

☎ A recent study suggests just 20 words make up a third of the average teenager’s everyday speech. Which 3 are most common in your household?

Not only can my dog roll over and play dead, he can rock back and forth like a lawn sprinkler.

• According to a “USA Today” poll, over a third of us hit the clock radio ‘snooze button’ an average of 3 times each morning. So how much extra Z-time do you get each time you hit ‘snooze’?
a. 3 minutes.
b. 6 minutes.
c. 9 minutes. [CORRECT. That’s been the industry standard ever since General Electric marketed the 1st ‘snooze alarm’ in 1956.]
– StraightDope.com

• You’re an advocate of ‘panspermia’. What do you believe in?
a. Living barefoot.
b. The idea that life on Earth originated on another planet. [CORRECT]
c. A scientifically-secured cache of human sperm to ensure the future of mankind.
– Magazine Monitor

Question: The average man does THIS 6 times a week; the average woman just 3 times.
Answer: Shake hands.

Having the critics praise you is like having the hangman say you’ve got a pretty neck.

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