Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Thanks to You, This is Edition #5000!

✳ Jennifer Lopez has reportedly told FOX-TV execs she wants another shot as an “American Idol” judge in the wake of Mariah Carey, Nicki Minaj, and Randy Jackson’s departure. J-Lo’s manager, Benny Medina, was apparently already in talks with producers even before Mariah and Nicki announced their departures last week. A network insider admits the show needs an overhaul, but recent rumors suggest that will entail a panel made up of “Idol” alumni, including Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, and one of either Clay Aiken or Adam Lambert. (It’s not the people … it’s the entire singing competition genre that’s been ground down to a nub.)
✳ Kate Middleton has just been named the ‘Most Influential Beauty Icon’ in the UK. According to the new poll, fully 30% of women say they’d be most likely to buy products used by the Duchess of Cambridge, ranking her ahead of model Kate Moss and fashion maven Victoria Beckham. Others making the list included non-Brits Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, and Kim Kardashian. (Unfortunately for the cosmetics firm doing the poll, it has zero chance of signing the Duchess to do ads.)
✳ Actress Alyssa Milano (star of the new drama “Mistresses”) will be the season 3 host of the spin-off series “Project Runway All Stars”, taking over from previous host Carolyn Murphy. Production on the new season is slated to begin this month in NYC in anticipation of a Fall premiere. The competing designers from previous “Project Runway” seasons have yet to be announced. (Like singing shows, fashion design programs are also reaching the point of overkill.)
✳ After airing for a year in Australia, a Canadian-made kids’ cartoon about a boy with a female superhero alter-ego debuted in the US over the weekend. “SheZow” follows the adventures a 12-year-old boy who transforms into a makeup-wearing, pink-dress-clad superhero. It debuted Saturday to American audiences on The Hub, causing passionate protests from conservatives advocacy group One Million Moms and even death threats against the show’s creator, Obie Scott Wade, who says “I just wanted to make a comedy.” (Didn’t you know, Obie? Gender isn’t funny. Neither’s religion, dammit!)

• “CMT Music Awards” (CMT) – Jason Aldean & actress Kristen Bell co-host from Bridgestone Arena in Nashville TN. Eric Church, Luke Bryan, and Miranda Lambert lead nominations with 4 apiece; followed by Aldean with 3. Performers include Florida Georgia Line, Hunter Hayes, Lady Antebellum, Little Big Town, Luke Bryan, the Pistol Annies, and Taylor Swift.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Adam Levine (Maroon 5); Bad Rabbits (“Stick Up Kids”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Kimbra (“Vows”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Gretchen Wilson (“Here For the Party”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Portugal. The Man (“Evil Friends”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Queens Of the Stone Age (… Like Clockwork). They’re also performing in a “Live On Letterman” streaming webcast at 9 pm ET.
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Tegan & Sara (“Heartthrob”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – The Wanted (“The Wanted Life”).

• Carrie Underwood – Today her recently completed world tour hits the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville TN with the exhibition “Carrie Underwood: The Blown Away Tour”. The display of tour memorabilia, stage costumes, and photos runs through November 10th.
• Lady Gaga – Her manager, Troy Carter, is hinting that her new album “ARTPOP” may have some interactive features, giving fans opportunity to engage with the content. He offers no further details and there’s still no release date for the project.
• Miley Cyrus – She says her new ecstasy-referencing song “We Can’t Stop” gives clues on “where I’m at in my life right now.” Her 4th studio album, follow-up to 2010’s “Can’t Be Tamed”, is expected later this year.
• REM – It was an almost reunion over the weekend. All 4 original members performed live at Peter Buck’s wedding … but not at the same time. Other performers at the reception included singer-songwriter Joseph Arthur and indie folk-rock band The Decemberists.
• Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings – They’re postponing the August 6th release of their new album, “Give the People What They Want”, and its accompanying tour as Jones has just been diagnosed with bile duct cancer and needs to undergo surgery.
• Stone Temple Pilots – Fired frontman Scott Weiland has filed a countersuit against his former band in a bid to ban their use of the STP name. He’s also demanding damages of at least $7 million. STP previously launched a suit against Weiland for breach of contract.
• The Wanted – They’re hoping Nathan Sykes will be fully recovered from his recent vocal cord surgery and can return to the stage for this Sunday’s “Summertime Ball” at London’s Wembley Stadium. Jay McGuiness tells MTV News: “We think it’s too early, but we will see.”

Smartphones are fun, but they have an evil side … they’ve chained us to the office. A new study that has surveyed 1,600 managers and thousands of other employees has found that only 2% of those polled EVER turn off their smartphones … even when on vacation. (Just one more reason the new height of chic is NOT being available 24/7.)
– Harvard Business School

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 75% of women wear matching undergarments every day.
• 60% of moms admit they lie to their kids on a regular basis.
• 55% of adults NEVER go to the movies.
• 40% of men can’t remember the last time they wrote a thank-you note.
• 38% of us say it’s OK to break up with someone via email or text.
• 10% of women say they like it when their man has beer breath.

A beer-pouring robot that can read your body movements and anticipate when you want another drink has been developed by researchers at Cornell University. Using Microsoft Kinect sensors and 3-D cameras the robot is able to analyze its surroundings and identify its owner’s needs without being told. It uses a database of videos showing 120 various household tasks. As well as fetching drinks, it can work out when its owner is hungry and put food in a microwave, tidy up, and fetch a toothbrush & toothpaste. (When it senses ‘You Stink!’)
– “Daily Mail”

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Gran Lit’ – A new literary genre of romance fiction that features 60-something protagonists, ie: “Thursdays In the Park” by Hilary Boyd, an ebook bestseller. (“She carefully placed her teeth in the glass on the bedside table before returning her attention to young Harold …”)
• ‘Third-Gender’ – An adjective referring to a person who identifies as neither male nor female. (Similar to ‘intersex’, but not to be confused with ‘transgender’. Alas, life’s getting so complicated!)
• ‘Walker’ – A woman’s platonic male friend with whom she goes for walks, to the theater, etc. (Who would make an ideal ‘walker’? A poet, musician, actor, athlete?)

Emerging research suggests that the way to get ahead in a competitive workplace is to really believe in what you do. A new Brigham Young University business study, reported online in the management journal “Organization Science”, reveals that employees who are ‘true believers’ in the mission of their organization are more likely to increase in status and influence than non-believers. (Yes, boss. I truly believe the embalming fluid we use here is the best.)

According to a new ranking by the Writers Guild of America (WGA) …
5. “M*A*S*H” (1972-83).
4. “All In the Family” (1971-79).
3. “The Twilight Zone” (1959-64).
2. “Seinfeld” (1990-98).
1. “The Sopranos” (1999-2007).
(Which did they miss?)

How was your day? Stressful, fun, boring? It might soon be easier to review the highs and lows with the ‘Inside-Out System’. Developed by MIT’s Media Lab, it uses a biosensor worn on the wrist to log how the electrical properties of the skin change, indicating heightened emotions. A smartphone around the neck takes pictures several times a minute to log what you were doing at the time. At the end of the day, you then view your activities on a screen as you scroll through your day. (Seriously? Why not just keep your eyes open and actually experience life?)
– “New Scientist”

• ‘XXXXXL’ (5XL) is now the largest size available in the menswear section of British department store Debenhams. (Or you can peruse the outdoor department for a Coleman tent that fits.)
– “Daily Mail”
• Our minds wander during 47% of our waking hours, according to the recently published “Book of Times”. (It’s a fascinating compendium of … hey, that cloud looks like a chicken!)


1971 [42] Mark Wahlberg, Dorchester MA, movie actor (“Ted”, “The Fighter”)/TV producer (“Boardwalk Empire” since 2010, “Entourage” 2004-11)  COMING UP: “Transformers 4” (2014).

1979 [34] Pete Wentz, Wilmette IL, rock bassist-singer (Fall Out Boy-“She’s My Winona”, “This Ain’t a Scene It’s an Arms Race”)/wed to Ashlee Simpson 2008-11

1980 [33] Mike Fisher, Peterborough ON, NHL hockey forward (Nashville Predators)/wed to country star Carrie Underwood since 2010

1981 [32] Sebastien Lefebvre, Montréal QC, rock guitarist (Simple Plan-“Crazy”, “Welcome to My Life”)

1986 [27] Dave Bolland, Mimico ON, NHL hockey center (Chicago Blackhawks)

• “Hot Air Balloon Day”, commemorating the 1st hot air balloon flight, by the Montgolfier Brothers in Annonay, France in 1783. (And you thought your boss was the first gas-bag.)

• “Tailors Day”, celebrated annually on the first Wednesday in June to recognize clothiers committed to fitting, pinning, and altering clothing so that those interested in sartorial strutting can display themselves in style. Tailors were once known as ‘snips’; male tailors were also known as ‘seamsters’. (As opposed to ‘seamstress’.)

• “UN World Environment Day”, declared annually since 1972. The 2013 theme is ‘Think. Eat. Save’. (Huh?)

2005 [08] “Monty Python’s Spamalot” wins 3 Tony Awards, including ‘Best Musical’

2012 [01] Sci-fi author Ray Bradbury (“Fahrenheit 451”, “The Martian Chronicles”, “The Illustrated Man”) dies in LA at age 91

1988 [25] Patti Boyd, ex-wife of George Harrison, files for divorce to also become ex-wife of Eric Clapton, who previously wrote the song “Layla” about her (she’s all about the alimony)

2004 [09] Some 40 guests watch as pop star/actress Jennifer Lopez weds her 3rd husband, Latin singer Marc Anthony, in an intimate ceremony in the backyard of her LA home (they separate in 2011, divorce 2012)

1993 [20] Julie Krone rides 13-to-1 shot Colonial Affair to victory in the Belmont Stakes to become the 1st female jockey ever to win a Triple Crown race

1988 [25] ‘Longest Champagne Cork Flight’ record is set in NYC at 177 feet, 9 inches

2003 [10] 37-year-old Indiana native Brad Hauter arrives in NYC after riding his Yard-Man lawnmower 5,600 miles across the USA from San Francisco … at 10 mph

[Thurs] CMA Music Festival begins (Nashville TN)
[Fri] Banana Split Day
[Sat] “The Voice UK” season debut (BBC 1)
[Sat] “Britain’s Got Talent” season debut (ITV)
[Sat] Belmont Stakes (Queens NY)
[Sun] World Wind Day
This Week Is … Headache Awareness Week
This Month Is … Accordion Awareness Month


– Thanks to Adam Lichtenstein

Check out this ad on Craigslist: “For sale: ½ piece of mountain-climbing rope … cheap.”

Which body part is bitten most often by insects?
a. Neck.
b. Foot. [CORRECT, including the ankle.]
c. Wrist.
d. Noo-noo.

☎ What one concept would you like the opposite sex to finally understand?
> Shopping is a chore, not an activity.
> Don’t be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.
> We don’t mind being told we look good. Just don’t call it a ‘cute outfit’.
> When women talk, listen. It shows us that you care.
> Be protective, not possessive.
> The quickest and easiest way to lose a women is to lie to her. Be honest.

Question: On average Hungarian men do THIS 300 times a year, the most of anyone.
Answer: Eat an egg.

If the first person who answers the phone cannot answer your question, then it’s a bureaucracy.

Printer Friendly Version