Thursday, June 29, 2017 – Edition: #6007

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“The Bull Sheet” is off for a holiday July 3-7 inclusive. Subscribers will receive account credits for missed service days.

★ Johnny Depp could face a perjury investigation in Australia after his ex-managers say that he lied about not knowing his dogs were brought into the country illegally.  Depp’s then-wife Amber Heard escaped conviction in April of last year after admitting she brought the couple’s pet terriers Pistol and Boo into the country with false documentation. She was fined $1,000.  Depp claimed he did not know the dogs were in Australia illegally, but his former managers Joel and Robert Mandel now say he was “fully aware” of the issue in court documents filed as part of a $25 million legal battle with the star.  Australia’s Deputy Prime Minister says the matter of alleged perjury will be looked into.
★ Warner may be planning a Superman movie with a different spin.   Mark Millar, who wrote the comic book ‘Superman: Red Son’, which follows the story of Superman if he was raised in the Soviet Union, hints that his book could be the subject of a movie.  Nothing official yet, though.  He says that things at just at the ‘conversation stage’.
(At least Superman might still be able to find a phone booth there!)
★ Miranda Kerr has handed more than $8 million worth of jewellery to the US government as part of a probe into stolen money from Malaysia. The model was gifted the accessories, including a $3.8 million, 8 carat diamond pendant, by Jho Low, a Malaysian financier, who is accused of using stolen overseas money to buy presents for celebrities including the Kerr and Leonardo Dicaprio.
(At what point do you become so famous that people give you jewellry?)
★ George Lucas knows a real fan when he sees one. When crowded by a group of men asking for autographs, he refused, saying “I’m not going to keep doing that, guys. This is $200 a signature so why don’t you just go out and get a job.” Video of the incident, circulating online, shows the visibly cranky director telling the mass of men decked out in super hero gear crowding him near a dumpster.  Lucas says that the people are not fans, “they just want to make money”
(Real fans don’t want autographs anymore.  They want selfies.)
★ Amy Poehler thinks women have the right to be ”just as idiotic as men”. The 45-year-old actress stars alongside Will Ferrell in new movie ‘The House’. She explains: “‘It was important for us to play characters that were a team, because oftentimes we find the husband has this great plan and the wife is like, ‘Come on you guys, stop having fun!'” ‘The House’ opens tomorrow.
(You can try to be just as idiotic as men….)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jamie Foxx, Draymond Green, Trace Adkins ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Alex Rodriguez, Nick Kroll, Haim
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Naomi Watts, Ari Graynor, Swet Shop Boys
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Lin-Manuel Miranda, Jason Mantzoukas, Martha Stewart, Sam Fogarino
• “Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Joel McHale, Jake Johnson, Lisa Hannigan ( R )
• “Last Call with Carson Daly” (NBC/CTV): Jessica St. Clair, Lennon Parham, Tennis System, Londale Theus Jr. ( R )
• “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” (Comedy): Vince Staples ( R )
• “@Midnight with Chris Hardwick” (Comedy): Eddie Izzard, Tim Minchin, Kristen Schaal ( R )
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Adam Sandler, Dana White ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Will Ferrell
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Julie Andrews
• “The Talk” (CBS): Miranda Cosgrove, guest co-hosts Diane Guerrero & Christine Evangelista
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Hilary Duff, Scott Wolf, guest co-host Carrie Ann Inaba
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Will Ferrell, Amy Poehler, Mariska Hargitay ( R )
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX): Sean “Diddy” Combs, Jeremiah Bullfrog
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Milo Ventimiglia, Randi Fenoli, Philip Winchester ( R )
• “The Real” (FOX): Rutina Wesley ( R )
• “Boy Band” (ABC): “Who’s Got the Right Stuff” Six vocalists come together as a band, rehearse, and perform on stage for architects.
• “Battle of the Network Stars” (ABC): TV Sitcoms vs. TV Kids – Bronson Pinchot; Tom Arnold; Dave Coulier; AJ Michalka; Tracey Gold; Joey Lawrence; Corbin Bleu.
• “Big Brother” (CBS): The first competition to name the head of household.

• Lady Gaga – won’t be returning to ‘American Horror Story’.  Reports cropped up over the weekend that she would be back for season 7, but those rumors have been quashed.
• Nicki Minaj – has been honored with the key to her hometown of Queens, New York.  Though she was born in Trinidad and Tobago, she moved to Queens when she was five.
• Aretha Franklin – was forced to postpone her Saturday appearance in Toronto on doctor’s orders.  The 75 year-old’s appearance has already been re-scheduled…for June 28, 2018!
• U2 – bassist Adam Clayton publicly thanked his band for helping him through his alcohol addiction.  While receiving an award from MusiCares, Clayton said: “We have a pact with each other, In our band, no one will be a casualty. We all come home, or none of us come home. No one will be left behind. Thank you for honouring that promise, and letting me be in your band.”
• Britney Spears – dismisses rumors that she lip-syncs.  She says even though she dances a lot in her shows, what the audience hears is her voice with a bit of ‘playback’.  She says she is mad that she is out there dancing and singing at the same time any nobody ever gives her credit for it.
• Britney Spears – has revealed that anxiety led her to her breakdown in 2007.  She says she felt like ”everyone was testing her” from a young age and felt ”overwhelmed” by the smallest of things. Now, she has made the conscious decision to give herself more breaks to improve her mental health.
• Calvin Harris, Katy Perry, Pharrell Williams and Big Sean   – have teamed up for their first music video together in honor of the group’s track, ‘Feels,’ from Harris’ upcoming fifth studio album, ‘Funk Wav Bounces Vol. 1′.  The video is described as having a ‘psychedelic version of the tropics’ vibe to it. (Whatever that means…)
• Spotify has apologized for calling Justin Bieber a ‘Latin King’.  After he repeatedly forgot the lyrics to his hit single “Despacito,” Spotify created the ad, which some are calling ‘disrespectful’ and ‘insulting’ on social media. Some even threatened to stop using the streaming service.
• Shakira – has announced her first world tour in nearly 6 years. She will visit 33 cities in Europe and North America on the first leg of her ‘El Dorado World Tour’.
• Kellie Pickler – will be in the lineup for the U.S. Independence Day celebration in Washington.  Yolanda Adams and Broadway star Laura Osnes have been added to the list of performers, which already included Trace Adkins, The Beach Boys with John Stamos, Dan Ackroyd and Jim Belushi, Mark McGrath, The Four Tops, Sofia Carson and Chris Blue.
• Florida Georgia Line  – Their collaboration with the Backstreet Boys, ‘God, Your Mama and Me’ has reached No. 1 on the Billboard chart, giving the country duo their 13th career No. 1 song — and giving the boy band their very first country hit.

Facebook now has more than 2 billion users.  CEO Mark Zuckerberg says the company hit the milestone on Tuesday.   According to Facebook, more than 175 million people declare they ‘love’ something on the site daily and an average of more than 800 million people hit Facebook’s ‘like’ button.  The California company is putting more emphasis on creating virtual communities within the site while it also works to reduce violent, hateful and misleading content.  Zuckerberg also said that Facebook users will begin seeing a personalized video celebrating the milestone this week.
(Then he laughed his ‘Mwa-ha-ha’ laugh, rubbed his knuckles and said something about ‘world domination’ and ‘it will all be mine’.  I think.)
(Yes, he did make the announcement in a Facebook post!)
(There seems to be a lot more ‘like’ than ‘love’ out there!)
BS Fun Fact: Mark Zuckerberg cannot be blocked on Facebook.

If you’ve ever tried using your phone in bright sunlight only to be greeted with a reflection of your own goofy face, moths might have your back. Inspired by the part of a moth’s eyes that keep them from being a shiny beacon to predators, a research team from the University of Central Florida has developed an antireflective film for phone screens.  Although the technology has been used for anti-glare purposes on things like solar panels and highway signs, it was quite a challenge to adapt the process for use on smartphone screens.  According to the lead researcher, using the film will make your screen images bright and sharp, even when viewed outside.  It is also scratch-resistant and self-cleaning, which will keep it free from dust and fingerprints.
(Never mind my phone, I want this thing for my glasses!)
(Inspired by the eyes of a moth?  The only problem is my phone keeps slamming itself into a lightbulb!)

Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Cancer – It is a good day to make a face like a rodent, and hold your paws up in front of your chest. When someone asks what you are doing, chitter at them and scurry away.
• Aries – Curvy, gorgeous, lascivious … 3 words that for you will be associated with nothing.
• Taurus – Mars and Venus will both appear in your sign this week, as will Kevin Hart, who is apparently in everything these days.
• Gemini – Even in the darkest places you can find yourself … although you may break your nose on a door.
• Leo – While you’re starting to think that your problem is that you’re too “in your head,” it’s actually a rare species of cranial tapeworm.
• Virgo – Your attempt to achieve fame no matter what the cost in blood will fail, although the stories of the ‘What’s-His-Name Killer’ will be told for generations.
• Libra – ‘For Topical Application Only’ … words which might cause you grave concern over the coming days.
• Scorpio – You’ll be trapped in a paralyzing dilemma that can only be solved if you learn something new, take the initiative, or have an original thought of your own.
• Sagittarius – The good thing about the Internet is that no-one knows quite how disturbingly grotesque you look.
• Capricorn – While you’re often disgusted by the shallowness and ignorance you see all around you, you have to admit it’s made it easy for you to get dates.
• Aquarius – The King’s men part you can understand, but you’ve never really comprehended how all the King’s horses were supposed to help.
• Pisces – While it may be true that the Emperor has no clothes, you have to admit that if you were the Emperor, you’d walk around naked too.


1944 [73] Gary Busey, Baytown, TX, movie actor (“Buddy Holly Story”, “Point Break”, Lethal Weapon”), reality star (“Celebrity Apprentice”

2013, “Dancing With the Stars” 2015)

1968 [49] Judith Hoag, Newburyport MA, TV actress (‘Tandy Hampton’ on “Nashville” since 2012)

1978 [39] Nicole Scherzinger, Honolulu HI, TV personality (“The X Factor UK” 2016, “The X Factor US” 2011)/pop singer (“Don’t Hold Your Breath”, Pussycat Dolls-”Don’t Cha”)

1982 [35] Lily Rabe, NYC, TV actress (“American Horror Story: Hotel” 2015-16, “The Whispers” 2015)

1982 [35] Colin Jost, Staten Island, NY, comedian (weekend update on “Saturday Night Live” since 2014)

• “Camera Day”, which has unknown origins but it is always celebrated on June 29th. The day celebrates the camera and its value to society. (Check Instagram for some of these ‘valuable’ contributions … mostly involving cats.)

• “Hug Holiday”, which encourages us to give hugs to those who really need them. The focus is on the elderly, sick and invalid, lonely people, and anyone who needs the warmth, cheer, and love that a hug provides. Be sure to ask first.

• “Waffle Iron Day”, which celebrates the great kitchen gadget that makes tasty treats. The waffle dates back to the 1300s in Greece, where Greeks cooked flat cakes between two metal pans. At the time, they topped it with cheeses and herbs. (Pancake syrup wasn’t around yet.)

• “World Handshake Day” … but only after you use your hand sanitizer, OK?

• “Remote Control Day”, a favorite celebration of couch potatoes everywhere. The first remote was sold with a TV on this date in 1964. Zenith Radio Corporation’s ‘Lazy Bones’ used a wire cable that ran from the TV set to the viewer.

• “International Mud Day”, a fun day for children and/or the child inside all of us. To celebrate, all that’s needed is some water and some dirt. Mix them together, and you’re ready to rumble!
(Clear as mud?)

• “Almond Buttercrunch Day”,  a combination of toffee covered with chocolate, sprinkled with toasted almonds. (Worth a special day to me!)
✓ There are 5,639 people in the U.S. listed on with the last name ‘Almond’.
✓ Chocolate manufacturers use 40% of the worlds almonds.
✓ It takes more than 1.2 million beehives to pollinate California’s Almond crop (over 550,000 acres).

[Fri] Organization for Women Day
[Fri] Social Media Day
[Fri] Meteor Day
[Sat] Canada Day
[Sat] Early Bird Day
[Sat] Chicken Wing Day

2003 [14] Movie star Katherine Hepburn, winner of a record 4 Oscars for ‘Best Actress’, dies in Old Saybrook CT at age 96

2012 [05] After 5 years of marriage, actors Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes announce plans to divorce

2000 [17] The casket holding Lynyrd Skynyrd lead singer Ronnie Van Zandt is stolen from its mausoleum in Jacksonville FL, then abandoned after vandals are unable to open it

2007 [10] Apple officially releases the ‘iPhone’ (before this we weren’t staring at our right hands 18 hours a day)

2008 [09] Thomas Beatie, the world’s first pregnant man, gives birth to a daughter. (He has since given birth two more times)

2000 [17] Eminem’s mother goes to court claiming defamation of character in a $10 million civil suit, taking exception to the line “My mother smokes more dope than I do” from Eminem’s single ‘My Name Is’.

1991 [26] ‘World’s Longest Burrito’ is created in Newton KS, measuring 1,598 ft (487 m) and using 2,557 tortillas, 75 lbs (34 kg) of cheese, and 607 lbs (275 kg) of refried beans


• A crocodile can’t stick it’s tongue out.
• A shrimp’s heart is in it’s head.
• Rats and horses can’t vomit.
• Dolphins sleep with one eye open.
• It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. (So how did Wilbur read Charlotte’s webs?)

Highlight bits culled from 24 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Roadkill Culinary Camp
• Camp Itchibug of Muskoka
• Lil’ Toiler Textile Mill & Summer Camp
• Incontinent Palomino Trail Riding Camp
• Bring-Your-Mommy Sissy-Kid Camp
• Skeeter Camp of the Canadian North
• Mr & Mrs Cranky’s Camp for Kids Whose Parents Don’t Love Them, Don’t Want Them Around, and Won’t Even Pay for a Halfway Decent Camp
• Learn-to-Swim or Else Camp
– First published in “BS” 2001.

What unusual thing do you wear while you sleep?

What appears in every episode of Seinfeld?
a. The Soup Nazi
b. Man-hands
c. Uncle Leo
d. Superman [CORRECT]

The only thing I know about money matters is that money matters.

Question: 53% of people will buy this for their long weekend celebration.  What is it?
Answer:  Insect Repellent

The trouble with life is, you’re halfway through it before you realize it’s a do-it-yourself thing.

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