Thursday, June 12, 2008                      Edition: #3796
The Bovine Fecal Material Is About to Hit the Oscillating Air Circulating Device!

The latest victim of the “Quantum Of Solace” curse is ‘James Bond’ himself, actor Daniel Craig, who was temporarily admitted to hospital after slicing off the tip of a finger during filming at Britain’s Pinewood Studios (it’s at least the 4th mishap during filming) . . . Reports say 83-year-old Oscar-winning actor Paul Newman (“The Color of Money”) is gravely ill with lung cancer and receiving treatment in NYC, to which his rep has responded “Newman says he’s doing nicely” (which neither confirms or refutes anything) . . . A brief 800-word “Harry Potter” prequel written by JK Rowling has sold at a charity auction in London for about $50,000 following a bidding frenzy (she could sign a used Kleenex and make money) . . . Actor Charlie Sheen is in yet another battle with ex-wife Denise Richards, this time over giving their kids vaccinations – she wants ‘em; he’s against ‘em (gee, what a surprise) . . . MONDAY’s season premiere of “Nashville Star” (airing on NBC-TV for the first time) brought in less-than-stellar ratings (is it Billy Ray?) . . . “The Hills” star Lauren Conrad has reportedly pitched a hissy-fit over co-star/housemate Audrina Patridge’s exclusive interview & photoshoot for “OK!” magazine (in TODAY’s issue), suggesting the house is hers and she should have been consulted (and photographed too, byatch!) . . . Reality TV regular Brody Jenner is getting his own MTV show, “Bromance”, in which guy contestants compete for a place in his ‘entourage’ (um, can we take the toaster instead?) . . . 49-year-old movie actor Michael Madsen (“Thelma & Lousie”, “Reservoir Dogs”) has been taken to hospital by ambulance after going berserk at an upscale London hotel, screaming, shouting, and looking all ‘wild-eyed’ after an apparent altercation with his wife (maybe he wasn’t acting when he played ‘Mr Blonde’?) . . . And hard to believe, but Tori Spelling’s new kid’s name (‘Stella’) is actually more normal than Jessica Alba’s (‘Honor’), and certainly Nicole Richie’s (‘Harlow’) or Cate Blanchett’s (‘Ignatius’).

• “AFI Life Achievement Award” – The 36th annual honor from the American Film Institute is bestowed upon actor/producer/director Warren Beatty in Los Angeles (airs JUNE 25th).
• “Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival” – The 7th annual weekend-long, multi-format music event begins on a farm in Manchester TN, southeast of Nashville. Performers include Alison Krauss & Robert Plant, BB King, Death Cab for Cutie, Jack Johnson, Kanye West, Metallica, Pearl Jam, the Raconteurs, and Willie Nelson.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Chris Brown (“With You”) performs.
• “Kathy Griffin: My Life On the D-List” (Bravo) – Love her or hate her, she’s spending New Year’s Eve with CNN anchor Anderson Cooper in TONIGHT’s season premiere. Immediately afterward she hosts the “A-List Awards”, which celebrate everything from fashion to restaurants.
• “Last Comic Standing” (NBC/Global) – Kate Flannery & Brian Baumgartner from “The Office” (‘Meredith’ & ‘Kevin’) head to Minneapolis MN to scout stand-up talent.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Emmylou Harris is the musical guest.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – The Jonas Brothers are featured.
• “North-By-NorthWest Festival” – The 14th annual 4-day event that serves up new music & film predominantly from independent artists gets underway in Toronto. Some 100,000 patrons are expected to take in performances by 500 acts at 40 venues.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – “American Idol” winner David Cook is onstage.

• Brad Paisley – He’s just completed his latest music video, “Waitin’ On a Woman“, with 82-year-old TV icon Andy Griffith (yup, he’s still kickin’!) It’s expected to debut later THIS MONTH.
• Coldplay – Due to ‘production delays’, they’ll launch their “Viva La Vida” North American tour a little later than expected with 2 shows at The Forum in Los Angeles JULY 14th-15th. Tickets for the tour are scheduled to go on sale THIS WEEKEND in San Jose, Chicago, Montréal, Toronto, and Boston. (Shows in Edmonton, Calgary, and Winnipeg have been axed – boo!)
• Gnarls Barkley – TONIGHT through JUNE 18th they host a ‘June Residency Series’ in London & Paris, a set of intimate shows with limited tickets and surprise appearances by guest artists.
• Madonna – UK gossip site ‘Holy Moly’ reports she that hired one of Britain’s toughest divorce attorneys (the same one as Paul McCartney) more than a week ago. Rumors of a rift between her & hubby Guy Ritchie have been circulating for months. Hard to believe, but reports say the duo do NOT have a pre-nup agreement.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Escape” – Katherine Heigl (“27 Dresses”, “Knocked Up”, “Grey’s Anatomy”) will star in this adaptation of the best-selling memoir of Carolyn Jessop, who was born into a Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints sect, married a man 32 years her senior at 18; then fled with her 8 children at age 35. Heigl, quickly becoming a major Hollywood player, will also produce.
• “Janky Promoters” – The latest comedy from writer-actor-producer Ice Cube follows the shenanigans of a pair of shady concert promoters (Cube and Mike Epps) who get in over their heads trying to book a big-name hip-hop act. A real-life rap star is expected to be signed for the role. BTW, ‘janky’ is street slang for ‘broken’, ‘messed-up’, or ‘unreliable’. The film’s out in 2009.
• “Iron Man 2” – In the sequel to THIS SUMMER’s blockbuster, Robert Downey Jr’s ‘Iron Man’ will have a trusty sidekick, Terrence Howard as ‘War Machine’. The big hurdle is now finding a new original story since the one being considered turns out to be similar to Will Smith’s upcoming superhero movie, “Hancock” (opening JULY 2nd). The producers are eyeing 2010 for the “I-M” follow-up.
• “The Smurfs” – The classic children’s cartoon characters are heading to the bigscreen for their 50th anniversary. Sony Pictures has scooped the film rights to the original 1958 Belgian comic book series which later became a TV show. The as-yet-untitled film will combine animation and live action. (As soon as they find some blue actors.)
• “Transporter 3” – Jason Statham returns as the ex-Special Forces operative who’ll deliver just about anything … for the right amount of money. Robert Knepper (“Prison Break”) co-stars. The 2002 film and its 2005 sequel rustled up over $125 million at the box office. The 3rd film in the action franchise, this time set in Paris, is due in theaters NOVEMBER 26th.

Just in time for “Pest Control Month”, a few amazing facts about skitters …
• Mosquitoes have killed more people than all the world’s wars combined.
• Only female mosquitoes drink blood. They need the protein to make eggs.
• Mosquitoes can mate in mid-air, often in as little as 15 seconds from approach to see-ya-later.
• Instant mosquito repellant: place a white dinner plate near where you’re sitting outside with water and lemon dish detergent on it. Skitters will be attracted to the plate and drop dead in it or nearby.
• A couple of ways to not attract the little pests: avoid washing your hair with fragrant shampoos; and don’t wear dark, solid shades, or tight clothing.

A mother who became sick of her hypochondriac son whining about illness all the time has invented a pill to try to fool him – and others like him – into getting well. The ‘Obecalp’ (‘placebo’ spelled backwards) is a cherry-flavored chewable tablet that looks and tastes like it might be filled with medicine … but isn’t. (Is this good parenting …. lying to your kid?)
– “Curious Times”

Want to lose weight faster? Drink as much ice water as you can! Researchers say cold water consumption forces your system to rev up metabolism to keep your body temperature from dropping. End result … weight loss is sped up! (If you sleep in your deep-freeze you’ll be thin in no time!)
– “Woman’s Day“

Some homeowners in America are becoming so desperate to sell in this time of sinking prices that they’re resorting to giveaways. Around the country, homeowners and/or their real estate agents are now offering freebies such as bottles of wine and even shoe-shines to anyone who shows up just to tour an open house. (The next big thing … home raffles.)
– “USA Today”

Everyone claims they want more money, but if you offer them some they probably won’t take it. That’s been proven in London, England where, as a publicity stunt for a price comparison website, representatives wandered around city streets wearing sandwich boards that offered a free £5-note (circa $10) to anyone who asked. Of the 1,800 people who could have claimed the cash, only 28 decided to do so. (Let’s try that … with [co-host’s] money.)

• Over a span of 93 years, Major League Baseball players whose names began with the letter ‘K’, the symbol for a strikeout, struck out at a higher rate than non-‘K’ batters.
• In 1935, police in Atlantic City, New Jersey arrested 42 people on the beach while enforcing a ban on topless swimsuits … on men.
– “Totally Trivial”
• Skirts, dresses, even coats are creeping way up. Old ‘mini’ lengths were about 3 inches above the knee. Now they’re around 5 inches.
– “Cosmopolitan”


1924 [84] George HW Bush, Milton MA, 41st US President (1989-93)/Dubya’s dad

1941 [67] Marv Albert, Brooklyn NY, TV sports Announcer/’The Voice of Basketball’ (NBA-TV, TNT)

1959 [49] Scott Thompson, North Bay ON (raised Brampton ON), TV personality (“My Fabulous Gay Wedding” 2005, “Larry Sanders Show” 1995-98, “Kids In the Hall” 1988-94)

1981 [27] Adriana Lima, Salvador, Brazil, fashion model (Victoria’s Secret, Maybelline)

1979 [29] Robyn (Carlsson), Stockholm, Sweden, pop singer (“With Every Heartbeat”, “Show Me Love”)

• “International Nursing Assistants Day”, the 31st annual observed on the 2nd THURSDAY in JUNE. It is also the beginning of “Nursing Assistants Week”, recognizing those devoted souls who do much of the dirty work in hospitals.

• “Machine Day”, celebrating the gadgets ‘n gizmos that have become a big part of our daily lives, whether they’re ATMs, computers, cellphones or cars.

• “Red Rose Day”, an annual celebration of the most popular cut flower. (And one of the most expensive!)

• “Taco Day”, a day to stuff a hard tortilla shell with your favorite hot ‘n spicy fillings. (Tomorrow is “Unbearable Cramps Day”. )

1981 [27] “Raiders Of the Lost Ark” opens, introducing adventurer ‘Indiana Jones’ to movie fans

1984 [24] Movie star & diehard LA Lakers fan Jack Nicholson moons a group of Boston Celtics supporters in the Boston Garden (pleaaasssse, don’t be showing us your 71-year-old tush THIS YEAR!)

1992 [16] “Batman Returns” opens in movie theaters  (actor Michael Keaton’s 2nd kick at the cape, which pretty much kills his career)

1792 [216] George Vancouver discovers site of Vancouver BC (what a coincidence … same name!)

1839 [169] According to (fictitious) legend, Abner Doubleday creates baseball in Cooperstown NY

1897 [111] ‘Swiss Army Knife’ is 1st patented (the original red-handled utility tool contains large & small knives, a can opener, bottle opener, corkscrew, and an awl with an eye for sewing)

1939 [69] The ‘Baseball Hall of Fame’ is formally dedicated in Cooperstown NY

1997 [11] 1st MLB ‘Interleague Play’, ending 126-year tradition of separating the American & National baseball leagues until the World Series (in the 1st game, San Francisco Giants beat Texas Rangers 4-3)

[Fri] Blame Someone Else Day
[Fri] Juggling Day
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Fri] “The Incredible Hulk” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Rascal Flatts summer tour begins (St Louis)
[Sun] 19th MuchMusic Video Awards (Toronto)
[Sun] 62nd Tony Awards (NYC)
[Sun] Smile Power Day
[Sun] Fathers Day
This Week Is … Credit Awareness Week
This Month Is … Dairy Alternative Month


• “No, honey, you sit this one out. I really can’t wait to change that diaper.”
• “Well, how ’bout that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.”
• “Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car. Go nuts!”
• “Forget the beef, I’ll try one of your yummy lookin’ veggie-burgers.”
• “What do you mean you want to play hockey? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?”
• “Your mother and I are going away for awhile. You might want to consider throwing a party.”
• “What do you want to go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.”
• “Here, you take the TV remote.”
• “Father’s Day? Ah don’t worry about it, it’s no big deal.”

• Keep a roll of plastic bags in your beach bag. They are handy for taking home wet bathing suits, keeping sand out of your sun lotion or camera, storing litter, and holding leaky containers.
• Freeze a selection of summer berries to use instead of ice in party drinks.
• If kids leave hard to remove stickers on furniture, cover the stickers in mayonnaise for 10 minutes to loosen.
• Put cling wrap over an opened tub of ice cream before replacing the lid and putting it back in the freezer. The contents won’t frost over.
 • Use chilled, sliced tomatoes on sunburn. It draws out the heat and feels very soothing.
– “The Abacus”

If you could possess one supernatural ability, what would it be?

• Which household chore do the most guys (47%) dislike the most?
a. Mowing the lawn.
b. Cleaning windows. [CORRECT]
c. Picking her hair out of the drain.

• You suffer from ‘ergasiophobia’. What do you have an abnormal fear of?
a. Mexican food.
b. Service stations.
c. Any kind of work. [CORRECT]

After watching “Indiana Jones” I’ve discovered that an archeologist is just a scientist whose career lies in ruins.

Today’s Question: THESE are 32% smaller than they were 40 years ago.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Bikinis.

Doors don’t open themselves. Well, electronic ones do … but that ruins the saying.

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