Monday, June 24, 2013        Edition: #5013


Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
✳ Today an emergency meeting of The Oaks homeowner association in Calabasas, California has been scheduled to address concerns about resident Justin Bieber’s bad behavior within the exclusive gated community in recent weeks. Cops showed up again on Friday in response to calls reporting reckless driving through the streets by his associates. The 19-year-old has previously been investigated for racing his Ferrari around the area. Residents are also upset about late-night parties and guests parking illegally overnight. Is he moving out? Count on it.
– WENN.com
✳ Kanye West has reportedly asked Kim Kardashian to marry him just days after she gave birth to their daughter ‘North’ (a source close to the couple says they’ll call her ‘Nori’ for short). UK’s “The Sun” reports the 36-year-old new dad hasn’t presented an actual engagement ring yet, but is said to have splashed out over $750,000 on a rare black & tiger-stripe diamond. The new parents are reportedly planning their nuptials for this September in Kanye’s beloved Paris.
– EntertainmentWise.com
✳ FX has given a greenlight to a new comedy starring Kelsey Grammar (“Frasier”) and Martin Lawrence (“Martin”). Much like the deal that Charlie Sheen’s “Anger Management” received, the series has been given a 10-episode order, with the promise of 90 more episodes if it performs well in the ratings. The so-far-untitled comedy is about 2 lawyers who develop a friendship and then a partnership after being brought together under unusual circumstances. Meh.
– Variety.com
✳ Serial-dater Jake Gyllenhaal has now been linked to “Sports Illustrated” ‘Swimsuit Edition’ model Alyssa Miller. The actor, who’s previously dated Taylor Swift and Reese Witherspoon, apparently met Miller at his fitness center. Just a couple of months back, Gyllenhaal was dating another “Sports Illustrated” model, Emily DiDonato, after they met during exercise classes in NYC. So forget singles’ bars, the new pickup place seems to be the gym.
– “Us Weekly”
✳ And the Food Network has announced it will not renew celeb chef Paula Deen’s contract when it expires at the end of this month. It’s a direct result of the Southern food doyenne being sued for racial discrimination and admitting in a legal deposition to using a racial slur in the past (the ‘n’ word). It’s a huge setback for the 66-year-old TV personality as she’s built a commercial empire around the show that includes cookbooks and restaurants. One word … one blown career!
– Reuters.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Michael McDonald (“Soul Speak”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Robin Thicke w/Pharrell (“Blurred Lines”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Iron & Wine (“Ghost on Ghost”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Savages (“Silence Yourself”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Dale Watson (“El Rancho Azul”).
• “Satisfaction” (CTV) – Premiere of a new comedy about a group of friends who share relationship woes, life crises, and personal ambitions. Stars Leah Renee, Luke MacFarlane, Ryan Belleville.
• “Stanley Cup Final” (CBC/NBC) – Game 6, from TD Garden in Boston MA.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Barenaked Ladies (“Grinning Streak”).
• “Under the Dome” (CBS/Global) – Series debut of a new drama based on the Stephen King book about a small town that suddenly and unfathomably gets trapped underneath a mysterious dome of unknown origin. No-name cast.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Kelly Rowland (“Talk a Good Game”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Carly Rae Jepsen – She admits her 2012 album “Kiss” was a bit rushed (to take advantage of the phenomenal success of her single “Call Me Maybe”). So she’ll be taking her time with the next album, for which she has so far written 3 songs she thinks are ‘keepers’.
• Demi Lovato – She pulled out of a scheduled photoshoot with her fellow “X Factor” judges on Saturday after learning that her father had died. Patrick Lovato was a former country singer and studio engineer and is believed to have been battling cancer in recent years.
• Florida Georgia Line – They’ve scored a chart double by topping this week’s “Billboard” ‘Country Albums’ chart with “Here’s To the Good Times” and the ‘Country Songs’ chart (again) with “Cruise”.
• Jay-Z – Starting today Samsung Galaxy Smartphone owners can access an app that will allow the first 1 million users to get his new album “Magna Carta Holy Grail” for free on July 4th, ahead of its July 7 release date. Samsung paid $5 each for the million digital copies it plans to give away. So does that mean Jay-Z will have an instant platinum album? Not necessarily, as “Billboard” magazine says it doesn’t count ‘bulk sales’ when compiling charts.
NET: http://www.magnacartaholygrail.com
• Jo Dee Messina – The “My Give a Damn’s Busted” country singer has successfully funded her new album through Kickerstarter.com, exceeding the goal of $100,000 within 30 days to pay for recording. Two supporters contributed $10,000 apiece, which earns them an acoustic concert  in their home for up to 20 people.
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – Frontman Anthony Kiedis was halted by a security guard while walking into the Four Seasons Hotel in Philadelphia PA on Friday just as the Rolling Stones were leaving. That led to an argument and an ensuing brawl that had to be broken up by cops.
• Rolling Stones – Tonight the North American leg of their “50 & Counting Tour” wraps up in Washington DC. And they’ve now released their entire catalogue on iTunes. The re-mastered digital releases include all the Stones’ studio records, live albums, and best-of collections.
• Seal – What’s he up to these days? He’s currently a judge on Australia’s “The Voice”, alongside Good Charlotte’s Joel Madden. Seal’s kids (via ex Heidi Klum) are staying with him at the Star Sydney Casino & Hotel.

SAT-NAV FOR SENIORS:
A walking stick with built-in sat-nav has been developed by Japanese technology giant Fujitsu. The ‘Next Generation Cane’ is designed to help elderly people find their way, as well as monitor things such as heart rate and temperature. The cane’s location can be monitored online and it can be set up to send email alerts if it senses the user may have fallen. The prototype device is equipped with a variety of technologies, including GPS, 3G, and WiFi. When a change of direction is needed, the walking stick vibrates and an arrow appears. (The arrow often stays on long afterward … blinking … blinking … blinking …)
– Adapted from BBC News

YIDDISH GLOSSARY FOR GOYIM:
● Ferblunjet (lost in space, more or less)
● Gonze mocher (big shot)
● Hock me a chynick (bug me)
● Schvitz (sweat bath)
● Ver geharget (get killed)
● Gey kocken off’n yam (take a dump in the ocean, buddy)
● Abi gesunt (so long as you got your health)
– “The Power Schmoozer’s Guide to Hollywood” by Noë Gold

WORKDAY OUTLOOK:
Hot and humid weather over the past few decades has led to a 10% drop in the ability of people to do their work safely. And that decrease will continue as Earth’s climate continues to warm, according to new research from the USA’s National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration. The study addresses the impact of rising humidity associated with global warming on the capacity of people to safely do their jobs, from toiling in agricultural fields to crunching numbers at a desk. (Forget about getting ‘Snow Days’ off, we need ‘Muggy Days’!)
– NBCNews.com

FEATURES NO LONGER SEEN ON AIRLINERS:
A few amenities we rarely see on commercial flights today that were common in days of yore …
• Sleeping Berths.
• Champagne in Coach.
• Tableside Meat Carving.
• Flight Attendants in ‘Hot Pants’.
• Fresh Cut Flower Arrangements.
• In-Flight Fashion Shows.
• A Window at the End of Each Row of Seats.
• Seats With the Letter ‘I’ (computers mistake it for the number 1).
– Condensed from MentalFloss.com

PREDICTOR OF UNHAPPINESS:
The daily activity most detracting to people’s happiness is … commuting. Individuals self-reporting their enjoyment of daily activities rank the morning commute as dead last. Long commutes also correlate with people bringing the stress of work home with them after work and they also harm overall health. Studies have shown commuters experience more recurring back and neck pain, they sleep and exercise less, and they eat more fast-food. The same can be said of people working long hours, but the results are even stronger for chronic commuters. (Move downtown … be happy!)
– Priceonomics.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• Cabbages reach their vitamin peak at noon. (So that’s the best time to pick a head.)
– “Daily Telegraph”
• To combat the effects of a heat wave, the Centers for Disease Control recommends 2-to-4 glasses of water … each hour. (Followed by regular visits to an air-conditioned restroom.)
– PA News

BS CHRONOMETER 06.24.13


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [66] Mick Fleetwood, Redruth UK, classic rock drummer (Fleetwood Mac-“Rumours”)  BS FACTOID: Fleetwood Mac’s 14-country “2013 World Tour” continues tonight in Charlotte NC.

1961 [52] Iain Glen, Edinburgh, Scotland, TV actor (‘Ser Jorah Mormont’ on “Game of Thrones” since 2011)/movie actor (“Resident Evil” films)

1979 [34] Mindy Kaling (Chokalingam), Cambridge MA, TV actress (“The Mindy Project since 2012, “The Office” 2005-13)/movie actress (“The Five-Year Engagement”, “Wreck-It Ralph”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Celebration Of the Senses”, when we’re encouraged to treat ourselves to stimulation of each of our 5 senses. What would be the best sensation for each?
NET: http://tinyurl.com/5zz8tu

• “International Fairy Day”, a holiday for believers, collectors, and the young at heart to celebrate all that is ‘Fae’, and to reconnect with their imagination and child-like wonder.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/madvd34

• “St-Jean Baptiste Day”, the “Fête Nationale” holiday in the province of Québec and in French Canadian communities across Canada. Besides Québec, St John the Baptist is also the patron saint of auto routes, candlemakers, health spas, road workers, and wool workers.

• “Swim a Lap Day”, the pool equivalent of ‘Walk a Block’, an easily achievable step to getting your fitness initiative underway.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1880 [133] 1st performance of “O Canada” (St-Jean Baptiste Day banquet in Québec City)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1923 [90] The ‘Peanut Butter Cup’ is invented by HB Reese (the cause of many a diet’s demise)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1973 [40] 15-year-old Marlene Raymond of Toronto limbos under a bar just 6 1/8 inches off the ground … a flaming bar

2010 [03] American John Isner finally defeats Nicolas Mahut of France at Wimbledon in the longest match in professional tennis history (11 hours, 5 minutes of play over 3 days, with a final score of 70-68 after 183 games)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Global Beatles Day
[Tues] Columnists Day
[Wed] Summerfest begins (Milwaukee WI)
[Wed] “Big Brother” season debut (CBS/Global)
[Wed] National Canoe Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Carpenter Ant Awareness Week / Fish Are Friends, Not Food! Week / Lightning Safety Awareness Week / Mosquito Control Awareness Week / Prevention of Eye Injuries Awareness Week / Water Ski Days

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
YOU MIGHT BE A BAD DRIVER IF …
• Your friends have turned down your offer of a ride and instead walked home … 5 miles … on 100-degree asphalt … barefoot.
• You don’t have a single drink at a party but your roommate still insists on hiding your keys and calling a cab.
• When people ask you about the accident, you have to ask, “Which one?”
• You’ve ever hit the car in front of you … while trying to back up.
• Cops carry a separate ticket pad with your info already filled in.
• You consider stop signs just a suggestion.
• You replace your airbags more often than your oil.
– First published in “BS” 2008.

BS SIGNS YOUR CAT MAY BE SOMEWHAT OVERWEIGHT:
● Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.
● Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.
● Cat food dish replaced with front-end loader.
● It’s no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.
● He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.
● Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.
● Has more chins than lives.
– First published in “BS” 1998.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
If you cannot convince them, confuse them!

BS WEB GOODIE:
Here’s one for your web blog … ‘Extreme Dog Grooming’. It’s cruel and totally unnecessary but … the “Sesame Street” dog rocks!
NET: http://bit.ly/11Acr4f

TRUTH OR BS?
• Portugal is the largest Portuguese-speaking nation. [BS. Brazil]
• Seagulls are more faithful to their mates than humans. [True. Gulls mate for life and cheat less, according to “The Large Gulls Of North America”]
• The characters on “South Park” are based on real children. [BS. As far as we know, the ‘Antichrist’ is yet to be born.]
• Astrologists make better stock pickers than traditional brokers. [True. According to “Intelligent Market Insights”, astrologists are on target 60% of the time, compared to 40% for traditional analysts.]

BS PROMO IDEA:
“Truck Stop”, the largest collection of food trucks ever assembled in London. Plus beer. Sounds like a party!
NET: http://www.truckstoplondon.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: THIS increases your chances of dying by 40%.
Answer: Boredom.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The only obstacle to happiness is reality.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
BS salutes the Astral Atlantic Group (105 FM The Fox [CFXY] Fredericton NB, 106.9 Capital FM [CIBX] Fredericton NB, Max 104.9 [CKBC] Bathurst NB, and CJ 104 [CJCJ] Woodstock NB) who’ve just re-upped for another year of service; and we welcome aboard this week’s samplers who include Jack Palmer @ 7Waves 92.1 FM Merseyside UK; Hal Anderson @ 680 CJOB Winnipeg MB; and Sunil Fernando @ Gold FM, Colombo, Sri Lanka.


Printer Friendly Version