Wednesday, June 8, 2011        Edition: #4523
Sheet For Brains!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Jennifer Lopez’ famous booty being spanked is at least temporarily protected from public consumption, thanks to an LA County Superior Court judge who’s issued a restraining order against Claudia Vasquez (current girlfriend of J-Lo’s ex-husband Ojani Noa, who filmed the honeymoon footage back in 1997) . . . Former “CBS Evening News” anchor Katie Couric has signed a deal with ABC-TV to host & produce her own daytime talk show starting in September 2012, which as of yet remains untitled (why not call it “Oprah”?) . . . Actors Jessica Biel & Gerard Butler have been spotted together again (time to start planning the wedding!) . . . Reese Witherspoon’s rep is now insisting the actress was NOT talking about Blake Lively when she railed on about nude photo scandals at the “MTV Movie Awards” (Congressman Anthony Weiner perhaps?) . . . Simon Cowell says there was a £2-million ($3.3-million) offer on the table for Brit singer Cheryl Cole to return to the UK version of “The X Factor” after she was let go from the US version, but she failed to accept it (this is his version of an apology) . . . Famous person Paris Hilton’s latest reality TV show, “The World According to Paris”, has debuted to crappy ratings, so she’s blaming the Oxygen network (girl, you were so over about 5 years back) . . . “Transformers” actor Josh Duhamel is returning to his roots, reprising his role as con-man ‘Leo du Pres’ on “All My Children” for 2 episodes in August as the long-running daytime soap films its final episodes (they’ll need to get creative – his character was killed off back in 2003) . . . And sorta singer Jessica Simpson has been spotted at Yale University, but only because her fiancé Eric Johnson is a grad and was attending his 10-year anniversary (darn, we thought she was doing biological research into Chicken-of-the-Sea).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – Hopefuls audition for the judges in Houston TX.
• “CMT Music Awards” (CMT/CMT.com) –  Kid Rock hosts the 10th annual fan-voted show, which honors the year’s top country videos. Performers include Big & Rich, Jason Aldean, Keith Urban, Lady Antebellum, Luke Bryan, Rascal Flatts, Sheryl Crow, Sugarland, Toby Keith, and the Zac Brown Band.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Death Cab For Cutie (“Codes & Keys”).
• “Gayle King” (OWN) – Lady Gaga (“Born This Way”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – I See Stars (“End Of the World Party”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Black Angels (“Phosphene Dream”); Nicole Atkins & The Black Sea (“Mondo Amore”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – 1980s rocker Joe Jackson.
• “Love” (Las Vegas) – Tonight’s 5th anniversary celebration of the Cirque du Soleil show based on Beatles’ music will be attended by Paul McCartney, Yoko Ono, George Harrison’s widow Olivia Harrison, and producer George Martin. The production features a mash-up of over 130 song samples in 26 tracks. It premiered at the Mirage in June 2006.
NET: http://www.mirage.com/entertainment/love.aspx
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – Dancers perform in Las Vegas during the callback round.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Barry Manilow (“15 Minutes”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Ziggy Marley (“Wild & Free”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Lenka (“Two”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• AC/DC – Frontman Brian Johnson’s newly released book, “Rockers & Rollers: A Full-Throttle Memoir”, is more about his love of cars and auto-racing than about his career. Why? Quote: “I hate autobiographies. It’s usually some bitter old git doing a tell-all to get back at everybody.”
• Adele – She’s been forced to cancel the remaining dates of her sold-out North American tour because of ongoing illness. After postponing 5 shows due to laryngitis, a medical specialist has now recommended absolute voice rest for the next few weeks in order to enable recovery.
• Brad Paisley – He tells CNN he needs 2 things to survive while he’s on-the-road about 100 days a year … good coffee and regular workouts.
• Katy Perry – She has a 45-page concert rider that details specific furniture requirements (2 cream-colored egg chairs, one with a footstool; refrigerator must have glass door) and dictates exact decor (absolutely no carnations!). The doc also outlines a 23-point ‘principle driver policy’ for chauffeurs … no conversing with Perry, her guests, or fans.
NET: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstage/divas/katy-perry
• Lady Gaga – She says she wants to learn sign language so she can speak to her deaf fans.
• Miranda Lambert – She’s a true outdoors woman. She hunted the deer that was served at her wedding dinner in May, then caught a 7-lb bass while on her honeymoon.
• No Doubt – They’re prepping their first album in nearly 10 years. Gwen Stefani tells “Entertainment Weekly” her days as a solo act are probably over.
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – Their 10th studio album is coming August 30th, to be titled “I’m With You”. It’s the band’s first new work since 2006’s double-album “Stadium Arcadium”.

ZOO DOO:
No trip to the zoo is complete without a souvenir and the Prague Zoo in the Czech Republic is giving its patrons a bit more variety than most. Its gift shop now features 1-kilo tubs of … elephant dung. The pachyderm poop has become the latest fad among Czech gardeners who are buying up the manure pails to use as fertilizer. The 1-kilo tub goes for about $3.90 and the zoo is selling 200 or more a week. The brain behind the project is zoo director Miroslav Bobek, whose surname literally means … ‘dung’. (This is no ‘BS’ … it’s ‘ES’.)
– AP

HOW TO HAVE A HAPPIER COMMUTE:
• Leave for work 15 minutes earlier. That means a little bit less sleep, but it probably also means less traffic.
• Kiss your partner goodbye every morning. Physical contact lowers your blood pressure and makes you feel calmer.
• Commute with a friend or co-worker and stop for coffee on the way. Getting a caffeine fix while in the company of others has been proven to lower stress levels.
• Take a different route home. Use your afternoon commute to explore different neighborhoods or find a scenic shortcut. The trip will feel so much more enjoyable when you add variety.
• Don’t do chores right away when you get home. That can cause a spike in the stress hormone cortisol. Instead, do something enjoyable like having a glass of wine on the porch.
– Condensed from “Cosmopolitan”

SSSSSSH!
Have you ever tried to have a discussion with a friend at a restaurant but couldn’t hear a thing over the din of the TV? ‘TV-B-Gone’ is a remote control device that allows you to turn the darn thing off. Concealing it in a jacket allows you to execute your move discretely to avoid incurring the wrath of patrons watching that fishing show, hockey game, or Ke$ha video. Just pull down the zipper to shut off the offending TV and no one will be the wiser! (Now how about ‘Phone-B-Gone’?)
– MakeZine.com

THE PRICE OF TEA IN CHINA:
New scientific research is suggesting climate change might have a lot more to do with soaring food prices than previously thought. Failed harvests are a large factor in the destabilization of the food system, and many of them have been caused by weather disasters (floods, drought, heat waves, etc). For scientists, the relationship between climate change and agriculture problems isn’t a new idea. But what’s shocking is that many predicted we’d be seeing food prices double by 2080 at the earliest … not 2011. (Another reason to grow your own!)
– CBC.ca

WHALE MUSIC:
Matt Waller, a shark cage tour operator in South Australia’s Neptune Bay, has discovered that Great White Sharks act more calmly when listening to music by AC/DC. The 2 songs most favored by Great Whites: “You Shook Me All Night Long” and “Back in Black”. After Waller played the songs using underwater speakers, the sharks became more investigative, more inquisitive, and a lot less aggressive. (That’s due to the shark doobies, dude.)
– TIME.com

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Alpha Boomer’ – A person who belongs to the oldest segment of the Baby Boom generation and has significant disposable income. (“Mediterranean cruises are popular again as all the alpha boomers want to travel in luxury, backpacking being just a long-distance memory.”)
• ‘Gamification’ – The use of game-related concepts in non-game websites and applications to encourage users to perform actions desired by the business. (“Great news! Employees can now spin the virtual wheel at our company website and find out what their new salary will be”)
• ‘Reverse Commute’ – Traveling from the city to work in the suburbs. (“Thanks to Adriana’s reverse commute, she faces far less congestion during rush hour.”)

TRAVELING LIGHT:
A new British travel agency survey has found that men bring an average of 3 pairs of underwear for a week-long vacation while women tend to bring 10. But there may be reasons for the discrepancy. The poll also finds that 12% of men plan to do laundry while away from home and 37% plan to ‘mostly wear swimming trunks’ during vacations. (Didn’t mom explain you should always have a clean pair in case you have to go to the hospital?)
– UPI.com

FINDING MAN’S BEST FRIEND:
It’s commonly held notion that a dog and its owner eventually grow to resemble one another. So why not get a head start? As part of its adoption drive, New Zealand pet food company Pedigree has launched new ‘human-to-canine pairing software’. Basically it’s an online toy that analyzes your face and matches you up with a dog. What makes the techno-gizmo worthwhile is that it matches users with pooches currently up for adoption.
NET: http://www.doggelganger.co.nz
– Neatorama.com

WHY WE FAKE IT:
A new Temple University study has found that about 60% of women have faked an orgasm at one time or another. Why they do it can vary. Many say it’s due to a fear of intimacy; others say it’s because they feel insecure about their sexual savvy; and some say they just want to get it over with. And the phenomenon isn’t limited to women … 25% of men admit they’ve faked it as well. (Especially the morning after when their beer goggles are gone.)
– LiveScience.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
– Halife.com
• Over 45% of the unemployed workers in America have now been jobless for more than 6 months. That’s a higher percentage than during the Great Depression of the 1930s.
– CBS News

BS CHRONOMETER 06.08.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1933 [78] Joan Rivers (Molinsky), Brooklyn NY, loudmouth comedian/TV personality (“Celebrity Apprentice” winner 2009)

1957 [54] Scott Adams, Windham NY, comic strip cartoonist (“Dilbert”)

1958 [53] Keenen Ivory Wayans, NYC, movie producer/director/screenwriter (“Dance Flick”)/movie actor (“Scary Movie”)/brother of actors Shawn, Damon, Marlon & Kim Wayans

1962 [49] Nick Rhodes, Birmingham UK, classic rock keyboardist (Duran Duran-“All You Need is Now”, “The Reflex”)

1978 [33] Kanye West, Atlanta GA, egocentric rap artist/producer (“Heartless”, “Stronger”)

1983 [28] Kim Clijsters, Bree, Belgium, pro tennis player (currently #2-ranked woman in singles, former #1 in both singles and doubles)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Best Friend Day”, a day to salute our BFFs for being there … when nobody else is.

• “Clean Air Day Canada”, first proclaimed as part of “Canadian Environment Week” by the federal government in 1999. Environment Canada has tips …
NET: http://www.cleanairday.com

• “Name Your Poison Day”. Let’s say you can have all you want of one bad-for-you thing for the rest of your life without any repercussions. Which would you pick: Milk chocolate? Sirloin steak? Buckets of beer?

• “World Brain Tumor Day”, a day of awareness of the malady that’s killed off almost as many soap opera stars as heart attacks.

• “World Ocean Day”, a UN observance to honor our oceans, their marine life, and their  sea-lanes that enable international trade.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1965 [46] Bob Dylan records “Like a Rolling Stone” in his first ‘electric session’ at NYC’s Columbia Studios

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1966 [45] NFL and AFL football leagues announce their merger

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1991 [20] Battle Creek MI, home to Kellogg’s, serves breakfast to a world record 44,938 people

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] CMA Music Festival begins (Nashville)
[Fri] “Judy Moody & The NOT Bummer Summer”; “Super 8” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Iced Tea Day
[Sat] Belmont Stakes (Queens NY)
[Sat] Corn On the Cob Day
[Sat] Wicket World of Croquet Day
[Sun] World Wind Day
[Sun] Montréal Grand Prix
This Week Is … Business Etiquette Week
This Month Is … Celibacy Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

GREATEST BS STONER INVENTIONS:
• ‘Caramel Toothpaste’
• ‘Combination Salad Shooter/De-Seeder’
• ‘Peppermint-Flavored Visine’
• ‘Tie-Dye Contact Lenses’
• ‘Iron-On Tattoos’
• ‘The Mood Thong’
– Thanks to Chris White

WHAT’S AWESOME ABOUT WORKING AT HOME:
• No more waking up unnaturally early.
• Less time spent in the car.
• Fewer interruptions from co-workers.
• Less money spent eating out.
• A flexible schedule.
WHAT’S HORRIBLE ABOUT WORKING AT HOME:
• Degradation of social skills.
• Distractions around the house.
• Stress on relationships.
• Lack of banter with co-workers.
• Loss of a daily regimen.
– TheOatmeal.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work?

BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could have the attention of the whole world for 30 seconds, what would you say?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 95% of kindergarten teachers are female; the same is true for THIS profession.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Dental Hygienist.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.


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