BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Today & tomorrow a Julien’s Auctions celebrity memorabilia sale in Las Vegas features personal effects from Marilyn Monroe, including the last item of clothing she wore (a bathrobe); and items from Elvis Presley such as jewelry, pill bottles, and – eww! – a nasal douche (NET: http://www.juliensauctions.com) . . . Saturday 24-year-old Playmate-turned-reality TV star Kendra Wilkinson (“Kendra”, “The Girls Next Door”) weds 26-year-old NFL player Hank Baskett (Philadelphia Eagles) at the Playboy Mansion in LA and will then honeymoon on a secluded island so the pregnant bride can walk around naked (quote: “I’m so excited! I’m ready to run down the aisle and jump on Hank!”) . . . Courtney Love, who’s just announced the reincarnation of her girl-rock band Hole, has been spotted looking extremely gaunt & thin in NYC, sparking fears about her health (one onlooker says she’s so tiny her head looks too big for her body) . . . 19-year-old “Harry Potter” actress Emma Watson has reportedly registered at NYC’s Columbia University as ‘Charlotte E Watson’, using her middle name (okay, that one’s blown – should have gone with ‘Hermione’) . . . And “Life & Style” reports that 29-year-old model Gisele Bundchen is expecting a baby in December via her 31-year-old NFL quarterback-hubby Tom Brady (New England Patriots), but she’s refusing to confirm or deny the rumor (no doubt waiting for a slow news day so she gets top billing).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “BET Awards” (BET) – Sunday Jamie Foxx hosts from LA’s Shrine Auditorium. Beyoncé and TI lead nominations with 5 apiece, while Lil Wayne, T-Pain, and Keri Hilson have 4 each. Performances include Beyoncé, Kanye West, Ne-Yo, Soulja Boy, and Young Jeezy.
• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Today REO Speedwagon (rerun).
• “Crossroads” (CMT) – Tonight Canadian rock icon Bryan Adams joins country star Jason Aldean.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today No Doubt (rerun).
• Glastonbury Festival (Somerset UK) – Tonight 170,000 fans are expected as one of Britain’s largest summer festivals opens with Neil Young headlining. Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band headline Saturday; the reunited Blur on Sunday. Among hundreds of artists also slated to perform at Worthy Farm: Black Eyed Peas, Franz Ferdinand, Jason Mraz, and  Lily Allen.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Phoenix (“Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Grizzly Bear (“Yellow House”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Regina Spektor (“Begin to Hope”).
• Rock On the Range Festival (Winnipeg) – Saturday the 1-day, 2-stage music fest at Canad Inn Stadium features Rise Against, Rancid, Theory Of a Deadman, Shinedown, among others.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning The Fray (“The Fray”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Adele (“19”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Brad Paisley – Tonight he plays the “Country USA” festival in Oshkosh WI; then Sunday attends a fundraiser for former NHLer Shjon Podein’s children’s foundation in Rochester MN.
• Fall Out Boy – Pete Wentz denies they’re splitting up, even though they have no immediate plans to make more albums.
• John Legend – Saturday he begins a 50-plus city North American tour in support of his latest album, “Evolver”, in Muskegon MI. India.arie is scheduled to open select shows.
• Kid Rock – Tonight he kicks off the 25-city “Rock ‘n Rebels” North American tour in West Palm Beach FL. Lynyrd Skynyd is also on the bill.
• Madonna – She’s said to be sinking $30 million into renovations on her NYC penthouse to make it replicate Ashcombe, her former country estate in England (which ex-husband Guy Ritchie got in the divorce). “Sun” reports she’s meticulously documented her old home room-by-room with photos and has sent a team of assistants scouring for authentic period pieces.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Chéri” ( R-Rated Drama ): Stephen Frears (“Dangerous Liaisons”, “The Queen”) directs Michelle Pfeiffer, Rupert Friend, and Kathy Bates in this romance set in 1920s Paris, where the son of a courtesan retreats into a fantasy world after being forced to end his relationship with the older woman who taught him the ways of love. (Pfeiffer plays the hottie … at age 51!)
NET: http://www.cherithemovie.co.uk
• “My Sister’s Keeper” ( PG-13 Drama ): Abigail Breslin, Cameron Diaz, and Jason Patric star in this adaptation of Jodi Picoult’s novel about a young daughter looking to free herself from her parents who rely on her to help her leukemia-stricken sister remain alive. (Don’t expect any laughs or car chases … this is a two-handkerchief weeper.)
NET: http://www.mysisterskeepermovie.com

TESTING TEXTING:
This week 15-year-old Kate Moore of  Des Moines IA has won the 3rd annual “LG Electronics US National Texting Championship” in NYC. Her speedy and accurate performance beat out 20 other finalists in 2 days of challenges such as texting blindfolded and texting while maneuvering through an obstacle course for the grand prize of $50,000. She only got her first cellphone 8 months ago but has averaged about 14,000 texts per month since. (Racking up phone bills that will chew right through that 50 grand.)
NET: http://www.lgtexter.com
– Associated Press

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• New & improved tap water! The city of Minneapolis MN is spending big bucks to sell free water from the tap, something that would seem to sell itself. A new $75,000 website and $105,000 PR campaign promotes the stuff. But the real problem for some may be the product. The city’s water comes from the Mississippi River and a spring run-off gives it a taste and smell that’s just a little off. The water campaign was mayor RT Rybak’s idea. (Soon to be former mayor?)
– Fox News
• Concerned with the lack of men attending services, the Church of England is offering new incentives. Last Sunday men at St Stephen’s Church in Barbourne UK were handed bottles of beer; St Michael’s in Amersham held a pig roast; and St Mary’s in Arnold served breakfast bacon rolls. (St McDonald’s is opening a drive-thru.)
– Telegraph.co.uk
• They’ve got wobbly wallabies Down Under! Authorities on the Australian island of Tasmania say mysterious crop circles that have been appearing in fields lately are the result of … stoned marsupials. Tasmania is the world’s largest producer of legally grown opium for the pharmaceutical market. But it seems local wallabies are eating opium poppies, getting high, and then hopping around in circles. Then they crash. (Coming soon: The Betty Ford Veterinary Clinic.)
– “The Mercury”

TOP EARNING MUSICIANS 2009:
Based on total earnings between June 2008 and June 2009 …
5. Kenny Chesney … $65 million.
4. Bruce Springsteen … $70 million.
3. Beyoncé Knowles … $87 million.
2. Celine Dion … $100 million.
1. Madonna … $110 million.
– “Forbes Magazine”

THE LONG & SHORT OF IT:
• At age 20, Tanya Angus was 5′-11” tall and living in Michigan when she began to get migraine headaches and noticed her shoes didn’t fit.  Not only did her condition worsen, but she started to grow and her voice got deeper. It was discovered she suffers from a rare condition called acromegaly, where excessive amounts of growth hormone are released. Unfortunately, several surgeries and medication have failed to stop the secretion. Today, at age 30, Tanya is a staggering 6′-6” (2 m) and 480 lbs (218 kg) … and still growing!
– MSNBC
• She’s the girl who doesn’t get older. At 16 years of age and weighing only 16 lbs, Brooke Greenberg of Baltimore County MD has a previously-unknown condition which causes an absence of aging of the body. She is infantile in size, just 30-inches-tall, but does not have ordinary dwarfism. Her cognition is that of a child; she still has her baby teeth; her bone age is only that of a 10-year-old. Does Brooke hold the secret to the fountain of youth? Her physicians are hopeful that sorting out the mechanism for her persistent youthful characteristics might lead to insights on the normal process of aging. TLC will air a documentary about her August 2nd.
– ABC News

DID YOU KNOW?
The putting stroke is one of the finest and simplest motions in golf, if not all of sports. It takes just 0.1 joule of energy, about 1/200th of the energy it takes to throw a baseball.
– “Wall Street Journal”

BS CHRONOMETER 06.26.09

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1969 [40] Colin Greenwood, Oxford UK, alt-rock bassist (Radiohead-“There There”, “Creep”)

1973 [36] Gretchen Wilson, Pocahontas IL, country singer (“Homewrecker”, “Redneck Woman”)

1974 [35] Derek Jeter, Pequannock NJ, MLB shortstop (NY Yankees)/1st player to be chosen World Series & All-Star Game MVP in same season (2000)/girlfriends have included Mariah Carey, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johansson, and Vanessa Minillo

1979 [30] Nathan Followill, Oklahoma City OK, alt-rock drummer (Kings of Leon–“Use Somebody”, “Sex on Fire”)

1979 [30] Ryan Tedder, Tulsa OK, pop rock singer (OneRepublic-“Stop & Stare”, “Apologize”)

SATURDAY –
Country singer Lorrie Morgan (“What Part of No”) is 50; TV-movie writer-director JJ Abrams (“Star Trek”) is 43; Movie actor Tobey Maguire (“Spider-Man”) is 34; Pop singer Leigh Nash (Sixpence None the Richer) is 33; TV actor Ed Westwick (“Gossip Girl”) is 22.

SUNDAY –
Broadway-movie producer-director Mel Brooks (“The Producers”) is 83; Oscar-winning movie actress Kathy Bates (“Chéri”) is 61; Movie actor John Cusack (“Runaway Jury”) is 43; Rock bassist Tim Nordwind (OK Go) is 33; Rock bassist Mark Stoermer (The Killers) is 32; Country singer Kellie Pickler (“Best Days of Your Life”) is 23.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Beautician’s Day”, your chance to show your appreciation to those who make you look beautiful and stunning. That includes your hairstylist, manicurist, esthetician … and the makers of Adobe Photoshop.
• “International Day Against Drug Abuse & Illicit Trafficking”, a UN observance established in 1987 with the goal of achieving an international society free of drug abuse. Let’s see, has it worked yet?
• “International Day in Support of Torture Victims”, created by the United Nations General Assembly to demonstrate solidarity with all those whose mind, body or spirit have been impacted by torture. (A holiday at Guantanamo Bay?)
• “Take Your Dog to Work Day”, created by Pet Sitters International in 1999 to give dog owners the opportunity to invite their ‘best friend’ into participating workplaces. It also happens to be “Ugly Dog Day”, so you can inflict your hideous hound on co-workers if you have one.
NET: http://takeyourdog.com
• “Watermelon Thump”, the 56th annual through Sunday in Luling, Texas, home of the ‘World Champion Seed-Spitting Contest’ in which the Guinness Record was established at 68-ft, 9-ins.
NET: http://www.watermelonthump.com

SATURDAY –
• “Backyard Campout Night”, great fun for kids of all ages. (But not so much for the adults trying to sleep indoors who wake up to the door slamming every time the ‘campers’ need drinks, food or the bathroom; or get scared by the spooky noises coming from the neighbor’s yard.)
• “Canadian Multiculturalism Day”, an opportunity to celebrate our diversity and to appreciate the contributions of the various multicultural groups and communities to Canadian society.
• “Decide To Be Married Day”, focusing on the joys of the ball-and-chain. Ask listeners for advantages to being married that you rarely hear about.
• “HIV Testing Day”, an annual campaign by the National Association of People with AIDS to encourage at-risk individuals to receive voluntary HIV counselling and testing.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/5ajjxn
• “Special Recreation for Disabled Day”, to focus attention on the recreation rights, needs, aspirations, and abilities of people with disabilities. (The idea of jogging might appeal to all of us more if we were disabled.)
• “Sunglasses Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of the 1942 debut of ‘Ray-Ban Sunglasses’. Shades as we know them today are a 20th-century phenomenon. In the 1930s, the military commissioned glasses that would protect pilots from glare. But they didn’t become a real fad until the 1960s when an ad campaign asked, “Who’s behind those Foster Grants?”.

SUNDAY –
• “Pride Parade Day”, when the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) community struts its stuff in many cities worldwide, including Barcelona, Berlin, Chicago, Delhi, NYC, San Francisco, Seattle, and Toronto.
• “Log Cabin Day”, celebrated annually on the last Sunday of June as a salute to the humble but efficient dwellings erected by pioneers.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1925 [84] Ted Rogers Sr invents the alternating-current tube which allows plug-in batteryless radios (the ‘RB’ in his radio station CFRB stood for ‘Rogers Batteryless’)

1959 [50] ‘St Lawrence Seaway’ is officially opened by Queen Elizabeth II and US President Eisenhower

1974 [35] 1st supermarket ‘Bar Code Scanner’ is used at Marsh’s Supermarket in Troy, Ohio where a pack of chewing gum becomes the 1st item scanned at a checkout (and shows up on the bill as twenty-dollars-worth of sirloin)

1981 [28] ‘Most Coupons Used in a Single Purchase’ as Virginia Campbell of Mountain Home, Idaho buys $24,460 worth of groceries in a supermarket and uses clipped coupons and rebates to cover all but 67 cents of the bill (wow, someone even cheaper than [co-host]!)

1985 [24] 1st ‘Organist Ejected from a Baseball Game’ (Wilbur Snapp gets tossed for playing “Three Blind Mice” following a call by umpire Keith O’Connor in a Class A League game at Jack Russell Stadium in Clearwater FL)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1976 [33] Toronto’s $63-million ‘CN Tower’ opens to the public, at the time the ‘World’s Tallest Free-Standing Structure’ at 1,815-feet (553-m), featuring the ‘World’s Highest Public Observation Deck’, and the ‘World’s Highest & Largest Revolving Restaurant’

1994 [15] Killer heat wave sets record temps in US Southwest (104F in Denver CO, 107F in Albuquerque NM, 112F in El Paso TX, 126F in Death Valley CA)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Please Take My Children to Work Day
[Tues] U2 World Tour begins (Barcelona, Spain)
[Wed] Canada Day
[Thurs] 39th Roskilde Festival opens (Copenhagen, Denmark)
This Week Is … Camping Week
This Month Is … Lane Courtesy Month

BULL’S BITS

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BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Love comes in all shapes and sizes. By the time you find yours, all the good shapes and sizes will be gone.
• Taurus – The Latin phrase for what you’re feeling right now is ‘Non Semper Inquisit Damascus Aroooooo’! There’s a little bit of dog language mixed in there too.
• Gemini – The future is what you make of it … and if it’s anything like what you made of the rest of your life, you might consider stocking up on materials for the nuclear winter.
• Cancer – You will be convinced your computer has been hacked by some 12-year-old but will soon realize a family pet has chewed the mouse cord. Should have gone cordless, cheapo!
• Leo – Only love can break your heart … but all those trans-fatty acids you consume will give it a damn good try.
• Virgo – The colors red & purple will mean a lot to you today as you’re punched in the nose by someone you assumed was a potential mate.
• Libra – The smell of dead moles may begin to affect you today. Time to try deodorant soap during your morning shower?
• Scorpio – When opening the door for a stranger, take care to notice any loose change that they may drop so that you can slam the door in their face, grab the money, and run for dear life.
• Sagittarius – You may hear good news today from an excitable old lady who may turn out to be drunk. Be nice to mom; she does her best.
• Capricorn – Back in school when people would bully you about your hair, you swore you would have your vengeance. Make today that day. But fix your messy mop first, okay?
• Aquarius – If you’re ignorant are you blessed? Only with ignorance, my stupid friend.
• Pisces – Anything someone says today that is unkind is probably meant in jest … you ugly bastard.

BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could have personally witnessed one event in history, what would you want to have seen?

NAME THAT PONTIAC:
For the first time since 1926, the Pontiac brand name will no longer be used by General Motors after 2010. Some 35 different Pontiac models have rolled off assembly lines in the past 50 years. Give car enthusiast contestants (or maybe laid off local GM workers) one minute to name as many as they can. [Astre, Aztek, Bonneville, Catalina, Executive, Fiero, Firebird, G3/5/6/8, Grand Am, Grand Prix, Grand Ville, Grand Safari, GTO, J2000, Laurentian, LeMans, Montana, Phoenix, Parisienne, Piranha, Salsa, Safari, Solstice, Star Chief, Strato Chief, Sunbird, Sunfire, T1000, Tempest, Torrent, Trans Am, Trans Sport, Ventura, Vibe.]
– “Mental Floss”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Doing THIS 5 times a day will make you a happier person.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Hugging.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.