Friday, June 8, 2012        Edition: #4761

Sheet For Brains!

Are “Twilight Saga” co-stars Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart about to wed? (unnamed ‘friends’ tell “OK!” magazine yes, they are) . . . After a couple weeks of speculation, a ‘source’ confirms to “Us Weekly” that supermodel Gisele Bundchen & NFL QB husband Tom Brady are expecting their 2nd child together (aw, it’s another li’l Patriot) . . . Meantime, Drew Barrymore has seemingly confirmed her pregnancy by selling her wedding photos to today’s issue of “People” magazine, new hubby Will Kopelman rubbing her Chanel-clad tummy on the cover (beats a Facebook status update) . . . In the June 21st issue of “Rolling Stone”, actor Charlie Sheen (“Anger Management”) confesses he’d like to bed ex-wife Denise Richards because ‘she still looks f—ing great’ (now there’s an offer she CAN refuse) . . . AMC’s “Breaking Bad” is set to return with Season 5 in July, and Aaron Paul (‘Jesse Pinkman’) has tweeted a payphone number where he answered fans’ questions for 5 minutes, something he promises to do again (505.256.9927) . . . 35-year-old “True Blood” star Alexander Skarsgard has landed a new modeling gig, serving as the face of Calvin Klein’s fragrance in an upcoming ad campaign (thereby jumping on the Brad Pitt bandwagon) . . . And director Adam Shankman has been forced to cut a spicy lapdance scene between Julianne Hough & Tom Cruise from the new movie “Rock of Ages” (opening June 15th) after female audience members reacted negatively to it during test-screenings (was Cruise jumping up & down on the couch again?).


• “Concert For the Queen: A Diamond Jubilee Celebration” (ABC) – Saturday night, a rerun of Monday’s tribute concert in London featuring Annie Lennox, Elton John, Paul McCartney, and many others.
• Download Festival 2012 (Donington Park UK) – The 10th annual 3-day Brit rock bash is headlined by The Prodigy (tonight), Metallica (Saturday), and Black Sabbath (Sunday). Also on the bill: Soundgarden, performing in the UK for the first time since 1996.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Patrick Watson (“Adventures in Your Own Backyard”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning Counting Crows (“Underwater Sunshine Or What We Did On Our Summer Vacation”). Saturday their “Outlaw Roadshow” tour kicks off in Asbury Park NJ.
• H2O Music Festival – Saturday this bilingual, bicultural event at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas, Texas features Gym Class Heroes, Juanes, Paulina Rubino, Snoop Dogg, Weezer, and many others.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Graffiti6 (“Colours”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Foster the People (“Torches”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Japandroids (“No Singles”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Carrie Underwood (“Blown Away”). Rerun.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Chris Brown (“Fortune”, out July 3rd).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Kool & The Gang (“Icon”).
• “Tony Awards” (CBS) – Sunday it’s the 66th salute to Broadway’s best from NYC’s Beacon Theatre. The musical “Once” leads nominations with 11. The $70-million flop “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” has just 2 minor nominations. Hugh Jackman receives a special award for his sold-out one-man-show.


• Bee Gees – Today a private family funeral for Robin Gibb is being held in Thame, England. He died May 20th at age 62 after a long battle with cancer. A public memorial service is being arranged for September at St Paul’s Cathedral in London.
• Brad Paisley – Saturday night he takes his “Virtual Reality Tour” to Wrigley Field in Chicago (home of the Cubs). Special guest Miranda Lambert along with Chris Young, The Band Perry, and Jerrod Niemann are also performing.
• Carrie Underwood – “Blown Away” remains atop the “Billboard” magazine ‘Country Albums’ chart for a 2nd week. It’s the week’s 6th-best-selling album overall.
• Celine Dion – After recovering from a nasty viral infection, she finally kicks off her latest series of shows Saturday night at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas.
• Guns N’ Roses – A young model has been arrested for stealing gold necklaces and diamonds worth circa $200,000 from Axl Rose at a private concert in Paris for about 100 fans. Police were called after the 50-year-old singer became enraged over the theft.
• Jason Mraz – Tonight he begins his “Tour Is a Four Letter Word” worldwide trek in South Korea as part of a run of dates in Asia. The 6-month itinerary is in support of his latest album, “Love Is a Four Letter Word”.
• John Mayer – “Born & Raised” remains atop the album sales chart for a 2nd week, according to Nielsen SoundScan. It’s his first album to spend more than a single week at #1.
• Matchbox Twenty – The band’s new album, “North”, is coming in September. They began writing and recording sessions 2 years ago, which led to over 60 song ideas.
• Muse – They’ve announced their upcoming new album, due in September, will be titled “The 2nd Law”.
• Rihanna – She tells “Esquire” UK it never occurred to her that people would raise their eyebrows at her collaboration with ex-boyfriend Chris Brown on the single “Birthday Cake” as well as appear on his track “Turn Up the Music”. She says the backlash caught her ‘off-guard’. (Sorta like a slap in the face.)

• “Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted” ( PG-13 Animated Comedy Adventure ): Alex and his pals are still fighting to get home to their beloved Big Apple. Their journey takes them through Europe where they find the perfect cover – a traveling circus, which they reinvent “Madagascar”-style. Voice cast includes Ben Stiller, Jada Pinkett Smith, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer.
• “Prometheus” ( R-Rated Sci-Fi Fantasy ): In Ridley Scott’s sorta prequel to “Alien”, a team of explorers discovers a clue to the origins of mankind, leading them on a journey to the outer reaches of the universe to study alien life forms. There they face a battle for the survival of all humanity. Stars Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Idris Elba.
• Opening in limited release: “Bel Ami”; “Dark Horse”; “Lola Versus”; “Paul Williams Still Alive”; “Peace, Love, & Misunderstanding”; and “Safety Not Guaranteed”.


At a rate of 10¢ for 30 minutes, it cost sci-fi author Ray Bradbury a total of $9.80 to write his classic novel, “Fahrenheit 451”, on coin-operated typewriters at UCLA’s Powell Library. He wrote the book in just 9 days. A literary titan, sci-fi savant, and cultural visionary, Bradbury was bewildering bibliophiles and rattling readers with his literary prose long before computers, “Star Wars”, and videogames. Bradbury passed away Tuesday at age 91.


A soon-to-market new device called the ‘ClamBook’ is a super-sleek gizmo with a 16:9 widescreen, a keyboard, and a battery. It’s designed to plug into your iPhone or Android cellphone, thereby turning it into an ultra-thin laptop. Obviously, not as powerful as a real laptop, but as useful as many. There are not many technical details about it yet, no price, no specs, and no description of how it works. But its maker, ClamCase, claims it will be available in time for the holidays this December. (Ironic. For years things kept getting smaller and smaller. Now we need something to plug in that’s big enough to actually work on.)


Imagine being hit by a smell worse than anything you’ve ever encountered. It combines the reek of sewage with pungent rotting meat. That is what it would be like to experience a malodorant – a non-lethal weapon being developed by the US to drive targets out into the open. Stink bombs do not cause injury, but the intense, unfamiliar foul smells affect an area of the brain that triggers an unthinking fear reaction and causes the target to flee. This phenomenon has led to a long history of Pentagon interest in malodorants. (All they need to do is bottle the air from the dressing room down at the gym.)


• An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (Scientific name for ostrich … ‘Kardashian’.)
• Butterflies taste with their feet. (“Who’s been tromping around in my apple pie?”)


1933 [79] Joan Rivers (Molinsky), Brooklyn NY, loudmouth comedian/TV personality (“Celebrity Apprentice” winner 2009)

1957 [55] Scott Adams, Windham NY, comic strip cartoonist (“Dilbert”)

1962 [50] Nick Rhodes, Birmingham UK, classic rock keyboardist (Duran Duran-“The Reflex”)

1966 [46] Julianna Margulies, Spring Valley NY, TV actress (‘Alicia Florrick’ on “The Good Wife” since 2009, “ER” 1994-2000)

1977 [35] Kanye West, Atlanta GA, egocentric rap artist/producer (w/Jay-Z-“Niggas in Paris”, “Heartless”)

1983 [29] Kim Clijsters, Bree, Belgium, pro tennis player (former #1 in both singles and doubles)

TV-movie actor Michael J Fox (“Back To the Future”) is 51; Movie star Johnny Depp (“Pirates Of the Caribbean”) is 49; Rock guitarist-keyboardist-vocalist Matthew Bellamy (Muse) is 34; TV actress Michaela Conlin (“Bones”) is 34; Movie actress Natalie Portman (“Black Swan”) is 31.

Prince Philip (Mr Queen Elizabeth II) is 91; TV actress Kate Flannery (“The Office”) is 48; Model-actress Elizabeth Hurley is (“Austin Powers”) 47; Rock singer-songwriter Josh Ramsay (Marianas Trench) is 29; White House daughter Sasha Obama is 11.


• “Best Friend Day”, a day to salute our BFFs for being there … when nobody else is.
• “Euro 2012” begins in Poland and Ukraine, the European soccer championship involving the top 16 qualifying countries. Is it a big deal? Oh yeah, just check any local bar with a TV screen.
• “Name Your Poison Day”. Let’s say you can have all you want of one bad-for-you thing for the rest of your life without any repercussions. Which would you pick?
• “Superman Celebration”, the annual festival weekend full of ‘super’ events in Metropolis, Illinois. 2012 celebrity guests include cast members from “Smallville” and “Superboy”.
• “World Brain Tumor Day”, a day of awareness of the malady that’s killed off almost as many soap opera stars as heart attacks.
• “World Ocean Day”, a UN observance to honor our oceans, their marine life, and their  sea-lanes that enable international trade.

• “Belmont Stakes”, the 144th running of the 3rd and final jewel in horseracing’s Triple Crown at Elmont NY’s Belmont Park. This year’s total jackpot is circa $1 million.
• “Donald Duck Day”, marking the cartoon character’s debut on this day in 1934 as a bit player in the Walt Disney cartoon “The Little Wise Hen”.
• “Strawberry Rhubarb Pie Day”, honoring the popular pie that mixes the sweet and the tart. Nummers!
• “World Naked Bike Ride” when naturists in some 70 cities in 20 countries take to the streets on bicycles to ‘celebrate the power and individuality of our bodies’. In Canada, groups have been organized to participate in Halifax, Montréal, Ottawa, Toronto, and Victoria.

• “Canadian Rivers Day”, an annual salute at the end of “Canadian Environment Week” to the source of what is arguably our country’s greatest resource – fresh water.
• “Children’s Sunday”, an annual celebration of wee folk on the 2nd Sunday in June.
• “Grand Prix Montréal 2012”, the annual F1 race on the circuit Gilles-Villeneuve. Tens-of-thousands are expected to attend … many of them sign-waving university students.
• “Iced Tea Day”, celebrating the favorite Summer cooler of millions. Tea is the world’s 2nd-most-popular beverage … after water.

2009 [03] NYC’s legendary Apollo Theatre celebrates its 75th anniversary with a concert featuring, among others, The O’Jays and Patti Labelle


2008 [04] “Rolling Stone” publishes the ‘Top 50 Guitar Songs of All-Time’ (top 5, in order, are “Johnny B Goode”, “Purple Haze”, “Crossroads”, “You Really Got Me”, and “Brown Sugar”)


1966 [46] NFL and AFL football leagues announce their merger


1991 [21] Battle Creek, Michigan, home of Kellogg’s cereals, serves breakfast to a world record 44,938 people


[Mon] Corn On the Cob Day
[Mon] Feed the Ducks Day
[Tues] Crowded Nest Awareness Day
[Tues] Peanut Butter Cookie Day
[Tues] Red Rose Day
[Wed] Weed Your Garden Day
This Week Is … Business Etiquette Week
This Month Is … Celibacy Awareness Month


✓ Thou shalt have no idea what the purpose of said meeting is.
✓ Thou shalt not even think of checking thy iPhone during it.
✓ Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s coffee, even though thy neighbor shows up late with a grande latte.
✓ Thou shalt tirelessly read thy PowerPoint verbatim and thou shalt include clipart in thy PowerPoint that is totally unrelated.
✓ Thou shalt take notes and thou shalt use the margins of thy notes to create doodles.
✓ Thou shalt not expect lunch when a lunch meeting is scheduled and thou shalt suffer in silence no matter how much thy stomach growls.
✓ Thou shalt not look at the clock every 3 minutes or any comparable interval thereof.
✓ Thou shalt not bring thy calendar and thou shalt be unable to schedule a follow-up meeting and also unable to sync thy calendar with anyone else’s.
✓ Thou shalt bitch about said meeting during Happy Hour at a bar nearest thou.
✓ Thou shalt miss the next meeting due to a communication breakdown.
– Thanks to Anika Fajardo.


I went on a 30-day diet and lost … 30 days.


☎ Which dead performer would you most like to see virtually resurrected? Production company Digital Domain, which stunned fans with a lifelike Tupac hologram at the Coachella Festival in April, has announced it’s now developing a virtual Elvis Presley (in partnership with Elvis Presley Enterprises) to be used in live shows, on TV, and online.


Question: According to “Us Weekly”, doing THIS regularly makes most employees happier.
Answer: Leaving the workplace for lunch.


Celibacy is not hereditary.

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