Wednesday, June 29, 2011                  Edition: #4538

When You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them With Bull!

First it was claimed that 85-year-old “Playboy” founder Hugh Hefner was getting over his runaway bride (Miss December 2009) with Anna Sophia Berglund (Miss January 2011), now he’s tweeting that he’s ‘dating’ 27-year-old Shera Bechard (Miss November 2010), a native of Kapuskasing ON who moved to Toronto to model at age 18 (here’s the bribe that got her to bed the boss – she’ll now also be Miss November 2011) . . . In her upcoming memoir, “Life is Not a Stage”, 77-year-old actress Florence Henderson, who played perky mom ‘Carol’ on “The Brady Bunch” (1969-74), reveals she had a one-night-stand with NYC mayor John Lindsay while cheating on her husband – and caught crabs off him (exactly the kind of behavior we expect of our celebrities!) . . . Movie acting couple Penelope Cruz & Javier Bardem have become the initial inductees on Spain’s new ‘Street of Stars’ in Madrid (2nd sidewalk honor for Cruz this year as she was earlier enshrined on the Hollywood Walk of Fame) . . . 28-year-old actress Anna Paquin, who’s married to her “True Blood” co-star Stephen Moyer, tells “V Magazine” she faces a lot of prejudice because she’s bisexual (Moyer on the other had, faces a lot of envy) . . . “Toy Story 4” is being planned right now according to actor Tom Hanks (voice of ‘Woody’), which is hardly surprising given that “Toy Story 3” is the first animated film to clear the $1 billion mark in worldwide box office (now at $1.6 billion and counting) . . . Chuck Lorre, creator of “Two-and-a-Half Men” (CBS), reportedly plans to write Charlie Sheen’s character ‘Charlie Harper’ out of the series by killing him off in the first show of the new season (maybe they could do us all a favor and do it for reals?) . . . Meantime, TBS says it is NOT in talks about airing a new comedy starring Charlie Sheen as has been reported and Lionsgate Television, which was said to be producing it, has ‘no comment’ (another rumor started by Sheen’s PR people?) . . . It’s just been announced that actor-comedian Russell Brand (Mr Katy Perry) & actress Kristen Wiig (“Bridesmaids”) are PETA’s ‘Sexiest Vegetarians Of the Year’ (break out the tofutti!) . . . And longtime “Survivor” host Jeff Probst is getting his own daytime talk show, to debut in fall 2012 (it seems to be taking a lot of people to fill Oprah’s vacuum).

• “Behind The Music” (VH1) – Missy Elliott reveals that a major reason she has laid low for the past few years is she was diagnosed with Graves’ disease in 2008. She’s been off medication for about a year now and says she’s managing the condition through diet and exercise.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Shania Twain (“Today’s the Day”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Parachute (“The Way It Was”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Sarah Lee Guthrie & Johnny Irion (“Bright Examples”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Classic rockers David Crosby & Graham Nash.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Marty Stuart & The Fabulous Superlatives perform “Country Boy Rock & Roll” (“Ghost Train: The Studio B Sessions”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – David Cook (“This Loud Morning”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The contestants perform for the judges, including guest judge Kristin Chenoweth.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Pitbull f/Ne-Yo (“Planet Pit”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – Miranda Lambert performs with finalist Dia Frampton; the winner is revealed.

• Beach Boys – Oren Moverman, the co-writer of the surreal 2007 Bob Dylan movie “I’m Not There”, has been hired to write a movie about Brian Wilson. It will focus on key periods of his life, but will not be a biopic. There’s no exact timeline for the film’s release.
• Blake Shelton – “Honey Bee” is #1 on the “Billboard” magazine ‘Country Songs’ chart for a 3rd consecutive week. It’s from his 8th studio album, “Red River Blue”, coming July 12th.
• Cee Lo Green – Live Nation has announced he’s dropped out of the remainder of Rihanna’s “Loud” tour due to ‘unforseen scheduling conflicts’. (BS translation: “F— You”.)
• Diddy – Sean Combs is putting his 7-bedroom New Jersey home on the market for a cool $13.5 million, which would be a tidy profit over the $6 million he paid for it in 2004. One reason given is that he’s been spending an increasing amount of time in Los Angeles.
• Foo Fighters – Dave Grohl reveals that he and former Nirvana bandmate Krist Novoselic performed “Smells Like Teen Spirit” for the first time in 17 years during a recent studio session. No-one sang vocals and the audience consisted of 1 stunned studio engineer.
• Justin Bieber – He tells MTV News he’s writing and recording new songs on his laptop while on the road but has no schedule for releasing his next album. Quote: “My voice is not meant for any style. I just want to make music.” (Huh?)
• Rihanna – She didn’t bother attending the “BET Awards” on Sunday night … even though she won a trophy and was in Los Angeles for all the BET parties anyway.
• Taylor Swift – She tells “Allure” magazine her nighttime routine is simple: “I take my contacts out, wash my face, put on night cream and put on my glasses so I can watch ‘Friends’.”

“Transformers: Dark Of the Moon” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): Both star Shia LaBeouf & director Michael Bay have admitted the last sequel (“Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen”) was crap … and it made over $800 million worldwide. Imagine how much loot they’ll rake in if this one is just OK. Co-stars Josh Duhamel, Patrick Dempsey, John Malkovich, Frances McDormand, and Brit model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, who’s now filling Megan Fox’s cut-offs.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Friend Fat’– The glut of ‘friends’ you’ve accumulated over time on your Facebook page that you honestly don’t even know or remember. (“There’s no way I know 852 people! That’s why I’m spending quality time at work this week trimming down my friend fat.”)
• ‘Garden-to-Fork’ – Describing or relating to food grown in a person’s own garden. (“And voila! Tonight’s dinner includes backyard-raised urban chicken, accompanied by garden-to-fork fresh vegetables.”)
• ‘Thunderstorm Asthma’ – An asthma attack that occurs during, and is caused by, a thunderstorm. (“Did you hear rumbling in the distance? Hand me my inhaler!”)

Zombie supporters now have their own organization … PETZ (People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies). Among the organization’s offerings is this checklist for proper zombie care in order to ensure a cruelty-free lifestyle …
• Keep your zombie well-refrigerated.
• Reattach any limbs that have fallen off immediately.
• Brush your zombie’s remaining teeth regularly.
The website was launched to cleverly promote the stage production “Zombie! A New Musical”, which just completed its premiere run in San Francisco.

Richard Greenfield, an analyst for brokerage BTIG, says predictions that 75% of the movies in cinemas will eventually be in 3-D are ‘disconnected from reality’ and he’s urging clients to sell or short shares in RealD, the company that provides 3-D technology to most theaters and 3-D TV manufacturers. 3-D films now account for 45% of ticket sales, a figure that Greenfield predicts will continue to drop. Why? He says consumers are increasingly rejecting 3-D mainly due to the dimness of the picture. (We say it’s due to the dumb-looking eyeglasses.)

As the world’s population continues to increase exponentially, human hair is being reimagined as a viable and renewable raw material. The UK beauty industry, for instance, imports some $24 million-worth of human hair per year. One use is for making ‘green’ eyewear. Eyeglasses made from human hair use bio-resin as a binding agent. The frames are biodegradable and no harmful substances are released during production. (But your shades might get dandruff.)

A new Virginia Tech study shows that low levels of sleep are associated with unethical behavior. In experiments, participants who cheated on a test were found to have slept an average of about 22 minutes less the night before than non-cheaters. Researchers suggest managers who demand results that require employees to stay up late and miss sleep may be increasing the likelihood they’ll fudge results and engage in other forms of cheating. (Makes sense … if you’re cheating on your partner, you’re often up all night.)
– “Harvard Business Review”

This week, Eguchi Aimi, the newest member of the all-girl Japanese pop group AKB48, was revealed to be a fake. She was perfectly cute, but Eguchi was nothing more than a computer composite of her 6 bandmates; she existed only in a virtual world. Fans of the newest member are understandably disappointed. In an attempt to overcome that, the group is now offering an app on its website that allows them to make a similar person mash-up.

Since we humans have no tails to wag, our best friends have to look elsewhere for signs we feel happy and friendly. A new study at Japan’s Azabu University indicates that dogs can learn to distinguish a human smile, even on the faces of some strangers. However, canine’s recognition ability seems to have limits. Tests also show that their close relationship with their owners interferes with their ability to recognize smiles on the faces of the opposite gender. (Note to burglars … only break into houses owned by your own gender.)

• Some apartment and condo complexes are now using commercially available DNA sampling kits to test dog poop in order to find out who’s not cleaning up after their pets.
– Associated Press
• The amount the US military spends annually on air conditioning in Iraq and Afghanistan comes to a whopping total of $20.2 billion. That’s more than NASA’s annual budget.


1944 [67] Gary Busey, Goose Creek TX, TV personality (“Celebrity Apprentice” 2011)/movie actor (“Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas”, “The Buddy Holly Story”)

1949 [62] Dan Dierdorf, Canton OH, NFL analyst (CBS)/NFL Hall of Fame player (St Louis Cardinals)

1953 [58] Colin Hay, Kilwinning, Scotland, oldies singer (Men at Work-“Who Can It Be Now?”)

1978 [33] Nicole Scherzinger, Honolulu HI, pop singer (Pussycat Dolls-“Jai Ho!”, “Don’t Cha”)/TV personality (“The X Factor”, debuting this fall)  BS FACTOID: She celebrated her birthday in Vegas over the weekend, where she was feted at 3 separate venues.

• “International Camera Day”, a celebration of the tradition of recording the moments of your life. These days that’s most often done on your smartphone.

• “Remote Control Day”, a favorite celebration of couch potatoes everywhere. The first remote was sold with a TV on this date in 1964. Zenith Radio Corporation’s ‘Lazy Bones’ used a wire cable that ran from the TV set to the viewer.

2003 [08] Movie star Katherine Hepburn dies in Old Saybrook, Connecticut at age 96 (winner of a record 4 Academy Awards for ‘Best Actress’)

2007 [04] Apple Inc officially releases the ‘iPhone’ (and phone bills go through the roof)

1991 [20] ‘World’s Longest Burrito’ is created in Newton, Kansas, measuring 1,598 ft (487 m) and using 2,557 tortillas, 75 lbs (34 kg) of cheese, and 607 lbs (275 kg) of refried beans

[Thurs] Meteor Day
[Fri] Canada Day
[Fri] Hug a Cowboy Day
[Fri] Half Year Day
[Sat] UFO Day
[Sun] Dog Days of Summer begin
[Sun] Compliment Your Mirror Day
This Week Is … Special Recreation Week
This Month Is … Bathroom Reading Month


• Man does trampoline back-flip without incident.
• Well-educated man discusses why the country is on the right path.
• Attractive woman keeps her top on and displays self-respect.
• Celebrity is polite to tabloid photographers.
• Up & coming rapper discusses fellow artists he admires both personally and professionally.
• Two young men resolve their differences peacefully outside a bar.
• Lethargic cat does nothing resembling human behavior and is ignored by its owner.
• Homely baby eats mashed peas and does not laugh, dance, or smoke cigarettes.
• News reporter finishes her in-the-field segment without interruption from rowdy onlookers or speaking gibberish.
– Thanks to Jordan Seagull

Who is currently the most over-publicized celebrity? (One online ranking lists Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, and Paris Hilton. Much of this saturated coverage is due to the media getting lazy and publishing celeb’s self-serving tweets, which are mostly generated by PR people.)

Why is the Monarch Butterfly never eaten?
a. It’s a protected species.
b. It’s poisonous. [CORRECT]
c. It tastes bitter.

• Doing the technicolor yawn.
• Praying at the porcelain altar.
• Talking to Ralph on the porcelain telephone.
• Blowing groceries.
• Hugging the porcelain goddess.
• Worshiping the porcelain god.
• Doing the liquid scream.
• Marinading the tongue.
• Launching lunch.
• Having involuntary protein spills.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Today’s Question: Women are obsessed with THIS, spending 47 minutes a day on average thinking about it.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their hair.

A person has two reasons for doing anything … a good reason and the real reason.

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