Friday, June 29, 2012           Edition: #4776

Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s BS!

This weekend actor Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”) & his fiancée, yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas, are set to wed in NYC’s Basilica of St Patrick’s Old Cathedral (at least, that’s the latest word) . . . Motown Records and its founder, Berry Gordy Jr, will be the subject of a new Broadway show, “Motown: The Musical”, which is set to open in Spring 2013 (a new way for Gordy to rake in more cash from the artists he exploited – er, promoted – in the ‘60s & ‘70s) . . . In sad news, Michael Jackson’s 13-year-old tiger ‘Thriller’, who was born at Neverland Ranch, has died of lung cancer at actress-activist Tippi Hedren’s California wildlife preserve (we didn’t even know she smoked!) . . . Lindsay Lohan has finally settled a lawsuit for an undisclosed sum stemming from a 2007 incident when, riding high on cocaine, she totally ruined 3 dudes’ Summer by nearly killing them (there goes the Liz Taylor movie money!) . . . At this week’s movie premiere of “Savages” (opening July 6th), actor John Travolta & Kelly Preston got all kissy-face on the red carpet (John was apparently feeling hot after a refreshing massage) . . . 42-year-old “Hangover” actor Zach Galifianakis has just gotten engaged to his 29-year-old longtime love, Quinn Lundberg (hope he’s not planning to go to Vegas for the bachelor party!) . . . “Mad Men” star Jon Hamm & his actress-girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt have been robbed during a stay in London, the thief lifting a key from her purse then ransacking their room (we can empathize) . . . And former “My Name Is Earl” star Jason Lee & his wife have become proud parents to a 3rd child, a boy almost-normally-named ‘Sonny’ (previous offspring ‘Pilot Inspektor’ and ‘Casper’ are gonna hate him!).


• “BET Awards” (BET) – Sunday the 2012 awards for outstanding achievement are handed out at LA’s Shrine Auditorium. Performers include Chris Brown, R&B recluse D’Angelo, Kanye West & his GOOD Music collective, Nicki Minaj, and Usher.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning LMFAO (“Sorry For Party Rocking”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Metric (“Synthetica”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Bombay Bicycle Club (“Different Kind of Fix”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Temper Trap (“The Temper Trap”). Rerun.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Emma Stone (“The Help”); musical guest Coldplay (“Mylo Xyloto”). Rerun.
• “Today” (NBC): This morning Maroon 5 (“Overexposed”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Of Monsters & Men (“My Head Is an Animal”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today Ashanti (“The Vault”).


• Jessie J – The Brit pop singer is being sued by American singer Will Loomis due to ‘substantially similar compositional elements’ between her 2011 hit “Domino” and his song “Bright Red Chords”, released by Loomis & The Lust in 2009.
• Ke$ha – She continues to live up to exceedingly low expectations by getting the words ‘Suck It’ tattooed on her inner lip.
• Kenny Chesney – His new album “Welcome To the Fishbowl” has debuted at #1 on “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Top Country Albums Chart’ with more than 193,000 units sold, according to Nielsen SoundScan.
• Kings of Leon – Drummer Nathan Followill and his wife, singer Jessie Baylin, are expecting a baby in December. The announcement comes on the heels of the birth of their new niece, after singer Caleb Followill & wife Lily Aldridge had a baby girl last week in Nashville.
• Muse – A new song called “Survival” has been selected by the London Olympic Committee to be the official song for the “2012 Olympic Games”. Matt Bellamy wrote it with the Olympics in mind. It’s about total conviction and pure determination to win.
• R Kelly – He’s cancelled today’s scheduled appearances on “Today” and “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” due to ‘illness’. It may have more to do with negative reaction to his new memoir “Soulacoaster: The Diary of Me”, which touches on his alleged relations with underage girls.
• Wham! – Today George Michael releases a new single to celebrate 30 years since the debut of his pop duo with Andrew Ridgeley. Wham! released “Wham Rap” on June 29, 1982. The release has led to rumors the pair may be reuniting for a one-off gig.


• “Magic Mike” ( R-Rated Dramedy ) – Based on a period in star Channing Tatum’s life, director Steven Soderbergh’s story follows a male stripper who teaches a younger performer how to party, pick up women, and make easy money. Co-stars Alex Pettyfer, Olivia Munn, Matthew McConaughey. Shot in Tampa and Dunedin, Florida.
• “Madea’s Witness Protection” ( PG-13 Comedy ) – In writer-producer-director-actor Tyler Perry’s latest ‘Madea’ comedy, a Wall Street investment banker who has been set up as the linchpin of his company’s mob-backed Ponzi scheme is relocated with his family to ‘Aunt Madea’s southern home. Co-stars Eugene Levy, Denise Richards, Tom Arnold.
• “Ted” ( R-Rated Comedy Fantasy ): Mark Wahlberg stars as a grown man who’s forced to deal with the angst of living with his very-much-alive teddy bear from childhood. It’s writer-director Seth MacFarlane’s surreal live-action feature debut, but it promises to be as crude and profane as his TV cartoon shows, “Family Guy” among them.


A chance for a couple to spend a romantic night in a double bed 3,000 m (9,800 ft) up a mountain in the Alps is being auctioned on eBay. The winners will get to spend one night in a bed placed at the top of a glacier in complete seclusion, apart from the stars … and the odd mountain goat. The auction was initiated by the tourism bureau in Ramsau, Austria. It comes with no modern conveniences apart from a porta-loo and a luxury food hamper. However, it’s said to be a very romantic site where no one can hear you or see you. (Trouble is, if you ‘feel the Earth move’, it’s most likely to be an avalanche.)

Despite high taxes and creepy warning labels, about 20% of adults still smoke. But new research from NYC’s Weill Cornell Medical College suggests an anti-nicotine vaccine could give smokers a better shot at quitting. The vaccine is a type of gene therapy that would work by delivering a gene that stops nicotine before it reaches the brain. The one-time vaccination wouldn’t rid nicotine cravings, but would make it virtually impossible to satisfy them with cigarettes. Don’t expect to see it anytime soon; it will be a few years before human trials can begin. (In the meantime, feel free to puff away until your fingers look like Cheezies.)
– Adapted from

Babies learn to see in 3-D about 4 months after they are first exposed to light.
– “New Scientist”


1944 [68] Gary Busey, Goose Creek TX, weird TV personality (“Celebrity Apprentice” 2011)/movie actor (“Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas”, “The Buddy Holly Story”)

1949 [63] Dan Dierdorf, Canton OH, NFL analyst (CBS)/NFL Hall of Fame player (St Louis Cardinals)

1953 [59] Colin Hay, Kilwinning, Scotland, oldies singer (Men at Work-“Who Can It Be Now?”)

1978 [34] Nicole Scherzinger, Honolulu HI, pop singer (Pussycat Dolls-“Jai Ho!”, “Don’t Cha”)/TV personality (“The X Factor” 2011)

Classic rock guitarist Hal Lindes (Dire Straits) is 59; TV actor Vincent D’Onofrio (“Law & Order: Criminal Intent”) is 53; Former heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson is 46; Pop singer Fantasia Barrino (“American Idol”) is 28; Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps (14 gold medals & counting) is 27.

Oldies singer Deborah Harry (Blondie) is 67; Movie actor Dan Aykroyd (“Blues Brothers”) is 60; Movie actress Pamela Anderson (“Borat”) is 45; Movie actress Liv Tyler (“Lord Of the Rings”) is 35.


• “International Camera Day”, a celebration of the tradition of recording the moments of your life. These days that’s most often done on your smartphone.
• “Remote Control Day”, a favorite celebration of couch potatoes everywhere. The first remote was sold with a TV on this date in 1964. Zenith Radio Corporation’s ‘Lazy Bones’ used a wire cable that ran from the TV set to the viewer.

• “Meteor Day”, an annual observance encouraging us to look to the skies for a stunning meteor show. With a little luck and clear skies, you can see a meteor just about any night of the year. Meteors are made up of space dust and ice that enter Earth’s atmosphere.
• “NOW Day”, marking the founding of the National Organization for Women in 1966.
• “Tour de France”, the 99th annual staging of the world’s premiere cycle race through July 22nd, will be made up of 1 prologue and 20 stages and will cover a total distance of 3,497 km or 2,173 miles. (Does the winner have to do a victory lap?)

• “Canada Day”, the country’s national day which celebrates nationhood in 1867. It was first established as a holiday in 1879. Canada’s 145th birthday bash on Parliament Hill in Ottawa features Feist, Simple Plan, and others. The statutory holiday is on Monday.
• “Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day”. Some of the most frightening flavors we’ve found are ‘Chicken Wing’, ‘Garlic’, ‘Lettuce & Potato’ and – mmm! – ‘Raw Horseflesh’.
• “Half-Year Day” or “Second Half Of the Year Day”, when 6 months are gone and 6 more are still to come. So how’s it going so far?
• “Hug a Cowboy Day”, an annual salute to the throwback profession that involves riding the range … or hanging out at the drugstore.
• “International Chicken Wing Day”, celebrating the tasty chicken tidbits that used to be tossed out. The idea of drenching fried wings in hot sauce is said to have hatched in 1964 at the Anchor Bar in Buffalo NY when unexpected guests showed up.
• “International Joke Day” celebrating humor from around-the-world. Nothing like a joke in Farsi! Have listeners call in with brief jokes in other languages. Don’t have them explain them, just laugh uproariously.
• “National Postal Worker Day” in America, to honor past & present postal workers for their service and dedication. On this day in 1963, the US Postal Service introduced the Zone Improvement Plan, better known as the ‘ZIP Code’.
• “Roswell UFO Festival”, through Thursday in Roswell, New Mexico, a celebration inspired by the infamous day in 1947 when a UFO purportedly crashed on a local ranch, launching an entire industry of UFO/military conspiracies. Thanks to that incident, Monday is “World UFO Day”.


2003 [09] Movie star Katherine Hepburn dies in Old Saybrook, Connecticut at age 96 (winner of a record 4 Academy Awards for ‘Best Actress’)


1992 [20] Doctors in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania report the 1st transplant of a baboon’s liver into a human patient (the 35-year-old recipient survives 3 months)

2007 [05] Apple Inc officially releases the ‘iPhone’ (and phone bills go through the roof)


1991 [21] ‘World’s Longest Burrito’ is created in Newton, Kansas, measuring 1,598 ft (487 m) and using 2,557 tortillas, 75 lbs (34 kg) of cheese, and 607 lbs (275 kg) of refried beans


[Jul 2] Be Nice to People You Don’t Like Day
[Jul 3] “The Amazing Spider-Man” opens in movie theaters / Full ‘Thunder’ Moon / Compliment Your Mirror Day / Stay Out Of the Sun Day
[Jul 4] Independence Day (USA) / Independence From Meat Day
[Jul 5] “Katy Perry: Part of Me” opens in movie theaters / Bikini Day
[Jul 6] “Savages” opens in movie theaters / “American Idol Summer Tour” begins (Detroit) / World Wife Carrying Championships begin (Finland) / International Kissing Day / Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day
[Jul 7] Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day / Global Forgiveness Day / International Cherry Pit Spitting Day / International Day of Cooperatives / Tell The Truth Day
[Jul 9] International Town Criers Day
[Jul 10] Don’t Step On a Bee Day / Pina Colada Day / Teddy Bears Picnic Day
[Jul 11] Cheer Up the Lonely Day / Slurpee Day / World Population Day
[Jul 12] Simplicity Day
[Jul 13] “Ice Age: Continental Drift” opens in movie theaters / Friday the 13th / Cow Appreciation Day / Collector Car Appreciation Day / Embrace Your Geekness Day / Gruntled Workers Day / French Fries Day
[Jul 14] International Nude Day
[Jul 15] “Breaking Bad” 5th season premiere (AMC) / Be a Dork Day / Gummi Worm Day / Saint Swithin’s Day / Ice Cream Day
[Jul 16] Get Out Of the Doghouse Day / Global Hug Your Kid Day
[Jul 19] Flitch Day
[Jul 20] “The Dark Knight Rises” opens in movie theaters / Moon Day / Lollipop Day
[Jul 21] Celebration Of the Horse Day / Hot Dog Day / Woodie Wagon Day
[Jul 22] “2012 Teen Choice Awards” (FOX) / Parents Day / Spoonerism Day
[Jul 23] Gorgeous Grandma Day / Hot Enough For Ya Day
[Jul 24] Cousins Day / Drive-Thru Day / Tequila Day / Tell an Old Joke Day
[Jul 25] Carousel Day
[Jul 26] Chili Dog Day
[Jul 27] Summer Olympic Games open (London) / “Step Up Revolution”; “The Watch” open in movie theaters / Lumberjack Day / Korean War Veterans Armistice Day / Talk In an Elevator Day / System Administrator Appreciation Day / Take Your Houseplant For a Walk Day / Walk on Stilts Day
[Jul 28] Dance Day / Day Of the Cowboy / Milk Chocolate Day / World Hepatitis Day
[Jul 29] Lasagna Day
[Jul 30] Cheesecake Day / Father-In-Law Day / Support Public Education Day / Paperback Book Day


• Ride around the baggage carousel asking people, “Are you sure I’m not your suitcase?”
• Organize a posse. Look for Swedes.
• Drink yourself into a duty-free coma.
• Make an annoying siren noise and carry old people to their gates.
• Help out customs officials by sniffing people’s luggage.
• Play ‘Goose the Skycap’.


☎ What’s the worst parenting advice you’ve ever heard? A few actual recommendations from moms & dads, some so outrageous they should have their parenting licenses revoked ….
• “Keep a wooden spoon in your purse. If your kids get fresh, pull it out so they know you’re serious.”
• “Don’t reach above your head when you’re pregnant or the baby’s cord will get tangled around his or her neck.”
• “Don’t tell the daycare that your kids have autism.”
• “Give your newborn water when he wakes up in the middle of the night so that he will learn that it wasn’t worthwhile to wake up.”
• “Squirt your kids with water when they misbehave, just as you would a pet you are training.”
• “Let them cry it out, it’s good for their lungs.”
• “Let them make their own decisions, then teach them if they make a mistake.”
• “If you get bit while breastfeeding, bite back.”
– Condensed from “Redbook”


Two of the following actually happened on this date. One is total BS. But which?
a. To mark Queen Victoria’s coronation, British newspaper “The Sun” published its entire issue with gold ink. [TRUE]
b. Dressed in a tux and tails on Steve Allen’s TV variety show, Elvis Presley sang “Hound Dog” to a basset hound sitting on a stool. [TRUE]
c. During a televised sermon, evangelist Jimmy Swaggert claimed that “farting is the sound of the devil laughing at your poor dietary choices.” [BS]


The impossible we do at once. The unimaginable takes 3-to-5 business days.


Question: 75% of vacationing families do THIS.
Answer: Turn the car around to go back and get something they forgot.


When we ask advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

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