Friday, June 3, 2011       Edition: #4520
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

Nearly a decade after winning an Oscar for “Monster’s Ball”, 44-year-old actress Halle Berry is considering a return to TV in “Higher Learning” (DreamWorks), in which she’d play a college professor (you ever had a prof looked like her?) . . . In the new issue of “Vanity Fair” Justin Timberlake says he hasn’t spoken to former girlfriend Britney Spears ‘in the last 9 or 10 years’ (even if he had, she’d have been unintelligible) . . . Meantime, Timberlake describes another ex-girlfriend, actress Jessica Biel, ‘the single-handedly most significant person in my life’ (so why’d you dump her, dummy?)  . . . Perez Hilton suggests former “Friends” castmates Jennifer Aniston & Courteney Cox are no longer BFFs after 17 years, some tension developing over how Cox is handling her marriage mess with David Arquette (Jen’s a little sensitive on the marriage issue) . . . Not satisfied with just posting her self-absorbed pontificating on her blog, actress Gwyneth Paltrow is now using Twitter and Facebook to spread her goopy wisdom (audio clips of her saying stupid stuff like “Oh, there’s pus!” and “It smells!” here: . . . Seems the music biz didn’t learn from Matthew Morrison’s solo recording (meh); now his “Glee” castmate Naya Rivera (‘Santana Lopez’) is also getting her own album (why not ‘Rachel’ or ‘Kurt’?) . . . And no surprise here: “Hangover III” is already in the works (subtitled “Money In the Bank”).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today British singer Jessie J performs “Do It Like a Dude” (“Who You Are”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Brian Wilson (Beach Boys); Sloan (“The Double Cross”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC): This morning 1980s girl group The Go-Go’s.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Big Sean (“Finally Famous: The Album”, out June 28th); Christina Aguilera (“The Voice”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Foster the People (“Torches”); MNDR (“Caligula”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight a rerun of “Bob Marley Week” continues with a salute by Lenny Kravitz.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Tonight  Wiz Khalifa (“Rolling Papers”).
• “MTV Movie Awards” (MTV) – Sunday the 20th annual accolades air live from LA’s Gibson Amphitheatre, hosted by Jason Sudeikis (“SNL”). “Twilight Saga: Eclipse” leads nominations with 8, followed by “Inception” with 7. Performers include Foo Fighters, Lupe Fiasco, Trey Songz. Reese Witherspoon receives the ‘Generation Award’ career honor.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Scarlett Johansson; musical guest Arcade Fire.
• “Today Show” (NBC): This morning New Kids On the Block; Backstreet Boys (“NKOTBSB Tour”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Airborne Toxic Event (“All at Once”).

• Adele – Saturday her North American tour finally resumes in San Francisco CA after she was forced to cancel 5 West Coast dates due to laryngitis. The missed shows will be rescheduled.
• Alison Krauss & Union Station – Saturday their 50-city North America tour starts in Louisville KY. The trek supports their latest album “Paper Airplane”.
• The Band Perry – Their country hit “If I Die Young” has now been certified Double Platinum for sales exceeding 2 million copies.
• Brad Paisley – Tonight he launches his “H2O II” tour in Virginia Beach VA. Special guests for the 33-city outing include Blake Shelton, Jerrod Niemann. Paisley’s new album “This Is Country Music” has debuted at #1 on “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Top Country Albums’ chart.
• Coldplay – This weekend they perform at the simultaneous German rock festivals “Rock Am Ring” (Nurburgring Racetrack) and “Rock Im Park” (Nuremberg’s Frankenstadion). Kings Of Leon are also playing both events.
• Jewel – As well as hosting the new TV show “Platinum Hit” (Bravo), the 37-year-old is expecting her first child (a boy) in July and releasing a new children’s album in the Fall.
• Lady Gaga – “Born This Way” sold 1.11 million copies in its first week, giving Gaga her first #1 album.
• The Monkees – Tonight “An Evening With The Monkees: The 45th Anniversary Tour” launches its US leg in Atlanta GA, then rolls through more than 30 cities before concluding in LA.
• Rihanna – Her new music video “Man Down” debuted on BET this week and it’s generating some controversy. In it, she guns down a man in retaliation for an apparent assault.
• The Roots – Saturday their 4th annual “Roots Picnic” in their hometown of Philadelphia PA includes performances by Nas, Wiz Khalifa, and Grammy-winning ‘Best New Artist’ Esperanza Spalding.
• Sean Kingston – He’s now expected to make a full recovery from that jet-ski crash in Miami FL last Sunday. CNN reports his injuries should take about 6 weeks to heal.

“X-Men: First Class” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): In this prequel to the previous films future frenemies ‘Charles Xavier’ (James McAvoy) and ‘Magneto’ (Michael Fassbender) battle a mutual foe (Kevin Bacon) during the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962. The trailer scored huge online, showing there’s still plenty of interest in the Marvel Comics mutants. Co-stars January Jones (“Mad Men”); Jennifer Lawrence (“Winter’s Bone”).

More and more families are now throwing half-birthday parties for their kids. And why the heck not? It’s just one more excuse to celebrate your child. One reason this semi-celebration developed … kids are always exact when it comes to their age. They’re not 5, they’re 5-and-a-half, thank-you very much. To honor this milestone (and in their eyes it IS a milestone), parents are increasingly laying on a party. (Pity the kid’s future spouse who has to try to continue this level of attention.)
– “Parenting Magazine”

Have you ever wanted to have your own museum exhibition? Well now you can with the “Museum of Me” Facebook application. The app takes all of your Facebook info and formats it into an ‘exhibition’ featuring your frequent ‘likes’, all photos you have uploaded, and the most frequent words you post on your page. The app promises to create ‘a visual archive of your social life’. (For some, that would entail an empty room.)

• Two robbers have held up a bank in Palos Heights, Illinois wearing black nun costumes, likely stealing the idea from the heists depicted in Ben Affleck’s movie “The Town”. Police are now on the lookout for the suspects and their vehicle. (Tip for cops … check the ambulances at Fenway Park!)
– “Chicago Sun-Times”
• A crook wannabe who entered a Columbus, Ohio bank wearing a hoodie that covered most of his face was told by a teller the bank has a ‘no hats, no hoods’ policy, so he obediently pushed the hood back before demanding money. He got some loot but cops now have great surveillance pictures of him. (What a pathetic excuse for a hood!)
• Alert Australian border officials at Adelaide International Airport have charged an Indian man with trafficking after he attempted to smuggle $1.3-million worth of heroin into the country using … 29 hollowed-out Bibles. (If convicted, he’ll be able to spend the next 25 years praying for forgiveness!)

A group of Swedish researchers has found that long commutes can increase a married couple’s chance of divorce by 40%. According to related research, commuting can also cause neck pain, obesity, loneliness (80% of commuters travel alone), stress (47 hours sitting in idle traffic each year), and insomnia. The one benefit for those with brutal commutes … larger homes in the suburbs for less money. (To enjoy about 3 hours a day.)

Make your next wax-on, wax-off session way better with these helpful tips …
• Schedule your appointment between 3-and-5 pm when your pain threshold is the highest.
• Pop a couple painkillers 45 minutes before the appointment as an ouch!-reducing strategy.
• Due to sensitivity, avoid working out or wearing tight clothing for 48 hours afterward.
– Condensed from “Cosmopolitan”

The new “Kick to Pick” app lets your unborn baby choose the name he or she would like to carry through life … sort of. The app randomly generates thousands of baby names. All parents have to do is launch the generator, place the smartphone on the baby bump, and wait for the little guy or gal to give a big kick. The app monitors the baby’s movements, and any large kick detected will stop the generator and reveal what the baby has ‘chosen’. (Someday the flabbergasted kid will ask, “You chose my name how?”)

Canadian-based teams who’ve won the Stanley Cup over the last 30 years …
• Calgary Flames (1989)
• Edmonton Oilers (1984, 1985, 1987, 1988, 1990)
• Montréal Canadiens (1986, 1993)
• Vancouver Canucks (2011?)
(So you know what that means, Leafs fans? Next year it’s Winnipeg’s turn!)

According to a study by the American College of Sports Medicine, these are the fittest cities in America based on smoking rates; percentage of regular exercisers; and levels of obesity, asthma, diabetes, and other chronic concerns …
5. Denver CO
4. Portland OR
3. Boston MA
2. Washington DC
1. Minneapolis-St Paul MN
At the opposite end of the spectrum, Oklahoma City OK ranks as America’s least fit metro, followed by Louisville KY, Memphis TN, Birmingham AL, and Detroit MI.

A new study suggests that women and men can subconsciously identify the opposite sex via … smell. The discovery adds another piece to the growing body of evidence that humans, much like the rest of the animal kingdom, know more from their noses than previously thought. (This calls for a studio experiment!)


1931 [80] Raul Castro (Ruz), Biran, Cuba, President of Cuba since 2008/younger brother of Fidel Castro

1967 [44] Anderson Cooper, NYC, TV news correspondent (“Anderson Cooper 360” since 2003, “60 Minutes” since 2007)/son of heiress Gloria Vanderbilt

1968 [43] Jamie O’Neal (Murphy), Sydney, Australia, country singer (“When I Think About Angels”, “There Is No Arizona”)

1986 [25] Rafael Nadal, Manacor, Spain, #1-ranked pro tennis player (7th man in history to complete a career Grand Slam)

Rock bassist Stefan Lessard (Dave Matthews Band) is 37; Movie actor Russell Brand (“Arthur”) is 36; Movie actress Angelina Jolie (“The Tourist”) is 36; Rock musician JoJo Garza (Los Lonely Boys) is 31; Fashion model Bar Refaeli (“Sports Illustrated”) is 26.

Movie actor Mark Wahlberg (“The Fighter”) is 40; Rock bassist Pete Wentz (Fall Out Boy) is 32; Rock guitarist Seb Lefebvre (Simple Plan) is 30.

• “Pull Your Pants Up Day”. Whatever your reason: Out-of-style hip-hop fan; quick weight-loss; plumber … just do it, okay? The world thanks you!
• “Repeat Day”, an annual opportunity to do things over again … just because you want to. It’s a good excuse to double-snack, repeat activities that are fun, etc.
• “Take a Kid Fishing Weekend”. Even if they aren’t biting, everyone can have a good time outdoors in the fresh air. (Sorry li’l dude, but you gotta bait your own hook.)

• “Cheese Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of the creation of the first Roquefort cheese, made from ewes’ milk and ripened in a cave near Roquefort, France in the year 1070. It’s the perfect excuse to indulge yourself with a slice of your favorite.
• “International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression”, a UN observance established in 1982. There are approximately 50 million uprooted refugees around-the-world who have sought safety in another country. Around half of them are children.
• “Trails Day”, celebrating nature trails as a great way to experience the outdoors by hiking, biking, horseback riding, etc.

• “Cancer Survivors Day”, an annual, worldwide celebration of life on the 1st Sunday in June to show the world that life after a cancer diagnosis can be meaningful and productive.
• “World Environment Day”, as declared annually by the UN since 1972. This year’s theme is ‘Forests: Nature At Your Service’.

2001 [10] Mel Brooks’ Broadway musical comedy “The Producers” wins a record 12 Tony Awards

2009 [02] 72-year-old actor David Carradine (“Kung Fu”) dies in a Bangkok, Thailand hotel room, apparently the victim of ‘accidental asphyxiation’ (he’s found the next day)

1991 [20] To pay off his mounting back takes, Willie Nelson releases the album “Who’ll Buy My Memories: The IRS Tapes”

2002 [09] Paul McCartney & Aretha Franklin are the performers at Queen Elizabeth II’s “Golden Jubilee”, celebrating the 50th year of her reign

1999 [12] 1st ‘TV Commercial Targeted Directly at Cats” (Whiskas debuts a 30-second cat food spot designed to make cats wild for the product through the use of high-pitched sounds, zigzag lines, and a ball of yarn, but it doesn’t work … cats can’t read)

2007 [04] 1,680 guitarists simultaneously play Deep Purple’s “Smoke On the Water” in Kansas City MO (beats 1994 record of 1,323 playing BTO’s Takin’ Care of Business” in Vancouver BC)

[Mon] D-Day
[Mon] Drive-in Movie Day
[Tues] Shavuot begins at sundown (Jewish)
[Wed] CMT Music Awards
[Wed] World Ocean Day
[Thurs] CMA Music Festival begins (Nashville)
This Week Is … Fragrance Week
This Month Is … Potty Training Awareness Month


• Eggs: ‘The Incredible Edible Ovum.’
• Saks 5th Avenue: ‘You Could Shop Here if You’re Poor, But That Would be Stupid!’
• Iguana: ‘The Other Green Meat.’
• Nike: ‘Just Buy the Damn Shoes, You Flabby Spineless Lump!’
• Daisy Air Rifles: ‘Keeping Kids Off Your Lawn for Over 50 Years.’
• Pepto Bismol: ‘Squash the Squirts!’

Hear about the short fortune-teller who escaped from prison? She was a small medium at large.

The Australian state of Victoria is poised to approve legislation fining people up to $250 for cursing in public. Frickin’ good idea or bad?

Today’s Question: In a recent poll, women say THIS is the most annoying thing a man can wear.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: We don’t know why, but it’s black tube socks.

What we learn after we know it all is what counts.

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