Monday, June 20, 2016 – Edition: #5756

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

★ Increasingly more performers are locking up fans’ phones during shows. Comedians Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, and Louis CK; and musical acts Alicia Keys, Guns N’ Roses, and The Lumineers are among those using a new device called ‘Yondr’ to separate fans from phones during performances. ‘Yondr’ is a small pouch for your phone that’s locked by venue staff. You can carry it with you, but your phone is unusable for the duration of the show. Artists are not only worried about performing for people distracted by their phones but about their work being immediately posted to YouTube and Instagram.
– CBS News
★ Kendall Jenner has hit back at former supermodel Stephanie Seymour after the 47-year-old referred to her and her peers (including Gigi Hadid) as the ‘Bitches of the Moment’. Seymour made the comments during an interview with “Vanity Fair” where she reflects on the new faces of modeling, whose careers are led by presence on social media. Writing on her app, Kendall says: “If you’re going to tell us not to be in ‘your moment’, then don’t be in mine!”
– “Us Weekly”
★ Universal Pictures has announced the release date for “Wicked” the movie. The bigscreen adaptation of the mega-popular Broadway musical is opening in theaters on December 20, 2019. The film is being helmed by Oscar-nominated director Stephen Daldry, best known for “Billy Elliot” (2000) and “The Hours” (2002). “Wicked” first opened on Broadway in 2003 and the original production starred Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth. There’s no word yet on who will be cast in the bigscreen version.
★ And gossip news website has been served with a fresh new legal letter this past week. The document is regarding an amusing article the site published about the possibility of Donald Trump’s ludicrous hairdo actually being a $60,000 weave. The lawyer who signed this letter to Gawker? Why, it’s Charles J Harder … the very same lawyer who led the Hulk Hogan case against Gawker and landed a $140-million verdict. Oh oh!

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Justin Bieber (“Purpose”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Garbage (“Strange Little Birds”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Radical Face (“The Family Tree: The Leaves”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Selena Gomez (“Revival”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Band of Skulls (“By Default”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Ziggy Marley (“Ziggy Marley”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – Dancers vie for a spot in the 1st round of the academy.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Goo Goo Dolls (“Boxes”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Mumford & Sons w/Baaba Maal (“Johannesburg”).

• Chris Stapleton – Add Guns N’ Roses to the list of acts that he’s opening for. He’s the warm-up act for GNR’s July 9th show at Nissan Stadium in Nashville TN. He’s also doing shows with the likes of Alabama Shakes, Hank Williams Jr, Jason Isbell, and Luke Bryan.
• One Direction – Liam Payne & Cheryl (ex-Cole) have reportedly told friends they want to start a family, just 8 months after they started dating. Cheryl is said to be the happiest she’s ever been, though she’s still in the process of divorcing husband Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini.
• Rick Astley – He’s scored his first #1 album on the UK chart in 29 years with the new release “50”. The 50-year old is best known for his 1987 single “Never Gonna Give You Up”, which later on inspired the online ‘Rick-rolling’ fad .
• Spice Girls – As rumors of a 20th anniversary reunion tour continue, it’s now reported the 3 members of the group who’ve agreed to participate, Emma Bunton, Geri Horner and Mel B, are holding auditions to replace those who’ve opted out: Mel C and Victoria Beckham.
• Taylor Swift – According to she dumped Calvin Harris, her boyfriend of 15 months, over the phone, blindsiding the Scottish DJ. Taylor is said to have been vague during the call, only saying she needed some space.

With the “Stairway to Heaven” (Led Zeppelin) vs “Taurus” (Spirit) copyright infringement trial underway in Los Angeles, here are a few other songs that have had remarkable sound-alikes …
• “Viva La Vida”, by Coldplay, and “If I Could Fly”, by Joe Satriani.
• “Hope”, by REM, and “Suzanne”, by Leonard Cohen.
• “Creep”, by Radiohead, and “The Air That I Breathe”, by The Hollies.
• “Bitter Sweet Symphony”, by The Verve, and “The Last Time”, by the Rolling Stones.
• “Last Nite”, by The Strokes, and “American Girl”, by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers.
• “Razorblade”, by The Strokes, and “Mandy”, by Barry Manilow.
• “Born This Way”, by Lady Gaga, and “Express Yourself”, by Madonna.
And, perhaps most famously …
• “Blurred Lines”, by Robin Thicke, and “Got to Give It Up”, by Marvin Gaye.
– “The Telegraph”

Think you’re used to going with little sleep? Your body disagrees. Your brain is probably fooling you if you think you’re doing just fine on 4 hours-a-night, according to Dr Sigrid Veasey, a sleep expert at University of Pennsylvania’s Perelman School of Medicine. Part of the reason is that humans simply need a certain amount of sleep to function properly. For most adults, 7-to-9 hours seems to be the sweet spot. The problem comes, Veasey notes, when sleep deprivation clouds our brains and makes us think we’re doing OK after sleeping 4 hours at a time for weeks on end. Lack of sleep wreaks havoc on your perception. It can also mess with your metabolism and contribute to a host of medical conditions. (Just ask any morning radio personality.)

What if the old adage “gum will stay in your stomach for years” weren’t true? Here’s what actually happens when you swallow gum, according to experts …
• First off, chewing gum does get digested. Your gastrointestinal tract is strong enough and your usual acids and enzymes do, in fact, break it down.
• However, the chemicals properties of the base of the gum mean it doesn’t dissolve completely, and therefore gum doesn’t get absorbed into the small intestine like most foods.
• Undissolved gum gets wrapped up and entangled in all the other food that’s digesting and eventually passes through.
• The only real risk is if you swallow a piece of gum that’s too large to pass through your throat, which would cause you to choke.
So why have we all been warned by our mothers? Health professionals advise against swallowing it because it has absolutely zero nutritional value. Bottom line – it won’t harm or kill you but it just isn’t logical to swallow it purposefully. (That’s what bench bottoms are for.)

Exercising 4 hours later after learning something can help you remember the information.
– BBC News


1949 [67] Lionel Richie, Tuskegee AL, oldies singer (“All Night Long”, Commodores-“Easy”)

1952 [64] John Goodman, Afton MO, movie actor (“Monuments Men”, “Argo”)/TV actor (“Roseanne” 1988-97)

1967 [49] Nicole Kidman, Honolulu HI, movie actress (“Grace of Monaco”, “The Hours”)/Mrs Keith Urban since 2006/Mrs Tom Cruise 1990-2001

1967 [49] Dan Tyminski, Rutland VT, bluegrass singer-songwriter-instrumentalist (Alison Krauss & Union Station-“Paper Airplane”, “Lonely Runs Both Ways”/10 Grammy Awards

1968 [48] Robert Rodriguez, San Antonio TX, movie director-producer-screenwriter (“Machete” movies, “Sin City” films)

1973 [43] Chino Moreno, Sacramento CA, alt-rock singer (Deftones-“Swerve City”, “Tempest”) BS FACTOID: He performed inside a volcano in Iceland over the weekend.

1980 [36] Chris Thompson, Denton TX, country drummer (Eli Young Band-“Drunk Last Night”, “Crazy Girl”)

1983 [33] Grace Potter, Waitsfield VT, pop-rock singer-songwriter (Grace Potter & The Nocturnals-“Never Go Back”, w/Kenny Chesney-“You & Tequila”)

1989 [27] Chris Mintz-Plasse, LA CA, movie actor (“Kick-Ass” films, “How to Train Your Dragon” films)

• “International Surfing Day”, an environmentally-conscious observance that celebrates the sport of surfing, the surfing lifestyle, and the sustainability of ocean resources.

• “Ride to Work on Your Motorcycle Day”, the 25th annual event initiated by the Ride to Work Organization to advocate and support the use of motorcycles and scooters for transportation.

• “Strawberry Moon”, the Full Moon of June, named for the relatively short strawberry season.

• “Summer Solstice”, as Northern Hemisphere Summer officially kicks off at 6:34 pm EDT. Daylight lasts from 12 hours, 8 minutes at the equator to the full 24 hours at the Arctic Circle. For these reasons. it’s also “Daylight Appreciation Day”.

• “World Humanist Day”, a day for spreading awareness of Humanism as a means to affect change. Humanism is a philosophy that promotes human reason, ethics, and justice.

• “World Productivity Day” … on a Monday? Are you kidding?

• “World Refugee Day”, first declared by the UN in 2001 as an expression of solidarity with Africa, which hosts the most refugees.

• And for those who don’t like to rock the boat, today is also “Plain Yogurt Day” and “Vanilla Milkshake Day”.

2006 [10] The BBC cancels its landmark weekly pop music show “Top Of the Pops” after a record 42 years on-air (and about 4,879 sexual assaults by long-time host Jimmy Savile)

2008 [08] Jimmy Buffett announces his Margaritaville Holdings is buying Trump Marina Hotel Casino for $316 million, adding to Buffet’s vast business empire that already includes tequila, beer, frozen food, footwear, restaurants, a resort, a record label, and recording studio

2008 [08] Surrey University in England awards Led Zeppelin’s Jimmy Page an honorary Doctorate in Music

2013 [03] Instagram 1st offers users the ability to upload videos to the service

1986 [30] In Rochester NY, competitive eating champ Peter Dowdeswell sets a new record by downing 144 prunes in 32 seconds (sets another record the next morning)

[Tues] Global Orgasm Day
[Tues] Go Skateboarding Day
[Tues] Tall Girl Appreciation Day
[Tues] World Handshake Day
[Wed] Glastonbury Festival begins (Pilton UK)
[Wed] Stupid Guy Thing Day

Animal Rights Awareness Week / Carpenter Ant Awareness Week / Lightning Safety Week / Meet a Mate Week / Old Time Fiddlers Week / Universal Fathers Week


Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
(It’s “Take Your Pet to Work Week” culminating in “Take Your Dog to Work Day” this Friday.)
• He thinks every day is ‘Hump Day’.
• Just one more obnoxious individual slobbering over the cute receptionist.
• Constant assembly line shutdowns at your job in the hydrant factory.
• Spends all day chasing tail just like the slimy guys in sales.
• Total confusion when your Doberman finds employee washroom has 8 ‘drinking bowls’.
• The sight of your Chihuahua wearing scrubs in the Operating Room keeps your patient in stitches.
• It just adds another one to the list of those barking orders at you.
• At the end of the day, your future has a lot in common with the boss’ left leg.
– First published in “BS” 2000.

These extremely weird tragedies actually happened …
• Ingesting pills of mercury thinking they will grant you eternal life (210 BC).
• Breaking your neck as a result of tripping over your dangerously long beard (1567).
• Starving due to getting lost in your own house because you hoarded too much stuff and couldn’t find an exit (1947).
• Overdosing on carrot juice (1974).
• Falling into a paper shredder at a recycling plant (2003).
• Inventing the Segway and then driving it off a cliff (2010).
• Being stabbed in the leg by the knife you illegally taped to your rooster during a cockfight (2011).
• Eating too many cockroaches at a ‘Cockroach Eating Contest’ (2012).
– First published in “BS” 2014.

☎ If you could have someone else’s body and keep your own brain, whose would you chose?

• What city proudly proclaims itself ‘The Toilet Paper Capital of The World’?
a. Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada.
b. Green Bay, Wisconsin, USA. [CORRECT. It’s because the first ‘splinter-free’ toilet paper was produced here.]
c. Bumwaad, Uzbekistan.
– “Useless Digest”

• Back in 1834, inventor John Marck introduced the ‘Loco-Foco’. What was it?
a. A self-lighting cigar. [CORRECT. It didn’t catch on because the embedded match gave it a burnt sulphur taste.]
b. A train engine powered by vegetable oil.
c. A wild new dance.

I thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to go to The Monkees’ concert in Switzerland. Then I saw her face … now I’m in Geneva.

Question: The secret to a happy relationship is to do THIS at least 6 times a week; 10-to-12 would be even better.
Answer: Say thank-you.

Clouds are just high-flying fog.

Guillermo Moreno @ The Answer [KGED] Fresno CA; Barney Simon @ Jacaranda FM Pretoria, South Africa; Leslie Hodge @ 94.7 The Storm [CJNE] Nipawin SK; Adam Stokas @ [Lombard Broadcast & Multimedia School] Lombard IL; Elise @ Mix 93.8 FM Johannesburg, South Africa.

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