Monday, June 6, 2011        Edition: #4521
Sheet For Brains!

• These days minor celebrities ‘monetize’ themselves by selling personal stories, often fabricated, to gossip websites like Radar and TMZ for cash. Michael Lohan (father of Lindsay) is a prime example. He’s said to be the source for most of the ‘confidential’ criminal and health documents about the Lohan family that are regularly unearthed in the media.
• French filmmaker Luc Besson, who wrote or co-wrote all 3 films in “The Transporter” series starring Jason Statham, is now turning the concept into a 12-episode TV series. Chris Vance is stepping into Statham’s role of ‘Frank Martin’, who’ll transport anything anywhere, no questions asked, usually at excessive speeds. The series begins shooting in Toronto in July.
• Actors Scarlett Johansson (26) & Sean Penn (50) have reportedly split after a brief romance. Johansson left her husband Ryan Reynolds before rumors of the Penn romance first surfaced. Penn was linked romantically to model Jessica White after divorcing Robin Wright, his wife of 13 years, in 2010. No reason for the split has surfaced. But then, the couple never actually confirmed all those dating reports.
• While denying reports that singer-turned-actor Justin Timberlake is hooking up with Ashley Olsen of Olsen twins fame, his rep seems eager to shoot down rumors that he’s also hooking up with Olivia Wilde (“House”). Maybe that’s because Olivia is too busy hooking up with Bradley Cooper (“The Hangover II”). Oh Hollywood, you’re just one big incestuous stew!
• Arnold Schwarzenegger may still be wearing his wedding ring but that hasn’t stopped him from lawyering up, hiring attorney Bob Kaufman. He’s already begun  divorce negotiations with Maria Shriver’s attorney, Laura Wasser. Kaufman and Wasser have gone head-to-head on other high profile celebrity splits and both specialize in something Arnold & Maria value right now … keeping divorce settlements hush-hush.
• And according to a Brit tabloid, 60-year-old actress Kirstie Alley (“Dancing With the Stars”) has dumped her 21-year-old boyfriend after discovering … he still lives with his mommy. She’s now reportedly taken up with another much younger man, who’s pictured with her on a lunch date. Alley’s been laughing off all these claims on her Twitter blog. Doesn’t deny anything though.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Flogging Molly (“Speed Of Darkness”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Mike Posner (“31 Minutes to Takeoff”).
• “Gayle King” (OWN) – Jennifer Hudson (“I Remember Me”).
• “Great Performances” (PBS) – “Eric Clapton’s Crossroads Guitar Festival 3” includes performances by BB King, Buddy Guy, Jeff Beck, John Mayer, Robert Cray, Sheryl Crow, Vince Gill, ZZ Top and more.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Foster the People (“Torches”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Sarah Lee Guthrie & Johnny Irion (“Bright Examples”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Mogwai (“Hardcore Will Never Die But You Will”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – LMFAO (“Party Rock”).

• Alabama – The former top country act officially disbanded in 2004 but guitarist-fiddler-keyboardist Jeff Cook says there may be a reunion in the works for 2012 that could include a tour and new music.
• Amy Winehouse – She has checked out of London’s Priory rehab clinic and is said to be ‘raring to go’ with a new album in the can and Summer shows on the calendar. Her last album release, “Back to Black”, is now 5-years-old.
• Brad Paisley – This week he has the #1 country album (“This is Country Music”) and the #1 country song (“Old Alabama”, f/Alabama).
• Coldplay – They’ve been accused of stealing (again) as their new track “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” is said to resemble the 1990s dance track “Ritmo De La Noche”, which in turn was based on “I Go to Rio” by Peter Allen. A rep for the band says all of this is true, and that’s why songwriters Peter Allen & Adrienne Anderson receive writing credits on the new tune.
• Lady Gaga – Tonight she receives the ‘Style Icon Award’ at this year’s Council of Fashion Designers of America “Fashion Awards” ceremony in NYC.
• P!nk – She & husband Carey Hart have a new baby girl whom they’ve named ‘Willow Sage Hart’.
• Shania Twain – She’ll unveil her new single, her first in 6 years, during this Sunday’s finalé of her reality TV show “Why Not? with Shania Twain” on the OWN network.
• Trace Adkins – His Nashville-area home was destroyed in a fire Saturday but no one was injured as he was en route to Alaska. The fire apparently started in a garage.

Nuclear radiation from bomb tests and power plant accidents causes slightly more boys than girls to be born, a new study suggests. Atmospheric blasts have been found to affect birth rates on a global scale. The result: Millions fewer females have been born worldwide than would otherwise be expected. And given Japan’s current nuclear troubles, another boy boomlet could be on the way, experts say. (And you thought you had trouble finding a date now, guys.)

As clothes have become cheaper, clothing consumption has gone through the roof. In 1930, the average woman owned an average of 9 outfits. Today, we each buy more than 60 pieces of new clothing per year on average. Our closets are larger and more stuffed than ever, as we’ve traded quality and style for low prices and trend-chasing. In the face of these irresistible deals, total spending on clothing has increased by 50 times since 1950. (How many outfits do you actually wear regularly? Most of us keep cycling through the same half-dozen.)

• A company called Ten 1 has developed a gadget called ‘Fling Mini’ that you slip over your smartphone to serve as a joystick for easier movement when playing videogames. So far, the device is available for iPhones, iPod Touches, and Androids. The company claims it’s done extensive testing and the joysticks do no damage to mobile devices.
• Japanese company Neurowear has come up with a headband with ‘cat ears’ that actually move and wiggle like real cat ears. They supposedly do this  in response to your emotional state by reading your brainwaves. The ears stand up when the wearer concentrates and lie down when the wearer is relaxed. The ears also go down when you feel rejected.

After studying the subject in depth, Bowling Green State University psychologist Scott Highhouse has found that most lottery winners keep working because having a job means more to them than just money. It also provides relationships, achievement needs, and status needs outside of money. A related survey seems to back that idea up. Two-thirds of people polled say they would indeed keep working after winning a lottery. (But maybe buy a used car and take a couple of days off to go to Disney World. Pathetic.)
– “Christian Science Monitor”

What new words have been ‘officially’ added to the English language? Oxford University Press now lists them on its website. A few of the more recent additions …
• Awareness Bracelet – A colored bracelet worn to raise awareness of a particular cause.
• Bridezilla – A woman who is obsessive or intolerably demanding when planning her wedding.
• Man Cave – A room regarded as a refuge for the man or men of a household.
• Man Flu – A minor ailment experienced by a man who is regarded as exaggerating its severity.
• Meep – A short, high-pitched sound, especially as emitted by an animal or a vehicle’s horn.
• Nekkid – Naked.
• Schmick – Smart or stylish.

German police are training vultures to find … dead bodies. Three of the feathered ‘detectives’ (Sherlock, Miss Marple, Columbo) are being trained at Walsrode Bird Park in northern Germany. The birds’ keen eyesight and acute sense of smell make them better than sniffer dogs at finding corpses when a large area has to be searched and the terrain is difficult. But the experiment is raising ethical concerns due to the risk that a vulture could start pecking at a body. (This will no doubt be made into a “CSI” episode next season.)
– “Berliner Morgenpost”

$6.6 billion is spent annually on the ‘prom experience’ in the United States. Tuxes, dresses, flowers, dinner, limo, dance tickets, booze, blow, hotel room, bail… it all adds up.


1952 [59] Harvey Fierstein, Brooklyn NY, Broadway actor (Tony Award-“Hairspray”)/playwright (“Torch Song Trilogy”)/movie actor (“Mrs Doubtfire”)

1967 [44] Paul Giamatti, New Haven CT, movie actor (“Cinderella Man”, “Sideways”)/TV actor “John Adams” (HBO)

1970 [41] James ‘Munky’ Shaffer, Rosedale CA, nu metal guitarist (Korn-“Twisted Transistor”, “Here to Stay”)

1973 [38] Lisa Brokop, Surrey BC, country singer (“Break It”, “Big Picture”)

1974 [37] Uncle Kracker (Matthew Shafer), Mount Clemens MI, country/rock/rap vocalist (“Smile”, “Drift Away”)

• “Couple Appreciation Day”. So which celeb couple is cutest … Jay-Z & Beyoncé? Brad & Angelina? Tom & Katie? Blake & Miranda? Justin & Selena?

• “D-Day”, the anniversary of the 1944 Allied invasion of Europe during WW2, when before dawn 2,727 ships of every description converged on Normandy carrying 2-million tons of war materials and 155,000 troops. The password used during the invasion was … ‘Mickey Mouse’.

• “Gardening Exercise Day”, a day to get out and work out with your plants. Don’t laugh … if you’ve ever helped a gardener for an afternoon, you know what hard work it is.

• “Yo-Yo Day”, observed on the birth anniversary of Donald Duncan (1892-1971), the businessman who first mass-marketed the invention in the West in the 1930s when it became wildly popular. According to modern legend, the yo-yo was first invented in the Philippines centuries ago … as a weapon. (If it goes down but doesn’t come back up, is it a ‘yo’?)

1933 [78] 1st ‘Drive-In Theater’ opens, in Camden NJ (25 cents per person or a buck-a-car to see “Wife Beware”)

1991 [20] NBC-TV announces Jay Leno will replace Johnny Carson on the “Tonight Show” on May 25, 1992

1998 [13] TV show “Sex & The City” premieres on HBO

1998 [13] “The Boy is Mine” by Brandy & Monica zooms to #1 on pop charts and stays for 13 weeks, one of longest-running #1 singles of the modern rock era

1936 [75] The 1st ‘helicopter’ is tested in Berlin, Germany

1973 [38] ‘World’s Tallest Totem Pole’ at 173 ft (52.7 m) is raised at Alert Bay, British Columbia

1996 [15] Hungary’s Arpad Nick sets a world record in Budapest, Hungary by pulling a 17-ton airplane for 36 ft (11 m) … with his teeth.

[Tues] Shavuot begins at sundown (Jewish)
[Tues] Chocolate Ice Cream Day
[Wed] Best Friends Day
[Wed] Name Your Poison Day
[Wed] CMT Music Awards
[Wed] World Ocean Day
[Thurs] CMA Music Festival begins (Nashville)

Automotive Service Professionals Week / Business Etiquette Week / Headache Awareness Week / International Clothesline Week / Sun Safety Week / Tire Safety Week / World Menopause Week


A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Watch TV reruns.
• Wait for ‘him or her’ to call.
• Answer nosy questions.
• ‘Presoak, hand wash & flat dry’.
• Count to 10 before screaming.
• Dust the top of the refrigerator.
• Skip anything because your horoscope says to.
• Throw confetti.
• Tip generously.
• Wish on a star.
• Wear cashmere.
• Watch a sunset.
• Use your best china.
• Drop everything and go fishing.
– First published in “BS” 2001

Before the toaster pops in 30 seconds (SFX), name 3 of each of the following …
• Things kids hate to eat.
• Kinds of dogs.
• Things you might find in the trunk of your car.
• Kinds of flowers you would put in a bouquet.
• Things you see at a baseball game.

My first hero was ______.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Today’s Question: Men are now receiving about 9% of cosmetic surgeries and THIS is their most-requested procedure.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Nose job. (Followed by eyelid surgery, liposuction, breast reduction, and hair transplant.)

If the odds are a million to one against something occuring, chances are 50-50 it will.

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