Monday, June 29, 2015               Edition: #5483

Get a Load of This Sheet!

★ Comedian Amy Schumer has revealed she was one of those asked to replace Jon Stewart as host of “The Daily Show” after he announced he was stepping down from the Comedy Central show. The gig of course eventually went to South African comedian and “Daily Show” regular Trevor Noah, but just what was it that made the “Inside Amy Schumer” star say no? Quote: “I’ve never done anything safe or to make money for that reason.” Also reportedly turning down the gig: Amy Poehler and Chris Rock. (Jon Stewart has big shoes.)
★ 57-year-old actress/model Andie MacDowell (“Magic Mike XXL”) thinks the word ‘cougar’ is offensive. Quote: “Women have been disempowered for so long and I think that it’s finally our time. And if we want to date a guy that’s 20 years younger than we are then we definitely have that same right, just like any man does. I dare any 57-year-old man to tell me that he looks younger than me.” She goes on to say it’s how you connect with someone that matters, so why demean either party just because of their age. (PS: Please don’t call her a ‘MILF’.)
★ Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie met with Britain’s Duke & Duchess of Cambridge on Friday afternoon … for tea. After trying to organize a get-together for months, Brangelina finally visited Wills & Kate at their Kensington Palace home in London. The meet-up lasted longer than planned, with Brad & Angelina staying a few hours. The couples apparently discussed parenting tips, a shared interest in combating illegal wildlife trade, and Brangelina are also said to have presented the royal couple with a gift for their newborn, Princess Charlotte. A spokesperson says, ”Everyone got on splendidly.” (Well that’s jolly good, isn’t it?)
– “Us Weekly”
★ And a stage musical version of the 2003-07 FOX-TV series “The OC” is in the works … for one night at least. ‘Seth’, ‘Summer’, ‘Ryan’, and ‘Marissa’ will reunite through song & dance in a musical version of the young adult drama that centered on a group of wealthy teenagers living in Orange County, California. The series is responsible for launching the careers of Adam Brody, Mischa Barton, and Rachel Bilson, though none of them will be involved in the one-night-only musical event set to go down in Los Angeles on August 30th. (Will “Gossip Girl” be next?)

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Colony House (“When I Was Younger”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Taylor Swift (“1989”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Years & Years  (“Communion”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Tori Kelly (“Unbreakable Smile”).
• “Meredith Vieira Show” (syndicated) – Ashanti (“Brave Heart”). Rerun.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – Hopefuls travel to Las Vegas for the 1st round of call-backs.

• Beyoncé – Today tickets for the annual Made In America Festival in Philadelphia PA over Labor Day weekend go on sale. Queen Bey and The Weeknd headline, alongside Big Sean, Death Cab For Cutie, J Cole, Modest Mouse, Nick Jonas and more.
• Carrie Underwood – It’s been confirmed she’s coming back to NBC-TV’s “Sunday Night Football” when it returns on Thursday (?!?!?), September 10th. She’ll sing the pre-game theme song for the 3rd straight season. She’s already begun shooting intros for each game.
• David Bowie – Former “Dexter” star Michael C Hall is set to star in Bowie’s new off-Broadway musical “Lazarus”. The stage production is based on the Walter Tevis novel which inspired Bowie’s 1976 movie “The Man Who Fell to Earth”. Previews begin November 18th.
• Foo Fighters – They will reportedly headline Glastonbury in 2016.The iconic rock band were scheduled to headline the world famous festival this past weekend, but were forced to scrap the gig after lead singer Dave Grohl broke his leg on stage
• Joni Mitchell – Her longtime friend, 73-year-old musician David Crosby, has revealed that the reason for the 71-year-old singer-songwriter’s hospitalization back in March was that she had an aneurysm. While she is at home and recovering, she is still apparently unable to speak.
• Linkin Park – They’ve launched their own venture capital firm, MAChine Shop Ventures, after parting ways with their management team. It’s the result of a semester-long study by a Harvard Business School professor and 3 of her students.
• Little Big Town – Their stranglehold on the #1 spot on the ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart continues this week with “Girl Crush”.
• Michael Bublé – His 22-month-old son Noah suffered burns in a scalding water accident at home in Argentina last week. Bublé’s wife, model Luisana Lopilato, took him to a Buenos Aires hospital. Fortunately, his condition is not considered serious and he’s now recovering at home.
• Neil Young – Today he & Promise Of the Real (f/Willie Nelson’s sons Lukas & Michah) release “The Monsanto Years”, an ecologically-focused album described as ‘guitar-centric, highly-charged rock’. They kick off the “Rebel Content Tour” July 5th in Milwaukee WI.
• Smashing Pimpkins – Drummer Jimmy Chamberlin is returning to the lineup once again for this Summer’s co-headlining tour with Marilyn Manson. Chamberlin last performed with the Pumpkins in 2009.

Disney has banned the use of selfie sticks across all Disneyland and Walt Disney World parks. That’s right, from the beginning of July they will be strictly prohibited in Orlando FL, Anaheim CA, Hong Kong, and Paris, France. This latest ban follows one that Disney implemented last year to stop patrons using selfie sticks on rides, because of – well, obviously – danger. But let’s face it, people taking selfies with adjustable stick contraptions all day are also just mega-annoying to others. A Disney spokesperson says: “We strive to provide a great experience for the entire family, and unfortunately selfie sticks have become a growing safety concern for both our guests and cast.” (What about the idea of putting down the freakin’ phone and actually participating in life experience? Too radical for ya?)
– “Orlando Sentinel”

A recent survey from the Meredith Parents Network polled 800 tech-savvy millennial moms about their parenting styles and digital habits. Among the questions asked is which celebrity they’d consider hiring to watch their kids … if any. Many said none, thank-you very much. But 64% say they’d be happy to hire a famous sitter. Their top choices …
1. Carrie Underwood (30%)
2. Jessica Alba (22%)
3. Kristen Bell (19%)
4. Mila Kunis (17%)
5. Natalie Portman (16%)
6. Adele (15%)
7. Beyoncé (13%)
8. Blake Lively (12%)
9. Christina Aguilera (8%)
10. Kim Kardashian (5%)

Singing show tunes is good for your memory! A recent research study from George Mason University in Virginia has found that those suffering from moderate-to-severe dementia benefit from singing show tunes from movies and musicals in group settings. Those who sing along show a marked improvement in their remembering skills versus those who simply listen. Researchers noted the results after working with residents at a senior care home over a 4-month period. Among the songs sung during 50-minute sessions were hits from “Oklahoma!”, “The Sound of Music”, and “The Wizard of Oz”. Researchers say the message is, don’t give up on these people; we need to be doing things that engage them. (In other words: “How do you solve a problem like dementia …”)
– Sourced from “The Guardian”

A few frequently fudged labels (and the correct pronunciation for each) …
• Adidas footwear (How it’s really pronounced: AH-dee-das)
• Bayer aspirin (BUY-er)
• Comme des Garcons fashions (Comb Day Gar-SAHN)
• Fage yoghurt (FA-yeh)
• Givenchy fashions (Zhee-VAHN-shee)
• Hermes leather goods (AIR-mez)
• Ikea furniture (Ee-KAY-Uh)
• Louis Vuitton luggage (LOO-ee Vwee-TAHN)
• Porsche cars (POOR-sha)
• Stella Artois beer (STEL-lah Ar-TWA)
– Condensed from “New York Daily News”

• In the 1870s, a Belgian village attempted to train a troop of 37 official ‘mail cats’ to deliver letters. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work.
– “Mental Floss”
• The word ‘twerk’ dates all the way back to 1820.


1944 [71] Gary Busey, Goose Creek TX, TV personality (“Celebrity Big Brother” 2014, “Celebrity Apprentice” 2013 & 2011)/movie actor (“The Buddy Holly Story”)

1953 [62] Colin Hay, Kilwinning, Scotland, oldies singer (Men at Work-“Who Can It Be Now?”)

1978 [37] Nicole Scherzinger, Honolulu HI, pop singer (“Don’t Hold Your Breath”, Pussycat Dolls-“Don’t Cha”)/TV personality (“The X Factor” 2011, “The Sing-Off” 2009-10)

1982 [33] Lily Rabe, NYC, TV actress (“The Whispers” 2015, “American Horror Story” 2011-14)

• “International Camera Day”, a celebration of the tradition of recording the moments of your life. These days that’s most often done on your smartphone.

• “International Mud Day”, a fun day for children and/or the child inside all of us. To celebrate, all that’s needed is some water and some dirt. Mix them together, and you’re ready to rumble!

• “Please Take My Children to Work Day”, the 13th annual tongue-in-cheek holiday for part- and full-time stay-at-home moms, who are encouraged to take the day off by finding a relative, neighbor, friend, or babysitter to take care of the kid(s).

• “Remote Control Day”, a favorite celebration of couch potatoes everywhere. The first remote was sold with a TV on this date in 1964. Zenith Radio Corporation’s ‘Lazy Bones’ used a wire cable that ran from the TV set to the viewer.

2012 [03] After 5 years of marriage, actors Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes announce plans to divorce

2000 [15] The casket holding Lynyrd Skynyrd lead singer Ronnie Van Zandt is stolen from its mausoleum in Jacksonville FL, then abandoned after vandals are unable to open it (Saturday night Lynyrd Skynyrd rocked the season premiere of “CMT Crossroads” with Brantley Gilbert)

2007 [08] Apple Inc officially releases the ‘iPhone’

2011 [04] Pope Benedict XVI performs the 1st ‘tweet’ ever made by a pontiff

2014 [01] Islamic State of Iraq & the Levant declares itself a caliphate in Syria and northern Iraq (first known as ‘ISIL’, then ‘ISIS’, and now most often ‘Islamic State’)

1991 [24] ‘World’s Longest Burrito’ is created in Newton KS, measuring 1,598 ft (487 m) and using 2,557 tortillas, 75 lbs (34 kg) of cheese, and 607 lbs (275 kg) of refried beans

[Tues] “Zoo” series premiere (CBS)
[Tues] “Scream” series debut (MTV)
[Tues] National Organization for Women Day
[Wed] Canada Day

Organic Brewers Days
Prevention of Eye Injuries Awareness
Watermelon Seed Spitting Week
Water Ski Week


Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
You tell the story line-by-line, while a listener on the phone or a studio guest provides the SFX as best they can. Today’s story is called “The Fireworks Display” …
Dad wants to impress the family and friends with his superior abilities in pyrotechnics, but before he starts the show he issues everyone a strict safety warning (SFX). The kids boo (SFX). Then dad starts playing the national anthem on his old boom box (SFX) but the batteries die after just one line (SFX). The kids boo (SFX). Now it’s time for the fireworks and pop kicks off the show with a fabulous ‘Twirling Fiery Wazoo’ which makes lots of sputtering noise (SFX). The crowd is amazed (SFX). Then it finally fizzles out (SFX) and the kids boo (SFX). Then comes the amazing ‘8-Ball Bengali Bomb’, but pop has trouble getting it lit, causing him to mumble under his breath (SFX). The 4th match burns his finger causing him to mumble even louder under his breath (SFX). Finally it lights and lets off a series of big bangs (SFX). The crowd is amazed (SFX). Near the end of the show, dad gets out the popular ‘Burning Schoolhouse’ causing the kids to chant (SFX). Unfortunately, not only the schoolhouse burns, but also the backyard utility shed and dad has to put it out with the garden hose (SFX). The kids boo (SFX). For the grand finalé, dad has chosen the famous ‘Big Bertha’ which he deftly sets afire and watches zoom into the sky (SFX). The crowd is amazed (SFX). Then it plummets and crashes directly onto the roof of the house (SFX). As the sounds of sirens are heard in the distance (SFX), and dad says “OK that’s it, show’s over, everybody get ready for bed”, the kids boo (SFX).
– First published in “BS” 2002.

A few actual recommendations from moms & dads …
• “Keep a wooden spoon in your purse. If your kids get fresh, pull it out so they know you’re serious.”
• “Don’t reach above your head when you’re pregnant or the baby’s cord will get tangled around his or her neck.”
• “Give your newborn water only when he wakes up in the middle of the night so that he will learn that it wasn’t worthwhile to wake up.”
• “Squirt your kids with water when they misbehave, just as you would a pet you are training.”
• “Let them cry it out, it’s good for their lungs.”
• “Let them make their own decisions, then teach them if they make a mistake.”
• “If you get bit while breastfeeding, bite back.”
– First published in “BS” 2012.

Which morning ritual can you absolutely NOT skip without ruining your whole day?

Have you heard about corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines!

Question: People were asked, “What do you wish had never been invented?”; THIS was the #1 answer.
Answer: Karaoke.

When we ask advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

Mwewa Isaac Lupindula @ 94.1 Hone FM Lusaka, Zambia; Chris Coran @ 90.7 Crow FM [4CSB] Wondai, Australia; Ross Kellar @ Yes FM Colombo, Sri Lanka; Pierre @ MegaZone Hit Radio, Durban, South Africa; and Saulius Baniulis @ Power Hit Radio, Vilnius, Lithuania.

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