BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Screenwriter Joe Eszterhas, who’s publishing a book called “Heaven & Mel” about his turbulent relationship with actor Mel Gibson, tells CNN that his former friend is a sick puppy (quote: “Get some help before someone is hurt”) . . . If you thought “Snow White & The Huntsman” had a weirdly unsatisfying ending, there was good reason for that – a sequel’s being planned (speaking of sequels we don’t want, “Hangover III” is also in the works) . . . “Battleship” director Peter Berg now admits that his movie ‘obviously underperformed in many ways’ (mostly in the area of watchability) . . . At the age of 40, sorta actor David Arquette has finally become a man, celebrating his Bar Mitzvah in Israel (ouch, that musta hurt!) . . . Former *NSYNC boy-bander Lance Bass is looking to launch a reality show called “Celebrity Sellouts”, about ‘A-list’ celebrity yard sales (yeah, like George & Brad are getting together to hawk some stuff in Clooney’s garage) . . . Speaking of which: After a quickie vacation in Cabo last week, George Clooney & Stacy Keibler are back at his villa in Lake Como (seriously, this girl must wake up pinching herself every day) . . . Germany’s oldest wax museum, the St Pauli Panopticon in Hamburg, has just unveiled a new figure of 78-year-old Chanel fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld (he’s the only human who looks less life-like than his wax figure) . . . A ‘friend’ of Kanye West tells “Us Weekly” that he & girlfriend Kim Kardashian are already talking marriage and kids (trouble is, it’s her marriage, his kids) . . . And “Hollywood Reporter” notes that Disney’s former “High School Musical” cutie Ashley Tisdale is set to trash her good-girl rep by playing a high-priced hooker named ‘Emma Jean’ on FX-TV’s biker drama “Sons of Anarchy” (as a further measure of how  her career’s going – she’s also signed to co-star in “Scary Movie 5”).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Gregg Allman (autobiography “My Cross to Bear”).
• “Duets” (ABC/Global) – The celebs perform ‘party songs’ with their partners; an amateur is eliminated.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Natasha Bedingfield (“Strip Me”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Dead Sara (“Dead Sara”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Band Of Skulls (“Sweet Sour”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Lee Brice (“Hard 2 Love”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Nora Jones (“Little Broken Hearts”)/guitar icon Matt ‘Guitar’ Murphy.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Jerry Douglas (“Traveler”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – Auditions continue in Salt Lake City, Utah.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Carrie Underwood – The devout Christian tells UK’s “The Independent” she supports the legalization of gay marriage. Quote: “I definitely think we should all have the right to love, and love publicly, the people that we want to love.”
• Eric Church – His 3rd single, “Springsteen” from the album “Chief”, will top the “Billboard” country chart when it’s released tomorrow. His prior single, “Drink In My Hand”, marked his first career #1.
• Katy Perry – She’ll perform as part of the “Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular” in NYC, which will air live as an NBC-TV special. Also appearing: Kenny Chesney.
• Kenny Chesney – He appears in the latest ESPN “This is SportsCenter” promo, pretending to ignore anchor Steve Levy’s desperate attempts to join him at the most popular table in the ESPN cafeteria.
• One Direction – Tonight their 2013 Summer tour begins in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, with dates announced up to August 7th in Los Angeles. They’ll also play NYC’s Madison Square Garden on December 3rd.
• Rihanna – Unknown Irish model Jahnassa Aicken claims to be ‘the behind’ behind Rihanna’s latest Emporio Armani lingerie ad. If true, the use of a body double was likely more due to Riri’s killer schedule than any insecurity. She’s certainly no stranger to nudity and never been prudish.

COLORS YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF:
Looking for a new hue to jazz up your interior decor? How about …
• Arsenic – A dark blue-gray whose name is taken from the metalloid element it’s named after.
• Caput Mortuum – In Latin ‘worthless remains’ or ‘dead head’, it describes the range of purple-brown colors that are created when rust is oxidized.
• Fallow – This pale brown color named for the soil in fallow fields is said to be one of the oldest color names in the English language, dating from at least 1000 AD.
• Gambage – Named after a Cambodian tree, this color is a dark spicy mustard.
• Malachite – This vibrant green comes from the carbonate mineral of the same name. Also known as Basic Green 4, It’s often used when creating green dye.
• UN Blue – The color in the flag of the United Nations. Similar to ‘Dodger Blue’ but more pastel.
• Xanadu – A green-gray color that comes from the plant know as the philodendron.
– Condensed from MindJunker.com

PIPERS’ LAMENT:
Scotland’s bagpipe experts are bemoaning the fact that these days – like seemingly everything else – a vital part of their beloved instrument is being mass-produced in China. The traditional sheepskin bag, carried in the piper’s armpit, is increasingly being replaced by a manufactured synthetic bag made in China. And that, connoisseurs say, is affecting the sound. That’s because if the bag isn’t airtight and able to absorb moisture from the piper’s breath, it can settle on the instrument’s reeds, thereby affecting tuning. (Um, one question. How can you tell if your bagpipe’s out-of-tune?)
– “The Scotsman”

BS CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
New terms leaking into our lingo …
✓ ‘Godswallop’ – The drivel that zealous believers spout about their religion, whichever one it is. (“The idea that a higher being endorses demeaning others is nothing but godswallup.”)
✓ ‘Jack’ – Slang term for a mobile phone. (“Hey, go grab my jack from off the sofa.”)
✓ ‘Tinman’ – Brit slang for a cop. (“Better swallow that spliff … a tinman just rounded the corner.”)

HOMELESS & OBESE:
A new study dispels the myth that, in general, the homeless are starving and underweight. Researchers from Harvard Medical School and Oxford University report that obesity is just as common among the homeless as it is in the general population. One reason, the authors suggest, could be because cheap, instantly satisfying foods often contain high levels of fat and sugar. Another reason could be that bodies experiencing chronic food shortages adapt by storing fat reserves. (If you give to food banks, great. But to maximize the benefit, make sure you’re giving healthful foods.)
– SciTechDaily.com

THINGS YOUR TV SALES REP WON’T TELL YOU:
• Buy your new TV in September or January. That’s when the new models come out and the prices go way down on discontinued models.
• Want a great deal? Buy a refurbished set, a TV previously opened or returned. Check the warranty though.
• The margins on TVs are so thin, they’re almost nonexistent. Super-low prices are designed to get you in the store, where they’ll try to sell you expensive cords and accessories.
• Don’t buy an extended warranty. Problems are rare, and most repairs happen in the first year.
• Don’t blow money on a fancy HDMI cable. The one you can buy online for $10 is just as good as the $100 one in the store.
• Thinner is not always better. If you’re setting your TV on a piece of furniture, why bother paying a premium for the thinnest technology?
• A ‘contrast ratio’ of 50,000-to-1 may sound impressive, but because every manufacturer measures it differently, it’s really a meaningless number.
• Flat screens have beautiful pictures, but the sound from most is pretty awful. If you can’t afford an expensive audio system, get external speakers.
• 3-D TV is just a fad. Nobody’s making content for it and you’ve still got to wear the goofy glasses. As virtually everyone now has a flat panel TV, it’s just a gimmick to get you in-store.
• Don’t expect your flat screen to be around forever. You’ll be lucky if it lasts 5 years. Today’s TVs are made to be replaced.
– Condensed form “Reader’s Digest”

SECRET TRAILS NO LONGER:
Over the past few years, Google’s Street View map overlays have let us check out thoroughfares in most of the world’s cities. Now the company’s announced it’s bringing Street View to hiking trails using new equipment dubbed ‘Trekker’. Google hikers will tote 40-lb backpacks stuffed with megapixel cameras, a hard-drive, and enough batteries for a day’s-worth of shooting in order to photograph trails through national parks, ruins, castles, and other great hikes. Add this to the list of ways technology can bring you closer to wildlife. (Or you could actually stand up and walk out your door.)
– Treehugger.com

WHAT YOUR PLAYLIST SAYS ABOUT YOU:
What are you really sharing when you post your playlists online? You might be surprised to learn you’re revealing a lot more about yourself than you intend. For example …
• Single Men With John Mayer Songs – You think it shows the ladies that you have a sensitive side. Trouble is, Mayer has a bad rep for picking them up and dumping them.
• People Whose Only Country Album is “Johnny Cash’s Greatest Hits” – You’re saying you liked country before it got all poppy and commercial. In truth, your only exposure to the genre was the Joaquin Phoenix movie.
• Men With Katy Perry Songs – You want the opposite sex to think you really enjoy female pop hits. What you really like about Katy isn’t her hits but something that rhymes with it.
• Anybody Over 25 Who Listens to Skrillex – You want to project the idea you’re still hip and can appreciate new music. Just like when your parents got into Meat Loaf.
• Guy With a Whitney Houston Playlist – Everyone remembers you made a ‘crack is whack’ joke about 2 days before her death. You’re fooling no one.
• Straight Guys With a Best of Broadway Channel – You’re either someone totally secure in his manhood and/or you are Hugh Jackman.
• Teens With a Rolling Stones Channel – You’re craving the rep of a true musicologist who understands where it all began. You’re also down with that Ted Zeppelin guy from the ‘70s.
– Adapted from Cracked.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
Workers who exercise on a regular basis earn 9% more than inactive workers.
– SmartMoney.com

BS CHRONOMETER 06.13.12

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1953 [59] Tim Allen (Dick), Denver CO, TV actor (‘Mike Baxter’ on “Last Man Standing” since 2011, “Home Improvement” 1991-99)/movie actor (“Toy Story” films, “Santa Clause” movies)

1970 [42] Rivers Cuomo, Yogaville CT, alt-rock singer/guitarist (Weezer-“Pork & Beans”, “Beverly Hills”)

1974 [38] Steve-O (Stephen Glover), London UK, TV/movie stuntman (“Jackass” 2000-02/  “Jackass 3-D”, “Jackass: The Movie”)  UP NEXT: “Killer Karaoke”, a TV game show debuting this Fall in which contestants attempt to sing while attempts are made to disrupt them.

1978 [34] Jason Michael Carroll, Houston TX, country singer/songwriter (“Where I’m From”, “Livin’ Our Love Song”).

1981 [31] Chris Evans, Sudbury MA, movie actor (“The Avengers”, “Fantastic Four: Rise Of the Silver Surfer”)

1986 [26] Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, Sherman Oaks CA, twins who co-run a billion-dollar consumer-goods company (clothing, cosmetics, hair products, home decor, etc)/sometime actresses (began TV sitcom “Full House” 1987-95 at 6 months of age )

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Kitchen Klutzes Day”, celebrating not-so-accomplished cooks by encouraging them to prepare a recipe that contains no more than 4 ingredients, not including water, salt & pepper. (What’s the easiest dinner to make? ‘Mac & Cheese’? ‘Wiener Water Soup’? ‘PB&J’?)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/6ttlxts

• “Weed Your Garden Day”. Or just start referring to it as a ‘wildflower display’.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2005 [07] After a sensational 16-week trial in Los Angeles, Michael Jackson is found innocent of child molestation charges

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2006 [06] Heather Mills, ex-model and estranged wife of Paul McCartney, announces her intention to divorce the billionaire musician (reportedly costs him $40-$50 million)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1884 [128] Builder LaMarcus Thompson unveils the 1st roller coaster, the ‘Gravity Pleasure Switchback Railway’, at Coney Island NY (the 6 mph ride cost 5 cents)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1922 [90] ‘Longest Attack of Hiccups’ begins (98-year-old Charlie Osborne hiccups over 435 million times before stopping in 1991, 11 months before he dies)

1992 [20] World’s ‘Smallest Recorded Baby’ is born, measuring just 6 inches and weighing only 11 ounces

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Career Nurse Assistants Day
[Thurs] World Blood Donor Day
[Fri] Work @ Home Fathers Day
[Sat] World Juggling Day
[Sun] Fathers Day
This Week Is … Men’s Health Week
This Month Is … Great Outdoors Month

BULL’S BITS

SHEET YOUR DAD SAYS:
• “Now you listen to ME, Buster!”
• “You call that a haircut?”
• “This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.”
• “I’ll tell you why. Because I said so. THAT’S why.”
• “What’s so funny? Wipe that smile off your face.”
• “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times!”
• “If your friend jumped off a bridge would you too?”
• “You’re gonna like it, whether you like it or not!”
• “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice!”
• “Go ask your mother.”

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Board games are making a comeback with the young adult generation; board game parties and board game pubs becoming increasingly popular. Which board games are the all-time best? Which TV shows/movies/videogames would make good subjects for board games?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Ouch! I just sprained something with all that eye-rolling.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: According to a “Parent Magazine” poll, baby’s first 2 words are usually ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ and THIS is most often 3rd.
Answer: ‘More!’

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A chicken is an egg’s way of producing more eggs.