Friday, June 24, 2011        Edition: #4535
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
According to cops, “Jackass” star Ryan Dunn WAS in fact drunk and going as fast as 120 mph (200 km/hr) when he crashed his car the other night (seems Roger Ebert’s web posting that got so many people up in arms was bang on) . . . 32-year-old Italian TV personality Elisabetta Canalis has been spotted indulging in a little retail therapy in Milan following the announcement of her split from her 2-year boyfriend, 50-year-old actor George Clooney (we’re guessing next is a dramatic new haircut?) . . . “Us Weekly” claims actors Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield have been dating since filming wrapped on the new “Amazing Spider-Man” movie (there’s a lot of time to kill – aka ‘trailer time’ – on movie sets) . . . Former “Spider-Man” Tobey Maguire is reportedly being sued over a multi-million-dollar illegal poker ring that may have included Ben Affleck, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matt Damon (word has it games required buy-ins of $100,000) . . . 35-year-old Nadya Suleman, the infamous ‘Octomom’ who has a brood of 14, is set to appear on a brand-new celebrity dating show on HDNET called “Celebridate” (“… so you like cooking and dancing, and do you have any kids?”) . . . And TV comedy “How I Met Your Mother” (CBS) put a walk-on role up for bid at a recent charity auction and the winning bidder was none other than – Conan O’Brien (at last, someone will be watching him on TV!).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “BET Awards” (BET) – Sunday comedian Kevin Hart hosts the annual music honors live from LA. Chris Brown tops nominations with 6, followed by Lil Wayne with 5. Performers include Alicia Keys, Beyoncé, Drake, Jill Scott, Mary J Blige, and Trey Songz.
NET: http://www.bet.com/shows/bet-awards/2011.html
• “Celebrity Rehab” (VH1) – Sunday in the season debut celebrity counselor Dr Drew Pinsky takes on a new cast of celeb addicts that includes actress Sean Young (“Blade Runner”), Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael, and former Guns ‘N Roses rocker Steven Adler.
• “CMT Crossroads: The Doobie Brothers & Luke Bryan” (CNT) – Tonight is the premiere airing of this mash-up jam between the former rock act and country star Luke Bryan.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Nicki Minaj (“Pink Friday”).
• “Gayle King” (OWN) – Today Sheryl Crow (“Icon: Sheryl Crow”).
• “IIFA Awards” (PPV) – Saturday the International Indian Film Academy hands out honors to what the world refers to as ‘Bollywood’ movies. The annual awards show, which has been traveling the world over the past decade, is making its North American debut in Toronto.
NET: http://www.iifa.com/web07/cntnt/iifa.htm
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Friendly Fires (“Pala”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Mona (“Mona”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Archers of Loaf (“Icky Mettle”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Tonight The Vaccines (“What Did You Expect From the Vaccines?”).
• Montréal Jazz Festival – Saturday through July 4th the annual music bash features Aretha Franklin, BB King, Diana Krall, Leonard Cohen, Tony Bennett and oodles more.
NET: http://www.montrealjazzfest.com
• Music Icons Sale (Beverly Hills CA) – Saturday & Sunday memorabilia from The Beatles,  Bruce Springsteen, Kurt Cobain, Lady Gaga, and Madonna goes under the hammer in a sale by Julien’s Auctions. The highlight amongst the more than 600 items is Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” jacket, expected to fetch $400,000 or more.
NET: http://www.juliensauctions.com
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Elton John; musical guest Leon Russell (“The Union”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Plain White T’s (“Wonders Of the Younger”).
• Toronto Jazz Festival – Today through July 3rd the 25th edition includes performances by
dozens of jazz acts plus other genre artists like Aretha Franklin, Average White Band, Los Lobos, and Los Lonely Boys.
NET: http://torontojazz.com/festival
• “True Blood” (HBO) – Sunday season 4 of the popular vampire drama debuts. The network is teasing the season via an interactive Facebook app in which users can insert themselves into a promo. To access the app, you have to ‘Like’ “True Blood” on Facebook. By the way, series creator Alan Ball says the next season may be the last.
• Vans Warped Tour ‘11 (Dallas) – Tonight the annual punk-focused summer tour gets underway in Texas with performances by Gym Class Heroes, Paramore, Simple Plan, 3OH!3, Yelawolf and a slew of others. The show also hits Houston and San Antonio this weekend.
NET: http://vanswarpedtour.com

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé – She’s set to launch a 3rd fragrance called ‘Pulse’ this September. Her new perfume will have a floral-citrus scent.
• Big & Rich – Saturday they kick off a summer tour in Walker MN, joined by Muzik Mafia country compadres Cowboy Troy, Gretchen Wilson, and Two Foot Fred.
• Dave Matthews Band – The first of four 3-day “Dave Matthews Band Caravan” festivals opens today in Atlantic City NJ. Other artists performing include David Gray, Fitz & The Tantrums, Grace Potter & The Nocturnals, Michael Franti & Spearhead, OAR, and Ray LaMontagne.
• DMX – He gets out of prison in a month after serving more than 6 months for violating probation. The rapper has had more than his share of trouble with the law, including 25 arrests, 11 felony convictions, and 15 misdemeanor convictions.
• Glen Campbell – In today’s edition of “People”, the 75-year-old country/pop veteran reveals he’s battling early stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. He plans to release his final studio disc in August.
• Jason Aldean – “My Kinda Party” tops the new ‘Country Albums’ chart in “Billboard” magazine.
• The Killers – Brandon Flowers tells BBC Radio 1 they’ve begun writing for their 4th album, the follow-up to 2008’s “Day & Age”, and so far have ‘4 or 5 songs’.
• Michael Jackson – Saturday marks the 2nd anniversary of his death. A helicopter company is offering 30-minute aerial tours over Neverland Ranch today & tomorrow during which passengers can toss a red rose (his favorite flower) out the window … for a fee.
• U2 – Their “360 Tour” doesn’t play Sun Life Stadium in Miami FL until Wednesday but thanks to the set-up time needed for their massive ‘claw’ stage, this weekend’s Florida Marlins’ series vs the Seattle Mariners has been moved to Seattle … where Florida will be the ‘home team’.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Bad Teacher” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Cameron Diaz plays a profanity-prone teacher who decides she needs breast implants to woo her junior high school’s new substitute teacher (Justin Timberlake). And when she learns the teacher with the highest class average gets a bonus, she finds herself competing with a perky nemesis (Lucy Punch). Co-stars Jason Segel.
NET: http://www.areyouabadteacher.com
• “Cars 2” ( G-Rated Animated Comedy ): In Pixar’s sequel comedy, ‘Lightning McQueen’ (Owen Wilson) and tow truck ‘Mater’ (Larry the Cable Guy) are recruited to be spies while participating in the ‘World Grand Prix’. The movie’s 2006 original made $460 million worldwide. Voice cast also includes Michael Caine, and former race car driver Darrell Waltrip.
NET: http://disney.go.com/cars/?cmp=dmov_dpic_car_url_dcomcars

FAMOUS MOVIE CARS:
Just as “Cars 2” opens, a review of some of the biggest movie stars that were actually cars …
• ‘Batmobile’ … “Batman” movies/TV.
• ‘Bumblebee’ … “Transformers” movies.
• ‘DeLorean’ … “Back To the Future” films.
• ‘Ecto-1’ … “Ghostbusters” movies.
• ‘General Lee’ … “The Dukes of Hazzard” movie/TV.
• ‘Herbie’ … “Herbie the Love Bug” films.
• ‘Landspeeder’ … “Star Wars” movies.
– NextMovie.com

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• Marque restaurant in Sydney, Australia used to serve high-priced bottled French mineral water. But now it’s installed a $6,000 Italian-made system that filtrates, chills, and carbonates tap water. That’s certainly more environmentally-friendly but there’s a catch … their tap water costs $5. Owner/chef Mark Best defends the charge, sayings it’s ‘absolutely beautiful water’ and the fee covers all you can drink. (Now you can do the green thing and still get the pretentious satisfaction of paying through the nose.)
– “Sydney Morning Herald”
• An armed 36-year-old Ogden, Utah man held a woman hostage at a motel in a tense 16-hour, overnight standoff with SWAT teams, but still managed to find time to …. update his Facebook. He even got help from a ‘friend’ who posted that a SWAT officer was hiding in the bushes outside. Eventually cops swarmed the room and the man shot himself. But during the ordeal he made 6 posts and added at least a dozen new ‘friends’. (Should you ‘unfriend’ someone just because they’re dead?)
– AP
• A Michigan woman has asked authorities to file assault charges against her husband’s ex-wife for sending a letter … smeared with peanut butter. The woman tells police she’s highly allergic to peanuts and she believes putting peanut butter on a bill sent to her husband was an attempt to harm her. The ex-wife has claimed she didn’t intend any harm, merely intended to keep her ex-husband’s new wife from reading mail that was none of her business. (This would be hilarious … in kindergarten.)
– “Battle Creek Enquirer”

EXPLORING INNERSPACE:
Endoscopic surgery has used tubes for years but now Japanese researchers have built a probe that can swim through the digestive tract. The device, nicknamed ‘Mermaid’, is about 1 cm (0.4 in) in diameter and 4.5 cm (1.8 ins) long and has magnetic driving gear that allows for precise control of its direction and location. Doctors use a joystick to control the capsule’s movements, watching them on a monitor screen. It can be swallowed for examination of the stomach or – gulp! – inserted rectally for the colon. (Robots roaming freely through the human body … what could possibly go wrong?)
– Agence France-Presse

FOCUS ON NEAR-SIGHTEDNESS:
Why is near-sightedness becoming so common? In the early 1970s, 25% of Americans were near-sighted; 30 years later, the rate had risen to 42%, and similar increases have occurred around-the-world. There is significant evidence that the trait is inherited. But although genes do influence the condition, they are not the only factor at play. In this case, the rapid increase in near-sightedness appears to be due to a characteristic of modern life … more and more time spent indoors under artificial lights. (Staring for hours at a little screen on a smartphone.)
– “New York Times”

DID YOU KNOW?
• 75% of North American adults say they save up all the spare change they receive during the day instead of spending it.
– “USA Today”
• For the first time cyclists now outnumber motorists on some of Britain’s busiest commuter routes during rush hour. In one Bristol suburb, more than 1-in-4 people now cycle to work.
– “Times of London”

BS CHRONOMETER 06.24.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [53] Jean Charest, Sherbrooke QC, Québec Premier since 2003 (Liberal)/former federal PC leader (1993-98)

1979 [32] Mindy Kaling (Chokalingam), Cambridge MA, TV actress (‘Kelly Kapoor’ on “The Office” since 2005)

SATURDAY –
Comedian/actor Ricky Gervais (“Golden Globe Awards”) is 50; Pop singer George Michael (“Faith”) is 48; TV actress Angela Kinsey (“The Office”) is 40; Rock bassist Mike Kroeger (Nickelback) is 39.

SUNDAY –
Rock bassist Colin Greenwood (Radiohead) is 42; Country singer Gretchen Wilson (“Redneck Woman”) is 37; Baseball star Derek Jeter (NY Yankees) is 37; Rock drummer Nathan Followill (Kings of Leon) is 32; Pop/rock singer Ryan Tedder (OneRepublic) is 32; TV actress Jennett McCurdy (“iCarly”) is 19.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Celebration Of the Senses”, when we’re encouraged to treat ourselves to stimulation of each of our 5 senses. What would be the best sensation for each?
NET: http://tinyurl.com/5zz8tu
• “International Fairy Day”, a holiday for believers, collectors, and the young at heart to celebrate all that is ‘Fae’, and to reconnect with their imagination and child-like wonder.
NET: http://www.fairyday.com
• “St-Jean Baptiste Day”, the “Fête Nationale” holiday in the province of Québec and in French Canadian communities across Canada. Besides Québec, St John the Baptist is also the patron saint of auto routes, candlemakers, health spas, road workers, and wool workers.
• “San Juan Day” in Puerto Rico, commemorating the birth of St John the Baptist. Among the traditions: Puerto Ricans go to a beach and walk into the water and walk out backwards 7 times, then throw themselves on the sand for good luck, and finally … jump in for a swim.
• “Swim a Lap Day”, the pool equivalent of ‘Walk a Block’, an easily achievable step to getting your fitness initiative underway.
• “Take Your Dog to Work Day”, created by Pet Sitters International in 1999 to give dog owners the opportunity to invite their ‘best friend’ into participating workplaces. The occasion has grown big enough to warrant its own theme song, found here …
NET: http://takeyourdog.com/
• “Watermelon Thump”, the 58th annual through Sunday in Luling, Texas, home of the ‘World Champion Seed-Spitting Contest’ in which the Guinness Record was established at 68-ft, 9-ins.
NET: http://www.watermelonthump.com

SATURDAY –
• “Backyard Campout Night”, great fun for kids of all ages. (But not so much for the adults trying to sleep indoors who wake up to the door slamming every time the ‘campers’ need drinks, food or the bathroom; or get scared by the spooky noises coming from the neighbor’s yard.)
• “Leon Day” (‘Noel’ spelled backwards), observed exactly 6 months from Christmas, meaning we’re as far away from all that rush and stress as we can be!
• “Sense of Humor in Bed Appreciation Day”. So what’s it like being laughed at?

SUNDAY –
• “Beautician’s Day”, your chance to show your appreciation to those who make you look beautiful and stunning. That includes your hairstylist, manicurist, esthetician … and Photoshop.
• “International Day Against Drug Abuse & Illicit Trafficking”, a UN observance since 1987 with the goal of achieving an international society free of drug abuse. Let’s see, has it worked yet?
• “International Day in Support of Torture Victims”, created by the UN General Assembly to demonstrate solidarity with all those whose mind, body, or spirit have been impacted by torture.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1880 [131] 1st performance of “O Canada” (St-Jean Baptiste Day banquet in Québec City)

1972 [39] Alice Cooper releases “School’s Out” (goes on to become a summer anthem)

1989 [22] Roseanne Cash’s “I Don’t Want to Spoil the Party” tops the country singles chart, the first Lennon-McCartney song to become a #1 country hit

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1923 [88] The ‘Peanut Butter Cup’ is invented by HB Reese (the cause of many a diet’s demise)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1973 [38] 15-year-old Marlene Raymond of Toronto limbos under a bar just 6 1/8 inches off the ground … a flaming bar

COMING UP . . .
[Mon] Decide to Be Married Day
[Mon] HIV Testing Day
[Mon] Lemonade Day
[Mon] Please Take My Children to Work Day
[Mon] Sunglasses Day
[Tues] Insurance Awareness Day
[Wed] “Transformers: Dark Of the Moon” opens in movie theaters
This Week Is … International Surf Music Month
This Month Is … Adopt a Shelter Cat Month

BULL’S BITS

BS IMPROVEMENTS TO THE COORS LIGHT ‘COLD ACTIVATED’ BEER CAN:
• When snowflakes drift around the can in a balletic display, borne aloft by eddies and currents in the air, it means you have eye floaters.
• When the Rockies become Mayan Pyramids, it means you’re in the Taco Bell drive-thru. Wake up and proceed to the 2nd window.
• When a car appears at the top of the Rocky Mountains, it means you’re DD is ready to drive you home.
• When the Rockies erupt, it means you have alcohol poisoning.
• When the mountains disappear, it means that someone probably dropped a mescaline button in your beer. Wrap yourself in a thick wool blanket and call a cab.
• When a timetable for the ‘Silver Bullet’ train appears, prepare to get on board for the cold … wait, did an ‘S’ appear too? That’s the Sunday schedule.
• When ‘Coors Light’ is re-arranged to spell ‘Ostrich Log’, it’s time to quit drinkin’!
– Thanks to Marco Kaye

BS RANDOM JOKE:
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

BS PHONE STARTER:
Should junk food ads stop targeting teens? The US government is working on proposed guidelines for food companies that target youth on TV, in schools, in stores, and online. However, the guidelines wouldn’t be mandatory and companies could opt out.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Women with kids do THIS less than women that don’t have kids.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Get their hair done.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
War is death’s feast.


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