Friday, June 16, 2017 – Edition: #5998

Can You Believe This Sheet?

★ Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn have reprised their characters from the 2004 comedy ‘Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story’ to launch a fundraising campaign. They have released a video where their Dodgeball characters (White Goodman and Peter LaFleur) start a charity campaign with Omaze. The winners of the campaign will get to play dodgeball with Stiller’s character from the movie and enjoy pizza afterward. Proceeds go to The Stiller Foundation, which provides educational opportunities for children around the world.
★ As Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart celebrated their seventh wedding anniversary yesterday, Flockhart says that not only is their 22-year age gap a ‘non-issue’, but according to her, “The truth is, I sometimes feel very much older than Harrison”.  Ford is 74 while Flockhart is 52.  She does say, however, that the pair couldn’t be happier.  According to her, she sometimes has to be reminded of their age difference. To her, he’s not handsome, he’s cute.
(OK….collective “Awwwwwwwwww”)
★ There’s been a twist in FX’s American Crime Story franchise: ‘The Assassination of Gianni Versace’, which was originally slated to be the third installment of the series, will now premiere in early 2018. This means that it will bump ‘Katrina’ (focusing on the tragedy during and after the New Orleans hurricane), which had been previously announced as the follow-up to last year’s phenomenon ‘The People v. O.J. Simpson’. Penelope Cruz plays Versace’s sister Donatella and Ricky Martin is Versace’s long-term boyfriend, Antonio D’Amico.
★ Shannen Doherty’s husband Kurt Iswarienko appears to have scored a legal victory in his lawsuit against the star’s former managers. In her own $15 million lawsuit, Doherty, said the firm mismanaged her money and allowed her health insurance to lapse in 2014. Iswarienko said in his suit that the delayed cancer diagnosis and treatment – a ‘direct result’ of the firm allowing her insurance policy to lapse – subsequently destroyed the couple’s sex life. He has withdrawn the suit, a strong indicator that the two sides have settled.
★ Dolce & Gabbana is making fun of people who boycotted their clothing after the fashion company dressed Melania Trump for her official White House portrait. The company is selling T-shirts for $245 apiece that read #BOYCOTT DOLCE & GABBANA.
(And if you pay $245 for a t-shirt, YOU deserve to be boycotted!)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Kirsten Dunst, Larry the Cable Guy, Nikki Glaser
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Scarlett Johansson, Bill Burr, Fleet Foxes
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Courtney Love, John Early, Masa Takayama, Jared Champion ( R )
• “Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Lionel Richie, Jenna Dewan Tatum, Katy Perry ( R )
• “Last Call with Carson Daly” (NBC/CTV): Carrie Coon, Deap Vally, Bassem Youssef ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Laverne Cox
• “The Talk” (CBS): Kate Mara, Darnell Kirkwood
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Scarlett Johansson, Danai Gurira
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Langford, Dylan Minnette ( R )
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Josh Holloway, Lisa Edelstein, Major Christina Hopper ( R )
• “The Real” (FOX): John Singleton ( R )
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC): “Auditions 3” Contestants of all ages audition for the chance to win the $1 million prize.

• “World of Dance” (NBC): The Qualifiers 3. Elite dance acts from all ages and dance genres enter the arena to showcase their talents.

• “American Ninja Warrior” (NBC): “Los Angeles Qualifiers” In the first qualifying round from Los Angeles, competitors must tackle six obstacles.
• “iHeartRadio Much Music Video Awards” (MuchMusic): Performances by Niall Horan, Arkells, Imagine Dragons, DNCE, Iggy Azalea. Hosts: Alessia Cara and Joe Jonas

• Queen – and Adam Lambert have announced dates for a spring 2018 tour of Australia and New Zealand. The six-city run opens in Auckland on February 17.
• Van Morrison – has been added to one stop of Willie Nelson’s ‘Outlaw Music Festival’ which will be touring the U.S. this summer featuring Nelson & Family, The Avett Brothers, Sheryl Crowe and more.  Morrison will catch up with the rest of the gang on Sept. 10 in Hershey, PA.
• Metallica – Drummer Lars Ulrich is now Sir Lars Ulrich after having been recently knighted in his native Denmark.
• KISS – Gene Simmons is seeking to trademark the ‘devil’s-horns’ gesture. Most metalheads know that the ‘international greeting for heavy metal’ is attributed to the late Ronnie James Dio.  In his filing, however, Simmons says he first made the sign on Nov. 14, 1974, which may predate Dio’s use by a few years. Dio always gave credit for the hand symbol to his Italian grandmother.
(Dear Gene: Please look up ‘I love you’ in sign-language.)
• The Weeknd – has announced a new run of North American tour dates that will find him returning to the road this fall to promote his 2016 album release “Starboy”.  The ‘Legend of the Fall’ tour begins September 6 in University Park, Pennsylvania.
• Diplo – has laughed off Katy Perry’s assessment of his sex prowess. Perry had ranked him below both Orlando Bloom and John Mayer in the sack during a discussion with James Corden on her weekend live stream.  Diplo took to social media to joke about the ranking, posting an intense image of himself over a crowd with the caption, “I won the bronze metal in sex Olympics.” Oh, and one more: “I don’t remember having sex”.
• James Blunt – says he wrote his breakthrough hit ‘You’re Beautiful’ on a piano in the bathroom at his late friend Carrie Fisher’s Hollywood home. (What he was looking at when he was writing, I don’t even want to know…)
• Ariana Grande – will be made an honorary Manchester citizen. Council leader Sir Richard Leese says she “exemplified the response” the city wanted to show the face of terror.
• Selena Gomez – takes on a new role…or roles in her new ‘Bad Liar’ music video.  In the ‘70s- set video, Gomez portrays a shy high schooler, a gym coach with a Farrah Fawcett-inspired coif, a bespectacled male teacher, and a mom, all of whom are interconnected in unexpected ways.
• Grammys – The Grammy Awards are transitioning to online voting and have updated rules for its top category, album of the year. Voting by its 13000 members for the 2018 Grammy Awards will take place in the fall and will include songs and albums released between Oct. 1, 2016, and Sept. 30, 2017.

• “Cars 3” (G, Kids/Family):  Lightning McQueen sets out to prove to a new generation of racers that he’s still the best race car in the world. (Owen Wilson, Cristela Alonzo, Chris Cooper, Nathan Fillion)
• “All Eyez on Me” (R-Rated, Drama): Tells the true and untold story of prolific rapper, actor, poet and activist Tupac Shakur. (Demetrius Shipp Jr., Danai Gurira, Kat Graham, Annie Ilonzeh)
• “Rough Night” (R-Rated, Comedy): Things go terribly wrong for a group of girlfriends who hire a male stripper for a bachelorette party in Miami. (Scarlett Johansson, Kate McKinnon, Zoë Kravitz, Ilana Glazer)
• “47 Meters Down” (PG-13, Mystery/Suspense): Two sisters vacationing in Mexico are trapped in a shark cage at the bottom of the ocean. With less than an hour of oxygen left and great white sharks circling nearby, they must fight to survive. (Mandy Moore, Claire Holt, Matthew Modine, Yani Gellman)
• “The Book Of Henry” (PG-13, Drama): A single mother discovers a scheme in her son’s book to rescue a young girl from the hands of her abusive stepfather and sets out to execute the plan at any cost. (Naomi Watts, Jaeden Lieberher, Jacob Tremblay, Sarah Silverman)
• “Maudie” (PG-13, Drama/Romance): Based on a true story. An arthritic Nova Scotia woman works as a housekeeper while she hones her skills as an artist and eventually becomes a beloved figure in the community. (Sally Hawkins, Ethan Hawke, Kari Matchett, Zachary Bennett)

(Just in time for Father’s Day this Sunday, here are some Dad-isms:)
• “You want something to do? I’ll give you something to do!”
• “Don’t make me stop this car!”
• “What did I just finish telling you?”
• “Were you born in a barn? Close the door!”
• “Get your elbows off the table!”
• “When I was your age, I treated MY father with respect.”
• “Don’t give me any of your lip, young lady.”
• “Act your age!”
• “Do you think I’m made of money?”
• “You call that noise ‘music’?”
• “Because I said so. That’s why!”
• “I’m not just talking to hear my own voice!”
• “Pull my finger.”
• “Ask your mother.”
– First published in “BS” 2000.

You know the sensation.   “Pins and needles” – that strange numbness that comes from applying pressure to any of our extremities.  But why does that happen?  Nerves.  They act as lines of communication between the brain and the other body parts, transmitting commands from the brain and relaying sensory information back to it. With a “sleeping” limb, your nerves are going a little haywire because prolonged pressure has actually cut off communication between that limb and the brain. (The tingling sensation is technically called paresthesia.)  Pressure puts the squeeze on nerve pathways and blood vessels, so the nerves can’t transmit signals properly, and the blood vessels can’t bring oxygen to the nerves. The cutoff means the signals going back and forth get jumbled.  When the various signals get scrambled, the brain starts to misinterpret the info it’s getting and generates an array of sensations, like warmth, numbness, and that tingling feeling.  When a limb falls asleep, we usually try to “wake it up”  by changing positions. Blood flows back to the limb, and the tingling gets worse for a few seconds, but eventually the nerve signals begin to flow properly again. The pins-and-needles sensation is annoying, but it serves the purpose of telling us to relieve the pressure before serious nerve damage can occur.
(It feels like I’ve got ginger ale in my foot!)

Here are some things that no man should do after the age of 30:
1 | Try an experimental haircut. (Especially one that requires excessive gel or stencils).
2 | Wear football or soccer shirts. (Unless you’re actually playing).
3 | Pretend you like hip-hop. (Be honest, you don’t).
4 | Invite your friends over and “entertain” them by mixing records. (You’re not a DJ, the summer of love is long gone and you find it hard enough to mix drinks).
5 | Run out of ice.
6 | Take your laundry home to your mom. (You should be bringing her presents by now, not dirty undershorts).
7 | Sleep on a futon.
8 | Stay over on a friend’s couch. (Unless Uber’s gone offline).
9 | Buy cheap shoes.  (Darn).
10 | Throw up during a night out. (You won’t remember doing it, others will).
11 |  Wear polo shirts with the collar up. (A bad idea at any age).
12 | Make a move on the office intern (ditto).
13 | Describe that rudimentary ‘spaghetti and meatballs’ recipe you’ve been trotting out since you left home as your ‘signature dish’.
14 | Have a nickname for your ‘little friend’. (We don’t  want to know, nor does the office  intern).


1970 [47] Phil ‘Lefty’ Mickelson, San Diego CA, pro golfer (42 PGA tour wins, 5 majors)/ World Golf Hall of Fame (2012)
1972 [45] John Cho, Seoul, South Korea, movie actor (‘Sulu’ in “Star Trek” films, “Harold & Kumar” movies)
1978 [39] Daniel Bruhl, Barcelona, Spain, movie actor (“Captain America: Civil War”, “Inglourious Basterds”)
1982 [35] Missy Peregrym, Montréal QC, TV actress (“Rookie Blue” 2010-15, “Heroes” 2007)

1943 [74] Barry Manilow, Brooklyn, NY, singer (“Mandy”, “Copacabana”, “I Write The Songs”)
1963 [54] Greg Kinnear, Logansport IN, movie actor (“Anchorman: The Legend Continues”, “Little Miss Sunshine”)
1980 [37] Venus Williams, Lynwood CA, former #1-ranked women’s tennis player (now #11) with fastest recorded serve in WTA history (127 mph)/older sister of tennis star Serena Williams
1987 [30] Kendrick Lamar, Compton CA, rapper-songwriter (f/Drake -”Poetic Justice”, “Swimming Pools [Drank]“)

Billionaire musician Paul McCartney (The Beatles) is 75; Rock keyboardist Dizzy Reed (Guns N’ Roses) is 54; Singer Nathan Morris (Boyz II Men) is 46; Singer-songwriter Ray LaMontagne (“Trouble”) is 44; Country singer Blake Shelton (“Sure Be Cool if You Did”) is 41; Talent Manager Scooter Braun (Justin Bieber, Arianna Grande) is 36; TV actor Jacob Anderson (“Game of Thrones”) is 27.

• “Fresh Veggies Day”, urging us to eat healthy by including fresh veggies with every meal and snack. Better still, be a vegetarian for a day. Your body will like it.

• “Fudge Day”, celebrating the ooey-gooey treat that can be inhaled warm or cold. Fudge is said to be a result of the late-night cravings of Vassar College girls in the early 20th century.

• “International Day Of the African Child”, initiated by the Organization of African Unity in 1991. It honors those who participated in the Soweto Uprising on this date in 1976. In South Africa, it’s celebrated as “Youth Day”.

• “Flip Flop Day”, an annual excuse to expose those toes. People have been wearing flip-flops for millennia, going back to the Ancient Egyptians in 4000 BC.

• “Work@Home Father’s Day”, held the Friday before “Father’s Day” to honor fathers ‘who work from home as a means of providing balance between work and family interaction.

• “Eat Your Vegetables Day”, an observance likely begun by somebody’s mommy somewhere.
(See yesterday.  You should have some left.)

• “Apple Studel Day”, the oldest known recipe for apple strudel (Apfelstrudel) is from Austria. It was handwritten in 1696.

• “Juggling Day”, On June 17, thousands of people around the world will unite with one common passion: JUGGLING!

• “Fathers Day”, celebrated on the 3rd Sunday in June in about 20 countries worldwide as a day to honor Dad and appreciate all he does.

• “Splurge Day”, when we’re encouraged to go out and do something indulgent. If funds or guilt were no problem, what would you blow bucks on?

• “Autistic Pride Day”, an annual celebration of the ‘neuro-diversity’ of people on the autism spectrum that’s designed to shift views of autism from ‘disease’ to ‘difference’.

• “International Picnic Day” a great time to enjoy a meal ‘al fresco’, or if you don’t know him … anyone else you choose. It’s a pseudo-holiday for humans but a regular working day for ants.

2005 [12] Movie star Tom Cruise (42) proposes to actress-girlfriend Katie Holmes (26) at the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France (their marriage lasts 2006-12)

2007 [10] 62-year-old classic rocker Rod Stewart and his 3rd wife, 36-year-old model Penny Lancaster, exchange wedding vows aboard a yacht in Portofino, Italy.  They’ve since had two children.  Quote from Rod prior to this:  “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”

2008 [09] Coldplay kicks off the 161-date “Viva la Vida” world tour at the Brixton Academy in London, England

2010 [07] Bhutan becomes the 1st country to institute a total ban on tobacco

2013 [04] Pope Francis blesses thousands of Harley-Davidson motorcycles in Vatican Square, their riders celebrating the company’s 110th anniversary with a parade

2002 [15] Elvis Presley reappears on the UK singles chart for the first time since 1977 with the remix of “A Little Less Conversation”, thereby breaking a 25-year stalemate with The Beatles for most chart-topping singles in British history


• The tendency to be pessimistic and negative is a genetic trait similar to hair and eye color. Some people are just born to be pessimistic.
• A new study suggests that marijuana increases positivity and reduces negativity in emotional processing.
• Research has found that the first two years of college are basically useless.
• Sarcasm has been proven to make you smarter and more creative.
(Yes, that’s right.  Sarcasm is a better investment than college.)
-WTF Facts

• “I don’t know what your favorite sport is, but I hope you enjoy it all day: Happy Father’s Day!”
• “I prefer texting to phone calls: Happy Father’s Day!”
• “You are worth so much more to me than this e-card: Happy Father’s Day!”
• “I think your hair is really, really dated: Happy Father’s Day!”
• “No, I haven’t read that book you gave me 5 years ago yet: Happy Father’s Day!”
• “Sometimes it’s hard to believe we’re related: Happy Father’s Day!”
• “This card cost 7 bucks so it’s technically also your gift: Happy Father’s Day!”
• “I’m sending this card because I don’t want to call you: Happy Father’s Day!”
• “This all feels a bit forced: Happy Father’s Day!”
• “When they coined the term ‘Dad Joke’, they were thinking of you: Happy Father’s Day!”
• “When they coined the term ‘Dad Bod’, they were thinking of you: Happy Father’s Day!”
• “I need some money: Happy Father’s Day!”
– Thanks to Cetoria Tomberlin

I gave my father $100 for Father’s Day and told him to buy something that would make his life easier.  So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

With Fathers Day just around the corner, we wonder … why are there so many names for the same person? Give a contestant 60 seconds to name as many synonyms for ‘father’ as they can. A checklist …
Dada (Dadda)
The Old Man
Pa (Paw)
Pappy (Papi)

☎ What ‘Dad-ism’ did you hear while growing up….over and over and over…?

Question: 32% of guys say they use THIS daily because they think it makes them look better. What is it?
Answer: Hairspray

A Father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.

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