Monday, June 20, 2011        Edition: #4531
Sweet Sheet!

• “Playboy” founder Hugh Hefner’s runaway fiancée Crystal Harris has made her first public appearance since calling off her engagement at a pool party in Las Vegas on Saturday, alongside one-time reality TV star Heidi Montag. Harris told reporters at the event, “I just knew when it was getting close it wasn’t fair to  go through with it.” (BS translation: Sleeping with an 85-year-old is icky.)
• Meantime, Hugh Hefner is coping with his breakup by cozying up to a new woman and she’s a “Playboy” Playmate too (gee, didn’t see that coming). According to inside sources, Hef’s new main girl is ‘Miss January 2011’, Anna Sophia Berglund. She’s reportedly now moved into his suite and they’ve taken to calling each other ‘babe’ around others. We’re told that during a recent movie night at the Playboy Mansion, the twosome were ‘cuddling and kissing’ during the entire movie. (Erp … pass the bucket.)
• And Karissa & Kristina Shannon, the 21-year-old twins who used to be Hefner’s lovers, have blabbed that Hef’ has gone deaf from … taking too much Viagra. The matching blondes say that, even though the aging Lothario now wears hearing aids, he can only hear out of one ear. But he doesn’t much care, they claim, because he’d rather have sex than his hearing. (Wow, what a catch he is!)
• The late Princess Diana’s younger brother, Charles Spencer (47), wed for the 3rd time on Saturday at the Spencer ancestral estate ‘Althorp’, where Diana is buried. His latest bride is Karen Gordon (37), the Edmonton-born founder & CEO of US-based Whole Child International, whom he apparently met at an LA cocktail party. Newlyweds royals William & Kate did not attend the event, nor did Diana’s other son, Prince Harry, who reportedly had ‘a long-standing private engagement’. (BS translation: Up yours, uncle!)
• Screen legend Marilyn Monroe’s iconic white dress, which famously blew up as she stood over a subway grate in “The Seven Year Itch” (1955), has sold for an astonishing $4.6 million at a Profiles in History auction Saturday in Hollywood. 79-year-old former actress Debbie Reynolds put it under the hammer as part of a sale of movie memorabilia she collected during her career. The blue cotton dress Judy Garland wore in “The Wizard of Oz” (1939) was a comparative bargain at $910,000. (We say if you want a used dress with sweat-stains in the pits, the real deals are at Value Village.)
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• Embattled 55-year-old actor Mel Gibson has been seen around Tinsel Town recently with a new woman in tow, gothic model Stella Mouzi. Photos of her are now circulating online, taken at the “Los Angeles Fetish Film Festival” in Hollywood this April. She’s pictured ‘getting frisky’ with a fellow female attendee. (Class, Mel. Real class.)

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – Hopefuls perform for the judges in Seattle WA.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Darren Criss & the Warblers (“Glee”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Panic! At the Disco (“Vices & Virtues”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Mini Mansions (“Mini Mansions”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Weird Al Yankovic (“Almageddon”, out tomorrow, featuring the “Born This Way” parody track “Perform This Way”, thanks to personal permission from Lady Gaga).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Eddie Vedder (“Ukulele Songs”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings (“I Learned the Hard Way”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Gene Simmons (KISS).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – LMFAO (“Sorry for Party Rocking”, out tomorrow).
• “United States of Tara” (Showtime/TMN) – It turns out tonight’s 3rd season finalé is actually the series finalé as the show hasn’t been renewed. Actress Toni Collette won a 2009 Emmy Award for the her starring role in the show.

• Amy Winehouse – The first concert of her ‘comeback tour’ on Saturday in Belgrade, Serbia has been labeled ‘a disaster’ as she stumbled around, slurred lyrics, and actually left the stage several times during the show, leaving her band to play on without her. She was eventually booed off stage by the 20,000 in attendance.
• Blake Shelton – This week he tops the “Billboard” magazine ‘Country Songs’ chart with “Honey Bee”.
• Bruce Springsteen & The E Street – Sax player Clarence ‘The Big Man’ Clemons died Saturday night at the age of 69, less than a week after suffering a massive stroke on June 12th. Clemons played on 2 tracks on Lady Gaga’s latest album, including the current single “The Edge of Glory”.
• Linkin Park – Chester Bennington confirms they started work a couple months ago on their 5th studio album, which will be the follow-up to 2010’s “A Thousand Suns”.
• Oasis – Noel Gallagher married his longtime girlfriend, Sara Macdonald, on Saturday at the posh Lime Wood Hotel in south England. Conspicuously absent from the festivities … his estranged brother and former bandmate, Liam Gallagher.
• Soulja Boy – A documentary called “Soulja Boy: The Movie”, is set to be released in the fall across various platforms. It’s described as ‘a concert film that features illuminating access to the life and back-story of the young rapper’.
• Vince Gill – The country singer/songwriter will return with his first album in 4 years, “Guitar Slinger”, due out this fall. “Threaten Me With Heaven”, the first single, will be released in late summer.

According to a new ranking based on income over the past year from all sources …
5. Michael Bublé … $70 million.
4. Lady Gaga … $90 million.
3. Elton John … $100 million.
2. Bon Jovi … $125 million.
1. U2 … $195 million.
The rest of the top 25 here …

New York University scientists believe they’ve discovered the root cause of grey hair, paving the way for potential treatments. A lack of the ‘Wnt’ protein in melanocyte stem cells leads to grey hair, according to the team of researchers, and genetically manipulating these proteins could stop hair from turning. The team has already devised a method to successfully restore hair color in mice. (The people at Clairol are shakin’ in their roots … er boots.)
– “The Telegraph”

Despite the fact the younger generation is writing more than any before it, new research suggests it’s still important they also learn to do it the old fashioned way … with pencil & paper. According to Indiana University psychologist Karin Harman James, the benefits of gripping and moving a pen or pencil reach beyond communication. Her research suggests that handwriting raises brain activity, helps hone fine motor skills, and can help educators and parents predict academic success in ways that keyboarding cannot. (Does your hand now cramp up from cursive writing due to lack of practice, or is that just us?)
– “Los Angeles Times”

Men who buy flashy cars might be more successful at getting a date but women don’t see them as good marriage material, a new Rice University study suggests. Researchers found that women might find a man who chooses to buy a flashy, expensive product – a Porsche, for instance – more desirable than if he bought a Honda Civic, but they’re aware of his intentions in acting this way and consider him less desirable as a marriage partner than as a date. The study finds that women, in contrast, do not spend excessively to attract men. (Except for wardrobe, makeup, hairdo …)
– BBC News

Wedding planners, niche retailers, and other businesses are offering new services and products geared toward helping pets fulfill their increasingly frequent participation … in weddings. Mostly dogs – but also cats, pot belly pigs, and birds – are assuming roles as ring bearer, flower girl, or simply a member of the wedding party. To that end they’re getting outfitted with ornate wedding gear, including miniature tuxedos, veils, and top hats. Trainers are prepping them for top performance and petsitters are standing by for when the job is done. (What embarrassment have you seen a pet cause at a wedding?)
– “Wall Street Journal”

A Dutch magazine claims Filipino women have the world’s nicest feet, while American women have the world’s ugliest feet. (Um, what about guys?)


1942 [69] Brian Wilson, Inglewood CA, oldies singer/songwriter (Beach Boys-“Good Vibrations”, “I Get Around”)/Songwriter’s Hall Of Fame (2000)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1988)

1945 [66] Anne Murray, Springhill NS, oldies singer (“Snowbird”, “You Needed Me”)/Canadian Country Music Association Hall of Fame (2002)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (1998)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1993)/Order of Canada (1984)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (1980)

1949 [62] Lionel Richie, Tuskegee AL, oldies singer (“All Night Long”, Commodores-“Easy”)/father of Nicole Richie (“The Simple Life”)

1952 [59] John Goodman, Afton MO, movie actor (“You Don’t Know Jack”, “Cars”)/TV actor (“Roseanne” 1988-97)

1960 [51] John Taylor, Birmingham UK, pop/rock bassist (Duran Duran-“The Reflex”, Power Station-“Some Like It Hot”)

1967 [44] Nicole Kidman, Honolulu HI, movie actress (“Rabbit Hole”, 2003 Oscar-“The Hours”)/Mrs Keith Urban since 2006/Mrs Tom Cruise 1990-2001

1967 [44] Dan Tyminski, Rutland VT, bluegrass singer/songwriter/instrumentalist (Alison Krauss & Union Station-“Paper Airplane”, “Lonely Runs Both Ways”/10 Grammy Awards

1968 [43] Robert Rodriguez, San Antonio TX, movie director/producer/screenwriter (“Machete”, “Sin City”)

1973 [38] Chino Moreno, Sacramento CA, alt-rock singer (Deftones-“Diamond Eyes”, “Rocket Skates”)

1976 [35] Jerome Fontamillas, Watsonville CA, alt-rock guitarist/keyboardist (Switchfoot-“Meant to Live”, “Dare You to Move”)

• “American Eagle Day”, to commemorate America’s national symbol, the Bald Eagle. In a 1784 letter to his daughter, Benjamin Franklin complained about the choice of the Bald Eagle as America’s symbol, saying he preferred … the turkey.

• “International Surfing Day”, an unofficial, environmentally-conscious observance that celebrates the sport of surfing, the surfing lifestyle and the sustainability of ocean resources.

• “Last Day of Spring” as tomorrow the “Summer Solstice” occurs at 1:16 pm EDT. ‘Solstice’ comes from the Latin words ‘sol’ (sun) and ‘sistit’ (stands).

• “Ride to Work On Your Motorcycle (or Scooter) Day”, an annual observance advocating the use of motorcycles & scooters for commuter transportation. (Hell’s Angels do this every day … what environmentalists!)

• “World Refugee Day”, first declared by the UN in 2001 as an expression of solidarity with Africa, which hosts the most refugees.

1975 [36] Steven Spielberg’s “Jaws” opens in movie theaters (countless moviegoers are afraid to go into the ocean for the rest of the summer)

1981 [30] “Medley: ‘Venus’/Sugar Sugar/No Reply/I’ll Be Back/Drive My Car/Do You Want To Know A Secret/We Can Work It Out/I Should Have Known Better/Nowhere Man/You’re Going To Lose That Girl” by Dutch studio musicians Stars On 45 tops the pop chart

1996 [15] Canadian astronaut Bob Thirsk lifts off in the Space Shuttle carrying Boston Bruins hockey legend Bobby Orr’s Stanley Cup ring, his #4 jersey, and 6 hockey pucks

1986 [25] In Rochester NY, eating champ Peter Dowdeswell sets a new record by downing 144 prunes in 32 seconds (sets another record the next morning)

[Tues] Atheists Solidarity Day
[Tues] Daylight Appreciation Day
[Tues] Baby Boomer’s Recognition Day
[Tues] Go Skateboarding Day
[Tues] World Handshake Day
[Tues] World Humanist Day
[Wed] Stupid Guy Thing Day

Camping Week / Carpenter Ant Awareness Week / Meet a Mate Week


A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
It’s “Take Your Pet to Work Week” culminating in “Take Your Dog to Work Day” this Friday. But here’s a look at …
• He thinks EVERY day is ‘Hump Day’.
• Just one more obnoxious individual slobbering over the cute receptionist.
• Constant assembly line shutdowns at your job in the hydrant factory.
• Spends all day chasing tail just like the slimy guys in sales.
• Your Doberman’s totally confused when he finds the employee washroom has 8 different ‘drinking bowls’.
• Adds one more to the list of those barking orders at you.
• At the end of the day, your future has a lot in common with the boss’ left leg.
– First published in “BS” 2000

Do we all just need to shut up? Mark Lawson writes in “The Guardian”: “Social networking is creating a group for whom the experience of seeing something is inseparable from sharing their response as quickly as possible.” But do people actually care about our personal impressions of every little detail of our lives?

Take your time mowing the lawn. Your wife might have some other stuff for you to do.

Isolate the word ‘baby’ from any song in your format (you’re sure to have hundreds to choose from). Ask listeners to ID the song and artist. Make it difficult by editing several ‘babies’ together.

Today’s Question: Women who are looking for a long-term relationship subconsciously look for a man with THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Feminine features and bigger lips.

The only real errors are human errors.

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