Thursday, June 23, 2011        Edition: #4534
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

TV actor Jon Hamm has finally signed a new 3-year deal to continue playing ‘Don Draper’ on “Mad Men” (AMC) for a reported 250,000 per episode (we still won’t see a new season until early 2012) . . . Sometime reality TV star Heidi Montag claims in “Us Magazine” she’s been working out from 5 am-to-7 pm for 2 months (14 hours a day – can silicone stand that kind of punishment?) . . . 25-year-old reality TV star-turned-novelist Lauren Conrad is set to add to her career portfolio by writing for “Forbes” magazine about – what else? – herself (do we really need to know more?) . . . A 20-something Aussie couple has been charged with criminal trespass, theft, and property damage after being busted for allegedly stealing the banana costumes from the kids’ TV show “Bananas In Pyjamas” (TBS) at the Adelaide studios of Australia’s ABC-TV (we know the price of bananas is up, but this is nuts!) . . . Even though she bailed out at the last minute, the planned 2-hour Lifetime TV special “Marrying Hef”, about Crystal Harris’ wedding to Hugh Hefner, will go ahead with a “Runaway Bride”-type theme (because love can’t hold a candle to money) . . . Actress Angelina Jolie tells “OK!” magazine she’s ‘surprised’ by how much she enjoys motherhood (BS translation: When do I get to go away on location again?) . . . And 30-year-old socialite/reality TV star Kim Kardashian, who’s currently planning her wedding to NBA player Kris Humphries (New Jersey Nets), tells “Look” magazine they’ll start trying to have a baby at the end of this year – AFTER the wedding (well, now we know who’s not gettin’ any!).

• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – The Black Belles (“What Can I Do?”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – My Morning Jacket (“Circuital”).
• “Expedition Impossible” (ABC/CTV) – Canadian Dave Salmoni hosts the debut of Mark Burnett’s new reality-competition series in which teams of 3 adventurers race to complete a rigorous expedition across deserts, over mountains, and through rivers.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Jill Scott (“The Light Of the Sun”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Grouplove (“Grouplove”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Little Big Town (“The Reason Why”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Selena Gomez & The Scene (“When The Sun Goes Down”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Noah & The Whale (“Last Night on Earth”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Elton John (“The Union”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Pitbull f/Ne-Yo (“Planet Pit”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – Performances by LMFAO (“Sorry for Party Rocking”) and Quest Crew; 4 contestants are eliminated.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – The Antlers (“Burst Apart”).

• Evanescence – They’re currently recording their 3rd studio album in Nashville TN, which they hope to finish by the end of June and release in October.
• 50 Cent – Now that he has a teenage son he says his goal is to have a positive influence on all teenagers. To that end, he’s writing a young adult fiction book titled “Playground”, which tackles the topic of bullying.
• No Doubt – 41-year-old Gwen Stefani tells “Stylist” magazine that lying in bed with husband Gavin Rossdale is her favorite pastime. No wonder the hits are getting fewer and farther between!
• Jessie J – The “Price Tag” singer has just found out she’s been hobbling around performing on a broken bone. She suffered the foot injury June 11th in London when she fell from a stage platform during rehearsals.
• Joss Stone – The 24-year-old Brit soul singer says she recorded her new album “LP1” in just 6 days, thanks to a tight band and ‘brilliant studio’ in Nashville. The project was masterminded by Dave Stewart (ex-Eurythmics). It’s due for release July 26th.
• Katy Perry – During her current “California Dreams” tour she has cut out both alcohol and coffee in an effort to keep her voice in top form, but she tells “Daily Star” as soon as the tour is over she’s going to be ‘face down in the porcelain’. How classy.
• Linkin Park – Tonight they perform a special outdoor concert in Moscow, Russia to celebrate tonight’s world premiere of “Transformers: Dark Of the Moon” at the Moscow International Film Festival. Their track “Iridescent” is the end-title song in the 3rd film of the franchise, which opens wide June 29th.
• U2 – Bono says that through the wonders of science he’s not just fixed, he’s better after undergoing back surgery in Germany last year. He now describes himself as ‘Robo-Bono’ and claims he has ‘Made in Germany’ stamped on his butt.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Bop Decameron” – Director Woody Allen has announced he will also act in his new movie, alongside a cast that includes Alec Baldwin, Ellen Page, Jesse Eisenberg, Penelope Cruz, and Roberto Benigni. The film features 4 vignettes set in contemporary Rome, where shooting is scheduled to begin in July.
• “Father Daughter Time” – Matt Damon is reportedly set to act and make his directing debut with this story about a criminal on the lam who has his daughter in tow. Production will get underway in the first quarter of next year for a 2013 release. It’s not known who’ll play the daughter but John Krasinski (“The Office”) is rumored to be amongst the cast.
• “Greetings From Tim Buckley” – “Gossip Girl’s” Penn Badgley has warded off competition from James Franco (“127 Hours”) and “Twilight Saga” star Robert Pattinson to land the role of tragic singer Jeff Buckley, who drowned in Memphis TN in 1997 at the age of 30. The upcoming bio-pic centers on the musician’s relationship with his father, folk artist Tim Buckley.
• “Rush” – Ron Howard is set to direct this Formula 1 racing movie that follows the 1970s rivalry between British driver James Hunt and his Austrian nemesis Niki Lauda. Howard is looking to shoot the $50-million movie in Europe this year, however no casting has been announced as yet.
• ‘WE’ – This upcoming romantic drama from 52-year-old first-time director Madonna is expected to be released later this year. The story spans 6 decades and juxtaposes a modern-day love story beside the real-life tale of Britain’s King Edward VIII and his relationship with American divorcee Wallis Simpson. The film stars Oscar Isaac and Abbie Cornish.

University of Geneva researchers have proven the action of swaying side-to-side aids sleep in humans, specifically the duration of deep non-dreaming sleep, where the eyes are still. Their study of brainwaves shows that a gentle rocking motion not only soothes us to sleep but helps us sleep more deeply for longer. (The findings confirm what we already knew: Babies zone out when cradled in their mothers’ arms; grandparents tend to nod off in a rocking chair; and nothing brings on a Sunday afternoon nap like a few minutes in a hammock.)
– “The Independent”

Watching TV for 2 hours a day may kill you …or at least lead you to an early grave. How so? The average person already sits for 9 hours & 20 minutes each day and Harvard researchers have found that 2 hours of TV afterward can result in increasing your risk of developing Type 2 diabetes by 20%, your risk of heart disease by 15%, and increasing your overall risk of premature death by 13%. (Is watching “The Big Bang Theory” and “Wipeout” tonight worth it?)

Ever wonder why male comedians outnumber female comedians? There may be some bias among comedy club owners and/or audiences, but new University of New Mexico research suggests there’s another potential explanation … natural selection. While men tend to choose women on the basis of physical appearance, women are more interested in personality and intelligence. Humor is associated with these characteristics so men may have evolved to be funny over time in order to be more successful at mating. (Exhibit A: Joan Rivers.)
– “Boston Globe”

Just in time for tomorrow’s opening of “Bad Teacher” starring Cameron Diaz, a review of some of the worst teachers from the annals of pop-culture history …
• ‘Ms Frizzle’, “Magic School Bus” (1994-98) – At the time she seemed like the coolest educator going but she constantly put students in perilous situations, ie: inside a human digestive system.
• ‘Mr Fulong’, “The Faculty” (1998) – Jon Stewart’s character tries to infect the school’s students with a mind-controlling parasite after his own body is taken over by an alien.
• ‘John Kimble’, “Kindergarten Cop” (1990) – Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a cop masquerading as a primary teacher. Even worse, he lies (beginning of a pattern?).
• ‘Chuck Noblet’, “Strangers With Candy” (2005) – Stephen Colbert as a teacher who knows nada, ie: “Following his violent revolution, Gandhi was devoured by his followers.”
• ‘Dan Dunne’, “Half Nelson” (2006) – Ryan Gosling gets caught by a student using cocaine on school grounds, thereby negating the impact of his revolutionary teaching methods.
• ‘Professor Terguson’, “Back to School” (1986) – Sam Kininson plays a Vietnam vet who teaches contemporary American history and gets a little too worked up about it.
• ‘Mr Garrison’, “South Park” (1997-2011) – His puppet ‘Mr Hat’ is a member of the KKK; he teaches inappropriate lessons; and brings his bondage-loving assistant ‘Mr Slave’ to class.
• ‘Shale’, “The Substitute” (1996) – Tom Berenger chases gang members through a school before blowing them away with a gun, thereby violating the rule: ‘No running in the halls!’.
– Condensed from

• The Bank of Canada’s new polymer bills (in circulation this November) won’t tear easily and can be run through the washer/dryer without being damaged. (Money laundering made easy!)
• 20% of American high school students smoke cigarettes. (Hope you enjoy the new pictures!)
• We’re now spending more time using mobile apps than browsing the Web, according to a new report. The average user now spends about 81 minutes a day using mobile apps, compared to 74 minutes surfing the ‘Net both on computers and mobile devices. (Meaning we’re now spending almost an-hour-and-half a day staring at our hands.)
• The median age of women in the US who get married for the first time is now 25.5. (They’re getting pickier!)
– “Boston Globe”


1956 [55] Randy Jackson, Baton Rouge LA, TV personality (“American Idol” judge since 2002)/former music industry exec (Columbia, MCA)/former rock bassist (Journey)/cousin of actor Samuel L Jackson

1957 [54] Frances McDormand, Chicago IL, movie actress (“Burn After Reading”, “Almost Famous”)/1997 Oscar (“Fargo”)/married to filmmaker Joel Coen (“True Grit”) since 1984

1971 [40] Fred Ewanuick, Port Moody BC, TV actor (‘Dan Phillips’ on “Dan for Mayor” since 2010, “Corner Gas” 2004-09)

1972 [39] Selma Blair, Southfield MI, movie actress (“Hellboy” films, “Cruel Intentions”)

1975 [36] KT Tunstall, Edinburgh, Scotland, pop singer (“Suddenly I See”, “Black Horse & The Cherry Tree”)

1977 [34] Jason Mraz, Mechanicsville VA, pop/folk singer (“I’m Yours”, “The Remedy”)

1984 [27] (Aimee Anne) Duffy, Gwynedd, Wales, pop singer (“Warwick Avenue”, “Mercy”)

• “Let It Go Day”, a day to release pent-up emotions. Whatever is bugging you, let it go!

• “Midsummer’s Eve”, celebrated in much of Northern Europe. In Sweden, Finland and Estonia, it’s considered the greatest festival of the year, comparable only with “Walpurgis Night” (April 30), “Christmas Eve”, and “New Year’s Eve”. Its origins go back to the ancients.

• “National Day of Remembrance for Victims of Terrorism”, observed annually in Canada to mark the anniversary of the 1985 bombing of Air India Flight 182 off the coast of Ireland. On this day, flags across Canada are flown at half-mast to honor victims of terrorism.

• “United Nations Public Service Day”, first declared in 2003 to celebrate the value & virtue of public service to the community. On this day the ‘UN Public Service Awards’ are handed out for contributions in enhancing the role, prestige, and visibility of public service.

1989 [22] Tim Burton’s noir movie spin on the well-known story of the DC Comics hero “Batman” is released in theaters, starring Michael Keaton, Jack Nicholson, and Kim Basinger

2009 [02] Longtime TV personality Ed McMahon, Johnny Carson’s former sidekick on the “Tonight Show” (1962-92), dies at age 86

1998 [13] One-hit-wonder pop singer Jennifer Paige releases mega-hit single “Crush”

1974 [37] 1st ‘Extraterrestrial Message’ sent from Earth into space (guess they should have included an RSVP)

1982 [29] Australian pet ‘Himmy’ weighs in at a domestic cat record of 20.7 kg (45 lb)

[Fri] “Bad Teacher”; “Cars 2” open in movie theaters
[Fri] 25th Toronto Jazz Festival begins
[Fri] Fête National (QC)
[Fri] Take Your Dog to Work Day
[Fri] Celebration of the Senses
[Fri] International Fairy Day
[Sat] Montréal Jazz Festival begins
[Sun] 2011 BET Awards
[Sun] Descendants Day
[Sun] International Day Against Drug Abuse & Illicit Trafficking
[Sun] International Day in Support of Victims of Torture
[Sun] Log Cabin Day
This Week Is … Mosquito Control Awareness Week
This Month Is … World Infertility Month


• Ability to distinguish a Giorgio from a Donna Karan at 40 paces.
• Hair-trigger gag reflex.
• Ability to talk to animals as if they are infant children.
• Skill in putting the words ‘you’, ‘are’, and ‘wrong’ together in a single sentence.
• Acting like a whore in the kitchen and Betty Crocker in bed.

• Flawless execution of 2-wheel turns on a riding mower.
• Making 12 pairs of Jockeys last 29 days.
• Snot rocket temporary wallpaper paste.
• Chord-belching.
• Rectal gas fire starting.
– Adapted from

It’s amazing we have trouble locating our car keys, finding our cellphones, and Pinning the Tail On the Donkey but we can always find the snooze button from 5 feet away in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time.

In Australia, you can be fined $50 for NOT doing this . . .
a. Voting in a general election. [CORRECT. It’s been compulsory since 1924.]
b. Feeding a starving kangaroo.
c. Retrieving your boomerang.
– “You Asked Us”

Today’s Question: About 5% of us have cracked a tooth doing THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Biting down on an un-popped popcorn kernel. Ouch!

Bad decisions make good stories.

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