Monday, June 22, 2015         Edition: #5478


Ahhhh, It’s Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ 87-year-old Roger Moore, the veteran actor best known for his stint as ‘James Bond’ in 7 films, says that plans are afoot for an unofficial ’007′ movie similar to “The Expendables”, which would feature many of the actors who’ve played the super-spy onscreen. He says that, as well as himself, producers are hoping to attract George Lazenby, Timothy Dalton, and Pierce Brosnan to the spoof film, but admits that Sean Connery isn’t interested. That would mean the movie would be missing the original ‘Bond’, the one whom many claim is still the best.
– “The Sun”
★ Actress Julia Stiles is set to return to the ‘Bourne’ movie series, reprising her role as agent ‘Nicky Parsons’ in the as-yet-untitled 5th instalment of the franchise. Stiles appeared in the series’ first 3 films as the CIA-operative-turned-ally, but didn’t return for the 2012 spin-off “The Bourne Legacy”. She’ll be joining star Matt Damon and director Paul Greengrass, who are also co-writing the screenplay. “Ex Machina” actress Alicia Vikander is also rumored to have a role in the film, but so far her involvement has not been confirmed. The new ‘Bourne’ movie is scheduled to hit cinemas on July 29, 2016.
– Deadline.com
★ Actress Taylor Schilling has revealed that shooting on the latest season of “Orange Is the New Black” had to be halted after she injured herself … during a lesbian sex scene. The star, who plays jailed drug-runner ‘Piper Chapman’ on the female prison drama, reveals she accidentally scratched her face and drew blood while shooting Season 3, prompting production to shut down while she received medical attention. In the hit Netflix show, Schilling’s character has an ongoing romance with fellow inmate ‘Alex Vause’, played by Laura Prepon.
– WENN.com
★ And if you’ve ever thought ‘Spider-Man’ on the bigscreen was just a little too boring or ‘safe’, this may explain why … it seems there are very specific rules for ‘Peter Parker’ and his alter-ego. The latest round of leaked Sony Pictures emails has revealed a long list of “mandatory character traits” to which the superhero must always strictly conform. Included are the requirements that he must always be white, male, and heterosexual. He also “does not abuse alcohol, does not smoke tobacco, does not sell/distribute illegal drugs, does not use foul language beyond PG-13, does not have sex before the age of 16″.
– ContactMusic.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Fort Minor (“The Rising Tied”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) –  Lady Antebellum (“747″). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Kodaline (“In a Perfect World”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Belle & Sebastian (“Girls in Peacetime Want to Dance”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – Hopefuls in NYC audition for the judges.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Leon Bridges (“Coming Home”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Brad Paisley – Thunder, lightning, and rain washed out his Saturday gig at the Windy City LakeShake country music festival in Chicago IL. He was rescheduled to appear Sunday instead.
• Cee Lo Green – He’s been laying low for almost a year following a series of controversial tweets about rape. However, “Billboard” reports that a new album titled “Heart Blanche” is on the way. It’s expected to be released during the 4th quarter of 2015.
• Dixie Chicks – They’re reuniting for at least 6 dates on a European tour in 2016. The schedule begins April 20th in Amsterdam, The Netherlands. No North American dates have been announced.
• Foo Fighters – Fans now have a unique way to wish Dave Grohl a speedy recovery from his broken leg. Using Twitter, they can sign a ‘virtual cast’ online. 300 of the tweets will then be printed on an actual physical cast to be presented to him later this Summer.
NET: http://www.signdavescast.com
• Kenny Chesney w/Grace Potter – They’re atop the new ‘Billboard Country Airplay’ chart with “Wild Child”. It’s been climbing the ladder for the past 21 weeks.
• Lil Wayne – He’s announced his long-awaited “Free Weezy” album will finally be released on July 4th. A week ago he told fans that he had “signed with Jay Z” (presumably meaning the Tidal music service).
• Mariah Carey – Reports suggest she’s dating 47-year-old billionaire Australian tycoon James Packer after she was spotted dining and holding hands on the weekend with the entertainment & casino mogul on his yacht moored off Capri, Italy.
• Nile Rodgers – The Chic leader, who is very much back in vogue thanks to his recent work with Daft Punk, will receive the prestigious BMI Icon Award for career achievement in Los Angeles in August. Past recipients include Al Green, James Brown, and Mariah Carey.
• Taylor Swift – Her smash hit album “1989″ will not be a part of the Apple Music streaming service when it debuts at the end of June. BuzzFeed reports that her back catalogue will be available on Apple Music, just not her newest release … at least for now.

SOOTHING METAL:
New Australian research has found that listening to heavy metal and ‘extreme music’ such as punk and deathcore has … a calming influence. The University of Queensland study induced anger in regular listeners of metal music and then compared the impact of listening to 10 minutes of the music to 10 minutes of complete silence. The hostility, irritability, and stress levels of fans increased during the anger induction and surprisingly decreased after both the music and the silence. The music was actually found to help control sadness and lead to ‘enhanced positive emotions’. The study concludes that listening to extreme music may represent a healthy way of processing anger. That flies in the face of conventional belief that it makes its fans angry and aggressive. (Try a little Iron Maiden to get your kid to sleep tonight.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

BS WAYS TO STAY AWAKE WHEN ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS SLEEP:
✓ Drink water. Dehydration is often among the main causes of drowsiness.
✓ Go outside and expose yourself to sunlight. Vitamin D from the Sun increases energy.
✓ Physical activity helps. If you can’t take an exercise break, simply wiggle your feet, bounce your knees, stretch your legs, etc.
✓ Stimulating your sense of smell by sniffing citrus or peppermint scent can help wake you up.
✓ ‘Acupressure’ helps. Pull down on your earlobes or rub the back of your hand between thumb and index finger.
✓ Turn the AC on. Hot and stuffy air contributes to both physical and mental fatigue.
✓ Do something simple differently. Even writing with a new pen can stimulate your mind.
✓ Have a good laugh. Laughing at a joke or a funny video will serve to wake you up.
✓ Choose snacks that are high in protein and low in sugar for a quick and healthy energy boost.
✓ To keep your mind active, try to switch tasks as often as possible.
✓ Listen to music. If you can, sing or hum along to the songs.
– Adapted from List25.com

MIND CONTROL:
UK’s BBC, in collaboration with tech company This Place, has developed a way people can control a TV using a cheap, brainwave-reading headset. Users can turn on and operate the app by concentrating or relaxing their minds. It’s thought this type of technology could be used to help people with disabilities who can’t use traditional TV remote controls. So far, the gizmo is just a prototype being tested internally by the corporation, but electronic devices using brainwaves are becoming more common. For instance, tech firm Tekever recently demonstrated how a drone can be remotely controlled via a skullcap embedded with electronic sensors. (This will be great for people who are too lazy to even pick up the TV remote.)
– BBC News

MOST POPULAR LOCATIONS FOR WORKPLACE SEX:
According to a survey, here’s where we most often do our ‘dirty work’ …
• In Our Office (41%)
• Cloakroom (16%)
• Boss’s Office (12%)
• Boss’s Desk (10%)
• Elevator (9%)
• Parking Garage (5%)
• Kitchen/Coffee Room (4%)
• In a Cupboard (4%)
– NewWoman.co.uk

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE ANTICIPATION:
A psychological study at Britain’s Oxford University finds that the anticipation of an event actually heightens the sensation of whatever it is that’s being anticipated. For instance, when a dentist drills your teeth it’s not just any actual pain or the horrific sound that causes anxiety, but the escalating fear of it beforehand. The researchers say this phenomenon may also explain why a first kiss can make a person light-headed. The expectation of it beforehand serves to further heighten the pleasure of the experience as well as the act itself. (Unless you’re kissing a dentist, presumably.)
– PA News

DID YOU KNOW?
Sunshine can boost the chances of pregnancy by up to a third.
– HuffingtonPost.com

BS CHRONOMETER 06.22.15


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [66] Meryl (Mary Louise) Streep, Summit NJ, movie actress with 19 Academy Award nominations & 3 Oscars (“The Iron Lady”, “Sophie’s Choice”, “Kramer vs Kramer”)/record 8 Golden Globe Awards

1953 [62] Cyndi Lauper, Ozone Park NY, Broadway composer (“Kinky Boots”)/oldies singer (“Time After Time”, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”)/human rights advocate (“True Colors Tour”)

1964 [51] Dan Brown, Exeter NH, really rich author (“Angels & Demons”, “The Da Vinci Code”, which sold over 60 million copies worldwide)

1964 [51] Amy Brenneman, New London CT, TV actress (“The Leftovers” since 2014, “Private Practice” 2007-13, “Judging Amy” 1999-2005)

1973 [42] Carson Daly, Santa Monica CA, TV host (“The Voice” since 2011, “Last Call With Carson Daly” since 2002)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Chocolate Eclair Day”, saluting the light, crisp pastry that’s filled with a pastry cream.

• “Onion Rings Day”, for those of you who like your holidays deep-fried.

• “Stupid Guy Thing Day”. Women are always talking about it (“Oh that’s just another stupid guy thing …”), so here’s the day to commemorate it! Women everywhere are encouraged to make a list of ‘Stupid Guy Things’ and pass it on. To get you started …
– Pounding things.
– Squirting things.
– Watching TV sports.
– Using power tools.
– Driving giant pickup trucks.
– Wearing ball caps … backwards.
– Burning and/or exploding things.
– Eating anything and everything.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1955 [60] Classic Disney movie “Lady & The Tramp” is released

2001 [14] Street-racing movie “The Fast & The Furious” opens (leads to 6 sequels)

2008 [07] Comedian George Carlin dies of heart failure in Santa Monica, California at age 71

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1940 [75] 1st Dairy Queen outlet opens in Joliet, Illinois (an ice cream cone costs 5¢)

2002 [13] Spaniard Alvaro de Marichalar becomes 1st to cross the Atlantic Ocean by jet ski (12 hours per day on water, sleeping on a support boat), landing at Miami Beach, Florida 4 months after setting off from Rome, Italy

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1980 [35] Jim King begins riding the Miracle Strip Amusement Park roller coaster in Panama City Beach, Florida for a record 368 hours (over 15 days!)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] International Widows Day
[Tues] Pink Flamingo Lawn Ornaments Day
[Tues] Runners Selfie Day
[Wed] “Big Brother” season debut (CBS)
[Wed] Celebration Of the Senses
[Wed] International Fairy Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Carpenter Ant Awareness Week / Fish Are Friends, Not Food! Week / Lightning Safety Awareness Week / Meet a Mate Week / Mosquito Control Awareness Week / Old Time Fiddlers Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS YOU TAKE YOUR KID’S SPORTS TOO SERIOUSLY:
• In your house, potty training involves a starter’s pistol.
• You’ve replaced the ‘Flintstone Chewable Vitamins’ with ‘UFC Chewable Steroids’.
• You’ve ever had a fist-fight with the goaltender’s grandmother.
• Going shirtless with your chest painted team colors doesn’t sit well with other soccer moms.
• You’ve ever fired live ammo over your kid’s head when he’s running between bases.
• You abstain from sex the night before a T-ball game.
• You’ve said to your daughter, “Put down the Gatorade, Jen … the Gatorade is for winners.”
– First published in “BS” 2000.

BS THINGS THAT WILL STICK TO THE CEILING:
✓ Bisquick pancakes soaked in Aunt Jemima syrup.
✓ Already-chewed Gummi Bears.
✓ A lifetime collection of postage stamps.
✓ Over 10,000 Post-It notes, all saying: “Get Your Ass Out of Bed!”
✓ Slightly spit-moistened Bubblicious bubblegum.
✓ With a damn good scare … the cat.
✓ Wallpaper you’re trying to get onto the wall.
✓ A pencil if it has just the right propulsion.
✓ Duct tape and your little brother.
– First published in “BS” 2012.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What woman (women) should appear on banknotes? (In the US, a redesigned $10-note coming in 2020 will feature a woman to be voted on by the public.)

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
You’ve studied ‘rhinotillexomania’. What’s your area of expertise?
a. Rhinoceros excrement.
b. Cosmetic surgery.
c. Nose picking. [CORRECT]
– “Oxford New English Dictionary”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Heck is where people go who don’t believe in Gosh.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: If you’re average you’ll have just over 70,000 of THESE in your lifetime.
Answer: Cups of coffee.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘good doggy’ while looking for a bigger stick.


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