Monday, June 27, 2016 – Edition: #5761

More From the Sheethouse!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ NBC-TV personality Matt Lauer (“Today Show”) has purchased actor Richard Gere’s massive Hamptons estate. The home, situated in North Haven NY, sold for $36.5 million. Gere’s original asking price had been $65 million back in 2013. The 6.2 acre estate boasts a pool, pond, basketball court, and 12 bedrooms and bathrooms. It also has its own bridge and tea house. Why the big discount? Gere is reportedly in a rush to finalize his divorce so that he can marry his much-younger girlfriend.
– PageSix.com
★ The daytime TV show formerly known as “Live! With Kelly & Michael” may finally have a new host in mind. According to an insider, former stock car driver Jeff Gordon is on the shortlist to become Kelly Ripa’s co-host following Michael Strahan’s abrupt exit. 44-year-old Gordon is certainly no stranger to the show. He’s served as Ripa’s co-host 9 times and has developed a career in broadcasting since retiring from racing. Reps remain tight-lipped about where Gordon stands, and plan to continue featuring a variety of guest hosts until formally announcing Strahan’s replacement later this Summer.
– TVLine.com
★ Sarah Jessica Parker is set to star in a brand new comedy-drama entitled “Divorce”, with the 10-episode 1st season set to hit HBO this Fall. The production marks Parker’s first return to HBO since “Sex & The City” ended 12 years ago. It’s a complicated story which sees Parker’s troubled character ask for a divorce from her long-time husband. Created by British filmmaker Sharon Horgan (“Catastrophe”), the show co-stars Oscar-nominated actor Thomas Haden Church, as well as Molly Shannon and Talia Balsam.
– Jezebel.com
★ And “Shark Week 2016″ got underway last night on the Discovery Channel. The annual fish fest has become an institution on the science network. This year’s 8-day schedule is loaded with 17 programs about sharks (16 of them new specials) through July 3rd. Here’s a review of the ‘Shark Week Drinking Game, first introduced a few years back by “Oregon Live” …
• Drink whenever a narrator says “feeding frenzy”.
• Drink whenever someone says “brush with death”.
• Drink whenever a shark leaps out of the water.
• Drink when you hear an Australian or South African accent.
• Drink whenever someone talks about surviving a shark attack.
• Drink when a “crunch” sound effect is used to add drama to a scene.
• Drink whenever someone is submerged in a diving cage.
• Drink every time the movie “Jaws” is mentioned.
• Drink each time the camera shows something with a shark bite taken out of it.
– Inquisitr.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Pierce the Veil (“Misadventures”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Demi Lovato (“Confident”); Fall Out Boy (“American Beauty/American Psycho”) Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – AlunaGeorge (“I Remember”, coming September).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Bots (“Pink Palms”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Jamie Lawson (“Jamie Lawson”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Allison Miller (“Otis Was a Polar Bear”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Dierks Bentley (“Black”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – After rigorous auditions, the judges reveal the top 10 dancers.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Lecrae (“Church Clothes 3″). Rerun.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – Steven Tyler has confirmed that the band will be breaking up after their 2017 farewell tour. Aerosmith formed in Boston, Massachusetts in 1970 and has released 15 studio albums, the most recent being 2012′s “Music from Another Dimension”.
• Drake – He’s made history at the top of the UK singles chart by scoring the longest-running #1 since music downloads have been included in sales. In yesterday’s new rankings, “One Dance” remained #1 for an 11th straight week, breaking Rihanna’s previous 10-week record.
• The Eagles – They’re among the artists to be saluted at the 2016 Kennedy Center Honors. “Billboard” notes they were supposed to be honored last year, but postponed due to Glenn Frey’s health troubles. Also on this year’s list: James Taylor, and Mavis Staples. The celebration is being held December 4th.
• Kanye West – Seems everybody’s talking about his new “Fame” video that features wax figures of celebs (some are said to be the real people) sleeping naked in a bed together. It’s based on Vincent Desiderio’s 2008 painting “Sleep”. The images from left to right are: George W Bush, Anna Wintour, Donald Trump, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Taylor Swift, Kanye, Kim Kardashian West, Ray J, Amber Rose, Caitlyn Jenner, and Bill Cosby.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/zwrw76p
NET: http://tinyurl.com/hbvpnqe
• Kelly Clarkson – She’s just signed a new, long-term, worldwide deal with Atlantic Records. She’s is slated to release her first album for Atlantic in 2017.
• Taylor Swift – Her whirlwind romance with Brit actor Tom Hiddleston seemingly reached a new level when she jetted in to England on Friday … to meet his mother.

SEEMS THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH:
Some genes turn on after the body’s demise, a new study finds and scientists are hailing the ‘jaw-dropping’ discovery. Genes in dead zebrafish have been found to remain active for up to 4 days after their bodies have died. And some genes, including those that help to create an embryo and others associated with cancer, even turn themselves on or become more active after death. The research could potentially help reduce the increased risk of getting cancer after transplant and also could help forensic scientists work out when a murder victim was killed. (Someone’s likely already working on the movie.)
– “Science Magazine”

TERMS THAT WOMEN SAY MEN MISUNDERSTAND:
✓ “Nothing” … It is definitely something and you had better figure it out real quick.
✓ “Do I look fat in this?” … The answer is categorically “no”.
✓ “Go ahead” … This is not permission. In fact, it’s more of a dare. So don’t do it!
✓ “What are you doing?” … It’s actually a statement akin to “You’re doing it wrong.”
✓ “Do you have to do this now?” … Also not a question. It means stop doing what you’re doing.
✓ “It would be nice if …” … Everything following the “if” is an unconditional order.
✓ “Fine” … The argument is over and you lost.
✓ “It’s OK” … This only means she needs some time to figure out your punishment.
✓ “It’s up to you” … Making the wrong choice will usually result in an “It’s OK.”
✓ “Are you listening?” … You are not listening. And there is no way to recover from this.
✓ “We can go anywhere you want” … You had better choose my favorite restaurant.
✓ Loud sigh … I can’t believe I have to stand here and put up with your stupidity.
✓ “No” … It means “no”.
✓ “We need to talk” … You’re dead.
– Adapted from LList25.com

RUBBING YOU THE WRONG WAY:
Ever have a craving for a snake massage? A Lipton Tea promotion called the ‘Paradise Now Brunch’ is taking place this morning in London’s Barbican Jungle Conservatory. One of the offerings at the event is being billed ‘The Original Sin Massage’, which is like a normal massage only there’s a bloody big snake involved. You can either have the 70-lb albino python placed on your shoulders or you can lie down on a bamboo bed and have it placed on your back. Organizers claim the adrenaline-pumping sense of risk is complemented by the great surge of relief and relaxation when the snake is removed. (What’s next? Spider facials?)
– Metro.co.uk

DID YOU KNOW?
Listening to Mozart can lower blood pressure as much as cutting salt from your diet.
– “Daily Telegraph”

BS CHRONOMETER 06.27.16

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1966 [50] JJ (Jeffrey Jacob) Abrams, NYC, movie producer-director (“Star Wars: The Force Awakens”, “Mission: Impossible” films) UP NEXT: “Star Trek Beyond”, opening July 22nd.

1975 [41] Tobey Maguire, Santa Monica CA, movie actor (“The Great Gatsby”, “Spider-Man” films)

1984 [32] Khloé Kardashian, LA CA, reality TV personality (“Keeping Up With the Kardashians” since 2007)/sister of Kourtney, Kim, and Rob Kardashian

1986 [30] Samuel Claflin, Ipswich UK, movie actor (‘Finnick Odair’ in “Hunger Games” films, “Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides”)

1996 [20] Lauren Jauregui, Miami FL, pop singer (Fifth Harmony-”Work From Home”, “Worth It”)

1999 [17] Chandler Riggs, Atlanta GA, TV actor (‘Carl Grimes’ on “The Walking Dead” since 2010)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Canadian Multiculturalism Day”, an opportunity to celebrate the country’s diversity and to appreciate contributions of various multicultural groups and communities to Canadian society.

• “Decide to Be Married Day”, focusing on the joys of the ball-and-chain. Ask listeners for advantages to being married that you rarely hear about.

• “Discovery Day”, celebrated in Newfoundland & Labrador on the Monday nearest June 24th in commemoration of the discovery of the island in 1497 by John Cabot.

• “HIV Testing Day”, an annual campaign by the National Association of People with AIDS to encourage at-risk individuals to receive voluntary HIV counselling and testing.

• “Industrial Workers Of the World Day”, to draw attention to workers in manufacturing and their importance in producing the goods that we consume and rely on. (Thank-you, China.)

• “Please Take My Child to Work Day”, the 14th annual observance in which moms are encouraged to take the day off – or at least part of it – by tapping a friend, relative, neighbor, spouse, or other unsuspecting soul to watch the kids.
NET: http://www.mommasaid.net/pleasetakemychildren.aspx

• “PTSD Awareness Day”, designed to bring greater awareness to the issue of post-traumatic stress disorder. (For many, it’s the unwanted payback for doing their ‘patriotic duty’.

• “Wimbledon Championships” through July 10th at the UK’s All England Club. Both men’s and women’s winners will take home well over a million bucks.
NET: http://www.wimbledon.org

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2006 [10] “Superman Returns” opens in movie theaters, starring Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth, and Kevin Spacey

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2002 [14] Bassist John Entwistle of The Who dies in Las Vegas NV at age 57 of a heart attack induced by cocaine

2015 [01] Chris Squire, English bass guitarist, singer, and songwriter for the rock group Yes, dies of leukemia at age 67 in Phoenix AZ

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2008 [08] Bill Gates begins focussing full-time on charity work, resigning from Microsoft

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2005 [11] At age 46, Julio Franco of the Atlanta Braves becomes ‘Oldest MLB Baseball Player to Hit a Grand Slam’ (vs Florida Marlins)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] International Body Piercing Day
[Wed] Summerfest begins (Milwaukee WI)
[Thurs] “Greatest Hits” debuts (ABC)
[Thurs] Essence Festival begins (New Orleans LA)
[Thurs] National Organization for Women (NOW) Day
[Thurs] Social Media Day
[Fri] Canada Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Fish Are Friends, Not Food! Week / Mosquito Control Awareness Week / Prevention of Eye Injuries Week / Water Ski Days

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS REALLY ROTTEN SUMMER CAMPS FOR KIDS:
• Roadkill Culinary Camp
• Camp Itchibug of Muskoka
• Lil’ Toiler Textile Mill & Summer Camp
• Incontinent Palomino Trail Riding Camp
• Bring-Your-Mommy Sissy-Kid Camp
• Skeeter Camp of the Canadian North
• Mr & Mrs Cranky’s Camp for Kids Whose Parents Don’t Love Them, Don’t Want Them Around, and Won’t Even Pay for a Halfway Decent Camp
• Learn-to-Swim or Else Camp
– First published in “BS” 2001.

TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER:
Most-heard alien phrases in pop culture …
• “Do not be afraid, we won’t hurt you.”
• “You won’t remember this.”
• “We need babies.”
• “Our emotions are different than yours.”
• “We are from a place you don’t know about yet.”
• “We’ve been here a long, long time.”
• “It is very important we do this.”
– First published in “BS” 2006.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beer-holder.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• In a magazine poll, 27% of women say they want THIS before their big wedding day.
a. To have their teeth whitened. [CORRECT]
b. One last girls’ night out.
c. A wild night of passion with someone other than their fiancé.

• Which part of your body has the thinnest skin?
a. Your eyelid. [CORRECT. Less than 1/500ths of an inch thick.]
b. Your wrist.
c. Your ego.
– Quora.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What is your least favorite chore?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: You are most likely to stop doing THIS when you turn 31.
Answer: Celebrating birthdays.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Today’s youth are tomorrow’s old people.

BS FRESH MEAT:
Ted Sloan @ Moose FM [CKFU] Fort St John BC; Guillermo Moreno @ The Answer [KGED] Fresno CA; Barney Simon @ Jacaranda FM Pretoria, South Africa; Leslie Hodge @ 94.7 The Storm [CJNE] Nipawin SK; and Adam Stokas @ BeOnAir.com [Lombard Broadcast and Multimedia School] Lombard IL.


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