Monday, June 4, 2012        Edition: #4757

You Really Know Your Sheet!

• Saturday evening 37-year-old actress Drew Barrymore wed for the 3rd time, exchanging vows with art consultant Will Kopelman (34) in a garden ceremony at her Montecito, California home. Both wore custom-designed Chanel apparel (his father used to run the company). The intimate ceremony was attended by just over a hundred family & friends, including Cameron Diaz, Jimmy Fallon, and Reese Witherspoon. Barrymore is rumored to be pregnant with her 1st child.
• One of the most enduring and recognizable superheroes in DC Comics’ repertoire, “Green Lantern”, is set to have a drastic reboot. After 72 years of fighting crime across the universe as a straight man, his alter-ego ‘Alan Scott’ will be reintroduced as gay in a bid to broaden and diversify the face of DC Comics. The Christian mothers’ group One Million Moms has already launched a letter-writing campaign calling on DC to cancel their plan.
• Actress Nicollette Sheridan’s $4-million wrongful termination suit against ABC-TV’s “Desperate Housewives” has been dealt what’s likely a fatal blow. After an LA jury couldn’t reach a decision in March, a new trial was set for September. But on Friday, an appeals court ruled there should be no retrial because Touchstone/ABC should have won the case. Sheridan’s legal options aren’t completely dead but they are said to be ‘seriously wounded’.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• Beyoncé, Pitbull, and Steven Tyler have been signed up as part of the voice cast for “Epic”, a new animated film to be helmed by “Ice Age” director Chris Wedge. The storyline follows a teenage girl who finds herself magically transported into an alternative world deep in a forest where a battle is being waged between forces of good and evil. “Epic” is scheduled to be released May 24, 2013.
• Comedian Andy Samberg tells the “New York Times” he’s leaving NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live”. Samberg spent 7 seasons on “SNL” and is most famous as the brains behind the show’s star-studded digital short movies, including the once-viral “Dick In a Box” video with Justin Timberlake. His exodus follows that of Kristen Wiig, whose final appearance came during last month’s season finalé.


• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – Auditions continue in Austin, Texas.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Neon Trees (“Picture Show”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – fun. (“Some Nights”) performs on the show’s Outdoor Stage.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Silversun Pickups (“Neck Of the Woods”). Fans can watch them perform on “Live on Letterman” webcast live before the show airs or on-demand later.
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Gavin DeGraw (“Sweeter”).
• Queen’s Diamond Jubilee Concert (London) –  Paul McCartney headlines a show in front of Buckingham Palace celebrating Queen Elizabeth II’s 60 years on the British throne. Also on the bill: Annie Lennox, Elton John, Jessie J, JLS, Robbie Williams, Tom Jones, and many more.


• Beach Boys – Saturday night they kicked off their reunion tour at LA’s Hollywood Bowl. It’s the first time Brian Wilson (69), Mike Love (71), Al Jardine (69), and David Marks (63), have toured together since the 1960s.
• fun. – Today the video for their new single “Some Nights” has its world premiere exclusively on MTV and at 3:55 pm EDT.
• Guns N’ Roses – Tonight they’re scheduled to perform in Rotterdam, Holland. They threatened to walk off stage during their Friday concert in London’s O2 Arena after ‘fans’ pelted the stage with coins and plastic cups. That may be because they showed up an hour late.
• Justin Bieber – Doctors have confirmed he suffered a concussion Thursday night when he ran into a glass wall backstage during his concert in Paris, but say he’ll be OK. He was certainly well enough to perform an impromptu show Friday on the balcony of Universal Music’s Paris headquarters.
• The Killers – They’re currently working on “Battle Born”, the follow-up album to 2008’s “Day & Age”. Drummer Ronnie Vanucci Jr tells “Q” magazine they’re so pleased with the new material they can’t wait to perform it live. Quote: “I’d play the opening of a 7-Eleven at this point.”
• Lady Antebellum – They’ve announced that the final leg of their “Own the Night 2012 World Tour”will roll into Australia this September for 3 shows, in Melbourne, Brisbane, and Sydney.
• Lady Gaga – Elton John tells “The Guardian Weekend” magazine he’s worried that her non-stop schedule will take its toll on her health as she rarely takes a day off. Quote: “She is frail, and she doesn’t eat when she should.”


Horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies gently simmer goes the old expression, and now one of Queen Elizabeth II’s dress designers has indeed confirmed that her majesty does not perspire. Stewart Parvin, who has worked for the queen for 11 years, says her nibs is very lucky in that she doesn’t crease her clothes because she doesn’t ‘glow’. Parvin also reveals the Queen has an assistant to break in her new shoes in order to prevent chafing during public duties. (If you’re a cold person, apparently your clothes don’t wrinkle.)
– “Sunday Times of London”


Earbuds playing music and noise-cancelling headphones are becoming de rigueur in offices, users arguing they’re good for blocking distractions. While some employers ban their use, most tolerate it as a way for employees to gain at least some privacy in open-plan offices. But research offers little support for the idea that listening to music improves work performance. One study finds that listening to music with lyrics can be linked to lower scores on concentration tests; a related study finds listening to hip-hop leads to a significant reduction in reading-test scores. (Listening to our station at work, however, is proven to improve our chance of remaining employed. Thank-you for your donation!)
– “Wall Street Journal”


✓ Online clothes shopping can be handy but what every shopper wants and no one seems to deliver is the guarantee of a perfect fit. A group of Boston mathematicians has developed a computer program that relies partly on the clothes already in your closet to predict how the next garment will fit. The technology, called ‘True Fit’, predicts customers’ sizes in some 350 fashion brands, from Jean-Paul Gaultier to Joe’s Jeans, and the number of brands is expected to double by year’s end. (Trouble is, most of the clothes in your closet are now too small.)
– “Globe & Mail”
✓ British inventors have developed the ‘Bodymetrics’ pod, which resembles a stand-up tanning bed and scans your body’s 3-D measurements. After it maps your body, the pod classifies you as one of 3 different shapes, all kindly named after precious stones – ‘Emerald’ is the slim shape, ‘Ruby’ the curvaceous shape, and ‘Sapphire’ is somewhere in between. Then it recommends specific denim brands and styles that supposedly will fit you best. (How insulting to find out XXL coveralls are recommended because you’re a ‘Pear-shaped Diamond’.)
– “New York Magazine”

According to a new report, job-seekers sporting visible tattoos are struggling to get hired in the face of stricter corporate dress codes. Clean-cut candidates with a traditional corporate appearance are proving more appealing to employers than those with visible body artwork. A poll of Human Resources managers has found that body piercings, cited by 37% of hiring managers as a negative factor, are the top physical attribute that can limit a candidate’s career potential. Bad breath comes in 2nd at 34%, with visible tattoos not far behind at 31%. (Wearing camos and carrying a crossbow are also less than helpful.)


The US Centers for Disease Control has charted the growth of fast-food portion sizes since the 1950s. A few of the shocking changes …
• The average soft drink was 7 ounces in the 1950s, and is 42 ounces today.
• A typical hamburger was 3.9 ounces back then; it’s 12 ounces today.
• A portion of french fries was 2.4 ounces in the 1950s, 6.7 ounces now.
– “Washington Post”


A game called ‘possum’, in which young people climb trees and attempt to drink a case of beer, is causing problems in Dunedin, New Zealand. The first one to fall out of a tree from drunkenness loses the game. Officials at the Dunedin Botanic Gardens say mostly students play the game in afternoons and evenings, often leaving glass, litter, and vomit behind. But what they’re most concerned about is the safety of those falling from trees and potential damage to the trees themselves, some of which are over 100-years-old. (Booze and trees don’t mix … ask Keith Richards.)
– “Waikato Times”


The naming of Atlantic, Caribbean and Gulf hurricanes has sometimes been controversial. In 1950, the first names were taken from the Joint Army/Navy Phonetic Alphabet: ‘Able’, ‘Baker’, ‘Charlie’, etc. 1953’s ‘Alice’ was the first storm from a new list that included only female names, a practice some viewed as sexist. Then in 1979, male names were added. Further diversity has occurred with the ensuing inclusion of Spanish and French names. Things stormed along until 2003, when Texas congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee began complaining about the lack of African-American names on the list. (Hurricane Tre does have a ring to it.)
– “Chicago Tribune”


Excavating in a coal mine in Colombia, paleontologists have discovered the fossil of the world’s largest turtle, a 60-million-year-old specimen nearly 8 feet (2.5 m) long … the size of a Smart car. Thriving in a lake about 5 million years after the demise of the dinosaurs, the turtle was undoubtedly the largest predator in its environment, researchers say. The creature had powerful jaws that would enable it to eat nearly anything else it encountered, even crocodiles.
– “Los Angeles Times”

• Queen Elizabeth II used to practice wearing her crown while bathing Prince Charles.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Kentucky has become the 2nd US state after Illinois to make ‘bass fishing’ an official high school sport.


1974 [38] Stefan Lessard, Anaheim CA, alt-rock bassist (Dave Matthews Band-“Big Whiskey & The GrooGrux King”)

1975 [37] Russell Brand, Grays UK, movie actor (“Arthur”, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)/comedian/TV host (“2012 MTV Movie Awards”)/wed to pop singer Katy Perry 2010-12  UP NEXT: “Rock of Ages”, opening June 15th.

1975 [37] Angelina Jolie (Voight), LA CA, movie actress (“Lara Croft: Tomb Raider”, Oscar-“Girl, Interrupted”)/movie director (“In the Land of Blood & Honey”)/actor Brad Pitt’s partner since 2005

1985 [27] Bar Refaeli, Hod HaSharon, Israel, fashion model (“Sports Illustrated”)/#1 on “Maxim” magazine’s ‘Hot 100’ list of 2012

• “Cheese Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of the creation of the first Roquefort cheese, made from ewes’ milk and ripened in a cave near Roquefort, France in the year 1070. It’s the perfect excuse to indulge yourself with a slice of your favorite. (3-year-old Comté, please!)

• “Frost Your Hair Day”, a day for people who have never frosted their hair to either do it or proclaim themselves a ‘hair chicken’. (An idea from the L’Oreal PR department?)

• “Hug Your Cat Day”, a day to realize that felines need affection even though they act like they don’t want it.

• “International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression”, a UN observance established in 1982. There are approximately 50 million uprooted refugees around-the-world who have sought safety in another country. Around half of them are children.

• “Strawberry Moon”, the Full Moon of June, named for the relatively short season for harvesting strawberries.

• “Sun Safety Week” begins. Experts offer the following tips on using protection against harmful UV rays …
✓ People typically wear a half to a third as much sunscreen as they need.
✓ A person’s risk of melanoma doubles if they have had more than 5 sunburns.
✓ You should slather on the goo even on overcast days as UV rays can penetrate clouds.


2003 [09] announces it’s received more than 1 million pre-orders for the book “Harry Potter & The Order Of the Phoenix”, which won’t be released until June 21st


1976 [36] About 4 dozen fans witness what’s been called ‘the gig that changed the world’, the Sex Pistols’ appearance at the Lesser Free Trade Hall in Manchester UK, deemed by musicologists as the birth of punk rock


1937 [75] 1st ‘Shopping Cart’, invented by Oklahoma’s Sylvian Goldman (next day, 27 of them are found abandoned behind his apartment building, half with at least one wonky wheel)


1988 [24] World record for ‘Hacky Sack’ (foot bag) is set at 48,825 consecutive kicks

[Tues] Hot Air Balloon Day
[Tues] World Environment Day
[Wed] CMT Music Awards
[Wed] Drive-in Movie Day
[Wed] Tailors Day
[Thurs] 2012 CMA Music Festival begins (Nashville)

Business Etiquette Week / Headache Awareness Week / International Clothesline Week / Tire Safety Week / World Dystonia Awareness Week


A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• How does shampoo ‘self-adjust’? In the past, did you have to be adjust it manually?
• How many times do you use a ‘disposable’ razor?
• If something has a ‘lifetime guarantee’, will it stop working when you die?
• What happens if you get ‘scared half to death’ … twice?
• Why is it that the people who look the worst in shorts are the ones who take up jogging?
• Are ‘two heads better than one’ if they’re both stupid?
• If you are a ‘complete pessimist’ does that mean you are positively negative?
– First published in “BS” 2001.

☎ When you fill out a form asking for age or weight, do you lie? (According to a “Men’s Health” poll, 73% of men and a full 85% of women will tell you they weigh less than they actually do.)

What are the first 3 letters of the new Greek alphabet? I O U.

Question: According to consumer research, the average lifespan of THIS is about 10 years.
Answer: Vacuum cleaner.


Never invest in anything that eats.

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