Monday, June 6, 2016 – Edition: #5746

Sheet For Brains!

★ Bill Clinton and Billy Crystal are lined up to lead eulogies at Muhammad Ali’s funeral. Details of the former boxing champ’s memorial were revealed by his family at a news conference Saturday. Ali died Friday, just days after being admitted to a Phoenix AZ medical centre with respiratory problems. It’s since been revealed he died of septic shock due to unspecified natural causes. The world famous athlete had been battling Parkinson’s disease for more than 30 years. A private family service takes place in his home city of Louisville KY this Thursday; his public funeral follows on Friday at the KFC Yum! Center at 2 pm local time.
– BBC News
★ “Calvin Harris & Taylor Swift: All the reasons that have been given for their split, according to several sources and “friends” …
✓ Harris didn’t want marriage.
✓ Harris wasn’t happy about Swift dancing with Brit actor Tom Hiddleston at the Met Ball last month.
✓ Harris has been bored for a while and was hoping the spark would come back but it hasn’t.
✓ Their friends were surprised it lasted this long because of the lack of chemistry.
✓ She was more into the relationship than he was.
✓ It seemed like they were more friends than lovers.
✓ He just didn’t like the hoopla.
(As for Swift … the most light to be shed on this relationship – and its demise – will likely come from her next album, right?)
– “The Sun” / “Hollywood Life” / “OK!” / “Us Magazine” / “People” / “TIME”
★ Actress-turned-filmmaker Elizabeth Banks has opted out of directing “Pitch Perfect 3” due to “scheduling conflicts”. She made her directorial debut last year with “Pitch Perfect 2”, and was set to reprise her role behind the scenes for the next sequel due in 2017 but has apparently backed away from the gig. “It was all timing,” she says. (BS translation: I have no interest in flogging a dead horse.)
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ In a historic move UK’s Glastonbury festival (June 22-26) is offering up a space to “all people who identify as women”. Named ‘The Sisterhood’, the venue will be located in the festival’s Shangri-La area and is described as an “intersectional, queer, trans, and disability-inclusive space”. A program and lineup for the new enclosure is going to be revealed shortly.
★ And Nick Cannon is reportedly refusing to sign off on his divorce from Mariah Carey. The couple split in 2014 after 6 years of marriage, and Carey has since moved on with Australian billionaire James Packer, who proposed earlier this year. However, “America’s Got Talent” host Nick has been taking his time to sign the papers that would make the divorce final, despite being the one who originally filed to end the marriage in 2014. Mariah has allegedly been trying to get Nick to sign for almost a year, but he’s refusing as he does not want the marriage to end. (Maybe he’s doing a little gold-digging as well?)

• “The Bachelorette” (ABC) – A hot yoga class ends with a surprise performance by country artist Charles Kelley.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Nothing but Thieves (“Nothing but Thieves”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Band of Horses (“Why Are You OK”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Queens Of the Stone Age drummer Jon Theodore.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Death Cab for Cutie (“Kintsugi”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – Young dancers perform for the judges.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Maren Morris (“Hero”).

• AC/DC – Frontman Brian Johnson has been given a big boost in his hearing battle thanks to inner-ear specialist Stephen Ambrose and his ADEL technology. Ambrose initially reached out to Johnson via YouTube, explaining he had perfected an in-ear monitor that serves as a second, synthetic eardrum. The next step is for the monitor to be miniaturized.
• Britney Spears – She tells “E! News” she’s embarrassed by her performance at the 2001 MTV Video Music Awards when she famously performed with a live albino python draped around her neck. Would she do it again? Quote: “Hell, no! It’s so dumb. No! Never!”
• Demi Lovato – The 23-year-old singer and her 36-year-old actor boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama have called it quits after 6 years together. They posted a joint statement on Instagram late Friday announcing they had parted ways, claiming they are “better as best friends”.
• Dierks Bentley – The country star says he manages to stay off gossip media just by living his life like a normal person. He’s also passed up a few reality TV opportunities in order to “stay just below the radar”.
• Kanye West – He appeared Friday morning on LA’s Real 92.3 to premiere the first single from the forthcoming album “Cruel Winter”. Kanye has promised 2 more albums before the end of the year and a tour supporting “The Life of Pablo” to begin in September.
• Metallica – In a new interview with “Metal Forces” magazine, drummer Lars Ulrich says the band is almost done recording their long-awaited new album. Quote: “The month of June is basically when we’re gonna sit down and figure what we’re gonna do with it all; what we’re gonna call it and what’s gonna be on it.”
• ZAYN – Mr Malik and model-girlfriend Gigi Hadid have split after 7 months. “E! News” reports the pair decided to call it a day after a string of arguments, but have a habit of getting back together after breaking up and could well be an item again as soon as “tomorrow”.

There’s a brand new musical instrument aimed at creating the next generation of brass musicians. The new ‘pBuzz’ is a plastic gizmo that costs just over $20 and is sturdy enough for children as young as 3. Developed by Warwick Music in Coventry UK, it resembles a recorder crossed with a vuvuzela (remember those annoying noisemakers from the World Cup in South Africa?). The company is forecasting sales of 150,000 pBuzzes in the first year; the CEO says they’re hoping it will become a global phenomenon. (Uh, not if parents have any say in the matter. They’re more likely to say “pBuzz off!”)

Having a roof rack on your vehicle is killing your fuel economy, hiking your gas bill by as much as 25%, according to a new fuel consumption study. The effect of the racks on what’s called aerodynamic drag has been investigated and found to be responsible for 0.8% of light-duty fuel consumption in 2015, roughly equal to 100 million gallons (379 million liters) of gas. The researchers say that, even though the drag might be more forceful with a loaded rack, it’s when the racks aren’t in use that more opportunities to save fuel are possible. In addition to calling for more aerodynamic racks, the researchers advise removing racks when they are not actually in use. (Simple solution: Ride the bike with the car on the rack.)
– “Scientific American”

Renewable energy is surging to record levels around the world. New solar, wind, and hydropower sources were added in 2015 at the fastest rate the world has yet seen. Investments in renewables during the year were more than double the amount spent on new coal and gas-fired power plants, the Renewables Global Status Report has found. Over 8 million people are now working in renewable energy worldwide. For a number of years, the global spend on renewables has been increasing and the new figures show 2015 reached a new peak.
– BBC Technology

“Game Of Thrones” character Hodor’s name actually means ‘hold the door’.
– “Daily Telegraph”


1952 [64] Harvey Fierstein, Brooklyn NY, Broadway actor (Tony Award-“Hairspray”)/playwright (“Torch Song Trilogy”)/movie actor (“Mrs Doubtfire”)

1967 [49] Paul Giamatti, New Haven CT, movie actor (“Cinderella Man”, “Sideways”)/TV actor “John Adams” (HBO)

1970 [46] James ‘Munky’ Shaffer, Rosedale CA, nu metal guitarist (Korn-“Twisted Transistor”, “Here to Stay”)

1974 [42] Uncle Kracker (Matthew Shafer), Mount Clemens MI, country/rock/rap vocalist (“Smile”, “Drift Away”)

1978 [38] Jeremy Gara, Ottawa ON, indie rock drummer (Arcade Fire-“Reflektor”, “Keep the Car Running”)

2007 [09] Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, Santa Monica CA, TV actress (‘Lily Tucker-Pritchett’ on “Modern Family” since 2011)

• “Atheists Pride Day”, promoting the civil rights of atheists, the separation of state and church, and devoted to providing information about atheism.

• “D-Day”, the 72nd anniversary of 1944’s ‘Operation Overlord’ invasion of Europe by Allied Expeditionary Forces during WW2. Before dawn, over 2,700 ships of every description converge on Normandy carrying 2-million tons of war materials and 155,000 troops. The password for the operation … ‘Mickey Mouse’.

• “Drive-in Movie Day”, commemorating the opening of the 1st ‘drive-in’ 83 years ago (1933) in Camden NJ. It cost 25 cents per person or a buck-a-car to see “Wife Beware”.

• “Gardening Exercise Day”, a day to get out and workout with your plants. Don’t laugh … if you’ve ever helped a gardener for an afternoon, you know what hard work it is.

• “Ramadan”, the Islamic month of fasting for over a billion Muslims worldwide. The daily period of fasting starts at dawn and ends at sunset. During daylight hours, adherents totally abstain from food, drink, smoking, and sex. A common greeting during the observance is ‘Ramadan Mubarek’ (‘Blessed Be the Month of Ramadan’).

• “Yo-Yo Day”, observed on the birth anniversary of Donald Duncan (1892-1971), the businessman who 1st mass-marketed the wildly popular invention in the West during the 1930s. According to legend, the yo-yo was invented in the Philippines centuries ago … as a weapon.

2001 [15] Saying he doesn’t have time to drive them anymore, Elton John auctions off 20 of his cars for a total of $2.75 million

2012 [04] Adam Clayton’s former personal assistant and housekeeper goes on trial, accused of stealing circa $3 million from the U2 bass player

2012 [04] A solar plane called ‘The Solar Impulse’ lands in Morocco after completing the world’s 1st intercontinental flight powered by the Sun

1992 [24] A pyramid of 45 members of an Indian Army motorcycle team rides 8 motorcycles 874 yards at Bangalore, India for a new Guinness World Record

[Tues] VCR Day
[Tues] World Pet Memorial Day
[Wed] CMT Music Awards (Nashville TN)
[Wed] World Oceans Day
[Thurs] Bonnaroo Festival begins (Manchester TN)
[Thurs] Songwriters Hall of Fame Induction (NYC)
This Week Is … Automotive Service Professionals Week
This Month … Celibacy Awareness Month


Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Let us all bow our heads and recite together –
“Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage
To change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom
To hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
And help me to be careful
Of the toes I step on today,
As they may be connected to the ass
That I might have to kiss tomorrow.
– First published in “BS” 2002.

• Watch TV reruns
• Wait for ‘him or her’ to call
• Answer nosy questions
• ‘Presoak, hand wash & flat dry’
• Count to 10 before screaming
• Dust the top of the refrigerator
• Skip anything because your horoscope says to
• Throw confetti
• Tip generously
• Wish on a star
• Wear cashmere
• Watch a sunset
• Use your best china
• Drop everything and go fishing
– First published in “BS” 2001.

☎ What’s the most irritating song played in retail outlets?

How can you tell the quality of a door lock?
a. The size of its hole.
b. The thickness of its key. [CORRECT. The flatter the key, the more worthless the lock.]
c. The rotting corpses trapped inside.
– “Land O’ Useless Facts”

I’d have to lose 40 pounds just to go skinny dipping.

Phone contestant has 5 seconds to list each of the following . . .
• 5 New York pro sports teams.
• 5 countries in South America.
• 5 songs with ‘Love’ in the title.
• 5 dead rock stars.
• 5 kitchen appliances.

And they say there’s nothing useful online. Pull my finger returns here …

Question: The average person forgets to do THIS at least 5 times a month.
Answer: Wear deodorant.

No matter how big the plate in front of you is, the only way to finish it is one bite at a time.

Shannon Newport @ 94.3 The Ox [KYOX] Comanche TX; Mike Fuller @ KX 94.7 FM [CHKX] Hamilton ON; Steve Rubin @ K-Talks 1340 [KTOX] Needles CA; Vanessa Ryan @ Great Country 101.9 [WDEZ] Wausau WI; Juelz @ Star FM Dubbo, Australia; and Jay Tope @ Radio San Antonio [KZDC] San Antonio TX.

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